My ride home last night was pretty interesting. The wind was blasting like the ass of an obese, lactose intolerant pipefitter, and the whole world was filled with swirling leaves. It felt like I was inside a snow globe, because of all the flying leaves. It was alternately cool as hell, and unnerving.
Occasionally a gust would knock me off course, and a few times it felt like I was up on two wheels. I was concerned, because all sorts of debris was sailing across the interstate. I saw a metal sign skip off the hood of another car, and I nearly ran over a large bottle of laundry detergent. Plus, the tractor trailers seemed to be swaying, and threatening to topple over.
It was crazy. But not crazy enough to discourage me from stopping at McDonald’s for two regular hamburgers, with no pickles. I handed the guy at the drive-thru a five dollar bill, and he muttered, “Fuck!” and took off running.
What was happening?? Next thing I know, he’s out in the parking lot, chasing something. It was my money! I wasn’t aware he’d dropped it, and it was pretty funny watching him running around in that monsoon, trying to stomp on it and nearly falling down a couple of times. Eventually he snagged the thing.
When he returned, he said, “I hope you weren’t laughing at me?” “No way,” I lied. He didn’t seem to be joking, and had power over my food. I assured him with my eyes that I’d been concerned about his welfare during the entire episode.
I let Andy out when I got home, and he hard-charged out the front door, as is the tradition. But he stopped in his tracks when he realized something wasn’t right; this was not the world he knew. It was like one of those hurricane machines at the mall. The hound took a leak, using the dainty and humiliating drop-down-in-the-rear technique, and immediately wanted back in. Funk dat. Andy doesn’t much care for the horizontal pissing, and I can’t really blame him.
I’m approved to have the week of Thanksgiving off from work. And you know what’s cool about it? I just visited my parents a few weeks ago, so I can take the time guilt-free. Oh, there are plenty of other things to feel guilty about (I manufacture it like a factory), but visiting my folks is always a big one. Maybe I can string together a few pleasant days?
What are your plans for the holiday? I’m going to put together a reasonable to-do list for the week, and get to work on it. As far as I know, we won’t have any visitors (N&N are on-again off-again and aren’t traveling, and Toney hasn’t spoken to Sunshine in a couple of years), so it’ll be an opportunity to get some things accomplished. On Thanksgiving itself, the plan is pretty standard: eat and drink to excess. And maybe watch a shitload of Twilight Zones.
Do you have anything interesting planned? If so, please tell us about it. Also, if you have any Thanksgiving disasters from the past to share with us, please do. We love disasters around here.
And I need to go to work, yet again. Man, that place is taking its toll…
Have a great day, my friends!
I’ll see you again tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon!
Here’s the link for our Canadian friends
Just me and the Missus for Thanksgiving this year, as the kids are visiting distant family. I just hope this doesn’t cause people to “take pity on us” and invite us over for dinner. Stretchy pants, turkey breast and a quiet house sounds just right.
Billy Joel says
Thanksgiving: Mother-in-law visit, cooking for a bunch of people, and probably a visit from some law enforcement officers
Drive for 6 hours to see the parental units on Saturday and then come home Wednesday before the festivities. Having T-day dinner with the son . . . husband now works out of state and cannot come down. Oh, well. On the good side, gonna purchase some Trader Joe’s side dishes that sound very appetizing.
WB in OH says
Windy? This photo was taken about 4 miles west of my home.
Thanksgiving is always held at my brother and sister in laws house. Eat, watch a little football, go back home, nothing too exciting except for a great meal.
Can’t recall any turkey day related disasters.
Miss Q says
Thanksgiving day disaster stories I have a-plenty. Like the time when my brother and I were young adults still living at home and my parents told us to invite friends for Thanksgiving. Which we did. And the turkey was cold and bloody inside. Boy, were we proud.
Or the time I expended a metric shit ton of energy chopping root vegetables, including turnips (ever tried to chop a turnip? I dare you), only to burn them in the oven. As in flames shooting out the oven door and the smoke alarm going off. I had about 14 people at my house that year. Fun!
Nowadays, I prefer to spend Thanksgiving with only Mr. Q, my daughter, my step-son and my brother. My daughter and I cook, my brother and Mr. Q clean up, and we all watch football and Punkin’ Chunkin’. Now THAT is a holiday.
Miss Q says
It just occured to me that my stories aren’t really “disasters”. No one got physically hurt, no ER involved, no authorities had to be called.
Now I think I’m boring.
I prefer to cook for Thanksgiving. I hate going to my boyfriend’s parents house. Everything is served off the top of the stove in the pot the canned food is heated up in. His mom says dinner is at a certain time then, when we get there, everyone already ate. Now it’s leftovers. Nah. I’ll cook our own little feast. We’ll go to his parents for the pumpkin pie in the plastic resealable container.
Average Jane says
Just me and my husband and my dad for Thanksgiving this year, so I’m in search of a decent restaurant where we can go have a buffet meal and be done with it. My dad doesn’t want to spend more time with us than it takes to have a meal anyway, so why spend all day cooking and cleaning?
