I was talking with someone who attended the Bloomsburg Fair this past weekend, and she claimed to have spent more than $100 on “fair food,” just for herself. There was no sharing, she assured me, it was all for her. Then, an amazing list was rattled off, and I just stood there blinking real fast, wondering if it would ever end.
I can’t remember everything, but the menu included two pork barbecue sandwiches, two gyros, a funnel cake, cheesecake dipped in chocolate, deep-fried Oreos, a “blooming onion,” cheese fries, cotton candy, perogies, and many other things. She also ingested “about $30 worth of drinks,” including root beer, iced tea, and several slushies.
She told me this is an annual event for her. She goes wild for fair food, and sets money aside for her yearly festival of fairway gluttony. And she’s skinny too, which makes me somewhat angry.
Anyway, I was running her big honkin’ list through my head, analyzing it and wondering if I could put away that much food in a five hour period (the final estimation: yes), and I blurted, “Hey wait a minute! No corndogs?”
And her mind-blowing response? Are you ready for this? She said, “I’ve never had a corndog in my life.”
What?!
“Let me get this straight,” I shouted. “You LOVE fair food, but you’ve never had a corndog? That’s like saying you’re an expert on the state of Arizona, but haven’t made it to the Grand Canyon yet.”
“But it’s a deep-fried wiener in breading,” she answered, her face all distorted in mock-disgust.
“Oh, so now you’re taking the high road? After you just told us you ate a full blooming onion by yourself? And weren’t hot dogs on your list? That’s just a wiener in a bread cozy!”
It was a ridiculous conversation. But it leads me to today’s Question, or actually Questions.
In the comments section please tell us something you’ve never eaten, which might surprise people. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve never tasted Lucky Charms. Not once. I’m just not a fan of pencil erasers floating around in my cereal bowl, and have felt this way all my life. As far as I’m aware, I’ve never partaken of any of the marshmallow cereals.
And I know a guy who’s never had an omelet, because he doesn’t like the way the word sounds. You know, omelet. He holds the same opinion about yogurt. If it doesn’t feel right coming out of his mouth, it ain’t going in.
Do you have something that might fall into this category? If so, please tell us all about it in the comments. What food have you never tasted, that might shock people?
Also, what’s your favorite so-called fair food? I like cheese fries, and chili dogs. Mmmm… I wish I had some right now. What about you? It’s very important that we know your favorites.
Extra credit Question: Inspired by my omelet friend, mentioned above, tell us about the pickiest eaters you’ve ever known. I come from a family of picky eaters, but it never really took hold with me. I mean, seriously. I think I must’ve rebelled, or something. Do you know any especially picky eaters? Tell us about ’em.
And that’ll do it for today, boys and girls.
I’ll see you again tomorrow.
Malcolm – why the hell didn’t we get two livers just like kidneys? Where is the intelligent design there?
Happy Birthday. I think I shall stop by the bakery tonight while I am out and get a birthday cake that says “Happy Birthday Malcolm and Skip” and then sit in front of the TV with a fork and a big glass of milk. TV won’t be on because it interferes with the voices in my head, And it will be dark. And I’ll be naked. My family hates me sometimes. That’s why they won’t get any cake.
t-storm – I feel the same about mushrooms. And I get less picky the more I drink… good god Pizza and beer – man I could go for some of that and birthday cake to follow….
Jeff – please for the love of god – no more food posts!!!!! (actually they seem to a favorite).
“hot fuzz – reply button free” (for the last week or two any ways)
I think my favorite Carnie food that I’ve never eaten is the giant Turkey leg (how’s that for combining both questions). I love the way people react when others carry them around flailing them around while attempting to eat them, and OMG they make the person smell horrible just holding the damn thing.
giant turkey leg makes me think of renn fest which makes me want to punch somebody in their joust.
Just bought my tix for Bengals/Browns this weekend. Go Bengals.
Happy belated birthday Malcom!
Hot Fuzz, better thow Shiny Rod on that cake, I think I saw something about his birthday last week also.
Happy belated birthday Shiny!
t-storm, give them brownie fans hell! You got more guts than me going to Cleveland with a Bengal shirt on!
well i don’t own any bengals gear but will wear my cincy reds shirt.
magic number = 1
Whats a perogies? Is that a northern food? Sound yankee to me. I’m gonna have to google it. I have never had rhubarb. Not really sure what it even is.
My favorite fair food is the roasted corn on the cob. sprinkled with seasoning salt. MMmmm I like the cheese curds too but they just started having those around here within the last few years.
