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More Money Straight Down the Toilet

July 13, 2009 By Jeff 137 Comments

skullwrenchWe moved into our current house in early 2000, and have had plumbing problems on a semi-regular basis, almost from the start.

In fact, there was a significant hidden issue even before we bought the place.  We had it inspected by a company with a good reputation, and prices to match.  And they let us down, big time.  The pricks.

The upstairs toilet was leaking underneath, inside the flooring, and within a month or so water was dripping through the ceiling downstairs.  When the contractor tore it apart, he said the thing had been leaking for many months.

We had to rebuild the entire floor in that room, replace the tile, and all manner of fantastic fun.  It cost us a lot of money, and we weren’t happy.  We had some cash saved to set up our new home, and a big hunk of it went, almost literally, down the toilet.

We tried to go after the inspection company, we even saw a lawyer about it, but their “guarantee” had more holes in it than our main turd-transport pipe.  It was worded so they were almost completely protected, and didn’t really have to perform much of a service.

Anyway, fast-forward to 2009, and guess what’s happening?  That’s correct, water is leaking through the downstairs ceiling again!  In the exact same place.

On Friday we had a plumbing contractor look at it, and, among other things, he surgically removed the water spot with some kind of saw, and stuck his head up in there.  It’s that toilet again, and all the wood underneath is super-saturated – just like in May 2000.  Grrr…

We’d talked about replacing that crap-catcher, because there was something not-quite-right about it.  But we never got around to it.  Now we’ve got a mess on our hands.

The good news?  When we refinanced our mortgage last time, they talked us into buying a home warranty.  I think it was free for the first ninety days, then they added twelve dollars a month to our payments, or something along those lines.

And they’re actually going to pay for about two-thirds of this fiasco.  I’m shocked, if you want to know the truth.  I was braced for a long list of reasons they wouldn’t “be able” to cover our claim.

So, this time we’re doing it right.  That old Lyndon Johnson toilet is being put out to pasture, and everything’s going to be new.  Everything from the sub-flooring on up.  I’m tired of monkeying around with it.  By this time next week we should have a commercial-grade toilet in there, so powerful it’ll suck the intestines right out of ya.

And it’s not going to cost us a ton of money, either.  We’re going to have to pay for the upgrades, but the main work is covered.  Considering everything we’re having done, we’re getting off easy.

They’re starting on Wednesday morning, and will be blasting out the tile with some sort of air gun, or whatever.  Mildly concerning…

Yesterday we decided on the new fancy-pants flooring, and they’re going to bring three toilets to our house(!), so we can spend a little time with each before making our decision.  Heh.  I’ll be wanting to take all of them for a test-drive; a new toilet is a big deal, and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Yes, it’s already been a memorable experience, and promises to get even better.  Here are a few random notes from My Friday With a Plumber:

When he stuck his head inside the new hole in our downstairs ceiling, he howled in protest and said there was a “bee’s nest” in there.  Inside our house??  What the?

He flicked it a few times, and nothing happened.  So he just casually plucked it out of there, like he was picking an apple.  I nearly dropped a rectal plate.  I’d never seen a person grab a hive like that.

“Bees were living underneath our toilet?” I stammered.

“Apparently,” he answered.  “That’s a new one on me.”

“So, a whole swarm of yellow jackets could’ve flown straight up my ass?”

“Ha, that would’ve been something to see…”

He rigged the toilet so it wouldn’t leak in the short term, but warned me not to allow anyone to sit on it, unless there’s an emergency.  “If someone’s on it, and starts hearing an unusual noise or feels the toilet tilting, they need to abandon ship – right now!”

Gulp.  I guess I’d better stay away from Starbucks for the next few days…?

He told me one of his customers had paid a company to do a complete remodel of her bathroom, and after about two months the toilet started sinking into the floor.  He said the thing was radically unlevel; the people were shitting on a slant.

Baffled, he cut into the floor, and found a piece of plywood and all the usual stuff.  But below it were cardboard boxes.  The builder had cut corners by using cardboard boxes as shim material!

