The local library holds a book sale twice a year, and I wandered into it last time, not expecting much. I figured it would be hundreds of battered and musty hardbacks that hadn’t been checked-out since 1931, and mutilated volumes donated by bad-taste neighbors on a spring-cleaning jag.
But I was so very wrong. I didn’t have a lot of time to explore, but found eight or ten must-haves almost instantly. Including several Bill Bryson travel books… They all looked brand new, as perfect as anything on the shelves of Barnes & Noble, and cost $1 each.
I was rushed that day, but made a vow to do better next time. You know, since it was so shockingly kick-ass.
And next time was this past Saturday – a day I was required to work many hours of overtime. Grrr… I was going to miss it again. Why won’t the gods allow me to buy cut-rate books in bulk?! Is that so much to ask?
So I was bitching about it to Toney, and she told me she’d seen an ad somewhere that said “friends” of the library could shop on Friday evening, at some sort of VIP sneak preview, or whatever.
Friends of the library? The crap? I called them up, and they said I could donate as little as $5 annually, and that would allow me to shop on Friday night, between 6 and 8. Just stop by the library, the woman said, make a donation, and I was in.
I’d do it! I was supposed to get off work about 6 o’clock on Friday, and could probably be at the sale before 7. That would give me a full hour of treasure-hunting. Good stuff. If there’s one thing I like better than new books, it’s new books that cost almost nothing.
So I went to the library on Thursday, and the woman at the counter acted like I was wearing a necklace of turds. She asked, in an accusing tone, if I wanted to donate just so I could get into the book sale early.
“That’s right,” I said
“And you want to donate the minimum, I suppose?”
“Absolutely.”
I was handed some forms to fill-out, and when I was almost finished, my new friend informed me it was so late in the game I probably wouldn’t be allowed entrance. It would be better, she said, if I just paid at the sale itself.
I didn’t fully trust her, I thought she was trying to sabotage my operation, but I was finally convinced, and left.
On Friday I tore-ass home, choked down some dinner, and arrived at the sale at 6:50. There was another woman guarding the door, and she was much friendlier than the previous one. I filled-out their forms, paid the $5, and was allowed inside.
And it was table after table of books, loosely arranged in sections, with a price of $1 each! Oh, what a beautiful sight.
Five or six of my fellow VIPs were already shopping, and seemed to be in the kind of frenzy I was preparing to surrender myself to. Oh yeah. I knew I wanted to linger in the trade paperback section, because that’s where I’d hit the jackpot last time, so I did a quick tour of everything else first.
I looked at the fiction hard covers, the biography section, a few of the computer books for dotards, and eventually made my way to the main event.
And, as if on cue, one of the women behind the checkout counter hollered, “I’m sorry folks, it’s 7 o’clock. Closing time!”
Wha’?? I’d been told they were staying open until 8. Indeed, one of the other customers said he’d received an email from the library saying the hours were 6 to 8, and that’s what the newspaper ad said, as well.
“Well, I’m sorry. Those were mistakes. We’re closing right now, so please bring your purchases to the counter,” the woman said, without offering even the slightest bit of wiggle-room.
I couldn’t believe it. I hastily scanned my favorite section while the other guy checked-out, found a perfect copy of The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and that’s everything I left with. They practically shooed us out of there with brooms.
“We’ll re-open tomorrow at 9 am!” the woman yelled at our backs, as we grumbled toward our cars. Yeah, thanks for that. Very helpful.
So, I ended up paying six dollars for one book. Not horrible, I guess, but nothing like the act of literary gluttony I’d planned.
The entire exercise was nothing short of unsatisfactory.
I know this is today’s Further Evidence, but Marcia at drug-fueled orgies with Sammy Davis, Jr. (or whatever)? My brain can’t even process it… I’m getting flashes of her doing things, while Sammy’s glass eye swirls round and round in its housing. And I want it to stop.
On a more pleasant note, set yer DVR for October 21. PBS will be showing the British documentary about Mark Everett (from the Eels), and his search for information about his eccentric, deceased father.
I saw it at an Eels show in Philadelphia, but the sound was really muffled and terrible. So I’m looking forward to watching it again, for the very first time. If you know what I mean.
