| AMERICAN
STOPS WASHING HAIR! number one by Jason Headley
Greetings friends. I've sent you this email because you have knowledge of my hair. Some of you, who are family, are genetically related to or responsible for it. Others, with whom I attended college, saw the great "Let It Grow" experiment in all its strange glory. The rest of you I feel are simply intellectually curious enough to wonder what might happen when a man simply stops washing his hair. That's right. I've stopped washing my hair altogether. The last time I washed my hair was on the morning of Friday, October 5th. It was an otherwise normal day, and at the time I had no idea it would be my last washing. But then night fell, and through the darkness came a great illumination. While at a bar, where most great epiphanies occur, a friend of mine mentioned that he hadn't washed his hair in almost fifteen years. Apparently he'd seen a TV show once where these science guys asked a woman to stop washing her hair or using any type of hair products for six weeks. She was only allowed to rinse her hair with water to keep it clean. Well, after the six weeks, she was back on the show and her hair looked healthy and shiny and soft and all that other shit you want your hair to be. The science guys explained that after a certain period of time, your hair reverts to its natural state of balance. (I had quite a few drinks in me by this point, but I'm certain my friend used words like "oils" and "equilibrium" in a combination that seemed to make a lot of sense.) So this friend of mine said he tried it, and after a couple of weeks of fairly dreadful hair days, his locks began to settle into their own. And since that time, he hasn't washed his hair or put anything in it besides water. (Except for one time when he had lice, but he swears that had nothing to do with the whole hair-washing thing.) The next morning, when I showered, I skipped the usual shampoo, condition, add leave-in product that I normally did. I decided I certainly had six weeks to kill. It's not like I even have to do anything. Actually, I have to do way less that normal. It's like the lazy man's science. It's simple, but somehow quite complex. It involves chemistry, biology, psychology, sociology and probably a few other ologies that I'm not even aware of yet. So for the next six weeks, I'll put nothing in my hair besides water. The plan is to keep you all updated on the progress, possibly even including some digital photos so you can see the results for yourselves. If you have any questions that I don't answer in my discourse, please ask. This hair experiment is for the good of mankind, really. All inquiries will be researched and responded to. As I'm already on Day 4 of the project, I'll offer up a quick summary to date: DAY 1: Fuzzy DAY 2: Frizzy DAY 3: Fuzzy, with brief moments of frizziness. DAY 4: I'm suffering from jet lag and detox from my wild weekend in New York, so my hair doesn't seem to look or feel any more fuzzy than the rest of me. Which is by no means a good thing. Stay tuned for another update in a few days. And if you're not interested in this project at all and would just prefer to get the final update when the Department of Health and Human Services descends upon my residence and forcibly shaves my head for the sake of public hygiene, let me know and I'll take you off the list. Till next time. Yer fuzzy buddy, Jason Headley is the author of the
novel Small Town Odds
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