Have you ever heard of such a thing?  I’m having a hard time believing that one…  I mean, seriously.

He also said a “large” woman had a water leak in her living room, but they couldn’t find the source of it.  There were no pipes where the water was coming through the drywall, and they didn’t see any problems in the upstairs bathroom.

He said he and his team spent many hours there, trying to get to the bottom of it.  He wondered if the size of the woman might have something to do with it, and quietly had his biggest helper stand inside the shower.  Nothing.  Nothing was leaking.

Eventually, after several return visits, he met the woman’s boyfriend – also morbidly obese.  Between the two of them, he said, they must’ve weighed 700 pounds.

He went about it delicately, but finally got her to admit that she and her boyfriend like to take showers together.  They were doing it a couple of times per week.  So, he loaded up the shower with three or four people, approximately the same weight as the couple, and the mystery was solved.

The drain started leaking, the water traveled downhill slightly, and exited straight through the living room ceiling.

Yes, the guy’s a hell of a storyteller.  I wouldn’t mind having a few Yuenglings with him someday.  I have a feeling we’ve only scratched the surface of the tip of the iceberg here.

So stay tuned.

And since we’re getting ready to drop more than a thousand bucks on this crap, I’ll try to turn it into a Question…

Use the comments link to tell us about the last time you spent more than a grand all at once, for one particular thing.  Was it more exciting than a new toilet that won’t go crashing through the floor following a violent Burrito Supreme blowout?

I seriously doubt it, but who knows?  What did you buy the last time you spent more than a thousand dollars on something?

And I’ll get back to the normal stupidity tomorrow.

See ya then.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Shiny Rod says

    July 13, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    @ Taiwan On – The only memories of my ex I have left are all grown now.

    Reply
  2. CitizenX says

    July 13, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    About that new toilet?

    You know how when you use the facilities
    at your parents/ grandparents house
    and they have those puffy toilet seats?

    I SOOOO want to install one
    but I avoid it like the minivan.
    It is the equivalent of caving in
    to comfort .. from there?
    Retirement.

    However if YOU install a puffy seat
    then I will feel so much better
    about installing MY puffy seat.
    Since you are in the market
    I feel obligated to acquire excuses.

    Reply
  3. CitizenX says

    July 13, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    I say “install one”
    .. but honestly I realize
    It is more of an add-on

    Reply
  4. Shiny Rod says

    July 13, 2009 at 10:47 pm

    @ Brynhildr – That really tore me up. Most dogs we had enjoyed a full life except for our dog Brownie. She got loose and tried to cross a busy street by herself. She didn’t make it. When I came home from school, my mother told me what had happened and that they had to put her to sleep. On a more personal note, I would not be here posting this if it were not for my dog Lassie. I was a very precotious tot and always followed my bigger brother around. I have to tell the story from my brothers point of view because I was to young to remember what happen. We always played along a cove section of the Delaware River in Burlington NJ. One cold frosty morning after the snow we were at the rivers edge playing on the ice. I ventured out a little further than my brother would go taunting him to chase me. I slipped and fell through the ice. My brother and his friends just stood there in shock as I was starting to be carried down the river. I don’t know where Lassie came from but jumped into the river and grabbed me with her teeth and pulled me back to shore against the current. I started coughing and spit out the water and started breathing again as a friend of the family came with a blanket and took me home.

    Reply
  5. Shiny Rod says

    July 13, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    Did also mention the 17 grand for knee surgery, thankfully the insurance paid for that or I’d sill be hobbling around with a busted knee.

    Reply
  6. Gretchen says

    July 13, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    Dogs are awesome. I miss mine so much. 🙁

    Reply
  7. SeanInSac says

    July 14, 2009 at 12:15 am

    Just dropped about 1300 dollars for the wives Nissan Xtera. Before the People’s Republic of California would give us the tags we had to have the car smogged. The cataletic sp? converter was shot and had to be replaced and than smogged afterwards. On top of that my wife works for the state and has lost nearly 15 percent of her salary because of unpaid furlough days. Thanks Arnie!

