Yesterday we piled into the almost-paid-for (just two more stacks of cash!) Camry, and went to Knoebels. We made two pilgrimages to the great old amusement park this season, once during the first week of kid-summer, and another during the last week. School cranks up again next Wednesday.
I snapped a load of photos, and tried not to repeat the other pics I’ve posted of Knoebels through the years. The one above pretty much sums it up for me at this point: I go for the food. I usually climb aboard just two rides, the Phoenix roller coaster and the haunted house. And eat the rest of the time.
Here are the other pictures; they’re not the greatest, but I hope they capture the general feeling. And below are a few quick notes about our latest Knoebels adventure:
- I thought fanny packs, surely one of the most hideous of all fashion trends, finally went out of “style” a few years ago? Well, apparently not in central PA. They were everywhere, and I even saw one so elaborate and oversized, it had drink holders. I’m not kidding. I also noticed a man sporting a camouflage fanny pack, and a woman rocking one with the Proctor & Gamble logo on the side. WTF? I’m not exactly a fashion plate over here, but even I know better than to strap a vinyl transport sack to my torso. Good god.
- On a similar note… I’d like to get your opinion on something. At what point is a t-shirt with a date on it too old? You know, shirts commemorating rock tours, or family reunions, or 10k walks, or whatever — with dates on them. How many years is too many? I saw a guy wearing a shirt yesterday, celebrating some goal reached at his job, in 2002. I think that’s a bit much. My inner sensors tell me that shirts (in public) should only be from the current year, or the previous one. Am I way off on this? Tell me what you think.
- I saw a 14 year old boy walking through the park with a fishing pole and a tackle box. Yeah, I have no idea… It reminded me of an old Jay Leno joke, from back when he was funny. He said that some Japanese tourists apparently don’t grasp the concept of Disney World, because he saw a few of them in line at Space Mountain carrying luggage. I thought that was funny, and it’s stuck with me for thirty years.
- What’s the story with all the body braces? Almost every other person in the park had some sort of brace attached to them. Knee braces… elbow braces… neck braces… those big warehouse lifting belts… What the hell, man? Why so many? It seemed like 40% of the people we saw yesterday apparently require joint compression, or a little help keeping their heads from flopping sideways. And they’re in an amusement park, with roller coasters?? Are braces in, or something? I have no idea what’s cool these days. Maybe knee braces are hep?
- I also noticed an inordinate number of canes, and people who looked like they’d been trapped in an industrial fire. Also, women who appeared to be 17 year old girls from a distance, but when we got close to them… their faces were leathery and weathered, and completely sunken-in due to decades of Pall Mall and Jim Beam abuse. I love Knoebels, but it sometimes feels like we’re walking through the remnants of a catastrophic Wal-Mart explosion.
- Finally, I rode the Ferris Wheel yesterday for the first time. I don’t like heights much, and always found a reason not to go up in that Circle of Death. Yeah, I know… It’s a freaking Ferris Wheel — old ladies ride the Ferris Wheel. But I’m not a fan of the part when you’re at the top, rocking back and forth. Know what I mean? I don’t have a problem with the roller coaster, because it’s always moving. But it bothers me to be sitting still up there, gently swaying. I also have visions of a freakish gust of wind kicking up, and turning the entire Wheel over sideways. Heh. Is that irrational? I probably shouldn’t admit so much…
Oh well. Knoebels is a lot of fun, despite what I just wrote. We have a blast every time, and I love having it nearby. The wooden coasters are kick-ass (people travel great distances to ride them), and the whole place is retro but well-maintained. Plus, the food is fantastic, and reasonably-priced. They don’t gouge you like most such places do.
While Toney and I were waiting for the boys to finish up with the bumper cars, I looked around and imagined the park looks pretty much the same as it did in, say, 1971. And I started wondering… if someone from that year were somehow transported to Knoebels today, what would they notice as being different? The fanny packs? The rampant obesity? Definitely the cell phones, and everybody walking around texting. But what else? Help me out with that, won’t you?
Also, if we were transported BACK to Knoebels circa 1971, what would seem strange to us?
I’ll see you guys again soon. I have to work on Sunday night, but have Monday off because of the holiday. So, no long weekend for me. Sunday night is like a speed bump that ruins everything.
But I hope you have a great one.
See ya next time!
