Here at Surf Report World Headquarters there are seven DVDs that must be enjoyed every Christmas season, lest we run the risk of tearing a hole in the time/space continuum. Or whatever.
Five we watch as a family, one Toney and I enjoy together, and the last I do solo. And here they are, The Essentials:
A Charlie Brown Christmas I’ve been watching this all my life, literally, and there’s something very calming and reassuring about it. Compared to current shows on Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network, it feels exceedingly gentle and quiet. Almost like those Nick Jr. programs produced in Canada, featuring bears wearing vests.
However, there’s a deceptive edge to it. Many of the kids, you’ll notice, have a mean streak. They’re not very nice to one another, and are shockingly cruel to Charlie Brown in particular. That poor round-faced bastard gets shit upon, time and again.
The story is good, the tone is unusual and perfect, and the music is great. If I’m having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit, I pour myself a couple fingers of Makers Mark, and put on this DVD. A short time later: mood officially adjusted.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer More Christmas comfort food from my childhood… This is the best of the slightly-freaky Rankin-Bass claymation holiday productions, and an annual must-watch.
The first half of the show is better than the second. I like the scene with the exasperated gym teacher-like flying instructor, who has no regard whatsoever for the state of Rudolph’s self-esteem. And then there’s Hermie(?!), the slightly effeminate elf who under-performs at Santa’s toy-making sweatshop, because he secretly longs to be a dentist. WTF?
Also, you’ve gotta love the grandfatherly and obese snowman, voiced by Burl Ives, who glides around and sings iconic Christmas songs throughout.
When Rudolph and Hermie go on their road trip of self-discovery, I lose interest somewhat. But it’s still kinda fun, especially when they encounter the Abominable Snowman, who is also slightly effeminate.
Similar to Charlie Brown, Rudolph is treated like crap by his peers. Until, of course, they figure out a way to exploit him for self-gain.
Merry Christmas!
A Christmas Story I was one of seven or eight people who actually saw this movie as a new release, in a theater. I remember checking it out because Siskel & Ebert praised it from the balcony.
But it didn’t become a proper holiday classic until years later, after it was released on video and Ted Turner started playing it into the ground on TBS.
And a classic it is.
Co-written and narrated by the late, great Jean Shepherd, it features one unforgettable segment after another. Flick’s tongue stuck to a metal pole, Ralphie a-cussin’ and a-sluggin’ the evil bully Scut Farkus, the leg lamp, the Red Ryder BB gun, the freaky department store Santa…
I’ve since become a fan of Shepherd’s old radio show, and heard him tell many of the stories that ended up in the movie, on recordings that date as far back as the early 1960s. For years he urged his listeners to cover New York City with graffiti that read, “FLICK LIVES!”
A Christmas Story will end up being Jean Shepherd’s legacy, proof that he actually walked around on Earth for a while. And unlike, say, Randy Newman’s “Short People,” it’s not such a bad deal.
‘Cause it’s a great movie, and an enduring holiday classic.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation For years I resisted this one, because it’s Sunshine’s favorite. Do you ever do that? Force yourself not to like something, for fear of being lumped-in with a person you don’t want to be lumped-in with?
I do. But over the past couple of years we’ve bitten the towel, and watched Christmas Vacation, anyway. And I consider it an error corrected.
It’s big goofy fun, with plenty of memorable moments. I like the scene in which Chevy/Clark is trying to read a magazine in bed, with Christmas tree sap all over his hands. And his expressions while eating the emaciated over-cooked turkey make me laugh every time.
And then there’s Cousin Eddie…
Christmas Vacation is not a great movie, but it’s a good time. And what’s wrong with that? Nothing, I say.
Due to a decade-long Sunshine-fueled boycott, this is a relatively new addition to The Essentials list. And it gets better with every viewing.
Elf This one doesn’t get much love, for some reason. I think it has a lot to do with Will Ferrell’s portrayal of the man-child lead character. I can see how it might be irritating to some folks…
Not me, however. I find the whole thing hilarious. In fact, I think he should’ve won an Academy Award for the role. Let me check Google for who actually took it in 2003… Sean Penn in Mystic River?! Please. Didn’t he just sit on a porch and cry during that film? Elf kicks that turd’s ass.
Anyway, the whole family watches it every year, and has a great time with it. You can file a lawsuit if you’d like… I find it to be genuinely clever, and funny. It reminds me of one of my other favorites, Cabin Boy. Which doesn’t get much love, either.
A few years ago my parents visited at Christmastime, and the boys talked them into watching Elf. When it was over both my Mom and Dad had looks of utter confusion on their faces. And my mother said, “How in the world did someone even think-up such a thing?”
Heh. My sentiments exactly.
