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My One Day Off, and Renaming the Cable Shows

December 31, 2010 By Jeff 97 Comments

I was off from work yesterday, and it was nuts around our house, as usual.  Sunny needed a refill of her oxygen tanks (she has lungs the size of teabags), and it triggered one of her episodes.  She was agitated that two new tanks wouldn’t just instantly appear before her, and was ranting like the crazy person she is.

Eventually the younger boy and I jumped ship.  I’d had enough of her crackpot ravings, so we took off.  Funk dat.

We went to Wendy’s and I was alarmed to see that they’d changed their fries, to “natural-cut” with sea salt.  I don’t care for that sort of thing, because it’s rarely an improvement.  Upgrades often lead to tears, I’ve learned.

But, as it turns out, there’s nothing to worry about.  The “new” fries taste almost exactly like the old ones.  The sea salt makes them slightly better, in fact.  So, we can all rest easy…  Our national nightmare has been averted for now.

Then we went to Border’s, so I could pick out a new calendar for the bunker.  Last year I went with the vintage Marvel Comics covers, and it did the trick.  Sometimes I buy a calendar that seems cool at first, and I find myself regretting it by mid-February.  But the one from Marvel had legs.

Choosing a calendar is serious business, because you’re making a twelve month commitment.  There will be no real chance for a re-do until next December.  So, I approached the task with a no-nonsense attitude, and tried to avoid making a ten-month mistake.

Yeah, and in the end I went with the 2011 version of Marvel covers.  None of the others were doing it for me, so I played it safe.  It was already marked down to 50% off, so it cost me $8.50.  Not bad.

Do you have an interesting 2011 calendar?  Or do you just tack-up some crap from the credit union, with stock photographs of waterfalls, etc.?  I can’t do that…  The bunker requires something a little more interesting.

While we were still at the bookstore, Toney called and was about ready to go on a homicidal rampage.  “Let’s meet somewhere, and go have some beers at Cooper’s,” she suggested.  It’s something we’d planned, but abandoned.  Now it was on again?!  No arm-twisting was required, and thirty minutes later we were seated inside the Beer Snob Tavern.

I had a Corsendock Christmas Ale, and a Pilsner Urquell from the Czech Republic.  The Corsendock had a hell of a kick, and I decided I’d better quit after the Pilsner.  I didn’t want to end up in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

However, I stopped at a grocery store on our way home, and bought a six pack of Anchor Steam Christmas Ale 2010.  Tasty, but heavy…  Toney said one bottle was like having a meal, and that’s pretty accurate.

After Toney and the boys went to bed I watched a documentary through Netflix streaming, about the death of independent record stores.  It was OK, but not great.  I wanted it to be better…  Oh well.

Afterward, I ordered three books from Amazon:  this one, this one, and this one.  The first two were suggested by a literary agent I’m kinda sorta talking with, and the last one was suggested by my friend Tim.

Then I called it a night.

And that’s what I did on my one day off.  Pretty exciting stuff, huh?  Tonight I’ll be working an abbreviated schedule, until 10 pm.  I have a feeling there will be a skeleton crew in that joint, after an outbreak of some kind of New Years Eve flu, or whatever.  That illness usually hits our place on New Years Eve, goes into remission, and comes roaring back on Super Bowl Sunday.  Weird, isn’t it?

I don’t know when I’ll be able to update again, but I’m doing my best here.  Our “visitors” will be going home on Tuesday, so we’re getting near the end of this thing.  Eventually you’ll get to read about all the insane shenanigans going on… <sigh>

As for a Question, I’d like to invite you guys to help me rename cable TV shows.  Both our televisions are running wide-open at all times, because quiet makes Sunny nervous, and I’ve seen some of the stupidest shit ever, over the past few days.  Like When Grizzlies Attack, and World’s Most Outrageous Car Chases, and that sort of thing.  Very highbrow stuff…

But we need to rename the cable shows.  Man vs. Food, for instance, should be called A Man Eats Large Sandwiches.  And Ghost Adventures should be A Nostrils Lookalike Misinterprets Irrelevant Sounds.  You know, that sorta thing…

Can you help me out with that one?  Please use the comments section below.

And I’ll see you guys next year.

Have a great one!

Now playing in the bunker

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Comments

  1. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    January 3, 2011 at 11:56 am

    I’d like to be able to sleep in my jeans….

    Oh, and “81st”

    Reply
    • icecycle66 says

      January 3, 2011 at 2:04 pm

      You can, with Pajama Jeans!

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        January 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm

        The world is full of pussies. Do you imagine the cowboys, sleeping under the stars, changed into their jammies? I’ve slept in my jeans a number of times, though none of them was intentional.

        jtb

        Reply
  2. johnthebasket says

    January 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    I thought a fair number of Aliens were IN the third reich. Have you ever seen a picture of Joe Goebbels?

    jtb

    Reply
  3. Brittney says

    January 3, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    “Ghost Adventures should be A Nostrils Lookalike Misinterprets Irrelevant Sounds”

    LMAO!!!!!!!! I love this show, but my boyfriend and I make fun of this guy allllll the time. He always asks his buddies, “Did you hear that!?” But before they get a chance to respond he goes “SHHH!”

    Drives, Diners and Dives with Guy Fiery should be called ‘Guy with Bleach Blond Douchebag 2001 Hair- Do Eats Everything in Sight’

    Reply
  4. Brittney says

    January 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    We had a Phish calender in our kitchen last year and in the bedroom. We have no calender yet this year. Just the ones that the bank gave us that are still sitting on my dash board.

    Reply
  5. JCIII says

    January 4, 2011 at 1:37 am

    Good Morning Surf Reporters…

    Reply
  6. johnthebasket says

    January 4, 2011 at 4:19 am

    I had a fish calendar in MY kitchen, but it got to be too much of a haddock.

    jtb

    Reply
  7. dto says

    January 4, 2011 at 7:09 am

    I used to get one from the NAPA. Pictures of cars. As a kid I remember those kinda things with a monthly picture of a hot babe with a swimsuit or something printed on a clear overlay. Lift up the overlay and…boobs.

    I did buy a calander this year. Used the Amazon link. “The Zen of Hiking”. I put my backpack on, grab a bag of gorp, fill my hydration bottle with Vernors and rum and stare at the picture of the month for a couple hours. This month I’ll be back and forth to Dolomites, Italy. Next month I’ll be going to Venezuela.

    Reply
    • Son of Sam says

      January 4, 2011 at 12:41 pm

      as If I ever need to wonder…this is why I come here.

      Reply
  8. Uncle_Wedgie says

    January 4, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    WTS! Where is Jeff?

    Reply
  9. chill says

    January 4, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    OK then. Top Gear should be called “A Brand New Episode Every Single Year”.
    .

    Reply
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