    Reply
  8. Joey Jo Jo says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:02 am

    Bought a new bed yesterday. 1500 bucks. Better not strain under my girth…

    Reply
  9. leanne says

    July 14, 2009 at 2:27 am

    @Brynhildr – trying to understand comments on here – maybe you know people better. Adam commented he bought firecrackers and a bat last wknd trying to figure out the correlation of what’d you do with both. – Assuming both under $1000.

    Reply
  10. CitizenX says

    July 14, 2009 at 2:40 am

    @ Anonymous
    I hear ya

    ON-THE-JOB
    While trying to verify between fraud and authentic orders
    I sometimes creep into strangers personal biz.

    Last credit card payment $10,000
    THE HELL?

    Yes a last payment on one account that I was verifying was 10G’s like it was lying on the floor.

    I was the one on the floor.

    Reply
  11. leanne says

    July 14, 2009 at 3:12 am

    CitizenX – everything goes on my aerogold – racks me up a few 1000 points a month – good for travels.

    Reply
  12. Taiwan On says

    July 14, 2009 at 5:32 am

    I skipped most of the comments before I posted my tat story (late for work). Now that I read the rest of the comments, I find I have a pet story that relates.

    My ex-wife (not the current tat removal wife) had two dogs (mother and daughter) when I married her. She loved them (more than she loved me) and eventually I grew fond of them as well. The mother dog died of old age, so my ex grew extremely protective of the remaining daughter dog.

    My ex got invited to her high school reunion and decided to go. She would be away for 9 days. Her last instructions to me were “Take care of Mikol.” No problem. However, what we both failed to consider was that Mikol, a high strung canine, would have difficulties existing without my ex.

    One morning, I got up and took Mikol out for a pee, then gave her some food and water. I petted her and her torso did not feel right. I checked into it further and her entire torso was pumped up like a basketball. And she looked a bit ill-at-ease (dogs don’t show pain very well). So I got her into the car and raced to the 24-hour vet. Phew, got her there so all is well. No. The vet comes out of the examination room and tells me that this is “a life or death situation”. WTF?

    So now I raced to the Tufts ultra-veterinary pet hospital, where Mikol was rushed into surgery. A vet came out a few minutes later and told me surgery was required, and asked did I have $1500 (or whatever) for that surgery. What was I gonna do? It was 7AM and the ex was six time zones away. So I gave the go ahead.

    Mikol made it through surgery, but not through recovery. So I screwed up my one responsibility of keeping the dog alive. And I had to call the ex later that day and explain it. Bad times.

    Reply
  13. bikerchick says

    July 14, 2009 at 7:05 am

    I have had dogs and cats along with the few assorted vermin…white mice, gerbils, and what not, all my life. My parents were avid animal lovers. My father wouldn’t even go deer hunting because he couldn’t look Bambi in the eye before pulling the trigger.

    Now, I have two pugs. They have been the loves of my life. Been with me through thick and thin. Through sickness, divorce’s, and death’s of my mother and husband.

    I am especially fond of my eldest pug, Stella. She has a personality that won’t quit. (and two bug-eyes..one’s lookin at the moon, the other lookin’ at the sun…) A true diva….spoiled and pretentious. She dominates over the male pug, Bruno. If she thinks Bruno is dominating in any way, she quickly mounts him and air humps away. Hilarious. In the last house I lived in, it had a big picture window that faced the front street, sidewalk and all. The couch was right below it. They both would sit on the back of the couch watching the passersby. When Bruno would bark at someone, Stella, the control freak she is, would mount him and begin the ol’ dry hump dance in the window. She would go to town! People use to fall down laughing at the show the saw from the sidewalk. I pulled up to my house one day and while getting out of the car a couple walked by and said, “aren’t you the lady whose dogs do the nasty in the window?”

    Reply
  14. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 8:23 am

    @ Taiwan On – Not true, you did everything humanly possible. Don’t beat yourself up on this, something we just can’t fix.