Black Christmas This is the one I watch by myself, because it’s an R-rated horror film, and Toney has no interest.
I first saw it during the early days of HBO, under the title Stranger in the House. And it frightened me so bad there might’ve been some light spotting. For years I considered it to be the scariest movie I’d ever seen.
It takes place in a sorority house, a few days before Christmas. The girls start receiving bizarre (and I mean bizarre) phone calls from someone unknown, then begin disappearing, one by one.
The movie corresponds to standard slasher-film formulas, but was made years before Friday the 13th, etc., and is much, much better.
I have a DVD copy squirreled away, and break it out every December. And while it’s not quite as scary as it seemed in 1976, it still makes me pull the blankets up a little higher in bed.
Someone did a remake a couple years ago, but I haven’t seen it. I hear it sucks, and have no interest in bringing bad vibes to the Black Christmas experience, thank you very much.
The Homecoming Some folks accuse me of being ironic when I sing the praises of this film. But that simply ain’t the case. It’s my favorite Christmas DVD by far, and I couldn’t be more sincere.
The movie takes place during the Great Depression, way out in rural Virginia somewhere, on a plot of land known as Walton’s Mountain. A big family lives there: the parents, the grandparents, and a metric shitload of children.
The father is working out of town, and is due back for Christmas. But he’s running late, and a radio news report of an overturned bus — with fatalities — has everyone on edge.
The film works on many levels. It’s not only a better-than-average made-for-TV movie (the basis for The Waltons series), with a feel-good ending that never fails to put a lump in my cynical throat. But it’s also filled with some of the best lines of dialogue in cinematic history.
In fact, I don’t think a week has gone by, in a couple of decades, when something hasn’t caused me to crank off a quote from The Homecoming. Just ask my long-suffering wife…
Patricia Neal’s portrayal of the (slightly crazy?) mother is classic, and the almost-psychedelic scene in which John-Boy is driving Charlie Snead’s car to find his father, is mind-blowing.
“Shoot the turkey, John-Boy! Shoot him!!”
“I cain’t, daddy. I want to be just like you daddy, but I hate huntin’…”
Every scene is memorable, almost every line a keeper. I’ve probably seen it thirty times by now, and shout dialogue at the screen, like a nerd at The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
The Homecoming is a cult classic, without a proper cult. For years it was impossible to find, and I thought about buying a fire safe for my prized VHS copy. But now it’s readily available on DVD, and I have two copies.
You know, just in case.
So, where did I go wrong? What did I leave off the list? What are your Essentials? Set me straight in the comments.
And this was originally going to be a Suggestaholic post, but it turned out to be a lot longer than planned. So I’m posting it here. What of it?
Before I go, here’s something worth revisiting. You know, since we’re talking holiday cheer…
Have a great weekend, my friends.
I’ll see ya next time.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2nd!
Tres
“Scrooge” – with Albert Finney!
TOP FIVE!!! Happy Friday!
Alright…first off, Christmas Vacation is NOT just good, it is freakin’ GREAT and it is my must watch. It also allows me the one opportunity every year to proclaim that “I’m going to go Clark Griswald on these damn Christmas lights!” I live for the moment!
Another one that I’m going to have to add to the list is The Family Stone. I find that one hilarious on so many levels…SJP’s character is the perfect slice of neurotic to add to an already somewhat dysfunctional family…well, really a normal American family with their usual idiosyncrasies. Priceless and a must watch if you haven’t seen it.
I’m a “Nightmare Before Christmas” fan, myself. Tim Burton and Danny Elfman twist the holidays like no one else.
Elf, and Jack Frost
We have a slew of favorites here at la Casa. There’s Christmas Vacation, The Nightmare Before Christmas, A Christmas Story, Rudolph, Frosty…
We even have THANKSGIVING favorites: Home for the Holidays and Dutch. I love some Ed O’Neil, y’all.
I am also a closet fan of Bad Santa. It was horrible, wrong, politically incorrect and tear-screaming hysterical all in one. I know. There’s probably something wrong with me.
One of my favorite Christmas movies is “The Gathering” with Ed Asner. 1977. He is divorced, and dying and wants to get the kid home one last time. Tear-jerker. Not on netflix, I think you’d have to catch it on AMC or some
oh, and I love Scrooged with Bill Murray also.
Nightmare Before Christmas
A Christmas Story
It’s a Wonderful Life
and of corse… The Year With out a Santa Claus (I LOVE heat miser and snow miser)
“A Christmas Story” Can’t wrap presents Christmas Eve without it.
I’ll watch Christmas Vacation at least 4 times over the holidays. Broke it out for the first time on Tuesday.
