I think I have something buried in my left foot. I don’t know how such a thing is possible, because it’s winter (still winter) and I haven’t exactly been walking around the neighborhood all Phish-style and barefoot. But there’s something in there. I’m thinking it might be a shard of pasta.
I’ll keep you updated on this pressing matter. But if I don’t get it out of there, do you think it will start to cook and increase in size as my foot gets hot? Should I be concerned? I don’t want a noodle to get into my bloodstream, go flying up one of those superhighway arteries, and cause my heart to explode. Is this irrational?
You know what I’ve started noticing, more and more? People saying “libary” instead of “library.” It’s nothing new, I know. It just seems to be increasing in frequency all of a sudden. Why would that be? Why a sudden uptick in libary? I need answers!!
In more positive news, I haven’t heard anyone say “pitcher” instead of “picture” in quite a while. So, that’s good. Are you noticing anything new on the mispronunciation front? Please file your field reports in the comments section below.
Surf Reporter Karla snapped this photo, and sent it to me. Pretty cool, huh? It looks like Sunshine is about to start construction on her elevated mansion, any day now.
Just so you know, I’ve been casually jotting down ideas for a follow-up to that book. I want to finish the story, which was the original plan. It’s why I left the ending wide-open. If the noodle doesn’t get me first, I’ll bring the saga to a satisfactory close… someday. I have some funny ideas, I think.
And speaking of Surf Reporters, I’d like to alert you to some projects by friends of the site. I urge you to check them out. We need to support one another. Here ya go:
Jason Mulgrew released his second humor memoir a few weeks ago, this one dealing with his teen years. It’s called 236 Pounds of Class Vice President. His first book is very funny, as well. Back during olden times, Jason and I had a lot of overlapping readers. Fans of his were also frequent visitors here. He’s a good guy, and hilarious writer.
I met Lori Campbell through Duff. They’re friends from childhood. While I was writing Crossroads Road I went to NYC, and the three of us talked about the books we were working on. Lori had a couple in the works, and one was eventually sold to a division of Macmillan.
Sometimes I get a little jealous about things like that. But not when I like the person, and admire their work. I’m never envious of the deserving. And that’s the situation with Lori. I think I actually pumped my fist in the air, when I heard the good news.
Her book is a novel for middle schoolers, but is fun for everyone. It’s called Cartboy and the Time Capsule. I read an earlier version of it, and will write more once I check out the final product. Please give it a try, if you have kids in middle school. They’ll love it. Very funny!
My old Peaches Records buddy Eugene is part of a weekly podcast, called The Less Desirables. He, along with two co-hosts, discuss pop culture, sports, technology, and (needless to say) beer. It’s entertaining, and keeps getting better.
Since I have so much iPod time at my job, I check out plenty of podcasts. And most of them go straight to the NEVER AGAIN bin. Way too much pretentiousness, not to mention obnoxiousness… That’s not the case with The Less Desirables. Check it out. It’s a good show.
And finally, our friend Jason Headley has been producing a series of short films, called At the Bar. Five installments have been released to date, and they’re really well-done and funny. Check ’em out. Jason is a talented dude, hails from West Virginia, and always provides me with honest and helpful guidance when I need some book writin’ advice. I’ll have something else from him to share soon. In the meantime, watch At the Bar. Great stuff.
And that’s gonna do it for today, boys and girls. Roger Ebert is dead, and I’m pretty tired myself.
See you again soon.
Now playing in the bunker
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I think there’s a macoroni in foot support group
Speaking of Duff, I was watching “Dumb and Dumber” with some friends. (I’d managed to avoid it for almost 20 years, but they kept insisting.) We were wondering who the attractive woman with the short dark hair was, so we looked it up on IMDb and it turned out to be her!
Probably a hair, Jeff. They thread themselves in like the thinnest needle and pretty soon you’ve got 2 or 3 inches curled in and underneath your skin. Trust me – happened to me about 20 years ago.
I know Duff can’t just snap her fingers and get you on Conan, but are there any other ways she can help in the publicity department for the new book? Radio, celebrity endorsements, foreward, blurbs? Also, can she just snap her fingers and get you on Conan? Just a thought…
Joe T. says
Start making Fusilli Jeffs?