    Reply
  15. Jason says

    July 14, 2009 at 9:46 am

    leanne,

    BAT = Big Ass Television

    Reply
  16. Rusty says

    July 14, 2009 at 10:00 am

    In my book there are few things worse than the death of a pet.

    Reply
  17. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 10:41 am

    @ Jason – or it could be Big Ass Truck, he would have needed one to carry the grand or more of fireworks he said he bought.

    Reply
  18. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 10:50 am

    @ bikerchick – hilarious, “The Pug Show”, LMAO

    Reply
  19. Brynhildr says

    July 14, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Taiwan On — I can kinda relate. For a number of years, my family joked (sort of) that I couldn’t be trusted with their pets. Case #1: my oldest sister left me in charge of her daughters’ parakeet while they were on vacation. Since I didn’t want to drive 20 minutes each way to check up on it, she said I could bring it to my house. She neglected to tell me that parakeets don’t travel well and the next morning, I found the thing belly up at the bottom of the cage.

    Case #2: I was dogsitting my brother’s Dachshund (1-2 years old at the time) and as I opened the door to take out the trash, she bolted from the couch and twisted her back when she hit the floor and rolled. And then she couldn’t move. I freaked. Had to bring her to an emergency clinic, where they kept her overnight for observation. She was OK the next day, nothing broken, but so began the back problems that led to her eventual paralysis.

    Case #3: When my second sister asked me to dogsit her Boxer, I was living in a condo and usually left the 2nd floor balcony door open a few inches for air circulation in the summer. While I had my back turned, Sammy nudged the door open, stood up to get a view over the balcony rail, spotted my neighbor’s pit bull wandering the property unattended, and did a Kamikazi over the side into the bushes below to catch his prey. One scratched cornea and $500 (but no broken bones!) later, I had some splainin’ to do.

    For the record there were a number of uneventful instances of petsitting in between.

    Reply
  20. Brynhildr says

    July 14, 2009 at 11:43 am

    leanne — I get it now. I’m a little slow on the uptake. Overlooked your earlier post.

    bikerchick — Thanks. I needed the story about your Pugs to brighten my day. I envision hot sweaty Pug “sex”, both of them panting furiously with excitement (agitation), long curled tongues hanging out. I’d walk by your house often just to get a reaction from them.

    Reply
  21. Garrett says

    July 14, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Well, I’m not sure how we got to dogs, but here’s mine again. Meet Andy (no relation).

    http://halfdillo.blogspot.com/2009/07/pics-of-andy-clickable.html

    Reply
  22. Dawn says

    July 14, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    The biggest check I am likely to write in my life, was the last check I wrote for over $1K. In March of this year, wrote a check for $112K and change. Paid off our house with the inheritance I had gotten when my dad passed away. I am 38 with no mortgage payment…love you, Dad.

    Reply
  23. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    @ Garrett – I think it shifted when someone mentioned how much they had spent on dog surgery. Border Collie? I love those ears. Just click on my monicker and you will see my Ginger. She’s a Chow/Boxer mix I rescued from the shelter. More chow mentally that boxer. Loves to play catch (tennis balls, frisbee) and ride in my Jeep. Hates baths and thunderstorms as do most dogs.

    Reply
  24. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Is the Wurstkoffer used for smuggling cured meats into the US? I would like to get one these and head through customs humming the Mission Impossible theme.

    I wonder what Burt Reynolds is doing right now….

    Reply
  25. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    @ Dawn – Way to go, keep being debt free as Clark Howard says.

    Reply
  26. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    @ LHR – Is this what you are talking about?

    http://www.baumarth.de/Wir_uber_uns/Kais_Seiten/Witziges/Wurstkoffer/Wurstkoffer.jpg

    Reply
  27. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    Thought I had seen the Bunker Cam shot before. It pays to have a little involvement in the music business.

    http://bestof.provocateuse.com/show/grace_jones/99

    Reply
  28. Garrett says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    @Rod. Nice pup. No Paris Hilton dogs here…. Yes, his ears are always that way….