Now playing in the bunker
Read Jeff’s first novel, Crossroads Road
They’d notice the big SUVS and the wearing of flip flops, sweats, and/or pajamas in public. And maybe the recycling cans, assuming Knoebels actually has designated containers for recycling. That’s all I got.
First again
Well I was close!
First……weird, we were there yesterday as well Jeff.
Well almost first……..
We were disappointed that the Mexican and Italian sections of the International Food Court were closed. I’ve never seen a place where so many people are riding around in electric wheelchairs/carts, most of whom seem to be perfectly capable of walking.
what’s with the people holding their heads in the photo with the benches? was it group brain-freeze? a sonic boom?
Those crazy Japs.
I love going places where Wal-Mart imperfects stay and play. It gives a me a sense of what Brad Pitt must feel like when he is guest speaker at the graduation ceremonies for the Institute of the Clinically Ugly.
I never liked bumper cars. I always got the broke one and would get stuck getting rammed more often than the Adult Video Award winner for hardest working girl. I also never liked the go-carts. I would either get the slowest one that could barely make a lap, or the one that wouldn’t respond to the gas or the break and just run at whiplash speeds until slamming mouth first into a tire wall.
I think wearing a vintage concert t-shirt can be alright IF it’s a cool band. Thank God I could rarely scrape together enough money for one or I could be sportin a Huey Lewis, Duran Duran or 38 special tee. NOT cool.
I was about to say….. concert t-shirts only. I still wear my 1981 Rolling Stones shirt. Of course, I’ve put on some weight and the iconic Stone’s lips look more like Joan River’s
Now that IS cool. The Stones not Joan.
Someone from ’71 might find the dates on T shirts even more bizarre than Jeff did.
No $17 baloney sandwiches? What the hell kind of amusement park izzat?
For the t-shirts context is important. I’m a runner and would rarely if ever wear a shirt with a recent date on it during a race. Better to wear the one from a few years ago, in some pathetic attempt to psychologically intimidate my fellow racers with my grizzled veteran status (before they blow past me 1/8 of a mile into the race).
Likewise, the discriminating Megadeth fan knows someone wearing a shirt from the 1997 summer tour is a seasoned and wise rock enthusiast, and not just a poor-ass loser who hasn’t bought a shirt in 14 years.
I love my old 1993 Primus Pork Soda concert T-shirt. So do the chicks.I have a blue Cheap Trick shirt from ’85 I can bust out when I want to really throw down the look.
As for all of the braces and such it is because they rode those old wooden rides.
Liquor Kabobs.
On Friday the girl texted me and said “Did you see that the O’s and Slobberbone are playing on Sunday in Dallas?”. I replied that I hadn’t and within an hour I’d purchased tickets online for the show ($30.41 for both), booked a rental car ($42.00 from Sunday to Monday which is now $63 since we picked up the car today to avoid car rental debit card shenanigans on a Sunday), and booked a hotel room about 0.5 miles from the venue (Club Dada, and $98 plus tax per night).
So sometime tomorrow morning we are hopping in a rented Elantra and driving 212 miles to the Sheraton in downtown Dallas for some good old fashioned rock and roll (Slobberbone, The O’s are more folky).
If anyone in the Dallas area wants to come out for a drink Sunday or Monday hit me up. I’m still on the wagon (4 weeks Monday), but still love the bars.
Slobberbone covering the Replacements (with drunk back up by Jason Isbell)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tg_I9upBdg
The O’s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBlhtFmxluk
Stay out of the bars… If you hang around a barber shop long enough you will eventually get a hair cut…
I disagree.
I’m with the rest of the gang on retro/vintage. Its cool to wear old T’s. As long as they are your own and not bought from ebay and the band/ event / brand is fairly respectable.
Is it a coincidence to see the words ‘body braces’ and ‘rampant obesity’ in the same post?
I think there might be a link.
Jeff…
Nice update. Point by point…
1) If you’re not wearing a jacket, where are you going to put all your shit if not in a fanny pack? I need a place to carry a pack or two of smokes, my wallet, an extra lighter, “antibiotics”, sunglasses, cell phone, kleenex, and other impedimenta. I usually wear mine low-slung in the front in case someone tries to punch me in the vagina.
2) Dated t-shirts: the older the better. Anybody who can still fit into a thirty year old t-shirt has every right to brag by wearing the sucker.
3) The kid was carrying the tackle box because he’d failed to bring his fanny pack. He carried the fishing pole so he wouldn’t look stupid just carrying a tackle box.