I’ll second the vote for Family Stone. I absolutely love that movie! I’ll stop down for all the Rankin Bass shows every year, as well. I’ve been watching those for as long as I can remember.
one comment regarding Rudolph….
this has always creeped me out a bit, but the one character , Yukon Cornelius and his constant fetish of sticking his tongue upon the ice pick? The hell?
And the sound made is that of my dog licking the “lipstick”… freakin’ grosses me out (full bodied piss shivers, too!)
ummm, second on ‘A Christmas Story’. C’mon – it’s classic Shep? Who cares if TBS rams it down our throats every year – that doesn’t make it any less funny.
“Sonsabitchesbumpuses!!!”
I rest my case.
Dr. B
seriously… just listen to it…..
http://tinyurl.com/5sa9ah
I completely spaced on A Christmas Story. It should be on the list… I might add it.
Elf and Bad(der) Santa (which is the DVD version).
ur top 4 are definitely keepers. and i’m sorry that we BOTH have to be lumped into the group with Sunshine, but i’m glad that you found the magic that is Christmas Vacation. the fact that so much can go wrong without even leaving the house just makes it that much funnier.
now…the other 2…i’ll admit i don’t know much about. yes, i’m as country as country can get, but i never have been a fan of the Waltons so…it may very well be great. what to replace them with…?? that would be a tough one cuz i have so many Christmas movies/specials that i must watch that to pick just a top 6…i don’t know that i can do it.
Christmas Vacation definitely…Charlie Brown, a must…Rudolph, another must…A Christmas Carol, with Reginald Owens, the best version…Scrooged with Bill Murray…and the half hour cartoon T’was the Night Before Christmas. that one has always had a special place.
i also love The Year Without a Santa Clause, but mainly because of the Miser Brothers. after i know they won’t be around anymore, i lose interest.
“Shitter’s full, Merry Christmas!” Cousin Eddie gets me every time.
“Merry Christmas…. shitter’s full!”
May even beat out Clark’s rant as best line in the movie.
A Friday Surf Report update is even better than finding those escaped french fries at the bottom of the bag.
definately christmas vacation – every year my dad just waits for the cat electrocution.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like kidnapping your boss at gun point and a turkey that farts.
FRA ra ra ra ra ra ra RA RA!
My All time favorite is
Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas
I was born in 1976, but I watched this every very with Frosty & Rudolph.
Jeeze, I meant to say every year.
“SON’S A BITCHES…..BUMPUSES !!!”
A Christmas Story – I noticed that they’re selling “red rider” bb guns at Walmarts and it even has a quote on the box, “you’ll shoot your eye out!”
My mother loves Christmas Vacation and almost pisses herself when she watches it. For years I tried to buy the tape for her but couldn’t find it. I finally found one and also found the soundtrack (which is shockingly rare and expensive) and she watches it several times a year now.
One Christmas movie that I find overrated and unwatchable is It’s a Wonderful Life.
Several parodies of Christmas favorites can be found here:
http://mostoffensivevideo.com/
But be warned! Most of them are shockingly offensive, especially the new one at the top entitled “Fanta Claus”
no christmas must sees, but I do watch Let It Ride every year around Kentucky Derby season. Richard Dreyfuss and LEAD FREAKIN SINGER OF THE NEW YORK DOLLS, bettin’ horses in miami. I have a metric shit-ton of love for that film. That is my only seasonal.
“I got the horse right here, his name is Paul Revere, and there’s a guy that says if the weather’s clear, can do.”
TS
Tadpolegal
It’s a Wonderful Life
THIS!?
I’ve corrected the terrible, terrible oversight…
Count me in the Christmas Vacation fan club – it’s a classic:
“Him’s nervous ’cause he don’t think Santa’s bringin nothin.”
“How nervous?”
“Shittin bricks.”
“You shouldn’t use that word.”
“Sorry, … shittin rocks.”
You gotta love that!
I also like Elf and Scrooged and Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without the obligatory watching of It’s a Wonderful Life. That’s the one movie that we only watch at this time of year.
Happy Holidays Surfers!
“The Year Without A Santa Claus”, but like the others, I am only in it for the Misers. Any of the Rankin Bass one for me are a must, as well as Charlie Brown…I just love watching those kids dance.
“Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” is another holiday-ish one that I love. And my weirdest, especially because it really has little to do with Christmas other than the toymakers and that they used to show it at Christmas is “Babes in Toyland” with Laurel and Hardy.
Of course, the 24 hours of “A Christmas Story” is one of my very favorite things about Christmas…one of the few movies I can have on for hours in the background and it doesn’t bother me one bit…ah, the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
No “Bad Santa” WTF?
I agree with Charlie Brown Christmas and Rudolph and will add:
Scrooge (w/Albert Finney)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
Home Alone
A Wish for Wings that Work
A Christmas Story
These serve as Christmas traditions at my house and all will get watched many times between now and January 5th.
