Thanks, everyone, for the feedback on my recent radio appearance. It went OK. And by that, I mean nobody cried, nobody shit their pants, and nobody threw a wild haymaker. So… I consider it a success.
But, once again, the reaction to my voice baffles me. In the comments and via email, I was told that I’ve completely lost my West Virginia accent, and that I have a strong West Virginia accent. I sound southern, as well as northern. I’m both nasally and gravelly, which is almost impossible, as far as I know. And one person even said they detected a little California surfer dude in there. WTF?
Apparently all the moving around I’ve done in my life has created some kind of hideous Frankenstein monster of a dialect. I don’t know.
I admit to making a conscious effort to try to mute my West Virginia/southern accent when I lived in California, because it made me stick out like a turd in the potato soup. I have no problem with my heritage; I’m proud of where I’m from. But I don’t want to be known as “that guy who talks funny.”
Regardless of whether it’s fair or unfair, I wanted to avoid such a thing. I’d rather be remembered for something other than a novelty speech pattern. I didn’t want to be in the same category as, “You know, the guy with one eye that just rolls around in its socket?” Or, “You remember… the woman who smells like Fritos?”
So, I tried to tamp down my hillbilly tendencies a bit. And I guess some weird shit has happened as a result? I’m unclear. But it’s pretty confusing to open two emails back to back, with completely contradictory statements about the way I talk. Very strange.
And speaking of the way I talk, I’m thinking about cranking up the podcasts again. However, I’m going to need some help. Would any of you like to volunteer your engineering skillz? If/when I start it up again, I’d like to have intro and outro music, a little light editing of the ums and uhs, and whatever else you might suggest.
If that’s something that interests you, please send me an email. At the most it’ll only be two files per month, so it won’t be a heavy load. If you’re a sound editor and want to help out, please let me know. ‘Cause God knows I need it.
A few days ago I was talking with a guy who thinks he’s a hero because he doesn’t have a cell phone. Do you know these types? They make grand proclamations, as if they’re delivering a campaign speech, and wear it as a badge of honor to not own a portable phone. Bravo, my good man! Bravo!! A stunning accomplishment.
I’ve also met similar assholes along the way who claim to not own a television, and that sort of thing. And I don’t give a crap, people can do whatever they want. What do I care? It’s the bragging in a superior tone that bugs me. They always act like they’re freakin’ Nelson Mandela, and expect people to be wowed by their courage and conviction.
I started thinking about the things I could brag about, the stuff that most of society engages in, and I do not. And all I could come up with, off the top of my head, was reality shows. I’ve never watched any prime time reality programs, including Survivor, The Apprentice, or Dancing with the Stars. And the only time I watched American Idol was in England. I’ve never seen an episode in America.
I do, however, watch 30 minute kinda-sorta reality programs on cable channels. Stuff like Selling New York, House Hunters, and Pawn Stars. Do those qualify? I’m not sure, but the difference is this: I don’t brag about it, and don’t launch into a righteous monologue every time somebody mentions one of those shows.
I am a pretty big beer snob, and have been known to openly sneer at a man for ordering a Coors Light inside a bar that offers fifteen craft beers on tap. And I sometimes pontificate on the subject, as well.
But I’m not sure that qualifies. Snobbery isn’t the same thing as being a contrarian, and expecting everyone to be impressed by your stubborn refusal to play along. Right? It’s closely related, but different.
In any case, it’s always the bragging that bothers me. That “I’m smarter than everybody else — please believe it” attitude… Do you know anyone who falls into this category? If so, we’re going to need to know about it in the comments.
Oh, and I just thought of another one: I knew a guy in Atlanta who claimed to only shower twice a week, because Big Soap, or whatever, has brainwashed everyone into thinking they need daily scrub-downs. And, of course, he told everyone who would listen. He’d go on and on like a TV evangelist, and it only made folks think he was disgusting, not smart.
So… here are your Questions of the Day:
Do you know any contrarians who like to brag about their refusal to conform? Please tell us about them.
Also, have you ever tried to get rid of your natural accent for some reason? How did it go? Can you slip back into it when the timing is appropriate?
And finally, have you ever picked up a NEW accent, after moving to a different part of the country or world? Toney’s cousin grew up in Nevada, but moved to Philadelphia about twenty years ago. And man, she’s got the thickest Philly accent of just about anyone I’ve heard. I think she cultivates it.