4) With regard to the braces, perhaps you were there on Unlimited Fighting Retirees day. Or longboard skateboarders’ day.
5) I don’t much like heights either. I don’t mind the rides that spin or go fast at whatever altitude, but being suspended in the air on a 75-year-old rusting device operated by a guy with one tooth who is wanted in seven or eight states for gross misdemeanors makes my skin tingle. Actually, it quiets the shaking if you wear knee and ankle braces.
6) Back to 1971 and vice-versa…the differences in hair styles, the number of couples of different ethnicities, piercings, prices, fancy tennis shoes, the difference in the number of people smoking, smart cash registers, the number of women with breast enhancements…just off the top of my head.
jtb
Agree on the t-shirts. I still have one from a 6th grade scrabble tournament that I can squeeze into…the rest are vintage rock’n’roll shirts that I bought at various concerts.
jtb,
Trade your fanny pack in for a pair of cargo shorts. Plenty of room for all the aforementioned items plus you’ll look just a tad less dorky.
No need to thank me. Always,
WB
Mmm, cheese fries. Does this mean the diet is ovah?
I have an ancient University of Moscow t-shirt. No way am I ever gonna fit in that again. But I keep it because it’s a cool shirt. Vintage shirts are great. Most of my clothes seem to be vintage…maybe I need to go shopping.
When it comes to shirts, I was mostly talking about ’10K Walk For Anal Fissures, 2007,’ or ‘Johnson Family Reunion, 2003,’ and that sort of thing. I’m not really talking about vintage rock shirts. The worst, I think, are those rah rah work t-shirts, celebrating some boolshit goal achieved back in 2006. Those things are depressing as hell.
I did the ’10Kanus’ as we like to call it…and let me tell you buster, it’s no cake walk.
I got a rah-rah shirt from work in 1979, and I wish I still had it. It was an icon of geek cred: “Digital’s 1000th mainframe”.
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Technically speaking, if you are trying to support Anal Fissures then a “sit-in” would be more appropriate. Preferably on a concrete bench.
I have a really cool Harley, henley stlye, shirt that is pretty much new, from a 1996 Daytona Beach ride. I wasn’t there and don’t own a Harley but it seems to be a great conversation starter whith chicks in leather pants.
If I’m the youngster from ’71 I’d ask, “When in the hell did they build that roller coaster? And how come there’s no peace signs on the grafitti totem? And what happened to those little benches down by the creek we used to sit on and smoke a joint?” And damn man, I knew Charles Kulenberg would be working here for the rest of his life.”
…as for speed bumps: Do you creep over one wheel at a time? slowly roll the front two wheels then the back? Or, run over them like you are rolling in a monster truck? 1971 was just a big blur, and practically my whole life. But, an African-American president would be a big stick out!!!
“a big stick out!!!” should have been a comment on August 31, 2011’s An Update About Nothing But Urination.
Speed bumps: the more ground clearance, the faster I go. The current car is very low-slung, so I go slow. In a Jeep, I would not break stride at all. But the low car does most other things better than a Jeep, which is why I have it.
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If it is one of those roadway speed bumps, I gear down and mash the throttle for maximum noise. My city is getting rife with the attitude that roads ain’t for cars anymore, so lets try to make them drive at a crawl. So, piss on ’em and make it obnoxious for those living around them as retribution for their ill guided support of them. They tried that shit on our road, fortuneatly the TWO assholes who wanted them got put in place by the rest of us who want nothing to do with the nonsense. No speedbumps for our road, and reduced curb extensions (those they would not do away with…)
Parking lots, since I’m going slow already, they usually go at a crawl, without some speed, those things are a bumper car ride in my vehicles.
I’ve never been to Knoebel’s. Havig said that, I know that the big thing that would amaze the people of today about the Knoebel’s of 1971 – and vice versa – is the prices of everything. Minimum wage back then was what, $1.50/hour?
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Nice estimate. Danger Danger Danger…If you read this link and are not rich, you might never vote for a Republican again. OK, you have been warned.
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0774473.html
jtb
We all wear old Harley shirts. In fact they’re really collectible. Old concert T’s are cool depending on the design. I never liked the ones that have a huge photo of the artist’s face. The only time I would ever wear any other type of dated T would be to clean the house.
Kennywood in Pittsburgh has a couple wooden coasters. The best one is The Thunderbolt. Still an awesome coaster.
