Today I was scrolling through my emails, and there was a few-days-old notice from my hosting company telling me I’d better pay them before January 24, or they were going to take my website down. What the?! I looked at my cell phone, and TODAY is January 24.
I didn’t remember seeing anything from them before, so I did a search. Sure enough… they’d contacted me a couple of times, including the first go-’round when they tried to extract a full year’s worth of hosting fees from my PayPal account. Ha! I think there’s $1.88 available.
No problem, I thought. I’ll just pay them from my regular bank account. So, I went to their site, and encountered a small issue: my bank card looks like it’s spent some time on the floor of the ocean. I couldn’t read (or remember) the three-digit security code on the back. I tried it a few times, and it was rejected, over and over.
I had the money, but couldn’t pay the bill! And the clock was ticking. I called the credit union, and the woman said she couldn’t give me the code. NOBODY has access to that information, she assured me. “Nobody in the world?” I asked. “That’s right,” she answered. Utter bullshit.
All she could suggest is that they issue me a new card, and that would take three to five days. I asked her what I was supposed to do in the meantime, and she said, “Oh, your current card will still work, until you activate the new one.” I twice asked her to confirm that, because I didn’t believe her. But she finally convinced me; she sounded so sure of herself.
But I still couldn’t pay the hosting bill, and was starting to panic. I didn’t want the site to come down, and didn’t know if they’d hit me with reactivation fees, etc. I talked to Toney, while whipping my hand through my hair, and she said, “Why don’t you pay it from the joint account?” Wow. The obvious solution, and it hadn’t occurred to me. Wonder if I’m experiencing a series of mini-strokes?
And while I was talking with Toney, the website did indeed go down. For maybe 15 minutes? I’m not sure. But I paid the bill, and it immediately came back up. Jesus Christ, man. I need to get my house in order. How did three or four important emails get past me like that?
After that crisis was handled, I had to run some errands. I needed to get a few things at the grocery store, and also a case of Yuengling, the golden elixir. But I had a bad feeling… I didn’t fully trust that bank chick. Everybody is half-assed, and couldn’t care less, as discussed on Monday. I had visions of me doing the walk of shame at the beer store, after my card was rejected.
So, I went to the ATM at Sheetz, where I planned to withdraw $80. Yeah, anyone care to guess what happened? That’s right, this message appeared on the screen: THIS CARD IS NOT ACTIVE. PLEASE CONTACT YOUR FINANCIAL INSTITUTION.
She told me three times my card would remain active, until the new card arrived! And now here I am, stuck in 1965. What am I going to do? Am I supposed to write checks? I don’t even know if I remember how, or where my checkbook might be. How do I buy gas? This is crap. Our credit union is in Hollywood, California. It’s not like I can just swing by the branch, and do a withdrawal. Grrr…
And that three to five days thing? It’ll take twelve days to get the new card. Possibly fifteen.
Yeah, I know. I’m also half-assed, for not paying that bill, and putting this whole thing into motion. And I realize it’s kind of weird to bank with a credit union that’s located 3000 miles from us. But they’re literally the only non-infuriating bank I’ve ever dealt with, and I just couldn’t give them up when we moved here. Of course, today doesn’t help… but they’re still pretty damn good.
If you’d like to take pity on me, and LITERALLY buy me a beer, here’s your link. If not, who can blame you? I guess I’ll try to find my Curious George checks… Dammit!
Today I planned to write about being falsely accused of something. But that’s all out the window now. It’s still a good Question, though.
Last night at work I thought about it, and the only time I can remember being falsely accused (I’m almost always guilty) was when Toney and I went to a Cajun restaurant in Atlanta, and there was a bug in my jambalaya. I told the waitress about it, and she accused me of putting it there myself. That’s right, I carry around a pocketful of beetles, so I can scam restaurants out of five dollar entrees. Soon, I will rule the world!
What about you? Have you ever been falsely accused of something? Please tell us about it, won’t you? Use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back on Monday.
