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My Weekends Are Conspiring Against Me!

June 14, 2011 By Jeff 161 Comments

I’ve had better weekends.  The “visitors” arrived on Thursday evening, which I’ll write about elsewhere, and on the very same day… all my websites were hacked.  All of ‘em.  And ain’t that a kick to the luggage?

I started receiving emails on Thursday afternoon, from people saying they were being redirected to a Russian porn site, while trying to access TheWVSR.  I checked it out, and didn’t see a problem.  But the messages continued to pour in, and folks were telling me it only happens when they try to reach the site through a link – like a Google search, or via a post at Facebook or Twitter.

I went to my Twitter page, clicked on a ‘New at TheWVSR’ update, and my computer was instantly thrown into crisis.  All sorts of windows opened, something started downloading, I began frantically clicking Xs, and more shit began opening-up…  Dammit!!

I finally got it all stopped, and ran two system scans:  antivirus and anti-spyware.  The antivirus program found and removed two “critical” and “malicious” files.  Grrrr…

Since this was obviously happening to others, I felt confident I didn’t have a redirect virus on my computer; it wasn’t just limited to me.  I wondered about Mockable, which is housed on the same server.  And that turned out to be a tactical error…  I foolishly did a Google search, and was redirected again – to the same Russian cul-de-sac of pornography and bad times.  Another pair of system scans quarantined six(!) critical and malicious files.

This is all of my websites, I realized.  All five of ’em.  It’s not just a Surf Report problem, it’s apparently a full-blown server hack.  So, I opened a support ticket with my hosting company, and heard nothing.  I’m not the most patient person in the world, and considered calling them.  But experience told me it’s better to just wait it out.  Maybe they were investigating the problem, and fixing it?  Ha! I was so young and naïve back then (on Thursday).

I heard nothing throughout the evening, and emails from readers continued to arrive.  As you can probably imagine, my eyes were bugging out, and I was running my right hand through my hair.  The “visitors” were working their unique brand of magic upstairs, as my entire secret world crumbled around me.

The next morning I had two emails from my host, but they weren’t helpful.  They were blaming it all on a local redirect virus.  I fired off a reply, and knew it would be hours before I heard anything further.

I went back to the Surf Report site, to see if you guys were talking about it in the comments – and it was down!  Completely down.  There was a FATAL ERROR message where the homepage should’ve been!!  What in the log-rollin’ hell??  I had visions of a server farm in Atlanta, engulfed in flames – huge black clouds rising at a 45-degree angle.

At that point I flipped out a little, and began peppering my hosting company with frantic emails.  I also sent a message to a guy in Canada who has helped me with website problems in the past.  He knows his stuff, but I try not to bother him with every little thing.  This one qualified, though.

The hosting company began regenerating a back-up from the previous day, which took care of the FATAL ERROR problem.  But they still insinuated that the redirect problem wasn’t their issue.  I wanted to rant and rave about all this, but had to keep it bottled-up.  You know, because of Nancy and the gang…  And do you know how frustrating it is to hold back a powerful, white-hot rant?

My Canadian friend went into the Surf Report files, and located a hunk of foreign redirect code, and shitcanned it.  He told me it was definitely malicious, but could only guess how it might have been injected into my world.  This is the second time something like this has happened, during the past year or so.  Are those servers secure enough?  It’s a damn good question.

The next morning he went into Mockable, FurtherEvidence, CrossroadsRoad, and Suggestaholic, and removed the exact same cancer cells.  Five different sites, with five different username/password combos… all with the exact same hack.  Bastards!

You guys don’t need to know every tiny detail of this fiasco, I don’t want to become like Lenny Bruce during the last few months when he just went on stage and read transcripts from his court appearances.  But the sites were completely cleaned up – with minimal help from my host, I might add – and the next morning it RETURNED!  Someone or something got into the code again, between 3 and 4 a.m., and replaced the crap that was removed.

And the top of my head nearly opened-up, like one of those flip-top trash cans with a foot pedal.

