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Noticing my Browser, Cooking for the Family, and Our Super-Powers of Choice

November 5, 2013 By Jeff 61 Comments

Batman SpidermanI’ve been using Firefox as my browser o’ choice for several years, and never really thought about it. Which is a good thing: if you’re thinking about your browser, something ain’t right. But over the past couple of weeks it’s been causing me problems. Did something change? Some “enhancement” that rendered the application noticeable?

Whenever I’d open a window through Firefox, my computer would start revving up and acting sluggish. I usually have three or four windows open at the same time, and my machine was sometimes acting like we were back in the dial-up days. And I can’t have that. I checked the task manager, to be sure, and it was definitely Firefox sucking up all the resources. What the hell, man?

So, I’ve started using Chrome and everything’s lightning fast and quiet. It was annoying at first, because the new browser didn’t know all my passwords, and various internet proclivities. It had an import feature, which didn’t seem to work very well; as far as I could tell, it was a button attached to nothing. But Chrome seems to know me now, and I’m back in the game.

One small paranoid concern: my whole life seems to be facilitated by the Google Corporation at this point. They’re in charge of my email, internet activity, cell phone, etc. Before long I’ll have Google tires on my car, and be shoveling in forkfuls of Google food.

Oh well. I’m too tired to fight. I welcome our new overlords. I’m sure they’ll act responsibly with their immense, newfound power. Right? Right.

I cooked dinner for the family on Friday, and it was a 100% success. The plan was to do it every Saturday, but our schedule got screwed up last week, and I moved it to Friday.

While I was in West Virginia a couple of weeks ago (it seems like a couple of months ago already), my mother cooked a roast for dinner one night, and it was incredibly good. I asked her to share the mysterious magic with me — how in the pearl-handled hell is something like that even possible? She explained it, and it seemed improbably easy.

So, last week I went to Sam’s Club, chose a $19 rump roast and put it in the Crockpot with a shitload of onions, a little water, and salt and pepper. Nothing else. This happened around 10 a.m. At 1 p.m. I added a metric ton of raw carrots, and an hour later… an endloader scoop of raw potatoes. At that point I turned down the heat from HIGH to LOW, and let it go for another five hours.

And I’m not kidding, it was perfection. The meat was tender as a mofo, tasted great, and was a huge hit. I also steamed some brussels sprouts, and heated up some dinner rolls. It was fantastic. And so easy! I’d assumed there was some kind of sorcery involved, but there was nothing to it.

My mother cooks roasts another way, too. But I went with the simpler of the two methods, and it paid dividends. I might attempt the more complicated way, somewhere down the road.

Next on my cooking agenda: extreme nachos. I’m going to create a ridiculous, over-the-top nacho bar in our kitchen, with an outlandish number of toppings. This new Dad’s Cooking! project is going to cost me a fortune, but every edition will be memorable — for one reason or another. That is my goal. There will be no half-stepping, when dad’s cooking.

Now for our Question… I was listening to the Adam Carolla Show a few days ago, and they were talking about a recently released survey, which asked people the super-power they’d most like to possess. Women, it said, choose “invisibility” most often, and men “the power of flight.”

I would go with invisibility, without giving it a second thought. I’m with the ladies on this one. There are so many possibilities… Oh yeah, that would be kick-ass.

Which one would you choose? You can pick from the established super-powers, or make up some new ones. It’s all good. Use the comments link below. Tell us which one you’d go with, and why. The why is important.

And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have yourselves a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Icecycle66 says

    November 5, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Former NFL running back Ricky Williams does not like mayo.

    http://deadspin.com/im-not-a-big-fan-of-white-condiments-1458912175

    Reply
  2. Icecycle66 says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    If I picked flight, would I be susceptible to FAA and TSA regulations?

    If so then invisibility, if not then flight.

    Reply
  3. Billy Joel says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    For my super-power; I would like to be able to make a delicious cheesecake.

    Reply
    • Limey says

      November 5, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      I already have that power, and I use it often. I am Wobble Gut Man.

      Reply
  4. johnthebasket says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    I’d choose the power of contemplative thought, if, for no other reason, it’s rarity.

    jtb

    Reply
  5. johnthebasket says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    See what I did there? I was in a fucking hurry to be third for fourth, and I changed my mind in mid sentence and ended up with a bad “its”. Another argument for contemplative thought.

    jtb

    Reply
  6. johnthebasket says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    …Still raining, still dreaming. Electric Ladyland on the turntable.

    jtb

    Reply
    • Billy Joel says

      November 5, 2013 at 3:40 pm

      still too jazzy

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        November 5, 2013 at 7:59 pm

        Fair enough.