I hear a radio commercial where the announcer pronounces Accessories as ass-essories. Pisses me off every time.
I agree with you about the majority of podcasts out there. I think they are the 21st century version of slide shows from someone else’s vacation.
Sad about Ebert, I don’t like it when people I admire die.
Podcasts – try Adam & Joe on BBC 6 Music Radio.
As long as it’s not a piece of optical fiber in your foot, it’s more of an annoyance than a danger. If it actually is optical fiber, then yes, it can kill you. That would be no good.
Mispronunciations: “verbage” for verbiage. “Groshery” for grocery. “Emplawee” for employee. Many years ago I worked at a company that sold Barco brand video projectors, and one client kept calling them “Bar Code”. And off-topic, I have a co-worker who peppers his speech with “per se” when he clearly doesn’t know what it means. Do I correct the guy and come off as a pedantic asshole, or let him continue to look stupid in front of clients?
I only have a couple of podcasts, both of which are industry-specific geekery (as opposed to funny): AV Week and A State of Control.
Check out The Mike O’Meara Show. Funny stuff.
check out the uhhh yeah dude podcast pretty funny stuff.
Lori in Cbus says
I pretended Jeff was talking about me, then i snapped back to reality..(it felt good for a second)
i was listening to one of my many quilting podcasts and the girl kept pronouncing cotton as caw -en. in a Liverpool accent way.. it was so distracting i told her to fuck off and deleted the podcast..
IT’S COTTON BITCH.. now back to my sewing.. 😉
The annoying thing I’m noticing, and it goes hand in hand with your libary reference, people talking baby-ish talk in with their pronunciation of words. Quit yer mumbling and just say it the way it should be said.
I live in Southeastern PA and we have a grocery (gross-ree) store called ACME and many people insist upon calling it
When my son learned to read he was baffled by the number of adults he knew that mispronounced it.
I told him only the pure of heart could see the hidden A in Acme, they are the same people who can see unicorns.
JR in Sammamish says
I work with a lady that says libary all of the time. And we had a conf room called the libary so we heard it every day (she no longer works in our office) . She also would pronounce ‘pear’ as ‘pay-er’. it took us a long time to figure out what she was saying .
I have relatives who think there is wooder in their torlet.
I have posted some of these in the past, but here is a review (from my wife’s side of the fambly).
My relatives pronounce their words correctly (except my dad who grew up on Windsor Heights which is self explanatory.)
reef = wreath
chimley = chimney
Optober = October
birfday = birthday
Maff-you = Matthew
sell-it = salad
ba-taida = potato
cuzzint = cousin
curve = curb
ice box = refrigerator
terlit = toilet
poke = sack (or paper bag)
tilt back chair = recliner
buggy = shopping cart
gum band = rubber band
fire up the heater = adjust the thermostat
pop = Pepsi Cola
duck tape = West Virginia Chrome
The following require explanations:
E-Car (abbreviated emergency car) = ambulance
Boss-a-pop (Boss of pop) Pepsi marketed 2 liter plastic bottles about 40 years ago called The Boss.
Mother-in Law worked at Pepsi Bottling, so a Boss of Pop is a 2 liter bottle.
Stove = Oven. Not to be confused with the “cook top” which are the burners on top of the stove.
Wife and I grew up approximately 30 miles from each other, but most would think I came from “the north” and her family came from Logan, West Virginia (or the hills of eastern Kentucky). Both of our families have more than our fair share of characters to say the least.
There are more, but I am gritting my teeth.
Some of these are just old-timey. “Poke” means any bag or sack, as in “pig in a poke”, but it’s kind of 18th century. My dad is a Connecticut Yankee and he says “ice box”, but he’s 88 years old and REMEMBERS the Great Depression. “Pop” is just a midwestern-ism.
And I thought Michael Jackson was the Boss of Pop.
I don’t think I would want to tie my hair back with a gum band. Sounds sticky and messy.
I’m just glad Jeff didn’t have any dreams last night. That shit was weird.
Root 66 says
Jeff couldn’t possibly have macaroni in his foot, since it’s technically called “ELBOW Macaroni!” He’d better have that checked out at the doctor’s office, or The Olive Garden.
