I was going to update on Thursday, honest. But you know what they say about best-laid plans… Toney took the day off, and tried to concentrate all manner of dentist/doctor appointments into a single eight hour chunk of time. And everything went flying off the tracks.
At 9:15 am the phone started ringing. I was completely, absolutely asleep, and wasn’t about to hoist my ass off the platform for the privilege of listening to a recording from the Paralyzed Gay Jugglers for Obama PAC, so I just sighed and rolled over.
But the person kept calling. They’d wait until it got right up to the cusp of the voicemail kicking in, hang up, and dial the number again. It’s not an easy thing to accomplish, but I was furious before actually waking up.
I trudged downstairs and looked at the caller ID. It was Toney. The crap? I snatched the phone from its cradle, and asked what was wrong. Anger was instantly replaced by concern.
It turned out she was stuck at a dentist office with the younger Secret, and needed me to pick up the older Secret from school at 10:00. She didn’t think she was going to make it, and needed me to step to the plate. I told her no problem, hung up, and allowed just a little of the anger to seep back into the day.
But whatever. I took a shower, guzzled some coffee, and went to the middle school.
And why are schools always just a tad too warm? Have you ever noticed this? They’re almost never comfortable, and also never too cool. I walked to the office, gagging on the funk of a thousand Axe-soaked pubescent hooligans, and waited for the Secret to appear.
Usually I’m sitting there like an idiot, for an inordinate amount of time, but this time he showed up as scheduled.
And he was irritated because he was going to miss lunch and “specials,” which means the fun, social part of the day. I told him I’d speak to his mother, and try to work it out so he misses only the ball-mashing, no-talking-allowed classes in the future.
While driving, Toney and I discussed how to manage the hand-off. I needed to get one kid, and pass the other to her. We decided there was time enough to do it at home, so that’s where I went.
The younger youngling had to have two persistent baby teeth pulled, and was sporting a mouth full of gauze. Toney told him he could stay home for the rest of the day. So, there ya go. Not much was going to be accomplished on this Thursday…
After Toney and Sulky left, I watched the younger boy manhandle a PlayStation game, with what looked like a tube sock hanging out of his mouth.
“Are you getting hungry?” I finally asked. And this was code for: “Damn, I’m hungry.”
He said he didn’t think he could eat solid food, but would like to have a milkshake. Interesting. That meant we’d have to go to a restaurant, instead of me making something at home. How utterly disappointing.
After Toney finished at dentist office number two, she called and I told her of the current, pressing food requirements. She said she had ninety minutes to spare, and a coupon for Johnny Rockets. So, she took the older boy back to school (he’d been offered the opportunity to stay home as well, but declined!), and we went for burgers and shakes at a fake 1950s diner.
I’ve had bad experiences at Johnny Rockets, and am a little wary of the place. One time we got four shakes, and two of them had big wads of something brown and slimy in the bottom of the cups. We still don’t know what it was, but the manager said it was “pie.” …Which opens up a whole new line of questions.
All I can say is blecch. That incident earned Johnny Rockets a six-month spot on the I’ll Never Eat There Again! list.
But this time we got lucky, and everything was pretty good. I had a #12, with tangy red red sauce (ketchup), and it wasn’t bad at all. Nobody else had any complaints either, and the “one free entrée” coupon helped with the bill.
I’m not a fan of the dancing waitresses, though, and all that Woo! bullshit. Is that supposed to be cute? Well, I’m afraid it ain’t. I always feel a powerful urge to grab a spoon and start flicking mustard at them.
I decided the day wasn’t going to be a complete waste, and set up my new computer when we got home. It was easier than anticipated, and the external hard drive made the difference. I’d been dragging stuff over to it, in anticipation, and the whole exercise was shockingly painless.
Within an abbreviated amount of time I had all the important programs reinstalled, and my iTunes library transferred. Microsoft Office wouldn’t allow me to activate it on a third computer (after my laptop and old desktop), but I called an 800 number and they gave me a new product key without even a hint of delay.
I’d been putting it off because I was afraid it would be a hassle, but was pleasantly surprised. The printer even works, with Windows Vista. I’d been warned about the Vista/printer situation, but had no problems. Pretty cool.