Check it out, it’s really good.
I was browsing at the beer store a few days ago, and they had a single case of Fuller’s London Pride. I think I drank more of those when I was in England, than anything else. Well, with the possible exception of Boddington’s…
So, I was pretty excited to find it. I’d previously bought a case of Fuller’s ESB from them, and it had been very tasty indeed. And London Pride is even better.
But when I asked the cashier the price, he ruined everything. 45 dollars! The ESB had been $36, and that had made my hands shake. No way in hell I’m paying 45 bucks for a case of beer.
I’m sorry, but the tipping point has been reached. I will not pay it. I mean, what am I, a complete asshole?
And finally, in one of the older Secrets’ classes they’re preparing to bury a time capsule… Students are supposed to bring in items they believe best illustrate the life and times of middle schoolers in 2008, and they’re going to bury it all on school grounds, with instructions for a future class to dig it up in fifty years.
Sounds pretty cool to me. One kid, I’m told, brought in a container of that horrible Axe body spray, and the teacher vetoed it. He was afraid it might explode, under extreme temperatures.
But it was a perfect choice, because most of those kids are doused in that crap, at all times. Whenever the Secret has a few of his friends over, I practically have to go out in the yard to breathe. I think they strap themselves into a harness, and have someone lower them into a holding tank of cheap, overpowering cologne. Blecch.
Anyway, that’s my question today: what would you put into a time capsule, to accurately illustrate your middle school/junior high years? I’d have to go with a few baseball cards, a Cincinnati Reds cap, a copy of National Lampoon, and a Penthouse, waterlogged after being hidden inside a tree stump for three years.
What about you? Use the comments link below, to help us build this most important historical document.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
wow
First, ever?
A Farrah poster, a Ford Pinto and a pair of platform shoes with burlap wrapped heals. It would have to be a big time capsule.
I don’t know about the time capsule, but I do know about the beer.
How much do you and Toney pay for a pint at Bennigan’s? Three dollars? Four? Five?
$45 is less than $2/pint!! What a deal!! No gas, travel and you can drink it in the comfort of your own home. And you don’t have to suffer the atmosphere of Bennigan’s. Or tip.
Get the Fuller’s.
5th???
Sometimes, you can find books at library book sales that are worth a lot of money.
One pair of Duane-Wayne sunglasses. The kind that were round and flipped up to have a regular pair of glasses underneath. And a pair of British Knights sneakers. Those were awesome! Oh, and a cassette of Guns ‘N’ Roses. Yeah…you guessed it…junior high in the 80’s.
Holy Crap – top ten? It’s been awhile!
#9 reporting
Time capsule:
Clackers
Toe Socks
Levi Elephant Bells
Down Jackets.
Puka shells
Ahhhhh the mid-to-late 70s. Will fashion ever be the same?
If you MUST answer my rhetorical question, the answer should be a resounding NO!
Jeez, I forgot Angel Flights and Dittos. What’s wrong with me?
Top 15. Oh well.
Cheech and Chong’s huge rolling paper. Jethro Tull Aqualung 8 track. Roach clip with a sharks tooth attached. Yep Jr. High stoner here.
Sam, were you from St Albans, WV?
Most everyone was a stoner in Jr High there.
a whole lot of those black rubber bracelets.
I loathe Axe – ick. It smells like rubbing alcohol.
Hmm… time capsule. Middle school was a hard age. Probably a tape of “Liquid Television” (that old MTV show that had the cool videos and weird cartoons), and a REM “Automatic for the People” CD. That is the best I can think of on short notice. I wasn’t up to anything nefarious yet at that age.
Love’s Baby Soft Perfume
Brut Cologne (all the boys drowned in it when I was in school)
jellies shoes
parachute pants
Gad, the eighties were ugly. I still can’t smell Love’s Baby Soft without instantly becoming 14 again.
Boones Farm Wine
a Goody comb
a whole lotta hair gel and eyeliner
Phil Collins and Michael Jackson cassettes with a walkman
leg warmers
frogger, pac-man, centipede, and asteroids games
and… a rubiks cube
I checked out the comments about the Marcia Brady book, and one of the commenter’s came up with what I thought would be a great T-Shirt idea:
“Man, where was I when Marcia was sucking dick for coke?”
