A few days ago I was reminding the boys they need to let Andy out every once in a while. Neither of them are very good at picking up on subtle clues, such as the dog prancing around the front door, clawing at it, etc. So, I was “reminding” them they need to think about him every once in a while.
During this conversation I said, “He can’t hold it forever, you know. Andy’s not a piss camel.” It was one of those moments when they wanted to laugh, but didn’t know if it was appropriate.
I was pretty happy with “piss camel,” though. And whenever something like that pops into my head, I check Google to see if anyone else has thought of it. Unfortunately, it’s already listed in the Urban Dictionary. So, there you go. It’s an original, but nobody will ever believe me. They’ll say I heard it elsewhere, buried it deep in my brain, and somehow conjured it back up.
I love the internet, but sometimes it’s a bummer. It can rob a man of his piss camel glory.
I don’t know how many of you are old enough to remember the early days of HBO. When I was a kid it came on in the late afternoon, and broadcast until 1 or 2 a.m. It wasn’t a 24 hour station then. They also played music videos between movies, before MTV existed.
The whole thing was amazing to us, because they didn’t bleep out any of the bad words, and there was sometimes nudity. So, we were OBSESSED.
During those days, they played the same movies again and again. And we’re not talking Academy Award winners, either. It was stuff like Car Wash, Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox, Mother, Juggs, and Speed, and The Gumball Rally.
I discovered some great, obscure films during those days — stuff I wouldn’t have known about, otherwise. For instance, The Hollywood Knights, one of my all-time favorites. And Stranger in the House (aka Black Christmas). That thing scared me more than just about any movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a great flick, but not super-scary at this point. When I was 13, though… that shit did a number on me.
Another great obscurity I discovered on HBO was a dark and hilarious film called Homebodies. It was about a group of senior citizens who turned to murder, to try to save their apartment building from the wrecking ball. It’s never been released on DVD, and doesn’t show up on cable anywhere. Here’s a memorable scene:
If you were around during the first days of HBO, what do you remember about it? Did you discover any obscure gems there? Please tell about it.
Finally, I’m on the Marc Maron email list, and he sent a dispatch today in which he mentioned traveling to Jimi Hendrix’s gravesite, in Seattle. Have you ever done something like that? Visited a celebrity’s grave? I don’t think I have. At least not on purpose.
If you have, please bring us up to date on it. Also, whose grave would you LIKE to visit someday? Does this practice interest you, at all? I’m kinda lukewarm on the whole deal. I mean, check out the incredible pretentiousness of the Johnny Cash photo above. What’s your feelings on it?
Oh, I could come up with a few names: Lester Bangs, Doug Kenney, Michael O’Donoghue, Buster Keaton, the Three Stooges, Johnny Carson… If I took the time, I could undoubtedly crank out a list of hundreds. What about you? Please use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, my friends.
Thanks for stopping by!
The Hollywood Knights (good one)
King of The Mountain is another one.
I remember those days. I think Up In Smoke was the first movie I saw on there.
And of course, Video Jukebox.
I seem to recall they ran some sort of Burlesque films/shows late at night.
King of the Mountain…. time is speed, speed is time.
That’s it.
“He’s looking for someone named Dick”
“I’m gonna tell you BUTTHOLES somethin” “THIS SHIT IS WAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY OUT OF LINE !!!!”
Lighten up Francis
Man, that was from Stripes.
Did you ever hear the joke about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove.
“Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia. He was an English Guy. He came to fight the Turkish.”
I’ve spent a good amount of time wandering around Arlington National Cemetery, and you come across lots of famous or at least interesting graves; same with Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond.. I can’t imagine heading out intentionally for anyone’s grave, however.
I totally agree…Arlington Cemetery is worth the effort. Every American should visit the Tomb of the Unknowns. It will make your hair stand up on the back of your neck!
Hoe-Lee Crap! I totally forgot about that movie! It WAS hilarious. Now I want to watch it again, dammit!
Wasn’t Ho Lee Crap one of the Asiana pilots?
Maybe you’re thinking of Ho Lee Fuk. I saw it on the internet, so I know it’s true.
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I will never know the awesome power it is to know your life subordinates wish only to burst out laughing whilst getting their asses chewed upon.
I’m pretty sure that I can credit HBO with my ability to recite the screenplay from Stripes from memory. When you watch it 3 times a day for 30 days in a row one summer, its kind of hard for your brain to not absorb it. Then I think about my 11 or 12 year old self watching Stripes over and over again with my younger brothers or my bff and I cringe.
I plan on visiting the gravesite of Jeff Kay sometime after August 13, 2013.
three come to mind–Justin Bieber, Lady GagGag and George Zimmerman. Sooner the better!!!!