The next day I spent about six hours at the library, hunched over my laptop. I got some extracurricular writing done, but the moment school lets out, that place turns into a Chuck E. Cheese. And what kind of nerd-child hangs out at the library after school on a Friday??
Also, there was an old man seated behind me, hammering at the keys of his laptop. Just continuous clickin’ and clackin’ – way too hard. And in front of me was a guy who couldn’t sit still. He was constantly fidgeting, and twisting around in his chair. I wondered if he’d somehow forgotten to wipe, earlier in the day.
So, to hell with it. No way I could work with all that racket. I packed everything up and went home.
Toney was just coming in from work, and was aggravated about something or other. She asked if I’d be interested in hitting happy hour before dinner, at the local yuppie bar.
Yeah, that’s like asking Andy if he’d be interested in finishing my pot roast dinner.
So, we went in there, and the place was lousy with teachers from the middle school. At least that’s what Toney said… I wouldn’t know ’em, even if they knocked on our front door.
But it made Toney uncomfortable, like they were judging us, or something. “Look at them,” I said, “They’re shotgunning tumblers of bourbon. I don’t think they care too much about us.”
We ordered two pints each of Magic Hat #9, and Toney was messing around with my cell phone and snapped this picture. It’s a rare photograph of me that I don’t mind sharing with others.
For dinner we had some really good grilled sandwiches. Then Toney took the younger Secret to a birthday party, and she went to a meeting. The older Secret had swimming practice, and I was in charge of picking both of them up.
When Toney got home, she asked if I’d had any trouble finding the place where the birthday party took place: a huge sports complex in Scranton. I assured her I had not, and she said, “Did you give Zack a ride home?”
What? Who the hell is Zack? Nobody said anything about a Zack! Luckily, the Secret saw him leaving with his Dad, so I was off the hook. But it could’ve been ugly, real ugly. I’m picturing this unknown kid standing outside a darkened building, sobbing uncontrollably into the night.
And after Toney got home we resumed our preparation beverages, because at 10:30, or thereabouts… weekend “visitors” arrived. From north of the border. And what had earlier passed as chaos, now seemed like a Caribbean vacation.
So, that’s why I’ve been away for a few days. I hope you’ll forgive my absence. Believe me, I would’ve rather been updating the Surf Report, than a lot of what I was actually doing.
I’ll leave you now with two semi-relevant Questions of the Day:
The yuppie bar, where we drank Magic Hat with school teachers, has a fairly unimaginative name. Tell us about bars you’ve encountered, with cool names. Use the comments link below.
Also, what restaurants have made it to your I’ll Never Eat There Again! list, and why? And this can be expanded, if you like, to any place of business. Have you ever made a vow to never return to a restaurant, or store, or whatever? Or the opposite: have you ever been banned from a place? Like Sunshine?
And that’s that, my friends. I’ll have more for you tomorrow, and this time tomorrow means tomorrow.
See ya then.
I have a friend who was a manager at applebee’s and 90% of their food is cooked in “magic ovens” (aka microwaves) if thats the case why the hell is the food they send out still lukewarm..blech!
I cant eat at Golden Corral or any of the big buffet places, not because of the food so much as the people who eat there..I can only look at so many jail house tatoos and dumplin kids but for some odd reason the Der Dutchman Amish buffet doesnt bother me at all!
Off the top of my head, restaurants I will never frequent again: Outback Steak House (for permanently crippling my digestive tract), Crapplebees, Texas Roadhouse (beef jerky does not count as steak), Chilis, Quiznos (for screaming “We’re closed! at me as soon as I stepped into their foyer, despite their “Open” sign being on), and the local Chinese place that gave me take-out potstickers with a cockroach neatly pressed into the sixth one (I ate the other five before the discovery, dammit). I called the health department on the latter and the food inspector, who sounded remarkably like Droopy Dog, said the place was simply writhing with cockroaches. However they were going to give them a second chance sans citation. Nice. Sort of makes me fear eating out around here.
Applebee’s, for sure, bad to mediocre food and poor service.
Why eat an anywhere corporate when there are genuine alternatives?
For dinner our home town is limited pretty much to Pizza and mediocre Chinese food. There are a couple diners and local restaurants which do a good job for breakfast and lunch but we don’t mind driving the 40 or so miles to Portland (Maine), which is a pretty good food town, for dinner. When we dine out we want it to be special… food that we probably can’t prepare better at home.