And that’s going to do it… I had some trouble with this one, for some reason. The words weren’t exactly flowing, but I hope it’s not too obvious.
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Follow the Surf Report at Twitter!
Always a high point in the day to be first
Why?
‘Cause the rest of my day usually sucks ass!
curse you AWG!
I picked up a Brooklyn accent when I lived out there. Not all the time, but for certain words. The first time I said “cawfee”, I almost cried.
See, I like a solid NY or Boston accent. I find it endearing.
When I moved from Ohio to the South I SWORE that I would never pick up the vernacular and I really have to make a conscious effort. Especially with “Thank EWE”
I do not even hear Jeff’s “accent”.
However when he said “tore-ass” in the last post
I was cracking up.
AWG – you just stomped down my high point.
Lets be careful out there today.
I know someone who has never missed a Sunday of church in their life. Brags about it and even went when their wife was in labor and when their mother was on their death bed. Poor unfortunate idiot.!
I didn’t even have the hiullbilly accent when I lived in WV. Now, no one even can tell where I am from. I tell them Switzerland.
The only accent I could ever pick up down here is Tijuanan.
As mentined before, I have never seen ET, and am proud of it.
If you mean the movie, I haven’t seen it either. If you’re talking about Entertainment Tonight – well, guilty.
Jeff, you brag about having never crapped at work. That is very non-conformist.
I also don’ crap at work.
I’ve never had too, but I’ll say I got a call about and emergency or I’m sick or something and take the rest of the day off; just to go shit at my house.
The only public bathroom I’ll use is the bathroom at Target in town. They are really clean and quiet.
I need to crap at work but there’s a plumber in there right now running an eel through a faulty urinal. I don’t think I could pinch a loaf with all the noise.
I crap at work AND use the handicap stall/room. It is a room by itself inside the men’s room, with a full locking door. Pure paradise and serenity. Plus, I’ve worked here 7 years and have yet to see one wheelchair addict in the building, let alone in the bathroom.
The handicap stall at my work is the only one with nice toilet paper.
We have several bathrooms at work.
One is a bank of toilets and the other two are single rooms (uni-sex) that have somehow become the “shitters”
Seems the problem with shitting at work has to do with shitting while someone else is in the same room.
I hate hearing foamy floppy shits come out of other humans.
Oh man, the crapping at work thing. I never did it until recently, when I am nearing my mid 50s. Sometimes it is just better to go poop at work than to drive 20 miles home with what feels like the Space Shuttle launching out your rear end, ALL THE WAY HOME!
And this is from someone who has workd Bue Collar, White Collar, and everything in between. I worked at my brother’s Blue Collar busiiness on my Summer Vacations and watched people come to work, punch in on the time clock, then go out to the Porta-potty and take a half hour “potty break” before getting into their dump truck to do “an honest day’s work, for an “honest day’s wage.”
I’m sort of like the cell phone hero. Whenever people start whipping out there assBlasters and Droops and what-have-you, talking about how they could do all the work at their office from anywhere in the world but don’t because their boss won’t let them; I take my phone out and say its best feature is that it was 99 cents with a two year contract. I’m surrounded by computers and internet all day every day. I don’t need the internet to be inside me too…by which I mean in my pocket, next to my penis. I would like to keep the internet and my penis as far away from each other as possible.
I’m with you , Brother!
My cell phone cost $29.99 retail at the AT&T store WITHOUT a two year contract. It makes phone calls and texts. PERIOD.
When AT&T figured out it wasn’t making money on the low end phones, they were discontinued. I got on ebay and bought 10 more identical phones. I’m set for the rest of my life!
I got grandfathered into a plan at work. 2 free phones and they cost me a whopping $30.00 a month (for the two of them). I use maybe 6 minutes a month. I don’t need ot tkae pictures, send an email or look at the weather.
I have the most basic cellphone. It stays in the car most of the time. Because it doesn’t have a built in camera/food processor/Nintendo the battery seems to last forever.
I can smugly brag that I’ve never sent a text message.
Rock on.
Texting reminds me too much of typing which I basically do all day long so screw that. If I need you, I’ll call you.
Have we all gotten so impersonal?
Another pet peeve – Christmas cards via email. Spring for the goddamn box of Hallmarks and a book of stamps, please.