They’re like dumplings. A piece of dough wrapped around usually potato & cheese, although they can basically have anything, i.e. saurkraut, onions,
They are then boiled to cook the dough a bit, then fried and served with butter and onions and sour cream.
They’re delicious
whenever I visit Pittsburgh I hit Rosie’s pierogies
http://www.rosiespierogies.com/
You haven’t lived until you’ve had them.
Characteristic food of the Pierogie Belt (duh). The XGF’s mom makes them with a filling of mashed potatoes and cheese, then pan-fries them in butter with onions. So good. Pure artery-clogging awesomeness, though maybe not what you want when it’s 100 degrees out.
.
Pierogies….KILLER! Not exactly diet food but who gives a shit when they taste so good. One of my best friends makes Pierogie Pizza. Unbelievable.
All you locals. Russian Orthodox church up in New Castle that makes pierogies 1st tue. of the month that I would kill for.
They sound excellent! The next time we travel that direction I am going to have some. This makes me think of the whole Bob Evans thing. I had never heard of Bob Evans til we went to Baltimore. We just don’t have certain regional things like this.
As far as regular food goes, I’ll eat almost anything, with the exception of mushrooms.
I love fairs, where the Wal-Mart game can be played off-premises. I can eat my way from one end to the other. I’ll avoid the gimmicky “fried anything” booths in favor of Polish sausage and peppers, corn on the cob, strawberry sundaes, burgers, hot dogs, etc.
I’ve never eaten cotton candy, it reminds me of insulation. I once worked the cotton candy machine at a school fair and I spent the next week pulling spun sugar off my arm hair.
i bought my nephew cotton candy a few weeks ago. I won’t eat it since it tastes gritty to me and it’s just sugar. Bleah.
Once I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer.
My favorite fair food is the traditional corn dog. Except I had one at our local fair about a month ago, along with some fried vegetables and had a stomach ache so bad by the end of the night I didn’t know which end to attend too. It was like I had a rock in my stomach that couldn’t figure out which end to emit from. It was horrible.
Otherwise, I’ve never had oysters. I guess that’s not really a weird one, I’m sure a lot of people haven’t had oysters, but I don’t know. I just had my first fried wiener schnitzel from the local German pub in town recently…If I think of something else later I’ll post…
Wiener schnitel is some good stufff. Especially with the mushroom gravy sauce they sometimes come with. Try krustenbrauten some time. And spaetzle. Anyone in the vicinity of Santa Barbara needs to look up a place called Brummi’s and try everything on the menu. We eat there every time we go to SB to fly our paragliders.
My boyfriend got one with the mushroom sauce, unfortuntely, I’m not a fan of mushrooms, but I’d definitely get the schnitzle again!
i love corn dogs but i don’t have to wait till the fair to have one.
tonight it’s the opposite of fair food. tortellini and alfredo. mmmmm
after I’m done monday day drinking, of course.
do you know what eggnog is? Elf cum. You might ass well throw some on your back and slap yourself on the ass.
LMFAO!!
The Buckwheat Festival is going on in Kingwood, WV. After reading about all this food, I’m ALMOST ready for the drive up there. The winding road induces motion sickness on a good day, so it might be a bad idea, after all.
My wife can make funnel cakes at home and we have them fairly often for breakfast. I love corn dogs. I eat them all the time. You can get them at Sonic for $.99 each.
Things I’ve not eaten: foie gras, raw oysters, chitlins, chicken gizards or livers, escatgot and pistachio pudding. But I’ll eat pretty much anything except organs. I went to a breakfast cafe here in Alabama and they had calf brains and eggs on the menu. I passed.
I know a lot of picky eaters and it drives me crazy. One lady can’t handle the sweet and salty combo (such as chocolate covered pretzles) and she refuses to have pickles on any kind of sandwich. She can have one on the side, but on the sandwich or burger freaks her out. She also doesn’t drink beer – ever.
I wonder how these people that only eat fries – or whatever – every day avoid getting scurvy or other such diseases.
I don’t really understand how someone NEVER drinks beer…I mean…not one? Your whole life?
Not even one. She’s taken a sip before, then she recoils like it’s raw sewage and makes a big scene. I don’t understand it either. I drink enough for the two of us though.
If memory serves me write, didn’t you have a horrific experience with pistacio pudding in your earlier years?
Not Oprah,
Your memory is amazing. I was all of seven years old. I ate a bite or two and got really sick afterwards. From then on I associated it with something that makes me puke (even though I’m sure it had nothing to do with the pudding). I haven’t touched it since. I guess I shouldn’t have said I’ve never eaten it, just never again.