Have a great weekend, my friends!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon
A bank (or better yet credit union) you don’t hate is a wonderful and rare thing. I absolutely understand sticking with them.
Fancy Pants Maguire says
I once got falsely accused of giving a shit. Of course, I didn’t care….
Surly Shawn says
I came here to say something similar. I have been accused of caring or being a nice person. Complete hogwash I say!
Joey Jo Jo says
Ah, so THAT’S why I thought the Russians were back!
Was once falsely accused of having an affair with a dude at work. While I was hugely pregnant with one or the other of the Things. That’s right – I’m a sexah beach when the size of a house and experiencing extreme GI issues. Oh, yeah.
You must not purchase from godaddy. They start the reminders 6 months out for domain renewal.
I get dire warnings of domain name expiration from this one registrar that I have never done business with. They generously offer to “renew” my non-expired domain for about double the price I’m currently paying. Fucking scammers.
Liza Zajac Whitehead says
My hubby’s company celebrated their 100th anniversary by giving every employee a $100 “visa debit gift card”. Woo-hoo! Free money!
I followed the online “activation” instructions to a T. So we take my in-laws out to dinner and present the visa debit card. The waitress comes back to us and says “this isn’t going through”. Uggg. Mortified! I’m positive we haven’t used it and there’s supposed to be $100 on it. We ask her to try please it again. Still nothing. This is beyond embarrassing. At this point my in-laws insist on paying the bill for us (securing forever our moniker of “the poor relations!”). We don’t have the cash on us so we have to let them pay.
Livid, I call the issuing bank the next day and they explain that the card is fine but that the restaurant was trying to run it through as “debit” instead of “credit”. WTF, that’s it?
“It IS a debit card!” I loudly bitch. “It says Visa Debit right on the dang thing!”. The customer service rep says yes, it’s technically & functionally a debit card but it needs to be submitted as credit from the merchant. Something about the fee agreement and pricing structure between the merchants and visa. I called bullshit loudly and repeatedly but it was no use.
Isn’t there some way the visa network could alert the merchant (in this case a waitress) to just rerun the thing as credit? I mean really! Nope – there is nothing but a decline message.
I really need to start carrying good ole fashioned cash. Sheesh.
Those cards are such scams. It would have also been declined if you tried to use it at a gas station. I HATE getting those cards because they are impossible to use the full amount because of the limited allowance of vendors who will take them easily. In fact, here is what I found on visa’s page:
“Because Visa cards are authorized at more than the purchase price, then the actual charge placed on the balance 24 hours later, the cards can never be used to their full balance.”
In essence Visa is admitting that the balances are incorrect as they cannot be used to the full extent.
And I had a similar incident happen to me (which is how I learned about this shit) in Newport Beach, CA when boyfriend & I went to a nice seafood joint using our $100 “gift” that was declined and I had to pay using my personal debit card. The waitress tipped me off that they don’t take those as they are always declined, so when I went home I found all sorts of websites where people were pissed.
Those things are good for online shopping that’s about it.
Liza Zajac Whitehead says
Thanks for the tip – I guess I’ll try spending it online then!
I had a real winner of a cashier once at a department store with one of those cards. I told her she had to ring it up in a certain way to be accepted (I read the fine print)… of course she didn’t… tell her again and its like talking into the abyss. But, since she could confirm the balance and the goofy way the store operated the registers, she could issue me a store gift card in the amount. Okay, fine. So she proceeds to go through that nonsense. But at least I got every last penny of that visa “card”.
Totally agree – a couple of years ago my youngest got one for her birthday. Of course she wanted to go blow it all at once. I finally talked her into waiting until she found something she really wanted and she agreed. I felt good about her being fiscally responsible (as much as a 6 year old can be, anyway.) Finally, many months later, she did find something so we went to get it. At the checkout, we were told the card had a $0 balance. The look on her face was pathetic. Needless to say, I bought it, went home and called these stupid SOBs. Turns out that after so many months, they start charging you a $2 or $3 a month “service fee” – for NOT using their card, AFTER they already have your $$$.. What a complete crock of bullshit. The person I had on the phone got more than an earful which I’m sure did absolutely no good but it sure made me feel better. Since then, I’ve told everybody I know not to buy or use them. This on top of the “can never use the full amount” scam, which is 100% true.