        Reply
    • John Smith says

      November 6, 2013 at 11:03 am

      What’s a turntable?

      Reply
      • chill says

        November 6, 2013 at 7:20 pm

        You know… for the kids!
        .

        Reply
  7. madz1962 says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    I would choose flight. As an unpopular kid in high school, I know what invisibility is like.

    Jeff, congratulations on your first successful meal! See? We told you it could be done!

    Good going on the Extreme Nachos idea! At least once a week, a family dinner should also be an event.. You’re making memories and having fun!

    Reply
  8. Bill in WV says

    November 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I would choose farr. Having the ability to set farr to anyone at anytiime would please me to no end.

    Reply
    • Vicki says

      November 5, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      We had somebody down around here set farr to his wife at the gas pump. Now he’s in a heap a trouble. Maybe not so good. At least if there’s a camera.

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        November 5, 2013 at 4:44 pm

        That video made me clasp drop to the floor and roll.

        Reply
      • Bill in WV says

        November 6, 2013 at 3:07 pm

        I would need no device to set my farrs. Just the point of a finger at those who piss me off or look at me funny. Then, it’s on. Just a smoldering pile of hair.

        Reply
  9. Swami Bologna says

    November 5, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    Definitely flight. I’d be able to fly to work and back, and not be stuck in traffic.

    If I were a 14-year-old boy, then sure, invisibility — to see naked females in the girls locker room. But I’ve seen my fair share of naked females at this point in life, and so would go with the “avoiding traffic” superpower.

    Reply
  10. Average Jane says

    November 5, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Nice job on the dinners! When I was growing up, my dad was in charge of making pancakes for breakfast. That was his big specialty and they were always great unless he did something weird like add eggnog around Christmastime.

    On the rare occasions that he had to cook us dinner, it was always exactly the same menu: hamburger steaks, mashed potatoes (from scratch) and canned green beans.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      November 5, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      Jane, that was one of my dad’s favorite meals. hamburgers without the bun, mashed and CANNED green beans. Funny. Thanks for refreshing that happy Pop memory!

      Reply
    • Alex says

      November 5, 2013 at 5:24 pm

      Thats almost exactly what I made tonight. =-) Except substitute chicken breasts today. Tasted mighty fine.

      Alex.

      Reply
    • Rachael Smith says

      November 18, 2013 at 6:26 am

      That is such a great dinner and takes a little more effort than one would think…my mom tought me to make some packet mushroom gravy w a little can of mushrooms to slop on the hamburger steaks….the first meal my mom made for me after my c section birth! Shit u not!

      Reply
  11. Doug says

    November 5, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Is invisible flight an option?

    Reply
    • Miss Q says

      November 5, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      I’m with you.

      Reply
    • Stephanie says

      November 6, 2013 at 7:49 pm

      Wonder Woman did this already.

      Well, kinda.

      Sorta,

      Reply
  12. Sponge says

    November 5, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    Mind reading would be awesome!

    Reply
  13. Dogberryjr says

    November 5, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    Invisibility, without a doubt. I just hope criminality wouldn’t prove too tempting.

    Reply
  14. CitizenX says

    November 5, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    Congrats on switching to Chrome. Here is the best part: If you log into google from any computer with chrome and use that browser ALL of your bookmarks and settings load right up! OMG it is amazing!

    I learned how to make a roast with the potatoes celery and carrots but not in a crockpot. I use those cooking bags and seal it up and throw it in the oven. Good stuff and yes SO EASY!
    I am proud of you Jeff. You may not be able to back a camper up, but you can cook a meal!

    Reply
    • Uncle_Wedgie says

      November 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm

      Great. I really need my porn links from home showing up at the office.

      Reply
  15. Limey says

    November 5, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Cook meat slowly with celery, carrots and onions (mirepoix as the French call it) and it’s hard to go too wrong. Flavor central.

    Reply
  16. Lew in bama says

    November 5, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    Is immense wealth a super-power? I would like that please, with a side of invisibility so all the weirdos wouldn’t know where I was to hit me up for money.
    Time travel would be nice. I’d like to go back to high school and do it all again knowing what I know now. Then take a shot at a do-over over my 20’s as well.