I agree with all of you in principle. However, I am the father of a teenage girl… her mother was 20 and I was 21 when she was born, and, well… I see her often, and talk to her when I don’t… but she don’ live here.
So anyway, I think texting is childish, impersonal, and generally shitty. Unfortunatley, my daughter’s been around for about 15 minutes I mean years, so to her texting is a MAJOR part of communicating. And I kept telling her how much better she was than that, and how I was trying to teach her to hold intelligent conversations… and then my father told me that my daughter had contacted HIM saying how hurt she was that I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK TO HER. And Dad Dearest didn’t tell me- for about 2 1/2 months. His brilliant son (DUH he is I and I am he) would figure it out.
So I hastened to repair the damage I unwittingly caused… and all is well, but I publicly admit to a group full of folks who don’t know me that I was wrong under these circumstances, and I felt/ feel like a fuggin dicknick punktwat shit snorkeling mo-mo fucker Nancy sissy ass dork.
I love my daughter enough to send shitty texts.
And, in fairness, I’ve mastered the art of sarcastic toolness while texting.
So, great.
How much do I owe you guys for that boring ass shit, and the therapy you’ve provided?
Texting, to me, still feels a bit like Morse Code.
But doctorright, yes. I have learned that if you call a teen on their cell, they may not answer. However if you TEXT them you will be amazed at how quickly you get a response.
.. and I admire you for wanting her to have the ability to have an intelligent conversation.
Thanks!
Actually, I just want her to be able to speak for me and explain things when I’m old enough to begin attacking the other residents of the rest home. Which could be in just a few years, if I’m consistent with my diet, habits, and other behavior.
I have several friends that refuse to answer the phone but will immediately answer a text. I don’t mind texting short comments. But a whole conversation better “spoken” is a royal pain in the ass to text.
I’ll have you know my good man, that I don’t own a computer and have never been on the internets.
And my eyesight is going bad. Didn’t notice all the mispellings
Once knew a guy, who was 55 at the time, who bragged that he NEVER took a nap, and looked down on anyone that did.
Einstein took naps.
Hey Jeff, have some pride… having a WV accent in California would be more like being a potato in turd soup! 😀
I understand what you’re saying, but it didn’t have anything to do with West Virginia. I just didn’t like sounding different from everybody else, and people identifying me that way.
I didn’t have a cell phone until not to long ago. I don’t text or walk around looking at it all day though.
I know people who don’t have any sort of phone, a TV, or a computer.
N&N and fambly would be those people.
<>
Yes, they are called Amish. However, they do like to fuck a lot.
My south Louisiana accent comes out on command when I talk to people from back that way. I agree with Jeff about not wanting to be recognized as the guy who speaks with a lot of ‘postrophes. People from back in the south seem to feel more comfortable talking to someone with the same type of word making techniques that they use.
When people find out where I am from they look at me like a retard watching porno and say something to the effect of, “You don’t sound like you’re from Louisiana.” Like that is supposed to mean I’m not and they know better by my speech patterns.
I think I have a pretty even from nowhere accent. I can force really good Mexican, Argentinian, and Spanish accents too.
I once met a guy who had never used mayonnaise that wasn’t blessed by a Rabbi
I know what you mean… People who brag that they do or don’t do stupid stuff bore the shit out of me. “Well, we just purchased a NON CARBON EMITTING BIO-FUELED HYBRID vehicle”. Really?! I guess you must love the planet just a little more than I do. Wow.. I’m in awe of your selflessness.. ~eyeroll~
On the accent thing, I frequently get, “you don’t sound like you’re from Tennessee”. Really? Who should I sound like? Stringbean Akeman? Junior Samples? Sorry to disappoint..
R.I.P. Stringbean. Junior??
The closest I come to being a countarian is my beer and music snobbery
Or the fact that I shower as soon as I poop. Because that’s the only way to be sure that there’s no shit particles in your undies.
I agree with the poop statement. If I can’t crank one out first thing in the AM before the shower – it ain’t gonna happen unless something goes wrong during the day…
I’ve run into a slew of people recently who like to go on and on about their “lifestyles”. Everything is a lifestyle. One woman told me that she lives the “couponing lifestyle” and one asshole that has a camper at the lake (which he visits every couple of weeks) told me that he enjoys the “camper trailer lifestyle.”