Tiff stop with the dirty talk!
I have two credit unions:
Delta Community CU in Atlanta from when I worked at delta (1995) and Aerospace Credit union now 1st Financial in St. Louis. Both are pretty decent except my delta acct is under tony when my official name is james so it is an issue occaisionally.
I suggest finding a credit union service center or shared branch near you then you can access your account with a living breathing person if need be.
The local CUs are pretty good here Jeff. We use Cross Valley Federal CU in Wilkes-Barre and I’ve heard Tobyhanna CU is good too.and has a branch here and up by you in Scranton.
Time to cut the 3000 cord with CA.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Credit unions are like a brick of cheese. Only good when you are really lonely.
I have been accused of everything except murder, and I did all of it and more.
My local bank has been bought out about 6 times in 8 years, but the same people still work there. The employees are crass, slow, pissed off, and simply don’t give a shit.
I could take a $7,000 check in there made out to Donald Duck and they would cash it for me. No ID required. Actually, I think they would cash a bar napkin written with pink crayon.
I do take them occasional gift certificates to the sandwich shop next door, or arrive with a couple of pizzas.
The loan officer, a homely obese woman with BO, set me up with an unsecured $100,000 line of credit at 4% and I did not even sign any paperwork. One day, she asked me if I could use a line of credit and I told her I would think about it. Three days later, a check book arrived in the mail. I bought a new car with one of the checks ($52,000) and it took about 6 weeks for the first statement to arrive in the mail. The minimum payment was $79.00. Then, statements stopped coming in the mail completely, so I would stop in the bank every couple of weeks and ask them to pull up the loan number and check the balance, and pay a few hundred at a time in cash.
I think it took about 6 years to pay it off, but a few times I did not make a payment for 2 or 3 months and they did not charge a late fee, call me, or send a notice, nothing. Very strange. I still have a book of those checks in my desk.
I might not have mentioned this before, but I prefer dealing with local and regional businesses. I bank with Umpqua Bank, which has branches all over South Puget Sound, as well as in Oregon. The people at several branches know me by name, and have done me a ton of favors (acquired special presidential dollar coins for my nephews/nieces, changed my account type and retroed fee savings, donated dozens of golf balls to my annual golf tournament, etc.).
Although the bank is local, they are happy to extend global reach. They will refund any fee from any bank machine in the world, and they do it promptly. Their online banking system works everywhere. Every branch has a phone in the lobby which rings on the bank president’s desk in case a customer gets pissed off and wants to talk with management.
These guys are very involved in my community and have built several Habitat for Humanity houses in my neighborhood.
Things rarely get fucked up, but when they do, these folks will fix the problem NOW, and an apology is issued quickly.
If I ever stop liking Umpqua, there are two other regional banks here that have similar operational policies and similar levels of community involvement.
Any chance there’s a similar local bank where you live?
My Dad, now living in Maryland with my sis and brother in law still has his Umpqua account and writes checks on it. I don’t know how they are as a bank, but Umpqua makes some seriously good ice cream (they carry it at Fred Meyer).
Metropolitan S&L in Washington was great until they were absorbed by one of the bully banks. My parents used to get invites to their special functions, parties, dinners, and even several cruises on Lake Union. Even though I had more cash than they did, I never got and invite. Best that happened to me was sleeping with a branch manager.
I was once accused by my dad of being on drugs. He was finding this white flaky stuff on the floor in my room. Turns out it was little bits of my deodorant, one of those solid white sticks. I still give him grief about it.
My wife accuses me of having a girlfriend all the time – I ‘ve never even considered it. I told her the next time she does it, I’m going to go out and get one – if I’m going to do the time, I might as well do the crime.
Keep an eye open Harpo – usually the ones doing the accusing are the ones doing the cheating…
Maybe she’ll find humor in this…
Crap…wrong link.(although it’s cool too)…
She didn’t see the humor in that for some reason. I, on the other hand, enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks for the link
My right ear enjoyed that.