If I remember from your blog, You’re in KC, right? My parents went to Lidia’s a few years ago for Thanksgiving a few years ago and said it was wonderful. After round 40 years of cooking and/or attending family Thanksgivings, my mom said it was a real treat!
Just Beloved and I which is the norm. We stopped that running around shit years ago. I feel guilty for not going spending it with my Mom but there is just no room. I’ll go see her on Saturday.
I can’t think of any Thanksgiving disasters but I have a shitload of Christmas ones.
Me, my hubby and daughter. My mom and niece are coming from NY. I am cooking the usual Thanksgiving fare. I remember when I was about 15 my mom had enough of everyones shit and threatened to throw the turkey out the window of our 4th floor apartment. I always remember that Thanksgiving haha. We still talk about it.
No plans this year. I used to throw a big ‘do for family and friends every year, but the parents have gotten old enough that they can’t travel so easily anymore. Most friends have their own kids and families, etc.
I will probably still whip up some of my favorite homemade side dishes, though: green bean casserole, creamed pearl onions, sausage stuffing, etc.
We’ll have a gathering of 4 generations. My mother and I will cook, my mother will stress herself out totally. My preschooler will refuse to eat anything. Despite my excellent homemade cranberry sauce, my grandfather will insist on that shit that looks just like the can even though it’s out of the can. My aunt will show up just in time for the food to go on the table, but of course she’ll say, “What can I do to help?”. The men in the family will do nothing, and I do mean n-o-t-h-i-n-g, but eat. They will complain about us eating off paper plates, I’m sure.
I would be very, very thankful this year if Toney and Sunshine would start speaking again so we could get some new material.
I was thinking the same thing m……The Sunshine and Mumbles stories, along with the N&N shenanigans with the freaky Translucents used to make me piss my pants
Ruthless Dee says
Once again I declared that I am not going all out this year, just the basic necessities: turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy and the upgraded green bean casserole. As is my tradition, once again I lied. Anything I’ve ever had at a Thanksgiving dinner that I, or anyone else, liked gets prepared with love and goes on the table. Example: My father loved mincemeat pie. He died when I was 14 and nobody I know has liked mincemeat pie since then. I still bake a beautiful lattice crust pie to sit there beside the pecan, sweet potato, apple and chess pies and the assorted cakes. Dinner will have so many dishes that no dessert is needed and I will mentally take bows for the best cornbread, sausage, pecan dressing ever made.
Disasters have never happened but I was thoroughly pissed one year when invited guests were extremely late, dinner was waiting and they came out with a lame sing-song “sorry”. All these years this polite southern girl has been in Seattle and I still don’t get the blasé attitude about being on time. I do accept these things and am hopeful that folks accept that they will never get to taste my dressing again. Stop by on Saturday, though, for some mincemeat pie. .
Hey I like mincemeat pie, mail it to me 🙂 I have one on the grocery list for later today, not for Thanksgiving, just for me to eat.
Ruthless Dee says
By the way, that kid in that episode of Twilight Zone was one scary little MF.
I thought that was the kid from Lost in Space.
Miss Q says
Nah, it’s the cornfield kid.
Bill in WV says
Yep, it’s Billy Mumy of Lost in Space fame. I thiink this shot was from a Twilight Zone episode.
My all time favorite Thanksgiving letter that I wish I had written:
As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.
Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.
All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.
The Mike Byron Family
1.Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2.Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Haagen Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3.Toppings for the ice cream.
4.A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.
The Bob Byron Family
1.Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2.A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of Clos du Bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).
The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’oeuvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).
The Michelle Bobble Family
1.Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2.2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon.
3.Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4.A pie knife.
The June Davis Family
1.15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2.A bottle of Clos du Bois chardonnay.
The Amy Misto Family
(why do I even bother,
she will never read this)
1.A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2.An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.
Looking forward to the 28th!!
Heather in MI says
I’ll be cooking for about 75 on-duty EMTs in the morning and then I’ll throw together a little feast for the husband and children. No extended family. No football. No drama.
Phil Jett says
I’m working from 5am to 5pm. Double time is the only consolation.
Dinner with wife, daughter and mom when I get home. The son is having thanksgiving at his in-laws, First one ever without him. Sucks ass.
John Smith says
The in laws are coming (4 of them), which I’m nailed down babysitting a 4yr old autistic boy and his crazy 2 yr old brother while mom goes out to “catch up” with her family who she only see’s 4 other times a year.
Any Thanksgiving with my ex when she was PMS’ing was a disaster. Come to think of it, that was most of them.
You need to do some work to get N & N “on again” so they’ll come visit. I miss their particular brand of kookery. If you don’t, I’ll wish YOU into the cornfield!!
Bill in WV says
We now resume our regular programming schedule…..
…already in progress.
MiniPeds in NOLA says
One year my grandmother mixed up her migraine medicines and we had microwaved thanksgiving dinner on paper plates. She’s normally a real, polished silver and special china type lady so we all knew she was high as a kite. Hilarity.