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Ranking The Candy Bars!

April 27, 2020 By Jeff 38 Comments

Last time we shared the candies we dislike, and today I’m going to make an effort to rank my Top 5 favorite candy bars. I don’t eat them all that often anymore, but I’ve rifled-down enough during my ridiculous life to have an opinion. And it’s difficult to limit it to just five. However… if I expand it to 10 it feels like I’m padding the list with a couple that are not top-tier. So, let’s give it a shot. Here are my five faves, ranked:

5. York Peppermint Patty
4. Snickers
3. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
2. Take 5
1. Kit Kat

I realize there are a couple of controversial entries there. Including number five, which seems to be the most divisive candy bar of them all. But, what can I say? I love ’em! When I admit this, my heterosexuality is sometimes called into question. Because I enjoy a light and delightful candy bar?! Whatever. When I’m at Target or Walmart and spot a box o’ those beauties near the checkout, I’ll go for one every time. But I don’t see them as often as I used to, and it concerns me.

The other one that might surprise people is number two. Most of the top tier entries have been around for decades, but Take 5 is relatively new. And I find it amazing that such a perfect concoction was created at such a late date. 2004, according to Wikipedia. It feels like every combination must have surely been tested by then, right? But here we are. This is a solid and fantastic candy bar, definitely one of my favorites. I wish I had one right now.

Kit Kat kicks ass, needless to say. When we were in England they had a massive number of novelty versions, and I see a few over here too. But it’s the original that I love. Sure the Sunday Roast version is intriguing, and the Pepperoni Pizza Kit Kat is probably interesting, but just give me the tried and true. The best candy bar of them all!

The others are classics, and would probably appear on many Top 5 lists. The ones that were left off, but are also really good: Milky Way (like 3 Musketeers but with a ribbon of delicious caramel as a bonus), Almond Joy (I’m a big fan of coconut in this context. I don’t always like it, but it works here), and Payday (when they’re fresh they’re really good, but they are often semi-stale), and Caramello (damn, should this one be in my Top 5?!).

Some popular ones I don’t really like include Heath, Butterfinger, and Nestle Crunch. I like Krackel but Nestle Crunch makes me sad. It’s a poorly-executed knockoff, waxy as all fuck.

Just because I was curious I looked up the year each of my Top 5 were introduced. Here they are: Kit Kat (1935, but 1970s for USA), Take 5 (2004), Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (1928), Snickers (1930), and York Peppermint Patty (1940). So, I was correct that most date to before WWII. Crazy. The good stuff survives, right?

What do you have on this one? Tell us about it in the comments. Am I way off? Set me straight, won’t you?

And there’s a new podcast episode available, if you’re so inclined. Check it out here.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day!

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Comments

  1. Flowable Phil says

    April 27, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    5. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
    4. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
    3. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
    2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
    1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

    Reply
  2. Limey says

    April 27, 2020 at 3:33 pm

    Jeff, get yourself over to CandySan and get one of their selection bags of Japanese Kit-Kats.

    Do not get a Pokémon curry – trust me on this.

    Reply
  3. Cindy says

    April 27, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    I agree with your choices. The Take 5 is an awesome often looked over contender. A sleeper if you will.

    Reply
  4. madz1962 says

    April 27, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    I prefer dark chocolate so when kit Kats came out with the dark chocolate version I died and went to heaven. And the milky way dark is a dream come true, too.

    Jeff, I totally agree about nestles. How they can legally get away with calling that candlestick “chocolate” is criminal.

    Reply
  5. Malcolm says

    April 27, 2020 at 5:03 pm

    I am in total agreement with the Kit Kat at #1. And having traveled to Japan multiple times in my adult life, I have stories to tell about Kit Kat options. But that’s another long comment, NSFW.

    Milky Way also features in my top 5.

    I would add the $100,000 bar, Baby Ruth, and Twix.

    I do like Heath and Butterfinger, but always have a bit of regret after picking toffee out of my teeth for 2 hours afterwards.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      April 27, 2020 at 5:45 pm

      We had this slower gentleman in town when I was growing up. He always wanted to pinch the little girls cheeks. My mother would see him coming down the avenue and rush us into a store. When he gave his crazy semi Brown toothless maniacal grin my mother would say his mouth looked like he was chewing a baby ruth. To this day I can’t stomach that candy.