It’s lifestyle this, and lifestyle that. I hate it. I’m about to start living the “murdering people lifestyle” if they don’t shut the fuck up.
My wife’s sister is from Germany and she married an Aussie. Now she sounds just like an Aussie. It’s absurd. But I guess she can’t help it.
Sorry to burst your bubble, Jeff… You sound exactly the same way back when at Peaches Music & Video.
You just need to look at who posts in thewvsr.com/comments section to find contrarians.
We grew up in Allentown. My mom would *WHACK* us if anything Pennsylvania Dutch came out of our mouths.
I’ve been told I have a generic American accent, except after a couple of decades in Texas, I picked up ain’t, y’all and all-y’all. I don’t drawl them out, but they’re there.
The only accent I can slip in and out of would be considered…..ummmmm… a San Francisco accent.
We grew up in Allentown. My mom would *WHACK* us if anything Pennsylvania Dutch came out of our mouths.
???
Like…noodles???
I actually had to Google to see if there was such a thing. Turns out:
http://www.pennsylvaniadutchnoodles.com.
Whooda thunk it?
I actually meant any sentence that started with “Say now”, for example.
I have a Toronto accent. It means I end everything in F’ You.
People I’ve met have told me I have a California accent. Others have said New York State.
I have learned that if I adopt a British (London) dialect when working with customer service I often get what I want. Not a full blown accent, just the phrasing and style.
People without TVs (I’ve know 3) seem to be quite firm in their beliefs on the topic.
Most people tell me I sound southern, but I can slip back into a WV hill-billy twang at a minute’s notice, especially if I’m with someone who speaks like that, and I’m not even aware of it.
Speaking of cell phones – what’s the deal with sketchy looking people coming up to you on the street and asking to “borrow” your cell phone to make a call? Another reason not to walk around talking on the thing.
I’ve noticed that people who are anti-TV usually become rather fixated when they get near a TV.
What are you doing “on the street” anyway? You get in your car inside of your garage, drive to work and park in your assigned spot in that garage, work in a secured building all day, then repeat the process in reverse. Viola! No street people!
I don’t own a car.
City Dweller?
You all saw what he did there didncha?
For the benefit of my two year old, who will be schooled in America, I’m trying to train myself to use some American pronunciations, “tomato” being the classic example. Apparently “tomato” has Y’s and D’s in it, and should be pronounced tomaydoh.
The torlet uses wooder to flush, etc etc.
Don’t do it, Limey – we should learn NOT to pronounce our T’s as D’s. Be a good example!
However, I don’t think I’ve heard “torlet” or “wooder”.
When I was in high school, we moved to western Massachusetts. My brothers and I used to make fun of the locals’ accent – amongst ourselves, of course. The folks in southern Berkshire didn’t say “wooder”, but they said “wudder”, which is close enough. One who lost pocket change in the river might complain “I dropped a quatter in the wudder. Can I boorow 25 cents?”
.
Us folk of the Philly persuasion also pronounce “water” as “wudder”. My Ohio-born husband of nearly eleven years still finds this endlessly amusing.
My parents were from Philly. They said “wooder” instead of water till the day they died.
Yeah, it shows no signs of dying on my tongue either.
Everything is endlessly amusing to a ten year old.
Last I checked it’s grammatically correct to say, “My husband/wife of # years.”
You are correct. I was poking fun at the idiosyncrasies of the english language, not at you!
I thought you were poking fun at the fact that most men never really mature much past ten.
I could get behind that sentiment too.
Tomaydo stays, I am however drawing the line at pronouncing “handbag” as pockerbook.
I have a pure Bornx/New York accent. I don’t think I do but it’s there. (And if anyone makes a crack about “toidy toid and toid I will rip their lungs out. We do NOT talk like that!). I went to Colorado a few years ago and everyone could pick out “The New Yorker” oh well.
I can’t stand – and get easily bored – with people who brag about their exercising. “I ran 8 miles then played two sets of tennis, some yoga and pilates” STFU. Who cares. From the looks of some of the guts on these folks, it clearly isn’t working.
I also had a co-worker who bragged about all the volunteer work they did. Big fucking deal. If you have to brag about your good works, you’re in it for the recognition only and not to help someone. Self interest fucker.
Exercise is bullshit and it doesn’t even make sense. If you want your car to last longer, you don’t drive the fuck out of it.