PS – Hate that Axe cologne as well. Hate most men’s cologne for that matter. Do women really like the smell of thick, wretched industrial waste? A lot of guys who wear cologne don’t seem to know the concept of “apply conservatively”, as they seem to bathe in the crap. Wouldn’t it be better to just take a shower and not smell funky?
Early 90s middle schoolers would have included such fine items as:
– A copy of Metallica’s black album on CD.
– A slap bracelet.
– A can of Crystal Pepsi.
– A Mortal Kombat Arcade game.
– A Sega Genesis or Super Nintendo.
– The list could go on a long time.
BTW, I agree with ashton, get the beer, it’s still cheaper than your local bar.
Nope Beaver County Pa. circa 1972.
I think I’d toss in some fluorescent colored or acid washed clothing, a slinky, a rubics cube, an Alf doll, a package of “big League Chew” gum, a hacky sack ball, and a copy of that filthy porn book that Madonna did.
A pair of earth shoes
One of those 3-D shirts that the Fields twin brothers
wore every other day. One wore it Monday/Wed/Friday, the other wore it Tues/Thurs, then they’d switch up the next week.
The turd Rocky deposited in Mr. P’s file cabinet, along with the chalk eraser he wiped his ass with.
Mrs. Lynch’s dentures.
jr high when i went?
1992… sega genesis, perl jam and nirvan tapes, bevis and butthead, pepsi clear, mad magazine, teenage mutant ninja turtles, xmen comics and some star trek tng videos.
if it was jr high TODAY…..
i’m guessing ipods, wii and the jonas brothers, but i’m outta touch.
I love, Love, LOVE the book sale at the library. Most of the time I am shopping my own books that I donated after buying and reading. I quit keeping all but my favorites a long time ago or my house would be nothing but books and kids toys with nothing but little trails from the toilet to the nest of available space in the bedroom. Really though I do love a bargin hardback book.
My time capsule from my Jr. High days would be a Wadded pack of Marlboros, a flyer for an All Night Skate, Rave Hair spray and Black Wet and Wild eyeliner, a bottle of Grape Mad Dog 20/20, Coty Wild Musk perfume, Some Z Cavaricci Jeans and a Turtleneck with a cross necklace. and a Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill Cassette Tape.
Can anyone tell me what they think of the Budweiser American Ale?? I don’t wanna buy any without getting some opinions.
Budweiser’s Ale is not bad at all. It’s nothing exceptional, but I think that was just what they were aiming for. If nothing else in the beer cooler is crying out to me, I’ll go for it just because it’s a dollar or so cheaper.
Our middle school time capsule would have to have OP corduroy shorts and long sleeve surf shop shirts, along with something containing Mt. St. Helens ash.
Jeff, face it you want great beer at Budweiser (Butt Wiper) prices. I can’t even get oil cans of Fosters (My favorite) at $2.00 a pint outside of Australia. Dogberryjr – the man who thinks Buttwiper is a good beer has never left his mothers house.
P.S. – Budweiser proceeds go to fund the McCain for President Campaign
platform sandals, earth shoes, puka beads, david bowie, elton john, peter frampton, and rod stewart, carpenter jeans….all circa 1974-76
BUY THE BEER. Do the the math like Ashton. I know it sucks to pay it all at once, but he’s right.
Time Capsule:
We don’t have “middle school” where I live. Elementary school goes to grade 8 and high school takes over in grade 9, but I guess it covers grade 6, 7 and 8? If so, my time capsule would include:
-Hockey Cards including Wayne Gretzky’s rookie card (which I still have)
-Star Wars/Empire SB cards, posters, and other assorted crap
-Music: Clash-London Calling, J. Giles Band-Freeze Frame, The Who-Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy
-A large collection of “Adult Magazines” painstakingly acquired by a variety of illegal sources and hidden in plain sight in my room (remained undiscovered by adults for many years)
-Colt 45: my first beer without parental permission. Possibly the worst beverage ever invented.