By this time Google had had enough, and listed Mockable as an “attack site.”  It’s completely blocked in Firefox, IE, and other browsers. I’m going to have to jump through twenty burning hoops to get them to reconsider the classification.  Adsense is threatening to close my account, because they think I’m peddling commie porn and computer viruses.  It’s a freaking mess!

My Canadian friend removed the redirect code again, and so far, so good.  I held my breath when I got up this morning, and checked all five sites.  Everything looks OK.  But it wouldn’t surprise me if it returns.

I haven’t been able to think straight during this whole ordeal.  An entire weekend lost…  And it’s still not resolved; I’ve got plenty of leftover problems remaining.  And Mockable is at the top of the list.

I’m going to work my normal schedule this week, then Nancy and her brood will return (like bad code) on Wednesday evening.  We’re going to Knoebels on Thursday — which will be interesting — and I’m going to work overtime on Friday and Saturday nights.  So, you see, my whole life is upside-down.  I’m working for the weekend, but the weekends are conspiring against me.

What are your current complaints?  Since I’m a-bitching, it only seems right that you guys should be encouraged to do it too.  Use the comments section to let it all out… Tell us about the stuff that’s pissing you off on this gloomy Tuesday.

And I’ll try not to be quite so… Gothic tomorrow.

See you guys then.

Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Nook: just $2.99!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. clintcurtis says

    June 15, 2011 at 7:53 am

    Hey, if I wouldn’t have been redirected from the Russian porn site, I never would have discovered this website and paid $20 for the autographed copy of Crossroads Road!

    Reply
  2. fryguy says

    June 15, 2011 at 8:20 am

    people that write malware and viruses should be hunted down and shot on site!

    Reply
  3. Root 66 says

    June 15, 2011 at 9:03 am

    North by North Weiner

    Bedknobs and Weiners

    The Weiner Mutiny

    The Long, Long Weiner

    Seven Brides for Seven Weiners

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      June 15, 2011 at 9:18 am

      The Longest Weiner

      Reply
  4. Root 66 says

    June 15, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Could we delve into TV Show titles too?

    Welcome Back Weiner
    Gilligan’s Weiner
    I Dream of Weiner
    Hill Street Weiner

    I have been laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks at the previous entries! Having too much fun here…

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      June 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      CSI: Weiner
      Weiner 54, Where Are You?
      Weiner City
      Who’s the Weiner
      Masterpiece Weiner
      Oz

      okay I’ll stop

      Reply
    • CADude says

      June 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

      Weiner Exposure
      CSI: Weiner

      Reply
  5. clintcurtis says

    June 15, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Jeff, every cloud has its silver lining. Next time my wife thinks she has busted me for downloading porn, I’ll blame it on you! lol!

    Reply
    • clintcurtis says

      June 15, 2011 at 10:18 am

      BTW…commie pron and computer viruses. My neighbor has a dog named “Eisenhower” if ya need any help. 🙂

      Reply
      • T. Farty McAppleass says

        June 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

        Every cloud has a silver lining, and that silver lining is mercury! We’re all gonna die!

        Reply
  6. dto says

    June 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I just checked the Bunker Cam. Maybe it was Jonhson who kicked Kruschev in the balls. Seems more like it.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      June 15, 2011 at 11:50 am

      I think what actually happened was that Kennedy kicked Khrushchev in the Johnson. Then Khruschev pulled out of Cuba and Kennedy pulled his long missiles out of Turkey. I could have part of that wrong.

      jtb

      Reply
      • dto says

        June 15, 2011 at 12:00 pm

        A fellow fan of histroy I know you have always been. Thanks!

        Reply
        • Chuck in Belpre says

          June 16, 2011 at 10:19 am

          Speaking like Yoda you will.
          🙂

          Reply
  7. WB in OH says

    June 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Dude, where’s my weiner: The John and Lorena Bobbit story.

    Reply
  8. doctorright says

    June 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Zorro, the Gay Weiner.
    Or is it Weiner, the Gay Blade?
    I’m not fully comfortable with either, really. And I’m not comfortable with George Hamilton at all.

    Reply
  9. Phantom Railfan says

    June 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    “This Weiner For Hire.”
    “Weiner From The Black Lagoon.”
    “The Weiners of Navarone.”
    “The Maltese Weiner.”
    “The Weiner of the Sierra Madre.”