Maybe it triggered the memory of me having to share a bed with my sister around the kindergarden age and she throwing up raisin pie all over the bed. The thought of raisin pie is disgusting eno ugh, never the though of it being projectile spewn all over a bed.
pistachio pudding tastes like yellow cake batter.
i knew a vegetarian who only ate cheese. she was fat, too.
And per a conversation over the weekend, if starving I’ll eat anything.
….even your mom.
My friend has never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he is almost 40 years old. I’m not sure how he lived this long.
i don’t understand the corndog thing. They are delishis. and as jason said, sonic got em.
Sorry for the typos, monday day drinkin’ might lead to weekday daytime hooker time.
And for the longest time I wasn’t a fan of food touching other food. I’ve relaxed in my old age.
If it’s just a touch it’s fine, the freaks who mix their mashed taters with peas and corn should be slapped.
I’m not a particularly picky eater, but the turkey legs @ the fair gross me out. I’ve never had one.
I have also successfully avoided ever trying chitterlings.
I never plan to ingest RAMPS, oysters or boiled okra again. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs.
Never had a Fried Turkey Leg or Fried oreos.
I tried Mussles one night at a bar and was sick as a dog the next morning… never again.
I’ve never eaten lobster (too buggy looking, IMO). Also, no brussels sprouts, or organ meats. I do not eat anything on a bone and I’m not a fan of pork items (but love bacon, go figure). I avoid mushrooms as much as possible.
I honestly don’t care for the taste of lobster. Crab is okay.
I’ve never had a Clark Bar.
My Grandfather claimed to have gone to a restaurant where they brought baskets of hamburger patties instead of baskets of rolls or bread to start you off. He went on and on about it and finally demanded that he be served a basket of hamburger patties for every meal. It went on like this for about 15 months, until he finally died of scurvey.
A Clark bar is a retro Butterfinger.
Best fair food ever was fried by Chicken Charlies. He’s the go to guy for all the fairs here in CA – every year will come up with new stuff.
AND he will fry anything you bring in (that’s legal) and that’s NOT FISH (stinks up the cooking oil.)
I sneaked in one of my hubby’s pride and joy garden tomatoes. Left hubby for a bit – they fried up the tomato and made it look really great on it’s plate.
Holding it proudly – served it to hubby – and it was GOOD and special. And it was one of HIS tomatoes. One of my best ‘gifts’ to him ever.
Yeah- chicks always have to bring in the romance somehow! LOL
Aside from that – ADORE those big soft gooey Cinnamon buns!
I love funnel cakes.
I have never had a poached egg. I would like to say that I’ve never had any sort of organ meat, but I was bullied into eating a bite of haggis by my husband and brother. One bite was plenty, but now I can not longer boast about the no organ thing.
For Chrissakes, eat lobster, eat raw oysters (they slide right down), eat escargot (snails) with drawn butter. (Delicious). Eat every vegetable you’ve never tried. You’re only gonna be here so long. Just go to a good restaurant which offers them all, and try them out. Widen your possibilities. I’m sure you’ll find something you like.
Right on!
(I’m totally mastering this reply button. No Luddite, I)
I’m with ya Greg I have done that with my kids and no picky eaters in my fambly.
5th avenue is better.
And what’s the point in eating something if you don’t taste it and it slides right down? I’m guessing semen slides right down too but I’m guessing50% of you haven’t tried that.
well I am part of the 50% that has tried it ….btw it’s not very tasty. In fact you could just use the statement below that Greg made about oysters and it applies here as well.
I’d rather have a 5th ave or a clark bar .
won’t be raising that issue here……
Yeah, if you’re doin it right, it doesn’t slide down that easy.
Oh, you definitely taste an oyster as it slides right down. That’s part of the oyster eating experience. And the taste (the finish), stays with you for a long time.
Ok so it probably is just like semen.
No, semen and oysters are different. There’s a chunky factor involved.
I’ll try just about anything, twice. That’s the reason I don’t eat oysters anymore.
(rimshot?)
If the semen is chunky it’s cottage semen
you just completely grossed me out.
oh- I thought of one thing that probably nobody is interested in, but what the hell: no pickled beets. EVER.
Pretty much everything else is fair game. Twice.
Pickled beets: not a problem. If you can handle beets, you can handle pickled beets. No big deal.
Have never / would never eat anything that comes from the face of something – eyes, tongues, cheeks – yuck.