Speaking of weirdo’s at parks and whatnot…Went swimming at the pool at the campground yesterday. The lifeguard was a big ol’ butch dyke on a power trip. Sitting srpead eagle on her highchair with one knee up and the other leg spread wide…BLECCH. She had a special way of plucking her bathingsuit out of her ass with her thumbs. Quite the show. And had a big open sore on her calf, unbandaged. The best was when my boyfriend and I both witnessed her sitting in her chair, picking her toenails and eating it. She was all class I tell ya.
I was wondering where my sister was .. now I know
Not related to amusement parks as such, but I spent the last 24 hours at a family reunion-type event at a farm near Donegal PA. I never heard so many Pittsburgh accents!
One guy, when my friend said I was “from the city”, asked if I was from Picksburgh. Another reprimanded some kids who were playing with toys that didn’t belong to them: “Them ain’t yuntzes!” Turns out he was actually from Latrobe, but whatever. A third fellow ended every sentence with ‘nat or ‘nem, as applicable. Nice folks, but they sure talk funny. I was saddened that they brought Bud rather than Yeungling.
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Yeah, I’m never gonna get used to the Yinzer accent. But they’re a little taken aback by mine so it’s a draw. Fun fact: I recently learned that the term “wifty” is pure Philly dialect. It essentially means “airhead”, for those not in the know. I called someone that and heard crickets.
http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=crickets&play=true
Yep.
I’m glad the consensus on concert tees seems to be that they are good for as long as the shirt is. I’ve even seen bands sell Retro tour shirts that say “tour ’84” or something in the last few years so I think tuat validates the theory on concert tees. Other shirts, I’d say 3-4 years, bit hey, I hate buying clothes.
We had a travlin’ carnival come through once a year in our little town. “Fireman’s Carnival” . Tilt-a-Whirl, Octopus and something I called the Loop-o-Puke, (Loop-0-Plane), because that’s what seemed to happen to most folks who rode it. The rides scared the hell out of my twelve year old body but not as much as the people who worked there and assembled the rides. One night I did venture onto the Ferris Wheel, apparently giving into a slowly developing death wish. My one true love Jackie was there that night and I mustered my brave and asked her to ride with me, all the while fantasying about our first kiss while stopped at the top. We did stop at the top and her fear of heights became evident as I moved in for a smooch and she threw up. (at least I hoped it was her fear of heights). I have still yet to kiss a girl on the Ferris Wheel.
***the word po-lice (wife) just struck about my spellins…fantasying. After the ring in my ears fade a bit over a missin ‘z’ an ‘i’, I was able to show her why I choose that word and spellin’. Whoa!
fan·ta·sy? ?/?fænt?si, -zi/ Show Spelled [fan-tuh-see, -zee] Show IPA noun, plural -sies, verb, -sied, -sy·ing.
noun
1. imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.
3. a mental image, especially when unreal or fantastic; vision: a nightmare fantasy.
4. Psychology . an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.
5. a hallucination.
Did you ride the Merry-Go-Round and get all old and shit?
I didn’t like the carnival so I moved. And I’ve had a grudge against Ferris Wheels ever since. Fuck those things!
Ya ever notice that things are always funnier when they happen at WalMart?
Girl gets bit by bat. So what?
Girl get bit by bat in WalMart. Funny.
It’s like the fortune cookie thing where you add “in bed” to the end of the fortune
I think the Russian hackers are at it again.
I had a fanny pack sighting like no other two days ago. We were in the yard with our little boy, and I heard loud music start. I looked over the neighbors’ fence (we are down the hill, it’s not like I was clutching at the top of the boards and peering). There was a young man doing a flag routine a la halftime show at the local university. Instead of a normal showy flag, he had the American flag that is usually on their house. And he was wearing a fanny pack. I was speechless. He was pretty good, though, very twirly. I don’t know what was in the fanny pack.
I think it’s ok to wear shirts with the dates on them forever, WITH the exception of highschool graduation shirts. I have a shirt that I got for my graduation with a big “04” on the back with signatures of everyone in my class. It was a print of course, I didn’t individually go around and make everyone sign my shirt. The shirt wouldn’t even fit me now anyway, but it just seems silly to wear it now. Maybe in like 30 years when it’s considered ‘vintage’ it would be ok, but until then, it’s gonna sit in the plastic bag that I’ve had it in for good will sitting in storage. Band T-shirts on the other hand I think are good to go for as long as you can fit into them.
