I drove home Wednesday morning in a Biblical downpour. I got off work at 2:30, and there was a menacing feel in the air; everything was dead still, and it smelled like ocean.
And almost as soon as I merged onto the interstate, to begin my 35 mile journey home, it started raining dogs and UPS drivers. I mean, this was like Georgia rain, or Mississippi rain, or something along those lines. And it just wouldn’t stop. Usually you can drive out of it, but this storm was either extra-large, or following me up I-81 – just to be a smart-ass.
There wasn’t much traffic at that time of the morning, but the few unfortunates on the road were moving cautiously, at no faster than 50 mph. I had my wipers on the highest setting, possibly for the first time ever, and was afraid they were going to fly off and go sailing into the woods.
That shit was whippin’.
A few people lost their nerve and pulled off the road with their emergency flashers going. I imagined them inside their vehicles having a good cry, then calling their wives to bring them fresh underwear and ointment.
But I soldiered on. Like in snowstorms I fell in behind a tractor trailer, and used it as a guide. If there’s nobody in front of me, I’m always concerned I’ll drive straight off the highway in such situations. I figure those guys know what they’re doing, and are fully awake on coffee and goofballs.
The rain was hammering the top of my car, and running like a thousand creeks across the roadway. A couple of times I hydroplaned, and I’m not really a fan of it. When all four of your wheels are pointed in a certain direction, yet the car is moving in a different direction, it’s not good. It’s not good at all.
If I don’t stop at McDonald’s (which I do half the time), I always pull into our driveway at 3:07, 3:08, or 3:09. It’s amazingly consistent. But on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, it was 3:27 as I exited the interstate. Driving with your sphincter all cinched-up apparently requires a little extra time.
I decided to pay our all-night McDonald’s a visit, and the cashier and I did our standard dance.
“Can I take your order?”
“Yeah, I’ll have a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit!”
“We’re not accepting credit cards.”
WTF? “That’s OK, I’ve got cash.” (And who buys a single biscuit on time?)
“So, that’s one sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit?”
“Yeah!” …just to confirm it once again.
“Drive forward to the second window.”
And when I get up there she always says, “Oh, it’s only you.” That really makes a person feel good, ya know? For one thing, I’m a recognized middle-of-the-night regular at a McDonald’s in northeastern Pennsylvania (how did it happen??). And what does she mean, only you?
I scarfed down my cannonball of fat, while driving through the rain to our house.
I usually let Andy out when I get home, but he was having none of it. I guess it had been thundering, and our hound was staying low to the ground, like a bear rug. I held the front door open, as an offer of good will, but he just turned his back to it. Funk dat, I thought I heard him say.
I went downstairs and plugged in my cell phone and my iPod, popped open a Yuengling lager (then another), and monkeyed around on the internet for forty-five minutes with George Noory playing in the background.
After I’d had enough of that excitement, I made my way up to the dormancy chamber, and noticed it wasn’t raining anymore. I climbed atop the platform, Toney rolled over irritably, and I heard birds chirping outside the window.
And that’s one of the weirdest things about working my freaky hours: going to sleep as the birds are waking up.
But whatever.
I’m confused, I don’t quite understand rss fees and shit, is there two web-sites? Somebody help!
Welcome to WordPress — you’ll love it. Um, I guess now I can tell you that I really hated the old layout.
Yeah.
As a new fan I have to say there are a whole bunch of dedicated followers who don’t know where to find you! You need to get the message out through the old site!
Dammit most of us lead lives so bad we can only aspire to be you in the next one! For the love of God tell yourpeople where you are:)
Hey bossinjo,
The link to the feeds is at the top right of the page.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/Thewvsrcom
Am I missing something? Does TheWVSR(.com) have a new URL and my ‘puter is just that good it automatically knows the correct address…or has the address not changed and I don’t know WTF these people are talking about? I mean, I’ve only been visiting for more than 4 years (since the start of the ‘fuck’ report) and have NEVER had a problem finding it.
Alex, I have to agree with your RainX statement. As the original stuff is almost more of a pain in the ass than it’s worth, I use the washer fluid additive. Don’t use their pink washer fluid…it’s crap. The milky stuff that’s added to regular washer fluid (or water) however, that shit ROCKS! (and how does that work, if you add the stuff to water, should’t the water come flying out of the reservoir or something? An{d}yway…)
out, y’all
Ah!! I see! The old site is …/index.htm and the new is …/index.php. Gotcha! If you just type in ‘thewvsr.com’ there shouldn’t be any problem. Again, An{d}yway…
Late
Going to bed when birds are chirping is one of the queerest feelings ever (queer as in odd, not same sex sex) always reminds me of coming off of acid, the sun is coming up..your body is exhausted from nancy & nostril like unshaved hippie dancing all night but your mind is racing like a shizo meth head. Almost as if the birds are mocking your sleep.
The old man and I worked opposite shifts from the time our secret was born till he started school so we never had to leave him with a sitter and I always worked the late shift. You need a good 2 hours of unwinding till you can hit that platform and even then its still hard.
LAST!
http://thewvsr.com
pagan, I know it’s a problem, but I’m currently unable to make changes to the FrontPage site. My webhost is working on it, but I have no access whatsoever. I want to go on there and post a link, and hopefully I’ll be able to do that soon.
btw, I’m going to be spending the day working on an extracurricular writing project, so there will be no Friday update. If I get a burst of energy, I might post one on Saturday. There’s a lot of stuff in the Big Notebook of Fun.
see ya.
I just spurted.
i lnew this daily update stuff was just temporary, but as always we will wait. have a good weekend jeff
I drove from Indy to Detroit in a rainstorm just like that back in 1993. i couldn’t see a foot in front of me, but some people were just sailing past, as I bareknuckled it and stuck right behind somebody else willing to risk the ire of impatient people by going slowly. And trust me, driving slowly is not something I ever do.
I like to follow semi’s in bad weather. I figure if they need to stop 2 things will happen.
I’ll stop first and they’ll punch a hole in anything that might be in way.
When I used to keep a CB in the car the truck drivers I talked with were fine with it. Even if I screwed up and rear ended them it was better than the other way around.
@Jimmy Kuhn
We knew you would.
I think I did too.
You just made the Saturday Early Morning Show! Congratulations! It was your fast food study and they called it anticipointment. Way to go Jeff!
What the?!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
just sitting in a deserted dealership, looking for that burst of energy……..
I’m gonna’ check out CBS website, see if I can find a link……
Saturday Update…Saturday Update……..Saturday Update….Saturday update!!!!!
Man’o’man, that CBS website…..geez. No wonder they’re always suckass in the ratings. Did they have the least creative person on the planet cobble that thing out of a sheet of shale? I’m not even tech savvy. Guess I’ll have to go to google.
Can’t find any links. A little help yo?