The only grave I went out of my way to see was John Belushi’s grave on Martha’s Vineyard. It was sad to see it littered with “offerings” such as booze bottles, cigarettes, beer cans.
Early HBO was great. I watched “Meatballs” almost every day for a month straight. Same with “The In-Laws.”
“Does have a little wang in it. Good though. Mind if I have some more?”
Used Cars was nother one that used to run all the time.
I’ve never subscribed to a pay channel in my life, but I still have fond early-HBO memories from the late-’70s and early-’80’s. That’s because in the days of unscrambled signals and analog TV tuners, there were simple ways to pick up the station. All you had to do was set your VHF dial to the position between channels 2 and 3 [HBO was carried on 3] and then turn your fine-tuning thingamajig clockwise about 500 revolutions, and BINGO- you had HBO! I swear, it was that simple [I had a friend tip me off to this technological miracle]. Before HBO replaced it, my cable had carried a channel called “Hollywood Home Theater”, and between that and HBO, I was able to see, for the first time……….. R-Rated movies! Burlesque! F-bombs and boobies! Heaven! I had this setup for years up in my bedroom and my parents never knew- had they known they would’ve flipped [for both the adult content AND for the “signal theft”]. Then one day it didn’t work anymore. The end.
George Carlin.
Goofy ass movie called “Jeremy” with Robby Benson and Glynis O’Conner. Nude scene! Nude scene!
“Jesus Christ Superstar”. I distinctly remember tear assing through the backyard trying to emulate some of those dances.
And yes. “A Stranger In the House” (with Karen Black if I recall) had stolen many a night’s sleep from me.
I also remember the bubbly logo HBO had back then.
Family Plot was on HBO nearly every day. Also, The Enforcer (Dirty Harry), Assault On Pricinct 13 (the original) and Orca were movies that I recall being in a continual loop from the HBO folks.
THE classic lines from “The Enforcer”:
Lt. Dobbs: Are you finished with the questioning, Callahan?
Harry Callahan: Hypothetical situation, huh? All right, I’m standing on the street corner, and Mrs. Grey there comes up and propositions me. She says if I come home with her, for $5 she’ll put on an exhibition with a Shetland pony…
Mrs. Grey: If this is your idea of humor, Inspector…
Lt. Dobbs: All right, what are you trying to do here, Callahan?
Harry Callahan: I’m just trying to find out if anybody in this room knows what the hell law is being broken, besides cruelty to animals.
Also classic lines from that movie:
Police Chief: “You just bought yourself a suspension, now give me your star”
Callahan: “Here’s a seven point suppository Captain”
Police Chief: “What did you say??”
Callahan: “I said STICK IT IN YOUR ASS !!! “
Just seeing Michelle Pfeiffer dressed as a car hop is enough incentive to go see it again. And again. And again.
I don’t know if these 3 movies were ‘gems’ or not. I just watched them so many f***ing times that they kind of grew on me. Maybe the fact that I watched them so many times is all the testament needed:
Inside Moves
Gloria
When Time Ran Out…..
Oh, and my family is interred at “Gate of Heaven” cemetary – the burial grounds of Babe Ruth and James Cagney. I’ve never either of their graves.
I was privy to HBO’s early days. I remember seeing the movie “Rollercoaster” and enjoying the swear words. I became the swear king of the first grade and got in a bunch of trouble for saying goddamit (a reaction, I knew better) in class when i bumped my shin once.
I remember watching “return to witch mountain” about 100 times.
A couple of summers ago the wife and I stayed at one of the casinos in Tunica Mississippi and day drove to the surrounding towns in the Delta that were important for Blues music. (Clarksdale, Helena AK) On the last day we stopped in Greenwood on our way down to New Orleans to visit what historians call the most probable resting place of Robert Johnson. (there were many places around the delta that claimed to inter Mr. Johnson). Absolutely worth the time and effort.
Hollywood Knights is one of my favorite movies. (Turk did you come?) classic
“C’mon Turk. I’m all hot ‘n a bothered….”
“A little.”
Dudley Laywicker: “Don’t hurt me, I think I’m a bleeder”.
Waaaay back when (the summer I graduated high school), a friend and I had the bright idea to visit Emil Sitka (Three Stooges character actor), and she told me that if we could visit the Motion Picture Country Home, we could also see Joe DeRita. Now, I’m not sure of HOW she knew he was in there, because I learned later he was suffering from dementia, but she said at least we’d be on the same “hallowed ground” as an actual Stooge, and we’d get to see an “almost Stooge” in person. Eventually cooler parental heads prevailed, but oddly enough, even if we had gone to see DeRita, by the time we’d have gotten there, he probably would’ve been dead (we’d planned our visit for the 4th of July…ironically, that’s when he died). We’d have been looking for his gravestone, but he wouldn’t have had one by the time we got there.