My earphones get both sides of my laptop. Jeff sells earphones if you need new ones.
Some hard on prick at work accused me of leaving a file cabinet unlocked that contained (gasp!) confidential material. He was actually going to write me up. The cabinet also stored office supplies so who knows who left it open. I can still picture the smug little fuck with his clipboard coming at me with his revelation.
I gave him a shit review 2 months later.
I had the wonderful state of CA completely wipe out my bank accounts for back child support I was accused of owing. It was a clerical error of course, but holy shit!
$0.00 in my checking, $0.00 in my savings. The bank charged me a fee to let CA steal my money, then tons of fees for all the checks that bounced. Do you think either the state or the bank notified me? Yeah, right.
It took a lawyer a year to get my money back, which cost me right about what those fuckers took in the first place.
Lessoned learned. $5000.00 in cash on hand at all times and all my money is in my wife’s account.
Holy crap. Nothing like that has happened to me recently (knock on wood), but it has happened. Thanks for the wake-up.
Hi guys! Good to be back among people who are crazy in a good way, rather than spending a month with a few crazy in the “really crazy way.
By way of an explanation for that last sentence, I got to spend 28 days in alcohol and drug rehab. Most of the people were great…but there were some who might have benefitted from the Psych ward instead. For any of you who haven’t been to rehab, trust me. It was the most relaxing and fun vacation I have ever had.
@Jeff If you need a guest columnist sometime, let me know. Think of it as “Lord of the Flies” with methadone, people with swastikas tatooed on their forearms, and a woman in her 30s who spent most of her free time coloring in a “Hello Kitty” coloring bok.
Welcome back. I’ve done outpatient rehab court ordered. Not bad but the people who didn’t think they needed it were a trip.
(clap clap clap clap) Round of applause for you!, clintcurtis.
And I do want to hear some funny stories!
I’ve been wondering about you. I know you have some liver issues and I was concerned. You’ve always been a joyful voice of reason on this site, and it’s good to have you back.
And from one addict to another, enjoy the sunsets and hug your family. Today and every day.
Welcome back, CC! We love crazies around here. In fact…most of are! Xo
I’ve been falsely accused of a HIPAA violation, which is a really big deal for a nurse. I was called at 9 pm at home and told I might be losing my job. I don’t think I slept 5 minutes that night. The lawyer in me finally kicked in, and I left a message for my manager the next morning informing her that there would be no meeting unless I had legal coy.ask present. They backed down (and inferred that I was the one who blew things out of proportion and admitted that I was innocent, but it left me with a lot of bitterness. Ironically, one of my accusers is no longer employed because of a blatant HIPAA violation. Karma, baby!
I was accused of shooting the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defence.
Didn’t Sheriff John Brown always hate you anyway?
Yeah. For what, I don’t know. The fucker.
As a kid I was always one of the usual suspects and that has lead to my life-long paranoia. I just know someday I’ll open my front door to be greeted by a mob carring pitchforks and tourches. Day after day, night after night I constantly run an alibi or an excuses or reasons through my head to explain something they might accuse me of doing never knowing what it might be. The bastards keep me on edge with their constant suspisions and their, “Have a nice day”, with a tone in their voice that inplies…”See you in the gallows”. I know the fuckers are on to me and I don’t even know what I’ve done.
Story of my life also. Here is one small incident from my misspent youth among many:
1981? Four drunk guys including me depart a bar at 3:00 AM in Weirton, WV after drinking there for about 6 hours. We all decide to piss in the alley before we get in the car for a 10 mile ride home (i am not the driver.) A cop rides down the alley and only arrests one guy (me), handcuffed, charged with drunk and disorderly, public intoxication, indecent exposure, resisting arrest, more shit I can’t remember. The other 3 hoodlums are allowed to go home with a stern warning to be careful.