When I watch a Holiday movie (or pretty mush any movie, for that matter) I want to be entertained. And I want to feel happier at the end of the movie than I did at the beginning.
For that reason, Christmas Vacation is at the top of my list. My favorite part is Clarks profane soliloquy. But that whole movie moves from one great scene to another.
A Christmas Story is of course a classic, and I like Scrooged as well.
I also like the old stand bys, It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street and of course White Christmas (which might have something to do with it being referenced in Christmas Vacation).
And I’ll second Renn with Dutch as a good Thanksgiving movie.
HOWEVER-
The Family Stone? Funny?
Are you freaking kidding me? Let’s forget is Sarah Jessica Parker for now. The story….
Spoiler Alert
How exactly does a woman’s impending death from cancer lift one’s spirits? I’ve been to the chemo and oncology wards and let me tell you, there’s not a lot of holiday cheer there.
Nope. The Family Stone is cinema for the suicidal, or people who want to fell like they’ve joined Oprah’s book club without having to bother with all the reading.
After I saw that movie I seriously considered sending the studio a bill for pain and suffering.
Just so you know, if there’s an usher handing out Kleenex to people entering the theater, the movie sucks.
If I want to be depressed I’ll just stay home and watch the news or look at my 401k statements or think about how now that the loan for the car makers got crushed I should start learning how to speak Spanish because selling Michigan to Mexico is starting to look like the next best option.
Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where’s the Tylenol?
Oh yeah, also
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender say’s “Hey, why the long face?”
How could you forget The Santa Clause? The first one is pure Christmas magic – the other two were Disney sucking the life out of it.
Another Christmas favorite around my adobe is Ernest Saves Christmas. Quite possibly the only Jim Varney flock that isn’t stoopid with a capital STOOPID.
We usaully kick off the holiday season on Thanksgiving day by decorating the tree after the obligatory post-feast nap. Then we all settle down with the Griswold’s and Cousin Eddie. Without that for inspiration, how could we ever face the Black Friday crowds? I can still quote Clark’s rant line-for-line …
I refuse to watch Jingle All the Way until well AFTER Black Friday but it and Elf are other holiday must-sees as well as the typical childhood fare. I remember missing Santa Claus is Coming To Town one year during my yout – I might have 7 or 8 and it just felt like my entire Christmas experience was shot to hell. Imagine the shit eating grin I had almost 30 years later when I found it on DVD along with all theother holiday classics. Oh no – my kids will NEVER miss those classics, I tell ya!
Damn – Jeff, you must’ve hit a nerve or something here – this is ALMOST a Jorge-length post. I’ll shut up now.
Let us not forget “Die Hard” – an all time Christmas favorite!
I really, REALLY wish I had resisted my urge to see the remake of “Black Christmas” because it’s the worst movie ever I’ve ever seen. Seriously. Though, it did make me appreciate the original that much more…
One Christmas movie I love is “The Ref.” Denis Leary as a burgular who ends up keeping Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis hostages in their own house, pretending to be their marriage counselor when their super-obnoxious and dysfunctional family comes over for dinner. Good times!
You know what, Spiffy is right!
Ernest Saves Christmas was great! I now sing his lyrics to Oh Christmas Tree and call Santa “The Big Red One”.
And I liked The Santa Clause too.
Can’t live without A Muppet Family Christmas
I can’t stomach Tim Allen, which is why I’ve never seen Santa Clause. And never will.
The Ref was good, though.
Do any of you remember Santa on a razor, from the ’70s? Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrronrsG018
Ha, I just thought of the fact that when my husband and I are talking about (making fun of) any of our “rural” neighbors who live in “interesting” homes, we always call them the Bumpuses.
Good stuff.
It’s The Homecoming for me. I recall watching it the night it was first broadcast – December 19th, 1971. It it also a book .
I can’t believe that I forgot about the original Grinch. Boris Karloff narrating….the GREAT song…and Max the dog with a branch tied to his head. Simply AWESOME!!!
@Jeff – It was NEVER Christmas back then until the Noel-co Santa came riding over the hill on his trusty electric razor. NEVER!
Now, let the celebrations begin. Thanks!.
Oh, and I’m a big Nightmare Before Christmas fan. Add one vote to that pile please.
Jeff, if you like Jean Shepard, you’ve got to read some of his books. You’ll laugh until you cry! Good stuff!
Jeff,
I’ve never encountered anyone else who’s ever liked Cabin Boy.
Plus, I’m glad someone else looks for the “Canada” label on wimpy kid’s shows. When I see them, I say “Canada”, then wait for the credits to roll. It makes me feel smug.