Right on! I know 2 guys and only 2 guys who are triathalon fanatics. Constantly eating rabbit food, supplements, gallons of filtered water a day, swimming even if it’s OHFUCK degrees outside. You know the type.
One had his heart replaced, the other both knees.
It only takes two points to draw a straight line…..
I’ve noticed several people who are rather contrarian about compact fluorescent bulbs (CFL’s). I use them because I’m a cheap so-and-so, and they do save money. But these folks almost become righteously indignant about not buying those “stupid-looking twisty light bulbs.”
Get over it…it’s a freakin’ light bulb!
I’ve also seen people get irate over front-loading washing machines and Japanese cars…sheesh!
Lighten up, Francis!
Do those bulbs contain mercury? I overheard someone saying they wouldn’t buy them because of that. Or thet could have been referring to a Queen album they didn’t like – I couldn’t tell.
That’s the major problem with those bulbs. Their toxicity requires that they be disposed of in an environmentally sound manner (i.e., drive it somewhere that takes them, like IKEA) and I seriously doubt most Americans are doing anything beyond flipping them in with the regular trash.
They do contain traces of mercury (not Freddie!) But that’s not a deal-breaker for me. I like to save $$$! They do last a long time, though (when the kids don’t break them.) I think I may have changed one since I put them in about four years ago.
We have some, too. Beloved picked them up and if I remember, they’re pretty damn expensive. But yes, they last for a good 10 years.
It’s not a deal breaker for me either, but then I know I’m going to go to the trouble of disposing of them correctly because I have next to no life. I’d argue that the average busy American is inclined to say “fukkit” to the idea of taking time out of their busy schedule to drive a stupid bulb somewhere (which sort of negates the whole energy savings if you have to go very far). This sort of thing, and recycling in general, needs to be made a hell of a lot easier for people to engage in. It needs to be just as effortless as throwing something in a garbage bag and putting it out by the curb or else people aren’t going to do it.
Oh yeah about recycling–the company that picks up our garbage now uses three trucks per route (trash, recycling and yard waste) instead of just the one that they used to use. Now if THAT isn’t good for the environment, then I don’t know what is!
But I agree, people won’t get into recycling until it is a little more convenient.
According to this official looking gubment document the amount of mercury they save by not burning coal more than offsets the amount of mercury that goes into the landfill if not recycled properly. I live in a small town, we have a recycling center, I’ll have to see if they take cfl’s.
http://www.energystar.gov/ia/partners/promotions/change_light/downloads/Fact_Sheet_Mercury.pdf
Thanks for that, WB. I feel slightly better. Don’t worry, be happy, right? Did you read the part about what happens if you break a bulb on your floor? Essentially clear everyone out and make like a hazmat team. Remember Jeff had a post about what happened when he broke a CFL bulb on their carpet? Yeah, he might want to go over those directions again for any future events….though in truth the whole deal might prevent Nancy from doing any more of her bird yoga poses in Jeff’s living room.
Oh fuckadoodle-doo, I DID break one a few months ago. I just vacuumed it up and emptied the vac container. I better read this a little more closely
I did read the clean up instructions, I think they may be a touch overboard.
Back in the day, our high school chemistry teacher would let us play with mercury on the lab counter tops once or twice a year. I think they’d probably throw him straight in jail if anyone saw that today.
And now look at you, a fervent follower of the WVSR. Nope, no side effects there. 😉
Lol, good point!
I don’t think I have any accent at all. My wife insists i do. I grew up in Wisconsin, and have lived in Mass., Va., Minn., Ohio, and lately over 30 years in CA. The wife is from Long Island, of all places (but she has to work at that accent now), and thinks I have the accent. My mom, on the other hand, sounds like an extra in Fargo. And one of my brothers has that way upper Midwest thing going on. And since someone brought it up, I have a pretty simple cell phone myself. Calls and texts, although it can take pictures. I think I’ve taken at least a half dozen or so. I suppose i am a bit of a motorcycle snob, having ridden an assortment of Harleys for well over 30 years. But I don’t go around bragging about it and while I do have a couple HD t-shirts I can honestly say I’ve never bought one myself. I know I have a motorcycle, I don’t need to tell anyone about it with my shirt.
I think I’ve decided to move to Italy.
You won’t regret it.