Fanny packs were never in style. ‘They’ keep trying to bring them back, but they were never in style in the first place. They are just beating a horse that was never born. Did I just blow everyone’s mind?
Yup, Flagged attack site in firefox right now 🙁
Jeff, Did you ever think about switching webhosts?
Seems they need to do more to keep the skript kiddies from getting into their servers.
they can only pass the buck to wordpress so many times until you start wondering why the keep letting the little pukes in in the first place.
But it only comes up sporadically. I was here 10 minutes ago and got the warning. This time I didn’t.
If I disable Adblock plus then I get the warning. When I enable it I sometimes get the warning. Must be google ads itself that is the problem.
Late (again) to th party.
1971 – the parking lot would be filled with big ass gas guzzling Fords and Buicks where you could easily fit 8 passengers.
Phonebooths
Safety restraints on the rides would MAYBE consist of a seat belt. They wouldn’t bolt your ass in like they do now.
You may see maybe 1 or two tatoos on various ride operators.
No man would have an earring.
The food vendors won’t be wearing rubber gloves.
Lots of halters/bikini tops because we actually had an ozone layer back then and you could sunbathe.
Everyone smoking, Everywhere.
The “arcade” area would consist of pinball machines.
Jeff, I know you can forget about Canada so easily tucked up there under Mexico and all… but… I can’t find your book on Amazon.CA … I guess the 4 or 5 of us up here aren’t worth the trouble and I think I remember a few Canucks already have theirs…
What are the chances of you adding hard copies to your “Shop” page to still allow personalization? I would want mine to say something like “ack ack” Which is either Bill the Cat or the Aliens from Mars Attacks. If not happening, then I’ll go through Amazon,com.
Interesting things today
1. I too had the warning about going to your dirty whore slut of a page (at least that seems to be how it’s presented in the warning)… but then it was gone… poof.
2. When you search Jeff Kay on Amazon.ca it suggests “Nazi Policy on the Eastern Front” ???? Some would claim it’s because of the authors… Alex J. Kay and Jeff Rutherford… but I just don’t know…
3. The Canadian Dollar is trading at $1.03 but when I go to buy on line… it trades at a discount… those pay pal bastards.
As for the topic of the day… I don’t know how you do it, Jeff. I can’t even get up the energy to reply to the topic yet you deliver the funny as if you were a menopausal southern belle in flat white shoes, support hose and Tammy Faye makup; workin’ in a diner; slipping the bill to me across the formica after the chef’s special ( a double bacon cheese burger with home cut fries, gravy and a chocolate shake – additional shake remaining in the steel canister because it wouldn’t fit in the glass…), yeah that easy!!!! . How do you do it? ugh… it’s exasperating just thinking about trying to make people laugh every time…
back to work… sigh…
If “1971-people” walked around in Knoebels today, (JK is correct on this one) they might first notice the rampant obesity. If they ordered a soft drink and took a look at our modern-day drink sizes, I wonder if they would make the connection (?).
Totally true about the drink sizes. When I worked at McDonald’s in the 1970s, there were three drink sizes: small, medium and large (8, 12 and 16 ounces respectively). The 16 oz. size still exists, but now it’s called “small” rather than “large”. I think the 12 oz. is now called “child size”. The 8 oz. has probably gone the way of 30-cent gasoline.
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Another thing about drinks: Nobody in 197 would be walking around with a water bottle.
Older men may be sporting fedoras.
Kids would be wearing Sears Toughskins.
If you saw any kids on bikes or skateboards, they wouldn’t have helmets or knee/shin/elbow pads.
No wifebeater shirts allowed.
I feel like there’d be skinny white skater kids in size -20 skinny jeans milling about at a joint like knoebles? you know those kids? They woulda got their asses kicked in the 70’s.
Jeff Kay, you are the biggest a-hole in the world. I’m stuck at work with NO lunch tonight…and you have the audacity to post a picture of cheese fries???? Man, those look good! 🙂
BTW…shut up about WalMart. I’ve spent many years going through the store with a mental checklist playing the game…but when I was in there a few weeks ago, I had suddenly become one of the people ON the checklist.
Ahhhh, how suddenly old age creeps up on us.
Knoebel’s reminds me of Camden Park. I KNOW you’ve got some stories about THAT place . . . .
ah, but they had me at the fried pierogies, which are AWESOME!!!!!
Sad about Knoebel’s. Big time flooding. Hope they can come back.
Heh nice, very nice.