    Reply
    • Root 66 says

      June 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

      Famous line Weiner of Sierra Madre–“We don’t need no stinkin’ weiners!”

      Reply
      • Phantom Railfan says

        June 15, 2011 at 9:21 pm

        Another line, same movie: “Could you help a fellow weiner who’s down on his luck?”

        Reply
  10. TX Dave says

    June 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Clint Weinerwood Festival:

    The Good, The Bad and the Weiner.
    A Fistful of Weiners
    For a Few Weiners More
    Pale Weiner
    Dirty Weiner
    Magnum Weiner Force
    Play Weiner For Me
    The Weiner Sanction
    Gran Weiner
    The Weiners of Madison County
    The Outlaw Josey Weiner
    Heartbreak Weiner
    The Unforgiven Weiner
    Million Dollar Weiner
    Weiner From Alcatraz
    High Plains Weiner
    Absolute Weiner
    Weiner Impact
    White Weiner Black Heart
    Honkytonk Weiner
    Two Weiners for Sister Sara

    My apologies for any duplications.

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      June 15, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      This dude named Rod from my scrimshaw class had a bit part in “Dirty Weiner.”

      Reply
    • Root 66 says

      June 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

      Don’t forget the other Eastwood movies:

      Every Which Way But Weiner
      and
      Any Which Weiner You Can

      Reply
      • alienjeff says

        June 15, 2011 at 4:47 pm

        “…the world’s most powerful weiner…”

        “Go ahead, punk. Make. My. Weiner.”

        Reply
        • madz1962 says

          June 16, 2011 at 9:40 am

          “Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, Winer?”

          Reply
  11. Gretchen says

    June 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    The Weiner Strikes Back
    The Dark Weiner
    Weinerspotting
    Weinerferatu
    On Weiner Pond
    The Weiner Club
    Trains, Planes, and Weiners
    The Weiner Who Knew Too Much
    O Weiner, Where Art Thou?

    I gotta stop now. My apologies to anyone who already said any of these.

    Reply
  12. icecycle66 says

    June 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Pulp Weiner
    Teenage Weiner Ninja Turtles
    The 13th Weiner
    Dr. Strangeweiner, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Weiner
    3000 Miles to Weiner
    Animal Weiner
    Back to the Weiner (1, 2, and 3)
    Braveweiner
    The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Weiner Dimension
    Plan Weiner from Outer Space
    Star Trek: First Weiner
    The Weiner Guy
    A Clockwork Weiner
    The Weiner Game
    Deuce Bigalow: Male Weiner (Yeah I actually own a copy of Duce Bigalow)
    Weiner of 1000 Corpses
    The Devil’s Weiner
    Final Fantasy VII: Advent Weiner
    Gangs of New Weiner
    The Greatest Weiner Ever Played
    Raiders of the Lost Weiner
    The Weiner

    Eh…I could do this all day.

    Reply
  13. dto says

    June 15, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    This stuff is ten times better than Russian Porn…IMHO

    Reply
  14. doctorright says

    June 15, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Wet Hot American Vagina
    The Man With Two Vaginas
    The Vagina Who Loved Me
    A Vagina in Brooklyn
    Tender Vaginas
    The Bourne Vagina
    The Deer Vagina
    Harry and the Vaginas
    Vagina Hard with a Vengeance
    The Princess Vagina

    Should I have gone with “vag?”
    i am this many year old (holding up 5 fingers)

    Reply
    • dto says

      June 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm

      Who the fuck is Rep. Vagina?

      Reply
      • doctorright says

        June 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm

        She is Patrice “Big Pussy” Bordallo Vagina, Guam’s non-voting rep in the House.

        She can sit on committees.

        Reply
  15. CADude says

    June 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Not one mention of Apocalypse Weiner?

    Reply
  16. johnthebasket says

    June 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    For those who love the blues, love the harp, and love Big Mama…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsG4RwBwBeA&feature=related

    Ouch, that’s hot…

    jtb

    Reply
  17. uncle_wedgie says

    June 15, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    The dolphin in further evidence must smell fish.

