I realized I was a bit parched while driving to work on Saturday afternoon, so I cheated and grabbed the can of Mountain Dew Toney packed in my lunch. I figured I could buy another from the vending machine later. Sometimes you’ve just got to live for the moment, like those people jumping off cliffs in a… well, a Mountain Dew commercial.
So, I cracked that baby open, took a big swig, and let out an involuntary, “AAAAHHHHH!” I continued driving southbound on I-81, while enjoying Bewitched by Luna, and kept taking occasional hits off the Dew that was now tucked comfortably inside the cupholder in my console.
And when I got to the bottom of the can, I tilted it way up and something solid came washing into my mouth. What the?! My lower jaw retracted, I was instantly sent into a state of pre-vomit, and I pawed at the foreign object (substance?) with my right hand.
A bug! A big-ass bug, with wings!! Blecch! I rolled down my window and spit-out the soda that was still in my mouth. And since I was traveling at 70 mph, it all came flying back in my face and down the side of my neck. Good god!
It was freaking disgusting. I kept looking at the bug, while trying not to focus on the fact that it had been on my tongue only seconds before. Nasty. Also, it had been inside that can for weeks (I’d guess), it’s bugly essence becoming one with the Mountain Dew. And I’d ingested it all! Shit, I’m getting sick all over again, just thinking about it.
When I got to work I took some pics of the thing with my phone, and here are a few:
Any idea what kind of bug that is? One of my co-workers said it’s a “stink bug,” but I have a feeling that might not be a technical term. (Or is it?) As the evening progressed, it seemed like my tongue was swelling. At one point it felt like I was walking around with a flip-flop shower shoe in my mouth, and I think my lips were buzzing. But it might have just been paranoia…
Have you ever discovered something foreign in your food? If so, please tell us about it.
Years ago I was in a Cajun restaurant in Atlanta, and found a beetle in my jambalaya. I called the waitress over and showed it to her, and she accused me of putting it there myself. Like I go around with a pocket full of bugs, bilking restaurant owners out of five dollar rice dishes… I mean, seriously.
Thankfully that’s the only previous episode that jumps to mind. The Mountain Dew thing, though, was much worse than the jambalaya. Yesterday’s dead bug was a whole lot bigger, for one thing, and actually made it inside my mouth. Rolling around in there, and whatnot. <full body shiver> I might have to make an appointment with Jackie Chiles for Monday morning.
If you have anything to tell us about bad stuff you’ve found in your food, use the comments link below. And I’ll be back on Monday. Unless I turn into a fatass insect man with rotating googly eyes, or some shit.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Casey J says
I used to work at Olive Garden. I would rewash your salad if I were you. I also waited tables at a Georgia establishment..one of those Souther BBQ places and being southern and all Banana Pudding was the dessert of choice. My first and only night, the lady training me showed me how they pull off the plastic, scoop the flies(living and dead) off the top, then serve it up.
No shit. all done without a pause..common occurence and all. YUCKO. buy some tupperware or something. It was in columbus, those of you who live there. I can’t remember tha name.
And it went like this…
Rene Descartes entered the banquet hall and in preparing his acceptance for proving that two divided by one leads to a diviorce tried out his opening line on confidant, Jaques la Foote, and proclaimed…
“I stink therefore I am.”
“No, no, no Rene…you cannot say that. Trust in me with that. Please believe from me. I have heard jokes too many for my life of the bad smells.Pleeezzee…you must change that.
“Ok…’I think therefore you stink.”?
“Look…Renney…forget the stink for a momment. Think! Think of why you are here and who you are.”
“Ok…’I think there for I am going to kill the bastard who came between me and my wife and take her flower she had promised only to me..and send him quick to meet his mak…..”
“Good, good…shorten that to about five or six words and I think you’ve got it. Try just the first six and let the bastard sweat it out and wonder what the fuck is it you meant by that.”
Nurse Ratched says
hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! very good
Nurse Ratched says
when did we get a moderator? who’s our moderator Danny Maverick?
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Just think; they are consdidered a delicacy in some cultures….
I overslept big-time, and there will be no update. I’ll try to have something early on Tuesday. Sorry.
Post-bug ingestion side effect.
Jeez, Jeff, you got da stink-bug sleeping sickness. The onliest known treatment is green caffeine-laden sugar water. If you don’t make it may I have your digital Ramones collection?
WB in OH says
Overslept my ass, big meeting with Jackie Chiles went long this morning. Taking “Big Soda” down!
WB in OH says
That poor chimp in the bunker cam is going to have a broken eye socket if he doesn’t back away from the scope a little.
Yes, that’s a stink bug. I found one in my own coffee machine a few months ago. Luckily it was in the part where the ground coffee goes, so I saw (and removed) it before making the coffee.