-A 12 gauge over/under shotgun won at a Ducks Unlimited shooting competition.
The Road- Despite Oprah’s endorsement I loved this book. I’m looking forward to the movie as well, but I have low expectations since it missed the festival circuit and has a November release. Kinda makes me think it sucks and they know it.
puka beads?
Surprised not already on the list:
Jr. Stuff:
Members Only Jacket
Vans – the first ones
Parachute Pants
Sims Skateboard
U2 War Album
Ah – good times
I’d post my list but it disappears after I submit. Jeff must be mad at my McCain comment.
Gigantic green comb to go in the pocket of 5-pocket fine-wale bellbottom cords.
Indian cotton shirt.
Fricking HUGE sanitary pads, no wings. Plus elastic belt.
A a gallon of shame at being alive.
Also – some filched cigarettes. I wasn’t all good.
There is nothing I want to rmember about Middle school. That was 4 years of unpleasantness I could do without. I shudder just thinking about it.
Tyrosine, thanks for agreeing that generally if it’s on Oprahs list it probably sucks.
GNDtn- For the record I have started on the Wally Lamb book. The first two chapters have been loads of fun.
shaker knit sweater in peach
two pairs of socks (to be worn at the same time)
eye makeup pallet
zinc pink lipstick
dead kennedys tape
Shiny Rod– Carla was asking about Budweiser’s new ALE offering, not regular old Bud.
For the time capsule: A copy of “Truly Tasteless Jokes”, some lace fingerless gloves, and a cassette tape of “Purple Rain”
Huey Lewis and the News’ Sports album nestled in with Def Leppard’s High n’ Dry and some parachute pants with extra zippers. Those were confusing times. The pants made funny swishing sounds when people’s thighs rubbed together while walking.
In 8th grade we buried a time capsule at our grade school (Marietta, OH) and it was initially going to be for 1,000 years.
I politely suggested that 1,000 years is stupid and the school won’t be there then. I suggested 50 to 100 which is more reasonable.
1,000 year…the world’s ending in 2012 anyway.
Time capsule Middle School:
pair of yellow tinted granny classes
Monkees Album
Beatles lunchbox
pair of white go-go boots
Glasses, not classes.
Time capsule:
– Sunday New York Times
– Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue
– “Dark Side Of The Moon” CD
– “No Country For Old Men” DVD
Today’s quote (especially apt just now)…
“When fascist totalitarianism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross.” Sinclair Lewis
EZ-widers rolling papers, Foghat LP, Wet playboy that had been in a tree trunk for three years.
You will love “The Road”.
add Tiff’s list to my list.:-)
The Road may not have been a library sale bargain, but worth the $6 bucks
A Time Capsule should always include a full newspaper.
Ads and all.
This is one of the cool things I do for my children. Every year on their birthday I buy a newspaper for the day. Some of our local bookstores carry New York Times. The Guardian… all kinds of international publications.
I tend to get a local and an obscure.
They prob won’t appreciate them until they are 30.
STL Seattle and lucas hit the nail on the head. Pearl Jam “Ten”, the black album, nevermind… I think I’m getting teary eyed.
That’s back when Beavis and Butthead were cutting-edge and hardcore, before those paper-cutout little punks came along with their foul mouths and catchy theme song… I remember being home sick from school one day and watching a south park marathon where they played every single episode. I think there were 8, or maybe 6. Badass.
Ren and Stimpy? A classic.
I wish my memory didn’t suck so bad, but I think high school took care of that.
I wish I would have discovered MD 20/20 in middle school. Wait, no, actually I’m glad I didn’t.
I was just in London, and Fuller’s London Pride was excellent.
But Jeff, I’m with you on not paying $45 for a case of beer. Sure the math works, it is less than $2 a beer, but I certainly couldn’t do it. Not a chance in hell I’m handing over a $50 for any case of beer and getting a couple bucks back, the thought makes me feel a bit ill. You made the right choice my friend.
I’ll stick with the $12 30-packs of Milwaukee’s Best, or Keystone, or whatever else Rite Aid decided to put on sale this week.