We never got to visit Mr. Sitka, either, and he died about four years later. I still envy those folks who got to visit Moe and Larry in the 70s, their stories are amazing.
Other than that, I’d never wanted to visit any graves–my sister drove past Graceland a while back, and wasn’t too impressed about the non-Graceland surroundings.
The only grave I’ve traveled to see was last summer when we stopped at the site of the confederate POW camp in Columbus, OH-Camp Chase- to visit an ancestor who died & is buried there.
I was shocked to discover that he was NOT spinning in his grave, being planted up there in Yankeeland and all. lol
My parents never got cable tv when I was young. Hell we still had rabbit ears with tinfoil of ’em sitting on top of the tv console.
That makes me think of Turk 182.
There was some channel back in the 1990s where you could watch movies up until a certain time – and then it would go blank. I don’t recall what the channel was. I just remember seeing almost all of the movie Heat one night.
We had a local UHF station that switched to PPV porn at midnight. This was the proverbial squiggly line in the middle of the screen that you kept trying to fix with the picture controls. Occasionally it would come in sem-normal, but they also made the contrast go bright and dark. Any port in a storm when you’re a teenager. Fucking Simon Leis…..
I think that channel (the one I can’t recall) also ran porno films at certain times of the night.
I was somewhat surprised to learn recently that there is an “Adult Channel” on the Comcast cable system where one can pay for such movies. I have to wonder who does that these days. And – it sort of amazes me they would offer such a channel in the first place.
I remember the days when HBO came on in the afternoon. I was a youngster, so my parents wouldn’t allow me to watch it at night when the “good stuff” was on but I still remember seeing Hero at Large, a late 70’s (could be very early 80’s) movie with John Ritter as an actor who tried to be a super-hero for some reason. I don’t remember much about it except for a scene on a bus where a guy tells John Ritter He “got shot in the ass” with a bb gun. It was the first curse word I ever heard on TV.
Jeff, it’s funny that you mention someone else previously coming up with the term “piss camel”, even though it’s your own original joke.
As someone else once pointed out… even if you’re “1 in a million”, that still means there are 7100 other people just like you in this world of 7.1 billion people. Hell, even if you’re “1 in a billion”, there are 7 other people.
Nobody’s original… we’re not all unique like snowflakes.
Speaking of the olden days, I use to have to clean up after our dog when I was a young fellow. For many years – I had to pick up dog poop in the yard. Now, I sometimes see people in my hood letting their dog take a dump on my yard – and simply walk away.
Ah, yes..the ol’ shit and run. I especially like it when you know where the perpetrator lives. Then you can go and dump the shit back in their yard.
Elvis?
I’ve been to Jim Morrison’s grave, didn’t make a special trip, I was in the area and I knew it was there. Chopin is nearly next door 🙂
Poor Chopin
Chopin broccoli
Jealous of his brother Albert he was, mmm?
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LMAO!
I live about 40 minutes from Jimi’s grave. I saw him perform at his best, I still play his music, and I continue to believe that he encompasses some of the very best attributes of our culture. I have no idea why I haven’t made the trip to the cemetery, but I’ve now decided that I need to go this summer. Can I drop anything off for anybody?
jtb
In view of your reverence for Jimi, I’ll assume that you’ll reserve your piss for RMN’s grave if/when you make the trek to The OC.
-Dude
The OC – not to be confused with The OCD.
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Many believe that the “D” is implied.
I don’t understand the photo at the top of the post. Did they just “bury” a woman with a bad haircut on top of Mr. Cash, using no dirt, to save on space and money? I think someone should take it upon themselves to see that his grave is kept clean. It would be one kind favor.
jtb
I’ve been to Hank Williams’ grave, but not by choice–my husband just HAD to see it.
I remember how amazed I was with HBO having no commercials, all the swearing not being bleeped out and music video’s between movies. One if the movies the played over and over was “Rocky”. And I think I watched it every time too.
I may have had HBO briefly at some time, but not in the very early years. Back when few people had cable, a buddy of mine who did referred to his channel-surfing as the Quest for Breasts.
I mostly only visit cemeteries for family, although I did once wander around the old Puritan cemetery in the North End. I live maybe 12 or 15 miles from Arlington Cemetery, but have never visited. Maybe if I had family there. Maybe I do, and don’t know it.