    Reply
  17. junkfood says

    November 5, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    Jeff, you’ve written “half-stepping” (or steppin’) several times on the site, can you give a translation? “Kidding” seems to be a good replacement, am I close. Help!

    Reply
    • Swami Bologna says

      November 5, 2013 at 5:32 pm

      The Urban Dictionary says: “to start something with no intention of finishing.”

      Reply
    • Christy B says

      November 5, 2013 at 7:41 pm

      Half assery

      Reply
  18. Alice in WV says

    November 5, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    Having trouble with Firefox, as well. Better now than a few weeks ago, but still a drag. Chrome was shititng the bed, too, so I’m back with Firefox as my default. I’m still using my lame-o IBM Thinkpad and that may be part of the problem.
    Since I have dreams where I’m flying a lot, I guess I would pick that as my super power. Although… there’s been many a-time I’ve reallllly needed super strength to move furniture or carry in my groceries. That would be sweet!

    Reply
  19. Garrett says

    November 5, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    Yeah, Chrome is great – been using it for years, but some Java stuff acts wonky on it at it makes my hard drive spin like it is gonna fly right out of my laptop. They say the turn off the anti-phishing feature and you will be good. The bookmarks think is awesome, but had anyone tried Google Remote Desktop? That one blows my mind. My wife will be in the living room watching TV on the home-theater pc and I will start moving the mouse and stuff and I can hear her freak out from in the bedroom. Great fun.

    Reply
  20. Icecycle66 says

    November 5, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Anybody out there happen to be in Churchhill, Manitoba?

    —

    Also, you know what superpower I want. To be able to know how to dress when flying from Phoenix Arizona to the Hudson Bay.

    Reply
    • John Smith says

      November 6, 2013 at 11:01 am

      I had the same problem from Seoul to Singapore. There’s an old axiom I learned as a biker. You can take stuff off that you have on, but you can’t put stuff on that you don’t have.

      Reply
  21. Alex says

    November 5, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    The power of self healing. Getting older and the pains and injuries would be nice to be rid of.

    Firefox: Turn off automatic updates once you have a nicely working setup. They probably did a major update again and it’ll be slow going. Same deal for chrome, personally, I’m not a big fan of it, I find it a bit clunkier to use.

    Reply
  22. chill says

    November 5, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    I’ll “me too” on the self healing. Flying would be cool too.

    Firefox has been fine for me. Never tried Chrome; Google has enough hooks in me as it is.

    Would playing the saxophone well be considered a superpower?
    .

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      November 5, 2013 at 8:06 pm

      After the last couple of days’ discussion, I’d say that it depends who you ask.

      jtb

      Reply
  23. bikerchick says

    November 5, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    I’m going with reading minds. I would love to know what people are really thinking as compared to what comes out of their mouths.

    Congrats on the crock pot roast. I don’t make that often because I don’t care for what I call “funky”meat. But if I do make it for the boyfriend, I only use onions and potatoes too. Cooked carrots are gross as hell. Blecch.

    Reply
  24. TR says

    November 5, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    I use Firefox and have no problems, I would have to go with mind reading.

    Reply
  25. johnthebasket says

    November 5, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    Did no one here grow up reading comic books? Mind reading is NOT an available super power. You can run fast, flail through the air, hide with stealth, lift heavy objects, or swim quickly and talk with marine mammals, but you can’t read minds.

    The closest you can come is to gain the ability to accurately guess the age and weight of strangers, and there are limited vocational opportunities associated with that power.

    Just trying to help……jtb

    Reply
    • chill says

      November 5, 2013 at 10:52 pm

      You could also have the ability to shrink to tiny size, or turn to rubbery plastic and ooze through keyholes and under doors. I never figured out what Green Lantern’s ring did for him.

      Or you could flip to the ads in the back and purchase the X-Ray Specs. These glasses with cardboard lenses (with spirals printed on them!) allowed you to hold up your hand and marvel at the bones within, or to see through not more than one layer of women’s clothing.

      The notion of guessing weight reminds me of the coin-operated scales I used to see in the NY subway. The idea was that after inserting a coin, it would weigh you and dispense a slip of paper with a fortune cookie style “fortune”. The inscription on the scale was supposed to be “WEIGH” YOUR FATE – but on all the ones I saw, someone had scraped off the E from the word FATE.
      .

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        November 6, 2013 at 1:01 am

        “In brightest day, in blackest night,

        No evil shall escape my sight.

