AMERICAN STOPS WASHING HAIR!
number seven 
by Jason Headley

Six weeks. That's a month and a half by most modern calculations. A mighty long time to go without washing the hair. Yet I have.

First off, the science. There really haven't been any major developments in the last two and a half weeks. The hair has settled into its own. It seems to be slightly more manageable now than a couple of weeks ago, but by subtle degrees. Nothing like the first "Fuck this, I'm shaving my head" days of the whole experiment. I'm noticing slightly more oil than before, but you might recall that's a good thing for me.

I have mixed emotions about the final results. I was honestly hoping to somehow develop the soft, flowing locks of a well-groomed Swede. But 'twas not to be. Instead I'm left with the belief that shampoo, conditioner, and other hair products are essentially frivolous purchases for my hair. It looks no different than it did before I started this whole thing. So why should I piss away hard-earned cash that could otherwise be applied to the more worthwhile cause of getting stinking drunk?

So that's where I stand. No more washing, ever again. Now I may occasionally add a leave-in conditioner to my hair on days that require more fastidious grooming. You know, weddings, reunions, funerals. Actually, maybe not so much for funerals. A bit of extra dishevelment could be construed as some serious bereavement. I think people might appreciate seeing someone so torn up about the recent passing of their loved one that even personal hygiene and grooming seem like senseless eccentricities.

Anyway, if I do go with a product I'm going to lean toward more natural, water-soluble solutions. I want it to jive with the holistic, organic, elemental nature of my head. Plus I want to be able to rinse it right out using nothing more than water, the universal solvent.

So, that pretty much wraps it up. I'll keep you posted of any major developments, but this will be the last of the weekly updates. I have a friend who is currently in week three of his own experiment. I'll be monitoring his progress carefully and comparing it to my own. If any of you decide to get in on the game, please let me know. Everyone's hair is different. So I might even compile a few different experiences and send them out as a bit of a follow up.

I'm off to take a shower. (Which now only takes me about four minutes.)

Experimentally yours,

Jason Headley is the author of the novel
Small Town Odds.

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