Pittsburgher’s have a very distinct accent. Yinzer. It’s the hideous accent heard around the world. I try like hell not to slip into it…..n’at.
When my boyfriend was working weekly in West Virginia, he would come home with a slight accent from being aound all the guys that lived there.
Jeff, I think detecting a accent is different depending on where you live or where you are from. I live in the midwest and could hear your WV accent, but it’s not like you sounded like Ward Burton. People in the south my not detect much accent at all..
I like the way people from Pittsburgh talk.
Everyone has a dialect of some sort. We just don’t notice it.
As much as I try to suppress it, I’m afraid I talk like one of the tornado victims on the TV set. When I say can’t, it rhymes with ain’t. Ain’t is indeed a real word in my world. I try my best not to say fixxin’ as in “Ima fixxin to go to work,” but there ain’t no suppressing that one.
I am, however, a fine contrarian. Haven’t been in the Wal-Mart in a buncha years–buncha. I have sent money with my sister and asked her to fetch me out something once or twice–does that negate the attitude?
Nah. My old man won’t set foot in a wal-mart, but if they have a sale and he finds something he wants, he’ll send one of us to go get it for him. Principle upheld.
You don’t know what you’re missing out on at Wal-Mart.
There is NOTHING more entertaining that having a good buzz and spending a rainy Saturday afternoon at the Wal-Mart in Waco, TX. The Discovery Channel [or is it TLC?] doesn’t have a freak show to match. It’s Swamp People meets Hoarders meets the 1000lb mom meets I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant meets Billy The Exterminator meets….. you get my drift.
My dialect was very neutral until I started going south more often and listening to country music. Now, I get this goofy WV/KY/TN/NC accent thing going if I get all excited (or drunk). Also, I have the token friend who has never had pop (or soda, or coke, depending on your dialect) because she believes that the carbonation will, and I quote “make her a slower runner”. Stupid super-athletes.
I just listened to your interview Jeff and it was fine! Your accent seems to be neutral except for the occasional word. Let’s just say that when you’re speaking English on TV, there won’t be any need for English subtitles. (Have you seen “COAL”? Everyone is subtitled…. thank god).
Funny though – we’ve heard your frustration over time (who can forget the Salmon Color Shirt St Patty’s Day Parade Incident of ’10) and I just can’t imagine you getting bothered by anything with what little accent you do have.
The voice in my head when I read your stuff sounds a lot like Brian from Family Guy.
I have a Philly accent. It’s waned a bit since I left, but when I go back (as I will be doing soon) it invariably recharges. And Pittsburghians LOVE to make fun of it. I’ve lived in two other states and never got flack about it, but the Yinzers are all over it (as if their accent is above reproach). If I live out here long enough maybe I’ll get some sort of crazy amalgamation of Philly and Yinzer.
“Yo, yinz wanna go walk da dawg dahntahn?”
Jezus, just shoot me if that happens!
Hahahaha!!! I feel your pain! But you forgot one thing…..
“Yo, yinz wanna go walk da dawg dahntahn…..n’at”
NOW it’s complete!
I’d include it if I knew what the hell it meant! 😉 Please translate.
n’at (pronounced “n at” not “nat” = and that. Pittsburghese at it’s best
The strongest Yinzer accent I’ve heard at length so far was from a mentally challenged individual. So I thought he was just saying “gnat” as a sort of verbal tic. Now I know better. Thanks for the explanation!
OMG….that’s funny as HELL!!
In person, I sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Hilarious!
Jeff-I didn’t notice any accent on the radio interview. Sounded good to me.
But that may not be saying much since I am a Southern Ohio/Tennessee hybrid who was raised in North Kentucky (Dayton, OH!)
I’m vastly superior to all of you. I don’t type things, I write them out on a tiny chalkboard and someone else types it out for me.
Also, when I order a hamburger, I immediately remove the top bun and throw it in the garbage. I never eat the top bun.
Finally, I only eat things that are round.
That’s too bad.
You’ll never enjoy pancakes shaped like the letters of your name.
Unless your name is “OOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
I only listen to music composed for the nose flute and jews harp, and only when performed in the 7/16 time signature
Jean Shepherd and Dave Brubeck, together at last.
.
Isn’t dick round when pointed at your face?
How is it that you folks attract these ass-tards in the first place?