Get to the police station, empty my pockets, finger prints, take my photo, one phone call to dad, sit in a cell full of other drunks for a couple hours. Dad arrives, posts bail for me. Collect my belongings, several hundred dollars “missing” from my wallet. Fucking thieves.
Hire an attorney for $3,000 up front. Wait ten months during a registered letter writing competition between the attorney and the prosecutor, pay more lawyer money, and finally get charges dropped to disorderly conduct. Fine is $75.00 plus $18.00 court costs. Total cost including lawyer, approximately $5,000.00
A few months later, the house next my parent’s goes on the market. The prosecuting attorney who was trying to lock me up for a year buys that house and invites us over for a barbecue. Yea, we are all good buddies now, are you fucking kidding me?
Ain’t america awesome?
You should have gone over there and pissed on his food.
When I was about 17, an old priest who was giving me confession (I had to go as part of my cousins ill- fated wedding) accused me of shoplifting. I told him I didn’t shoplift anything to which he told me “all teenagers shoplift,” yeesh. He then proceeded to argue with me when I wouldn’t confess to something I didn’t do. Finally, after I wouldn’t budge, he gave me a shit- load of Hail Mary’s to say, which of course I didn’t recite ’cause I knew what he was up to. Needless to say, that was my last Catholic confession.
Chad Wallace says
We were falsely accused of causing a chain reaction accident. I’m driving along (on the way to close on our house purchase by the way) and get pulled over by the cops. Turns out the wife WITNESSED said accident, drove past the scene and refused to stop and get involved.
The bitch that actually caused the wreck by rear ending the car ahead of her, said that she was rear ended, and that the car that caused it drove away (our car). She then staked out that corner for a week, until she saw the wife driving by (we have a USED caddy escalade) and got the license plate number.
Try to prove that you Did NOT do something! It started a whole ugly chain of events. Cops would not give us a copy of the ‘accident report’, even though we were named in it. Our insurance company told us they most likely would just pay the claim, because to fight it (against the largest insurance company in the country) would cost more than just paying. But of course they reassured us that ‘this won’t affect your premiums’.. yeah right.
We had to hire a lawyer. Threaten to sue the city to get the fictirtious accident report, the driver who fingered us, our own insurance company, and the other driver’s insurance company.
And when it was all done with, the other insurance company still wanted to come out and take pictures of our vehicle, which mind you has no accident damage since it was not involved in an accident! We said, yes you may, but our lawyer will be there, he will answer any questions you may have, we will not speak with you. Our insurance agent and their legal representatives will be there too. Havent’ heard back from them since.
I hate to have to resort to using the courts, but in this case it was the only hope. It cost us nearly $2k to protect ourselves from this unfair accusation.
I think the fact that we drive what is perceived to be an expensive vehicle (we paid a small fraction of the original sticker price as it was used) was the key behind the whole thing. People thought that we were rich (jokes on them) and that we would most likely just pay up, or our insurance company would.
I was accused of puting the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop and puting the dip in the dip da dip da dip.
I was actually convicted of putting the ram in the rama-lama ding-dang.
I understand there’s a stiff fine for that.
Come to think of it…I’ve never been accused of faking an orgasm. I have been accused of saying I was out of pot when I wasn’t. Beer too. And spare change too. How can they tell?
Jeff – I deal with Paypal all the time and there is a solution you may not have considered. Adjust the source of your back–up funds to your bank account. That way when you pay for something with Paypal, if you don’t have enough in the Paypal account it automatically pulls the difference from your bank account.
Also, if you don’t have a Paypal business debit, you need one. You can use the funds immediately, and also pull back-up funds from your bank account. I get paid for my freelance writing through Paypal and I would be screwed if I had to wait for a bank transfer.
I have been accused of not attending my sister’s wedding because of a stupid fight she had with my mother. That is really insulting. I didn’t go because at the time, I just couldn’t afford it. I had some urgent bills to cover. But yeah, I was pretty upset that my own family would think I was that petty. Jerks.
Speaking of PayPal. I got one of those PayPal card swipers for my phone for free. Now I can start my sex for beer for money business.