Before we get started today, I need to alert you to an important news bulletin. This was sent to me by several people, and, in addition to the overall heartwarming story it tells, there’s a sentence in the article that is so jarring and hilarious…
Well, just try to read it without busting out laughing. I challenge you. Oh, and just so you know, the sordid affair happened less than forty miles from where I grew up. I couldn’t be prouder.
But, at least we didn’t call green peppers “mangos” down there. WTF? They do here… some people, anyway. And what in the cartwheeling hell? Mangos??
I found this weird video a few days ago, which will give you a brief glimpse into the strange way people talk in this neck o’ the woods. I don’t think “mangos” are mentioned, but they do touch on “a cuppa two tree.”
At my job I’m supposed to work four 10-hour days. I’ve been working five days, and might go up to six (if they’ll let me). But I was wondering… what do you think would be the best way to get your forty hours in, during a week? You know, if they let you decide.
I’ve given it a little thought, and think I’d prefer to work two 20-hour days. It would suck, but I’m pretty sure I could do it. Then I’d have five days off every week. Five!
Do you have any opinions on this? How would you slice and dice yer forty hours, in a theoretical world?
Also, if you were a three-legged dog, which leg would be the best to go without? Would it make any difference? If so, tell us why. Use the comments link below.
My brain don’t feel so good…
And I’m waiting on a cuppa emails or phone calls, which is making me slightly crazy. Yesterday I was driving to work, and my phone made its new email noise, so I picked it up and took a peek.
I only took my eyes off the road for two seconds or so, and when I returned to the task at hand I saw that I was drifting radically to the left. Like NBC news. Luckily, I was already in the left lane, so there was no real danger. But it shook me up a little.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just one stupid, seemingly-inconsequential decision away from death, dismemberment, or twenty years in prison. Does that thought ever cross your mind?
Say, for instance, the email I’m waiting for finally arrives while I’m traveling on I-81, the devil’s parkway. I can’t resist skimming it. So I go drifting like yesterday, crash through the guardrail, and wipe out a blind-child orphanage, or palsy center.
Then, on the TV news: “the orphan-killer was… texting!” The whole community turns on me, and the next thing I know I’ve got an orange jumpsuit around my ankles, and a permanent frown on my face.
Or, say I’m at the grocery store, waiting in line behind some imbecile who is treating the self-checkout like a bomb he’s been put in charge of disarming. I sigh with exasperation, an argument ensues, and he ends up slipping and hitting his head on the carpet shampooer that nobody actually rents.
See? It’s a very fragile thing, this being out of prison. And I’m sure there are thousands of other scenarios that haven’t yet occurred to me, that might lead to the Permanent Frown.
How do you think you’ll be sent away? What tiny bad decision will lead to your incarceration? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And I’m going back to work, of course.
I’ll try to get more sleep tomorrow, and write a more coherent update. Three-legged dog? Good god.
See you then.
Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!
A dog can apparently even get by without both front legs. But then it does shit like this and you start thinking the End of Days are nigh.
Sweet Chocolate Jeezus, that’s freaky!
hot fuzz says
“But then it does shit like this”…I thought the “does” was for emphasis… meaning “it shits this way”…so I’m watching the video to see how the dog craps…and then I’m thinking “I’m watching a video to see how a dog craps”,,,,,
stop messing with my head
Same here. I thought the dog was going to lay on it’s face and shit.
Sorry for the mental confusion. I’ve slept a total of 6 hours over the last 72 and I have Mush Head. This is what happens when an ex-best friend and an ex-boyfriend choose the same week to try and break back into your life AND your car goes in for inspection and they do the “oh, you need four new tires and a total realignment” song and dance AND a Qantas Airways jet totally blows an engine while your parents are also, coincidentally, on a different Qantas flight to Australia and your broken mind’s repeated mental image is of exploding koala bears.
I think I’ve earned a do-over here.
“A dog can apparently even get by without both front legs. But then it HAS TO WALK LIKE THIS and you start thinking the End of Days are nigh.”
There, all better.
Speaking of “My Brain Don’t Feel So Good”, you guys, please watch this. I laughed until I peed my pants and I couldn’t think of a better group to share it with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muc0kaQtCMU
thanks for the nightmare
I once knew a dog with no nose.
How did it smell?
Good Morning Surf Reporters….
I missed the whole point of the ideal work week.
Three 12 to 14 hour shifts, then 4 days off, with an alternating 12 hour float in 5 weekly rotations. I think that works out to 2 weekends plus each month.
and I’m about to work a 12 hour shift starting 6 hours from now….
We’ve needed a B-girl on this site for some time now.
“…palsy center” is perfect in a highly imperfect world.
My best 40 hour slice was when I worked at the remote weather station at Stampede Pass in Washington. We worked two 16 hour days (3AM til 7PM) then on our third day we worked 3AM til 11AM, then were off for 4 and a half days. Worst part was the getting up at 3AM and having to log in weather data, but after that, we could snooze for 55 mintes between hourly weather observations.
…the pay sucked, but they let me hire my girlfriend, and this totally loony but lovable guy from my National Guard troop. Great times!
I work 3 twelve hour shifts………….paid for 40 hours. We’ve been stumping for 2 sixtteen hour shifts…….
I love it. The 4 days off, that is. Much more time to live, and catch up on lots of crap on the web, pursue hobbies I never had time for before, and so on…….
Perfect shifts for me would be 3×12 hours. I’m lobbying heavily for this right now, but no luck so far. I currently work 8 days on, 6 days off, and it plays havoc with my home life. My first day off, my child clings to me like a tick because he’s afraid I will leave.
If I were to go to jail, it would be for murder of one of my patients. Not a mercy killing sort of thing, either. When a welfare queen tells me that her care is free, I see red, because as a tax payer, I pay for her care. Or when they gripe because I won’t bring free food to the room for the baby’s daddy of the week. Or when they look at me like I’m crazy when I ask them for a work number and say “I’m PREGNANT, I don’t work.” This one really got to me when I was 38 weeks pregnant and working. One day I will have had all I can take of entitlement mentality, and I will strangle someone with IV tubing. And I would promptly assault a CO so I could go straight to solitary. I can run my mouth with the best, but I’m really a wuss.
Shit sparky Anderson died.
WB in OH says
Bill in WV says
R.I.P. old number 10.
Here’s a good read from over at Hardball Talk. I go between here and there when I’m at my desk. One guy said yesterday that “guys named Sparky aren’t supposed to get sick…ever.” I agree. Mudville smiles ’cause Sparky played the game.
Oh, wow! We lost a good one!
A thought. Set the ex up with the ex and tell them they can use your car if they get it fixed. Glad the folks are OK.