Here’s how to shut them up: when the bragging starts, just say something like, “My God, man, you are obviously a sociopath. I sure hope you’re in psychotherapy. You’re about to go over the edge, you know.” Then, whenever you see him, bellow, “Hi guy, how’s the psychotherapy going? Feeling any better?” I guarantee you that whenever he sees you, he’ll head in the opposite direction. (Works especially well with relatives.)
Today’s quote; “This morning my wife asked me if I slept good. I said, “No, I made a few mistakes.”
“On the other hand, you have a bunch of different fingers.”
(both: Steven Wright)
The guy was/is friggin briliant.
I don’t think I have an accent, other than Generic American. I’ve been told that I sound like I’m from Ohio, but I’ve never lived there. I grew up in Brooklyn but didn’t pick up the accent; I have no idea where “Ohio” came from.
There are lots of things I do and don’t do, but I don’t brag about it. Well, except for the couple of times I’ve said that I have never owned a Windows computer.
In Wal-Mart news, I just found out they’re building a Super W-M about a half mile from my house. Fucking hell.
.
I have a fairly neutral accent unless I’m drunk. Then I sound more hillbilly than when I still lived in WV.
I am mostly proud I never used AOL as an internet service provider but a close 2nd is living in GA and NOT in a trailer. Ever.
(not that there is anything WRONG with that. I just choose certain battles and that was one of them – never)
Jeff, you have a great voice and accent – don’t worry about it at all.
When I speak, my voice resonates in my own head in such a way that I think I’m sounding like Richard Burton or somebody. If I hear a recording of myself, I’m shocked to find that I’ve been going around sounding like Larry the Cable Guy.
Everybody cringes when they first hear their own voice played back. And at least you sounded like Larry the Cable Guy; to my ear, I sounded more like Larry Fine.
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Jeff, I could definitely hear some WV/Appalachia in your accent, but only one certain words/phrases. And you did GREAT!
I’ve a native of Queens NYC, but have lived for the past 20 years in Texas, Georgia, Minnesota, and now Mississippi…which means that New York is still the dominant accent but the “fucks” and “shits” are tempered and peppered by “y’all” and “you betcha”. It also means that in whichever of those locations I might happen to be visiting, everyone tells me I talk funny.
Dave, as a former resident of Mississippi, have you ever noticed how cool it is to go into a grocecery store, buy a chocolate dont, and discover that “down South” they take a glazed donut, THEN dip it in chocolate frosting? “Is this heaven?” “No, it’s Mississippi!”
Jeff….ordered your book through Amazon (even clicked through WVSR site) today.
I’ll let you know what I think.
My accent and speech change dramatically depending on the situation. If I’m in a professional or business setting I speak with a neutral midwest “accent” which is pretty much no accent at all. When I’m down down on the farm with the rest of the hayseeds, hillbillies and rednecks my dialect changes to a mix of southern and mountain. Phrases like “over yonder” and “y’all” come up. People who’ve talked to me on the phone or somewhere else and then have come to visit my home comment on how my speech is different depending on where and who I’m with.
I don’t think it’s just me either. I’m not sure if it is a conscious thing or not but I notice that in the gas station or other public place people will be talking to each other in their native “country” dialect but when a stranger shows up people tend to switch to standard english with little accent and they refrain from using words like “y’all”. The stranger leaves and it’s back to hillbilly.
@Jeff. You SNEERED at a man for opening a Coors???? Back in the late 1970s, when Coors was the prima donna of all beers, and wasn’t sold much outside of Colorado, my brother in law and his best friend drove a 1969 Corvette overnight from Indiana to Colorado and loaded it with a dozen cases of the “Golden, Coroado elixir,” and then returned to Indiana just in time to go to work Monday morning. Ahhhh, the stupid things we do for beer when we are young, lol!
I tend not to speak that often when I’m in North America on account of being looked at quizically when I’m talking quite clearly. Oh, tis infuriating indeed.
I might have posted this one before but it illustrates the point beautifully.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4BQLsg6IJo
It’s really easy for me to adopt other accents and drop my own.
I think thats Scots are the parrots of the accent world. Its just a pity that no-one can understand us when were talking fucking parrot!
I have some friends I play online games with that are Scottish. It takes a while before you can really start to understand them.