Fav fair food – deep fried oreos. Coming in a close 2nd that I tried for the first time at the Bloomsburg Fair yesterday – deep fried Pop Tart. Simply brilliant.
Beets – only in borscht.
I eat the hell out of pickled beets. Pretty much pickled anything (except pig feet and eggs) are good with me.
i regret nothing.
and i just nailed my job even though i’ve been drinking since 230 (pm).
Damn I’m smoove.
I’ve never had funnel cake, nor yet poutine. I have eagerly anticipated tasting the latter, ever since learning of its existence. (Sorry, been reading some ‘historical fiction’ lately.)
Don’t care for liver as such, but foie gras is absolutely fantastic. It’s a must-try for anyone who likes fatty savory food.
Since when is gyros “fair food”?
.
seen gyros lots for fast food. maybe depends on where you are and what you consider a fair. Can’t say I do fairs much – more so markets.
I’ve never had poutine – sounds/looks disgusting and also would probably leave me bed ridden for days. viva la francais and their poutine holes.
I like corndogs. Favorite fair food is roasted corn and snow cones
Never ate sardines , they smell bad and look gross.
My husband is the pickiest eater i know. He will not eat any “crunchy” vegetables. I think he only eats peas and corn (not on the cob). He puts mayonnaise on everything even steak ! But he calls it salad cream. He is a Brit . Need I say more , they are not known for their cuisine . No offence to any Brit here . But hey Yanks know food like Brits know beer ! .
Pickled eggs and pickled kielbasa are awesome – but fricken expensive… a dozen eggs cost about 1.49 whereas 6 pickled eggs at the store costs about $5…
Can we please have the girls talk about tasting semen again? I didn’t get a chance to, ah, um… finish.
Shiny’s Birthday too? I’m gonna need a bigger cake! Happy Birthday Shiny Rod – I hope you celebrated out on the boat.
Has anyone ever heard of having a calcium overload? Mom’s back in the hospital again, worse than before (last time was gall bladder infection and cellulitous.).. now it’s a calcium overload – probably as a result of the little glands that piggy back on the thyroid. What the hell is up with that? The poor woman is 85 and has been through enough. I mean like Fuck, isn’t it bad enough she has me as her son? So a month in the hospital, home three weeks and now she’s in AGAIN?
At the same time, my middle brother was working on a gate so we could add some safety to a stairwell for Mom and he accidentally shoved a chisel a good two inches in to his wrist. He only has 4 stitches but he lost a lot of blood. He’s ok now but WTF?
Alright, whining over. I should go to bed and get some sleep. Who knows what joy Tuesday will bring.
Not Oprah – poutine if done right with real curds and good gravy tastes as good as it smells. But I agree it can be sick making… it’s one of those foods you finish and say “uggh enough!!”. Harvey’s actually makes a decent poutine as does swiss chalet.
if you have that many eggs surrounded by that much rum…..
and a finger in your ass…
on the 21st day of the reply girlcott, hello.
Malcolm…
Happy 50th. Enjoy the week and get it whilst you can. I think Ms. Joplin said that.
.
Skip…
The double nickel is a different story, of course. Penis starts shrinking; takes a while to piss, fewer women but more discounts. The only way to survive the rest of it is to laugh at the joke and love the hell out of everybody. Sounds hokey but it’s the only thing that’s worked for me. Hell, Mr. Hunter & Mr. Garcia say/sing it better…
I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It’s even worse than it appears
but it’s all right…
…Oh well a Touch Of Grey
Kind of suits you anyway.
That was all I had to say
It’s all right.
I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive
We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive
.
best wishes…
jtb
My uncle drove a 1947 Donair that he bought in Canada. Totaled it on the way to a lacrosse game in 1959, teaching me to both enjoy irony and avoid lacrosse.
jtb
hot…
Best wishes for your Mom’s recovery. I’m way short on calcium and need to take supplements. If she’s up for some sort of donation, I understand the health care is pretty good up north. I’ll come to her place. I’d offer to slip her a few American dollars, but I don’t think they have as much buying power as a Loonie today.
Tell her to take care and get the hell home.
best wishes…
jtb
madz1962…
Spanish Fries is de plural of de stuff we allays hear ’bout growin up dat make de ladies feel da hot.
This beats the living pisshandle out of the reply function. In one narrative swoop, one can answer both one comment and all comments. It’s like sitting with seven spades to the queen in a nice, bloodthirsty game of Hearts. Just take a swig of the julip and say, “Billy, I believe it’s your lead”.
jtb