        Let those who worship evil’s might

        Beware my power–Green Lantern’s light!”

        Reply
    • Clueless says

      November 6, 2013 at 8:04 am

      That’s it. Rules for which superpowers you can claim? That sucks. So my superpower would be the ability to be immune to the confines of rules.

      And I think being psychic (mind reading) already is a superpower, albeit not on the approved list.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        November 6, 2013 at 10:19 am

        Every once in a while I swear off posting tongue-in-cheek comments here. Read the first sentence of my comment. My source authority is a 12 cent (as of 1962) pulp.

        But while we’re at it, mind reading is AT BEST a trivial subset of psychic abilities. Nostradamus predicted the Kennedy assassination, down to the detail of the single bullet theory, 450 years in advance, but never claimed that he could read minds.

        But don’t let some old man (me, not Nostra) limit your horizon. Go for it…

        I believe I can fly
        I believe I can touch the sky
        I think about it every night and day
        Spread my wings and fly away
        I believe I can soar
        I see me running through that open door
        I believe I can fly
        I believe I can fly
        I believe I can fly

        love,

        jtb

        Reply
        • Clueless says

          November 6, 2013 at 11:01 am

          I didn’t take it seriously, luv. 😉

          But I do harbor a distaste for rules.

          Reply
          • WB in OH says

            November 6, 2013 at 2:17 pm

            Didn’t Aquaman communicate with dolphins through a sort of mind reading technique? Just throwing it out there…

            Reply
    • Alex says

      November 6, 2013 at 5:42 pm

      THE Man said; “You can pick from the established super-powers, or make up some new ones. It’s all good.”

      Reply
  26. Craigbob says

    November 5, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    The power of flight? So no other male surf reporter read about invisible women earlier in that sentence and thought of that power in the “fight or flight” sense? Yeah, right.

    Reply
    • Alex says

      November 6, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      I opted for self-healing, I can try flight the hitch hikers guide way. =-)
      Come to think of it,self-healing would allow all sorts of adventures without consequence.

      Reply
      • Miss Q says

        November 8, 2013 at 11:32 am

        I’m liking it!

        Reply
  27. Putski says

    November 6, 2013 at 5:22 am

    Super power? The ability to make people shit their pants with a thought. So many people would need this. If I couldn’t have that, then making people piss their pants would be a nice second. There is a manager I would like to try that on right now…

    Reply
  28. Westersteve says

    November 6, 2013 at 7:36 am

    To be able to start and stop time at will is my choice. So many possibilities if you could just freeze everyone in their tracks.

    Reply
  29. T-STORM says

    November 6, 2013 at 10:31 am

    I like the idea of invisibility but I think there was an x-files or Friday the 13th the series that proved that might be a bad idea.

    Maybe the ability to detect sarcasm in a text?

    Reply
  30. John Smith says

    November 6, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I downloaded Firefox just last week and the default install came with a TON of virus detection apps that I had to remove. Shame on Firefox as one of the virus detection apps acted like a virus itself… it re-installed itself a couple of time.

    Open up your control panel, head to the uninstall software menu, and start a’scrubbin’.

    My super power would be theme music where ever I went. Imagine the office filling with Wagner right before you walked in, or some Al Green in the bedroom. Yeah, baby.

    Reply
  31. Bill in WV says

    November 6, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    If time travel is a super power, that’s what I’d like to have the ability to do. I’d love to go back and talk to my great and great-great grandparents from the 1800’s. Plus, I’d like to be able to move forward a few days and then make a shitload of heavy bets on football games.

    Reply
  32. David I. says

    November 7, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Check out comedian John Hodgman’s take on “flight or invisibility”. As the blurb reads:
    “John Hodgman conducts an informal survey in which he asks the age-old question: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility? He finds that how you answer tells a lot about what kind of person you are. And also, no matter which power people choose, they never use it to fight crime. (14 minutes)”
    Act One
    http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/178/superpowers

    Reply
    • chill says

      November 7, 2013 at 11:28 pm

      That was awesome! See also the one told from the supervillain’s perspective, and how he handles Superman. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/508/superpowers-2013?act=4
      .

      Reply
  33. Rachael Smith says

    November 18, 2013 at 6:35 am

    Jeff, I can not believe that no one told u to throw a packet of Liptons onion soup mix into the pot!! Where is this country headed? Onion soup mix and cream of mushroom soup r necessities in the Crockpot world. Is this like a west coast thing?

    Reply

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