Review: McDonald's McSkillet Breakfast Burrito by Jeff Kay

So-called sandwich wraps are a little on the effeminate side, I feel. They insinuate healthy living, things with "lite" in the title, and dainty little pinkies-out lady lunches. For years I wouldn't even consider such an item. I mean, I'm a man, and it takes a little more than two slices of bread to terrify me, Jack.

But, I finally broke down and tried one a couple of years ago. I don't know what made me do it, but I ordered a turkey and cheese wrap in the cafeteria at my old job. And, wouldn't you know it, I liked the damn thing.

In fact, I started craving them. There was something about the texture, and how it was all rolled-up and evenly-distributed. Sometimes, to my horror, I preferred the poofterized wrap configuration, to that of the standard everything-laid-flat sandwich. 

So I began ordering them at five minutes before the cafeteria stopped serving lunch at 2:00 p.m., when the place was all but abandoned. I didn't want word to leak out that I was indeed a wrap-eater… I was leading a double-life, masquerading as a true-blue bread man, while living in the shadows with my toothpick-speared tubes of disgrace. 

McDonald's understands this emotion, and it's why they always opt for the phrase "burrito" when they're trying to sell to men. Throw in a little semi-hot salsa, and they can get away with rebranding any wrap a burrito. And a burrito is sturdy, a burrito is strong…

I appreciate their efforts, I really do. I'm not sure I completely buy it (shouldn't a burrito contain beans or, at the very least, rice?), but it takes away the stigma. And I had no problem whatsoever bellying up to the counter a few days ago, and saying, "McSkillet, please. And put it in a dirty bag!"

The gimmick is that you're supposedly receiving a full breakfast in a single monster burrito. There's egg, cheese, skillet-fried potatoes, sausage (or steak), and the aforementioned salsa. You know, all WRAPPED up in a tortilla…

I'm kind of sorry they didn't take the concept further and pack a pancake in there somewhere, sprinkle it all down with coffee and orange juice, and maybe top it off with a dusting of this morning's USA Today, freshly-shredded.

But what you get is pretty darn tasty. In fact, I had two within a three-day period (for research purposes, of course), and the second was better than the first. The difference was the amount of salsa used. It was a tad overloaded the first time 'round. I prefer it as a complement, just one in a series of flavors, instead of the dominant taste.

The thing is smaller than the ads lead you to believe, it's not really a "monster" burrito. But since it weighs in at 610 calories, 36 grams of fat, and 1390 milligrams of sodium, there's no pressing need for more. Unless, of course, you're a contestant on a reality TV show called The Great Race to Cardiopulmonary Arrest

Damn, that's the wrap-eater in me talking again…

Anyway, I thought the McSkillet Burrito was one satisfying, densely–packed cannonball of goodness. It tastes better than you wish it did (and better than many will admit), and has the power to send a person back every few days, for "further research."

Indeed, if this were 1965, before people cared about fancy-pants things such as health, I'd probably be shot-gunning those bastards down like the Russians were in Pittsburgh, muttering about how the Beatles will be the ruination of America, and throwing all my trash out the car window.

I give the McSkillet Breakfast Burrito a solid B+

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