      Reply
    • Dr Buforc says

      April 27, 2020 at 10:20 pm

      Heath are best from the freezer after the toffee has frozen solid.

      Reply
  6. STLSteve says

    April 28, 2020 at 8:02 am

    I’ll admit, prior to reading this, I’d never heard of a Take5. I looked it up and they look incredible! When the lockdown is over, I fully intend to indulge in one of these bad boys! Thanks for that.

    Reply
  7. Limey says

    April 28, 2020 at 10:43 am

    I don’t eat many actual candy bars any more, but thinking about what I steal from the kiddy bowl at Halloween I like Snickers, Twix, and Kit Kat. Snickers are pretty much perfect to me. When in UK I’ll grab a Picnic or Wispa or Topic and think they got both smaller and expensive.

    Reply
  8. Limey says

    April 28, 2020 at 10:45 am

    As child in the 1930’s Roald Dahl, of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fame, evaluated prototype candy bars for Cadbury’s. Apparently that planted a seed.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      April 29, 2020 at 3:54 pm

      Very cool fact! Thanks for sharing that.

      Reply
  9. Westersteve says

    April 28, 2020 at 10:54 am

    I take candy into work on a semi-daily basis and a few trends have been seen. Kit Kat and Twix are the two heavyweights with Kit Kat taking the title in a close contest. Snickers and Baby Ruth are solid performers and get eaten very fast. You can’t give away 3 musketeers, Milky Way, or Hershey (plain). Payday, Butterfinger, and Heath bars are occasionally best items but their popularity fades very quick. Mr Goodbar is a personal favorite along with Mallo cups.

    Reply
    • AngryWhiteGuy says

      April 29, 2020 at 2:50 pm

      Baby roof! …(Sloth)

      Reply
  10. Not Oprah says

    April 28, 2020 at 11:29 am

    5. Aero
    4. Cadbury mini eggs
    3. Coffee crisp
    2. Toblerone
    1. Kitkat

    I’d never heard of a Take 5 either and had to look it up. In general, I find things with caramel too sweet but the combination with pretzels and peanut butter might even that out.

    I prefer to eat chocolate frozen.

    As for waxy chocolate? I find that all chocolate covered almonds have crappy waxy chocolate – doesn’t however seem to be enough of a deterrent for me.

    I prefer

    Reply
  11. chill says

    April 28, 2020 at 4:57 pm

    I can’t really come up with a rank-ordered list, but I agree that Kit Kat would be at or near the top. I remember liking the $100,000 bar as a kid, but I haven’t had one in decades. The Take 5 is new to me. Salty + sweet is a good combination, so I’ll have to try one. Toblerone, yes. You can have my York patties. Finally, one word: dark chocolate.

    Reply
  12. Phil Jett says

    April 29, 2020 at 9:09 am

    Like mine with more of the second ingredient than the chocolate.
    5. Zero
    4. Snickers
    3. Payday
    2. Almond Joy/Mounds
    1. Baby Ruth

    Reply
    • Airandee says

      May 24, 2020 at 4:33 pm

      I like your list Phil. I would only swap out the Zero bar with a Clark Bar.

      Reply
  13. AngryWhiteGuy says

    April 29, 2020 at 2:13 pm

    Kitkats are great to share. Unless you have more than three friends

    Reply
  14. SC Shawn says

    April 29, 2020 at 4:37 pm

    my list:

    5 – Milky Way
    4 – Zero
    3 – plain M & M’s
    2 – Kit Kat
    1 – Snickers (with almonds)

    Reply
  15. Jen says

    April 30, 2020 at 8:59 am

    Jeff if you like all of those then may I introduce you to two others that I think you will love?

    Reese’s Outrageous
    Reese’s nutrageous

    Both are amazing. The outrageous is amazing and I would eat a ton of them if I could!

    Reply
  16. Chowdergun! says

    April 30, 2020 at 12:44 pm

    Mallo Cup
    Zero Bar
    Snickers
    Any flavor of Ritter Sport
    Chunky

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      April 30, 2020 at 1:37 pm

      Ohhh Chunky! I used to love them. And Mallow Cups. Haven’t seen either in a long time.