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I’ll go ahead and call it for y’all, that picture of Cash’s grave is a goddamn disgrace. I don’t know if that’s a male or female, but that’s just bad taste. That’s why my grave will come equipped with 12″ steel spikes sticking up, to keep shit like that from going on. Or maybe I’ll be buried up off the ground somehow.
I’ve visited several of the President’s graves and I’ve decided I’d like to visit them all, just for the hell of it.
A true ‘Goth’ necromancer who has embraced “The Original Man in Black” as her own. She has committed to devote her life to him and his stance on Viet Nam. She has also decided to someday learn what Viet Nam are.
I don’t understand. Why does the President need so many graves?
jtb
Is it because the president is such an important person?
*I’m still pretty gosh darned angry with Reagan.
HBO/Cinemax Movies from my youth-
Conan
Excalibur (sex while wearing armor never looked like so much fun)
To Live And Die In L.A.
Body Double
Johnny Dangerously (“you’ll feel better if you have a cookie”, “my father hung me on a hook – once…”, “you fargin’ bastage”)
Remo Williams
Those were just the first ones that came to mind, I’m sure I forgot some classics
“Fargin icehole” – or maybe that was from Flesh Gordon. It’s all such a blur now.
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I remember always catching the bread-making scene in “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. (I think it’s on YouTube; check it out!) For some reason, it seemed to always play in the after school hours, while the networks were playing Brady Bunch and such.
i still lthink Poodle/Man cage matches is a valid idea.
Hollywood Knights was a classic. Cannery Row with Nick Nolte and Debra Winger was another one I watched over and over.
Cannery Row
(another great one)
Willow was another movie they use to run quite a bit.
I don’t think I have watched anything on HBO since the early 1990s.
I’ve been to Graceland, it was a school trip in the 90’s…otherwise don’t really take to seeing where dead people are buried, famous or not.
Never in my life have I had HBO as a channel I could watch without the squirrely lines.
I have visited all of the dead Ramones’ graves (Joey, Dee Dee, and Johnny).
Where are the Ramones buried? Greenwood?
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The grave sites for Dee Dee (Douglas Colvin) and Johnny (John Cummings) are at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, which is also a really cool place to visit because of all of the other movie stars and what-not buried there. Joey (Jeff Hyman) is buried in Hillside Cemetery in Lyndhurst (Bergen County), NJ.
These guys had a big impact on me as a youth, and I felt obligated to to pay my respects.
Huge Ramones fan here. Planning on visiting Dee Dee and Johnny the next time I’m in CA. Johnny’s head stone is awesome! Any idea where they buried Arturo Vega?
I didn’t even know that he had passed away last month! Now that I know, I will plan to visit the mural he just finished on Elizabeth St when I am in the city in September. He was the fifth Ramone, after all.
Yep, poor Artie.
Thought you might find this interesting. I had a Ramones themed wedding. ????
http://www.newjerseybride.com/realweddings/amelia-durazzo-to-andrew-cintron/
That’s freaking great! Fantastic Ramones cake, and you looked as purty as Riff Randell on your wedding day!
Thank You Billy Joel. ????
They are all buried at Rockaway Beach.
This wasn’t early HBO but about 1985 or so they were lousy with horrible movies usually starring someone like Wendy Jo Sperber.
Two of my favorites were Stewardess School (With Donny Most)
And my favorite is Hamburger: The Motion Picture. It had Dick Butkus and was hilarious.
Today is the only day where there are no sports in this country. At least no sports anyone cares about.
Showtime was always raunchier in the old days. They always had a couple of series that passed the Joe Bob Briggs test, i.e. topless. At the time I was “between marriages’ to coin a phrase, as well as being horny and “economically challenged”. So, I never passed up an opportunity to house-sit for my parents. Every night I would clear the decks for 11 PM.
Wait, what? The news? Hey, we don’ need no steenkin’ news – we got SHOWTIME AFTER HOURS!!
Uh, sorry. (Good times, though, heh, heh.)
Oh, yeah…http://joebobbriggs.com/ – the onliest good thing about Texas, besides the music.
Hey Jeff!
Haven’t commented in a while.
Early HBO was great…I remember watching Caddyshack with my friends over and over..and the first Friday the 13th movie which scared the bejesus out of me!
As for celebrity graves.. I go to Joey Ramones gravesite all the time. I’m a huge Ramones fan so whenever I’m in the area I stop by and chat with Jeff Hyman and clean up around the head stone. It’s in NJ close to MetLife stadium. I’ve also been to Jane Mansfield’s grave because a friend if mine has a relative in the same cemetary in PA.
Emmit Otters Jugband Christmas
I bought that a few years ago for mynephew.