Now we come to Olive Garden…
Several years ago my wife took a bite of salad, went to take a second bite and found half a fly on her fork. The manager used the excuse that they got their salad vegetables pre-cut and bagged so the fly must have come from somewhere else than their kitchen. As if that made it all better. We ended up not paying for our meal…and received a hand written apology from the manager along with some gift certificates which we promptly gave away.
Flash forward 15 years and a brand new Olive Garden is being constructed in a town nearby. During the last inspection before the interior walls , ceilings, etc. are put up, the inspector discovers that the builders have used pressure treated lumber throughout the interior of the restaurant.
What leaches out of PT lumber? Arsenic! And apparently the corporate guy responsible for the construction had inadvertently signed of on this.
Olive Garden? Never again….
My hat’s off, however, to the local Bonanza Steakhouse which, absolutely puts any other Bonanzas we have visited to shame… The owner is a stand up guy who puts out great food within the corporate umbrella. His food bar is amazing. The value for money is excellent. The place is spotless. Service is courteous and cheerful They truly understand customer satisfaction. The staff there is treated with respect by the management and it shows in all aspects of the restaurant. It’s not “cuisine” but it’s a welcome alternative to the fast food outlets.
I will not eat at Chili’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, and have never and after reading all these comments, won’t ever eat at Applebee’s. Oh add Long John Silver’s , KFC and Burger King to that list too. Oh, and I HATE the Golden Corral with a passion. And all the steak houses in my town seriously suck out loud.
Oh, and I am going to try the new Five Guys in Winston-Salem very soon. Because Jeff is always mentioning it. I hope it lives up to his bragging!
My favorite bar is The Library in Boone, NC. Located right across the street from Appalachain State University. How conveniant to tell your parents- I have been in the library all evening! HA
I will not eat the food at Applebee’s, golden corral, ruby tuesdays, red lobster, I try to avoid the Olive Garden, and chilies.
it all tastes the same and the service all sucks.
I cant come up with any great bar names, I went to a bunch of places with great names in England. There is a Cock and Bull in new hope that did dinner theater.
Back in the day, there was a bar called The Library near Arizona State University. Father’s Office in Santa Monica CA was one of the first bars in LA to feature only microbrews.
I refuse to eat at any IHop. There was a special for kids to eat free. We have four so we went on the designated night. When we go to pay they inform us that only one child per bill gets to eat free. No where on any of the propoganda does it say this. Only the age limits. So needless to say I was POed and informed them I would like one bill with my food and 2 kids and a separate bill for my hubby and 2 kids. They did the ole eye roll but went ahead and did it. For the crap they serve they should have paid us to eat there. Ever since then I refuse to step foot in one. Our local one was burned down. I told my hubby they probably pissed off someone with their secret rules and they came back and burnt the place down that night.
There isn’t too many interesting bar names around here. Los Taqious is our local mexican bar. We also have The Chicken Coop.
bar names, how about the Own Lee Place! I like it much better that the yuppie bar( and only 1/2 block away), but no fancy beers(although the golden elixer does flow freely there). The place to go for those is a place called Elmer Sudds, in Wilkes Barre, or Coopers, in Scranton. But only for beer, not food, because it totally blows and is WAY overpriced!
There is a bar in Bonduel, (Here in Wisconsin) called Double Vision-
A bar called My Brother’s Place comes to mind. I like that one. No Applebees for me either we call Scrapplebees.
most college towns I’ve been to have a bar just off campus called “the library”. some in my area: the crowbar, the office bar, wonderbar, the mason jar (on mason road), I 5’s “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere”. An idea my friends and I have had is to name one “D.U.I.’s” (pronounced “dewey’s”) and have a bus service to take people home. I think that has some real promise, you are all welcome to make that idea your own.
Drove all day to cape cod for a vacation, tired and thirsty passed a tavern called the Black Dog! just what the doctor ordered! ponyed up to the bar & asked what was on tap? What did you bring say’s the barkeep! WTF! a genuine bring your own booze bar! as I didn’t feel like driving 12 hrs home for a can ended up with a coke! No wonder the Brits kicked the Pilgrims out of England!!