      Anyone remember Skybars? There were maybe 6 different flavors per bite – Caramel, marshmallow, nougat etc.

      Reply
      • Airandee says

        May 24, 2020 at 4:38 pm

        If you ever drive by Altoona PA you can visit the warehouse store and load up on Mallow Cups.

        https://www.boyercandies.com/

        Reply
  17. Mookie325 says

    May 2, 2020 at 9:31 am

    5. Tie – Butterfinger/Milky Way
    4. 3 Musketeers
    3. York Peppermint Patty
    2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
    1. Snickers

    Reply
    • Mookie325 says

      May 2, 2020 at 9:34 am

      I’m not a big candy eater at all, so when I do indulge it’s a once-in-a-while treat. The light and airy Kit Kat seems to be a waste of my infrequent treat. And we could probably do another whole poll on the non-bar candies, i.e. M & Ms, Whoppers, Milk Duds, etc.

      Reply
  18. Surreal killer says

    May 2, 2020 at 11:47 am

    I’m a big fan of toffee, so Heath bars are at the top of my list. Glad to see you are updating the site often these days. This cheers me up! I promise not to say anything bad about Coolidge.

    Reply
    • chill says

      May 2, 2020 at 2:01 pm

      Coolidge! That motherf… ah, sorry.

      Reply
  19. Carolyn says

    May 2, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    I am surprised to see so many people mention a Zero. The only person I have ever known to eat one is my mother. When we would travel (to West Virginia) as kids, I remember my Mom asking my Dad to pick her up a Zero and a pack of Nabs. By ‘pack of Nabs’ she meant a package of those peanut butter cheese crackers.
    My personal list:
    5. Almond Joy
    4. Snickers
    3. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
    2. Reese’s Peanut Butter Trees
    1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs

    Reply
  20. Malcolm says

    May 4, 2020 at 11:50 am

    Out of curiosity I searched the web for the top selling candy bars in the world:

    1. Snickers
    2. Reese’s Cup
    3. Toblerone
    4. Kit Kat
    5. Dove

    Reply
  21. Hot Fuzz says

    May 4, 2020 at 9:34 pm

    I lean towards more plain chocolate. The low quality Easter stuff may be my guilty pleasure … I feel dirty for saying this in public…

    Favorite bars:
    5 Hershey with almonds
    4 3 Musketeers
    3 Aero
    2 Jersey Milk
    1 Milky way (Mars where I come from)

    Honourable mention to the York Pep Patty as a “not too often but so good”

    Reply
  22. Jason says

    May 4, 2020 at 9:43 pm

    5: Baby Ruth
    4: Butterfinger
    3: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
    2: KitKat
    1: Skor

    And none of it in goddamn white chocolate or strawberry creme or jalapeño Dr Pepper – DIE MILLENNIALS!!!

    Reply
  23. Root 66 says

    May 5, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    5. Payday
    4. Reese’s Cups (and their various seasonal forms, too)
    3. Skor (sometimes hard to find–but I’d settle for a Heath Bar in a pinch!)
    2 Take 5
    1. Hershey’s Gold (it’s like nothing I’ve ever tasted before–it is awesome!)

    Hmmmmm, with all of the peanut/peanut butter-related entries, I reckon I must be part squirrel or something!

    Reply
  24. Alex says

    May 7, 2020 at 10:04 am

    5. Oh Henry.
    4. Coffee Crisp.
    3. Chocolate M&M’s.
    2. Kit Kat.
    1. Mars Bar.

    Close runner up Caramilk.

    Reply
  25. Ian in Scotland says

    May 9, 2020 at 7:08 pm

    Kit-Kat is not candy. It’s a biscuit. End of.

    Reply
    • Not Oprah says

      May 9, 2020 at 10:58 pm

      Delicious chocolate covered biscuit.

      Reply
    • Limey says

      May 10, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      When I heard that the Tunnock’s factory had suspended production I panic ordered a case of Caramel Wafers. Now *that’s* a biscuit.

      Reply
  26. Barks says

    May 9, 2020 at 9:31 pm

    1. Zagnut
    2. Zero
    3. Payday
    4. Peppermint Patty
    5. Three Musketeers

    Reply
  27. Wisey in Ttown says

    May 11, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    Anybody like “Cherry Mash”?

    Reply

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