    Reply
  18. Ed says

    June 15, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    You can also modify porn titles:

    Deep Weiner

    Beyond the Green Weiner

    Reply
  19. Brittney says

    June 16, 2011 at 8:31 am

    I’ve never been to a Russian porn site, but I would imagine it would be very hairy.

    Reply
  20. Kevindust says

    June 16, 2011 at 10:55 am

    The Usual Weiner
    “What the cops never figured out, and what I know now, was that these weiners would never break, never lie down, never bend over for anybody. Anybody.”

    “Tell me agent Kujan, how do you shoot the devil in the weiner? What if you miss?”

    “You think you can catch him? You think a weiner like that comes this close to getting caught and sticks his head out?”

    “The greatest trick the Weiner ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that, poof. He’s gone.”

    The Weiner Identity
    The Weiner Supremacy
    The Weiner Ultimatum

    Harry Weiner and the Sorcerer’s Vagina
    Harry Weiner and the Vagina of Secrets
    Harry Weiner and the Prisoner of Vagina
    Harry Weiner and the Vagina of Fire
    Harry Weiner and the Order of the Vagina
    Harry Weiner and the Vagina-Blood Prince
    Harry Weiner and the Deathly Vaginas

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      June 16, 2011 at 1:11 pm

      Heh.
      That ties things up rather nicely.

      Reply
  21. Seanette says

    June 16, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    OK, I’m a little late. POed at my husband because of his mother. She’s the ultra-materialistic type who believes human worth is directly measured in dollar signs, and considers me a worthless waste of space for preferring to be a homemaker. The fact that my husband and I know from experience that our life runs a lot better if I’m home at least part-time, she ignores. The ONLY use for one’s time and energy that she deems acceptable is chasing the almighty dollar, forget time for one’s marriage, spiritual life, keeping the home from turning into a health hazard, sleep, etc.

    I started a part-time job a few months ago, and told my husband I did NOT want him to tell Mommy about it (side note: my husband is 48, I’m 41), since I didn’t care to deal with her commentary. So guess who blabbered off to Mommy? Result: a letter that included some snide commentary about how NOW my life has value if I’m out of my home and bringing in a paycheck. AGH!

    Let’s just say domestic relations over here are going to be a bit frosty for a while. If he chooses to put Mommy ahead of his wife, so be it, but respect and trust are in sorry shape, and I’m sure not feeling amorously inclined toward a man who has yet to cut the umbilical sufficiently to respect his wife’s preferences regarding discussion of HER business.

    Reply
    • alienjeff says

      June 16, 2011 at 6:25 pm

      And you’re telling us all of this and not your husband? What’s hubby’s email addy so someone can send him this link. That way he’ll only be left in the cold, but not the dark.

      Reply
      • Seanette says

        June 16, 2011 at 6:27 pm

        He’s at work right now, but got a text message alerting him that I am very displeased with him and why. I also CCed him on an e-mail sent to his mother explaining my opinion of her letter. By the time he checks his e-mail this evening, he’ll be very clear on this subject, if he chooses to. He might just decide I’m an unreasonable bitch and probably PMSing (OK, I am PMSing right now, so he’d be half-right).

        Reply
  22. t-storm says

    June 16, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I’m glad I don’t have in-laws.

    The girlfriend’s mom is a bit of a deadbeat. Her grandmother talks behind your back.

    My mom is a real piece of work when it comes to my brother’s wife, but her parents are even worse and I think it’s rubbing off on my brother.
    They are the type of people who spend more time and effort trying to work the system than actually getting a job.

    Reply
    • Seanette says

      June 16, 2011 at 6:25 pm

      I’m sad to say I have relatives of the “work the system” type myself, including ones who consider working for a living “stupid”. I’m kind of the white sheep of the family (no criminal record, no alcohol/drug issues, not on welfare, still on first marriage, etc.).

      Reply
  23. renn says

    June 16, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Chrome is still blocking you; I had to sneak in via IE. The link on Chrome is still blaming Mockable, by the way…

    Reply
  24. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    June 20, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Das Weiner

    Reply
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