    Reply
  29. Garrett says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    I water trained Andy since he was little. You can’t keep him out of the H2O. He’ll swim till he almost drowns – even then he’ll find a spot where his hind legs can touch and just stand there, upright, and rest on two legs.

    Reply
  30. bikerchick says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    @ Brynhildr: My male pug, Bruno, did a Peter Pan off a second story deck at a friend’s cabin along the river. He was trying to follow me. Didn’t realize the sliding glass doors were open. Not one thing broken or out of place except for my urine when I saw him falling.

    Another goodie…. I was talked into having one of those sex toy parties at my house for a friend of a friend. I had about 15 horny chicks in my livingroom. My female pug, Stella, was roaming around visiting everyone. The Demonstrator for the party was flashing a set of anal beads, touting the benefits of them…(what the…?). As Stella rounds the corner by her she farts…LOUDLY! Not only did she clear the room, the poor demonstrator had to use all of her Strawberry Cooter Spray , or whatever, to “freshen” the room. One of the attendee’s remarked, “If that’s the stank that follows those beads after they’re yanked, I’ll pass”…

    Reply
  31. Brynhildr says

    July 14, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Wurstkoffer. Hee hee. That is so many kinds of wrong and repulsive, but it did make me laugh, as did the nature of the contents. All the adapters and sizes for any appetite. Would anyone like an “extension sausage with gimbal”? How about the slogan on the picture: “It’s all about the sausage”? I vaguely remember some man trying to use it as a pickup line once.

    Reply
  32. Brynhildr says

    July 14, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    bikerchick — Classic. I was trying to switch my dog over to a new food, and during the transition, the mix of old and new gave her some pretty toxic gas. I was outside playing with her when she farted so loudly that she scared herself. I mean, the dog jumped about a foot off the ground, flinched, and ducked. Realizing the noise came from her own ass, she contorted her body round in a circle to get a better whiff. The expression on her face was priceless. And then the head jerking and sinus clearing began.

    I have no idea what kind of a dog she is. The shelter said Bearded Collie mix. My sister swears she’s an Afghan mix. I say some variety of hound or pointer with either Giant Schnauzer or Standard Poodle thrown in. Perhaps Tyrosine can give her a doggie DNA test.

    Reply
  33. Alice in WV says

    July 14, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    @Limey – that URL was sooo funny. thanks!

    @Kevindust – how was STP last night? I’ve always wanted to see them.

    @Karin – curious about those bats… did you watch to see if they tried to come back into your house another way? I’ve heard that they’re like homing pigeons – they’ll get back in another way if they can.

    @Anonymous – chin up. I’ve been there and I count my blessings everyday. better times ahead for ya.

    Reply
  34. bikerchick says

    July 14, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Brynhildr: That’s some funny shit! LMFAO!!

    Reply
  35. Shiny Rod says

    July 14, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    @ bikerchick – I could have went all day without know about strawberry cooter spray. Now my day is ruined. Will someone come in here and get me off the floor. Thank you! Now I’m gonna need a percocet…

    Reply
  36. renn says

    July 18, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Did they use an air powered spud bar? It’d help speed up the tile removal, that’s for sure. Most people just use a rubber mallet.

    I hope they double checked your subfloor stability before installing anything new. If they found a NEST hiding there, Lord only knows what else there could be.

    Reply
  37. Ngog says

    November 6, 2010 at 12:31 am

    bikerchick — Classic. I was trying to switch my dog over to a new food, and during the transition, the mix of old and new gave her some pretty toxic gas. I was outside playing with her when she farted so loudly that she scared herself. I mean, the dog jumped about a foot off the ground, flinched, and ducked. Realizing the noise came from her own ass, she contorted her body round in a circle to get a better whiff. The expression on her face was priceless. And then the head jerking and sinus clearing began.

    I have no idea what kind of a dog she is. The shelter said Bearded Collie mix. My sister swears she’s an Afghan mix. I say some variety of hound or pointer with either Giant Schnauzer or Standard Poodle thrown in. Perhaps Tyrosine can give her a doggie DNA test.

    Reply
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