I once had one of my cat’s whiskers embedded in my big toe. Holy shit that hurt.
Congratulations to all the surf reporters mentioned! Good stuff.
Dr Buford says
‘Barefoot all Phish-like’. Heh…in Phish culture, the ones who walk around barefoot (esp. into the porta-potties…shudder…) are called ‘Wookies’ or ‘Wooks’. Just saying.
Shain Gandee and Roger Ebert in one week…bummer.
Bill in WV says
“Shain Gandee and Roger Ebert in one week…bummer.”
And, both such intellectual equals too.
Not to be a downer but Carmine Infantino and George Gladir both died the same day Roger Ebert did. Two comic book icons.
Who (or what) the fuck is a Shain Gandee?
As an ardent DC comics reader from the mid-50s to the late 60s, I’m certainly familiar with Mr. Infantino’s work. In that era, DC comics were well written, well drawn and well edited. Real quality literature. He leaves a terrific legacy.
As for Mr. Ebert’s intellectual equals, I always thought Gene Siskel was the brains of the outfit. Siskel was a thoughtful, bright, gentle man. Ebert always seemed to me to be sort of a hack. I didn’t exactly follow them closely, so maybe I’m off, but that’s certainly my impression.
Andy Warhol famously said, “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.” That is who Mr. Gandee was. That’s a little dismissive since every person’s death diminishes all of us, but in this era of reality television I’m afraid it comes pretty close to describing the situation.
Thank you for your thoughtful responses, John. I had to look the Gandee guy up and discovered he was from one of those reality shows in which Andy Warhol was spot on. Eight years of no tv watching for me and I am just fine with that since I don’t think I’m missing anything worthy, anyway.
The Qweezy Mark says
“Irregardless” makes me want to kick the handicapped (although technically it’s not a mispronunciation).
Jesus Christ, just reading that word makes me fucking homicidal.
hot fuzz says
As long as the pasta is a tube (ie macaroni as in your title) you should be ok. Also acceptable – cannelloni, penne and rigatoni. Rotini however would be death.
Mute instead of moot. I just want to tell them to stay mute if they can’t say it right
And it’s the spelling of verbiage that people get wrong. They all manage to say it right. Just not how it’s spelled. Those French!
Root 66 says
Some folks in Southern Ohio have a dialect I’d never heard before. They replace the short “u” sound (as in “putt”) for an “oo” sound (as in food.) I snickered like a 12 year-old the first time I heard it:
In Central Ohio some people say “axe” instead of “ask” which also cracks me up!
Here in Central MN any three letter word that ends in “ag” becomes pronounced “_aig”:
bag = baig
hag = haig
lag = laig
You get the idea…
I listened to Maron interview Lucinda Williams and had to walk away from that podcast for a minute. I like Maron but Lucinda’s voice was annoying as shit.
I listen to Carolla and Jay Mohr quite a bit. I really like seeing into their lives.
Tomorrow I’m buying an assload of homebrew equipment. Good times.
Ha! Here’s part of an email I sent to Brad, about that Lucinda Williams interview, T-Storm:
She sounds like she’s half-drunk, and/or has a mouth full of chaw.
That’s what I thought too. It was a bit much. I suffered through because it was interesting but it was tough.
Jersey Scott says
My favorite least favorite mispronunciation is “crowns” for “crayons”. I think its Philadelphia/ White Trash pronunciation and kind of rare but when heard it sticks out like macaroni in the foot.
Never heard “crowns” for crayons, but I have heard “crans”. Maybe it’s a variation on the theme.
My personal pet peeve pronunciation is “pacific”. As in: “She wasn’t very pacific about it.” I wonder where these people go on vacation? Unlikely that it’s the Specific Ocean.
WB in OH says
It seems like about half of the construction trade around here pronounce mezzanine-mezza-lean. Makes my teeth grind.
What the hell? You added spell check to the comments? Kewl!
Just yesterday I overheard a co-worker tell someone that perhaps a recent personal tragedy was really just a “Blessing in the skies.”
No you dumb ass….what you mean is Blessing in disguise.