Walter Blankenship has won this years “Bragging Rights Award” for his constant boasting and gloating about the time his quick thinking in Oct. of 2010, saved his brother’s big toe. “Chopped it clean off. Those are the best kind ya know”, he tells everyone. “Threw the thing in the beer cooler in the back of the truck and took em in.”
Runner up is Florence Haskins and her story of her being a union steward for 18 years.
Welp, looks like no boxscores…
In the meantime, anyone care to hazard a guess as to what is going on in the Bunker Cam pic? Looks like some sort of group coming of age party but what the hell do I know.
The lady on the right is holding a pillow in one hand and a box of some sort in the other, that’s what I noticed.
And what’s the retard under the mattress doing? I think those crazy bitches murdered someone.
I had all the same questions.
Maybe it’s the mattress on which they were all conceived and subsequently birthed.
I did a Google image search of it and found it floating around on a site with other weird photos, but with no explanation. I’m curious too.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/50-unexplainable-black-white-photos
Not half as curious as to what’s going on in some of those other photos, though.
Perhaps someone is celebrating their first menses??
Friday, August 4, 1961, Crosley FieldAttendance: 27,383, Time of Game: 2:42
Pirates
Danny Murtaugh
Fred Hutchinson
W: Jim Brosnan (6-3)
L: Clem Labine (2-1)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E
– – – – – – – – – – – –
Pirates 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 3 0 4 7 1
Reds 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 2 1 5 15 2
Starting Lineups
Pittsburgh Pirates Cincinnati Reds
1 Bill Virdon CF 1 Elio Chacon 2B
2 Don Hoak 3B 2 Leo Cardenas SS
3 Bob Skinner LF 3 Vada Pinson CF
4 Dick Stuart 1B 4 Frank Robinson RF
5 Roberto Clemente RF 5 Wally Post LF
6 Smoky Burgess C 6 Gene Freese 3B
7 Dick Groat SS 7 Gordy Coleman 1B
8 Bill Mazeroski 2B 8 Jerry Zimmerman C
9 Joe Gibbon P 9 Bob Purkey P
Bottom of the 9th, Reds Batting, Tied 4-4, Pirates’ Clem Labine facing 2-3-4
Clem Labine replaces Walt Moryn (PH) pitching and batting 9th
Hal Smith replaces Joe Christopher (PR) playing C batting 6th
b9 4-4 0 — O CIN L. Cardenas C. Labine Popfly: 2B
b9 4-4 1 — CIN V. Pinson C. Labine Single to CF
b9 4-4 1 1– R CIN F. Robinson C. Labine Double to CF (Deep CF); Pinson Scores
1 run, 2 hits, 0 errors, 1 LOB. Pirates 4, Reds 5.
…and in a related note…Don Blassingame was returned to the fifteen day disabled list due to a re-lapse of syphilis.
and in a related, but no one gives a shit except me note, my Mom attended the same high school as Wally Post.
WB…I think that’s really cool. Did your Mom know Wally or any of his siblings?
jtb
Mom knew Wally. He was a six or seven years older than Mom. For some reason, Wally was in my hometown (20 miles from his) signing baseballs at the American Legion. I was only 7 or 8 I guess and I was taken aback when Mom said hi Wally and he replied “good to see you Kathy”, turns out he lived just a few doors down from my Grandma and Grandpa.
Of course the baseball is nowhere to be found, I suppose like so many, it did not survive the summer!
When I was a kid my dad took us to a game at Yankee Stadium for Bat Day. Back then they handed out real, full-size bats. Each bat was “autographed” by one Yankee or another, and I got Mickey Mantle! Like the grade-school retard I was, I used it for neighborhood softball-playing all summer long, and eventually broke it. It would be cool if I still had it, but no. Retard.
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WB…
As an old time baseball guy, I think that’s a really cool story about your Mom and Wally. Living in Tacoma, an AAA affiliate, I got to meet a number of future big leagers — well, at least shake their hand. But the personal connection is fun.
I did get to shake with the Perry brothers (Jim and Gaylord), the Alou brothers (Felipe, Matty, Jesus), Dusty Rhodes (on his way down), Willy McCovey (on a rehab stint), Juan Marichal, and Willie Mays (during an exhibition game). I also had a ten second conversation with Vada Pinson, who was playing for the Seattle Rainiers.
But nothing as interesting as being recognized by one of them. That’s a fine family story.
jtb
You got to shake Jesus’s hand? Awesome, totally Awesome !!