Day late and a dollar short, that’s me.
The fog of stink looms
Dank, foul stench breeds disease…death
Sleep is where you hide
hot fuzz says
There once was a stink bug in Dew
That almost made Jeff want to spew
It was missing some wings
and a few other things
Jeff, remember, next time to chew
hot fuzz says
dead bug wing missing
sting bugs like Mountain Dew too
Jeff tries not to gag
hot fuzz says
Man writes of insect in flavored water
Loyal fans read, are compelled to share
The corpse cannot be unseen
Lets ride unicorns up the double rainbow
Yup, looks like a stink bug
“Jaques…look for me. Do you see a Spaniard out there? Ee will be the one I must kill although…I know ee will be waiting for his chance to kill me. Do you see ehim?”
“Si…eh,uh…oui. I think I do. Ee must be the one with the mustache…no?”
“Oui. I can smell ehim from here. The rotten ordor is the same as my house. As if ee was here with me now. I cannot take his taunting to come this close after what ee has done. Take this and put it in his drink. When ee sees this insect at the bottom of his glass…ee will know ee can no longer hide from me. Go. Now. Pleeze do it Jaquse.”
“Oui…uh..si…no….OUI!.Yes of course seno….Rene. I will do eet.”
greg t says
MSNBC headlines today…
FIFA president: Homosexuals should ‘refrain from sexual activities’ at 2022 World Cup
WTF?? What else is there to do during a “foootball” game…
I don’t know. The guy in the booth seems to get a blow job every half hour or so. “Gooooooooooooooolllllll”.
I remain unconvinced that a guy named Sepp Blatter should be telling anybody how to behave sexually during a football game.
In any case, it’s reasonably clear that Blatter thinks that wild sex in the stands between and among heterosexuals is pretty OK. Long conga lines connected by genetalia are appropriate after a strong centering pass as long as it’s boy girl boy girl boy girl.
The FIFA president would even join in, but he has a sepp blatter.
hot fuzz says
I think after the first two cars in that train you’d need some sort of adapter.
There will no longer be permitted use of the term, ball handling or any reference to an end zone. These terms are quite excitable and the not oft used phrase, “stuffed it”, is right out. Blowing a vuvuzela will result in an ejection.
hot fuzz says
he said errect… oh wait, nevermind
Lee Harvey Ramone says
After watching Vladimir Putin singing Blueberry Hill for an audience studded with Hollywood celebrity-types, I am forced to make the following conclusion:
The terrorists are probably correct about us.
Found a stone in a can of Chunky Soup once. Fired off a letter to the company, making cracks about “stone soup” and getting a couple of coupons for my trouble. Whoopee.
I’m still finding stink bugs down here. They’re dormant outside but the ones that got inside are still kicking. Last month I saw one crawling across my old big-screen TV. ON THE INSIDE. Two nights ago I found in a cup in the basement. I shook him up to make sure he was still alive. He landed on his back but almost instantly flipped himself over. I kept shaking the cup to flip him on to his back again and he kept righting himself like one of those guys that like to show off at the gym. THIS is how the Chinese are really going to finally beat us. These fu**ing bugs are EVIL.
This is crazy because this just happened to me today. I bought a bottle of mountain dew and i took a few drinks, thought it tasted a little funny, and then i was ready to take another sip and floating on top was a frinkin’ stink bug!
Kathy stover says
It’s called a Litigation Bug
JDL above is correct–it’s a stink bug. This area of PA has been lousy with them the last year or so, so much that we bought a stink bug trap and bait last summer. Unless the bottling plant is in NEPA, that little guy was living in your car already or flew in the window and landed in your can.
I wouldn’t worry about Stinky poisoning you Jeff….with all the chemicals in that can of soda, the Dew has done more damage than the bug ever will, especially to your tooth enamel.
Still not pleasant to find unexpected protein in once beverage however….lol
I remember reading this story back in 2010. That is most definitly a stink bug, I live in Northeast PA, actually I live right where the article mentioned the stink bug came from..Allentown. We get infested with stink bugs here, they are so gross looking and they are called stink bugs because if you squash them, they stink really bad. They move and fly really slow so they are easy to catch but I swear they multiply by the dozens in the blink of an eye. I hate those things and they creep me out. I kind of agree that it may have flew into your can after you opened it but either way it’s disgusting.
Ozzie Bucco says
I must be an oddball. These types of occurrences do not bother me. When it comes to eating, I develop a case of tunnel vision.
We were at an A&W root beer place in the mall. My wife found a cockroach in her hamburger. She made a stink, but I kept on eating. She took all four of our meals back and demanded a refund. Just because she had a roach didn’t necessarily mean that I had one, too.
I’ve also continued eating when somebody fainted at the next table and when some little kid ralphed at a diner.