The younger Secret was sick all weekend, and now the older boy is home from school a-sneezin’, a-snottin’, and a-hackin’. Fan-flipping-tastic! I feel like I’m sitting, right this very minute, inside a cloud of illness particles.
He’s going to the doctor at 4 pm, and hopefully they’ll make him better. And we can get some Lysol up in this bitch. Sweet sainted mother of Mary Mallon!
I was informed, about an hour ago, that the retro t-shirts are ready for pickup. I’ll get ’em on Thursday, my next day off, and try to put them in the mail on Monday. I’ll have a few XL and 2X left over, so if you want one….
Also, the T-Shirt Lady tells me there was a mix-up at T-Shirt Lady Labs, and a full batch of maroon shirts were run with the Evil Twin leapin’ catfish logo. So, the shirts are maroon, and the design is orange and white. She’s going to let me have those for a discount, if I want.
I’ll take a look, and see how hideous they are. If they’re not too bad, I might take them off her hands and pass the savings on to you. I should be able to sell them for $10 each, postage included. I’ll post a pic of the “miscommunication shirt” as soon as possible.
Who knows? Maybe it’s one of those fortunate accidents? Probably not, but maybe.
Over the weekend I watched two or three episodes of a show called World’s Strictest Parents, or somesuch. Have you seen this? It appears on some unknown cable channel, way up the dial.
The concept is fairly interesting… They take a couple of smart-ass, disrespectful, out-of-control teenagers, and make them live with a Ned Flanders-style family somewhere. Then they chronicle the friction.
Most of the kids made me crazy. Sarcastic little shits, one and all. If I ever talked to my parents the way they apparently do… well, it would’ve only happened once. Let’s just put it that way. Wow!
But one of them made me laugh. He was also an asshole straight-up, but was creative with it. Know what I mean? It wasn’t just the standard hollering of profanity, and slamming of doors. He would calmly argue with the host parents, being completely smart-alecky and infuriating, in a subdued, conversational tone. He was a different style of asshole, which I appreciated. He had skills.
Of course I couldn’t admit any of this out loud. So, don’t tell anyone, OK?
And just for the record… the “strict parents” irritated me too. What a bunch of humorless goodie-goodies. The natural reaction, for anyone with an, um, adventurous streak, would be to screw up the operation. None of it was overly surprising, and some of it I applauded. Secretly, inside my head.
Anyway.
A guy at work brought in a large freezer bag filled with “homemade sausage.” He said he and his buddies drank beer and “smoked” over 100 pounds of the stuff on Saturday.
He handed me one, and it looked like one of Andy’s yard crullers. I instantly smelled the smokiness of it, but was exceedingly skeptical. Homemade sausage? Made by a bunch of beer-guzzling cuppa-two-trees? Visions of salmonella danced in my head.
“Thanks. I’ll try it in a little while,” I told him, and laid it on a legal pad beside my keyboard.
When I picked it up, an hour later, there was a grease stain on the paper. But I sniffed the thing, and had to admit… it smelled like something I’d enjoy. So I took a tentative bite, and it was really good. I couldn’t choke down the whole thing, but ate most of it.
And so far, blood hasn’t exploded from my ass. I’ll keep you posted.
Are you ever put in that situation? Somebody at work, or wherever, brings in something they’re very proud of, and wants your reaction — right now? How did it work out for you?
A quick note to all the Westerberg/Replacements fans out there: six new Paul Westerberg songs were released today, and can be downloaded here. Also, the EP is available on CD. I haven’t heard it yet, but plan to grab it before I leave for work in a few minutes. Let me know what you think.
And I’ll leave you now with the Question of the Day… What lies have you told since getting out of bed this morning? I can only think of one: when Toney called she asked if I’d remembered to unload the dishwasher. My answer was a bold-faced lie, but I’ve covered my ass in the interim.
What about you? What lies have you told today? Is it possible to go through an entire day without telling, at least, a tiny white lie? I somehow doubt it.
I’ll be back tomorrow.
See ya then.
@Malcolm: Please stay away from drug cartels, areas outside of tourist resorts and good god do not go walking on your own ANYWHERE. Better yet, stay home & check in to work online! Safer and we won’t have to worry that you’ll become a headline on CNN.
Mexico is a pit and not a fun place to visit, business or otherwise right now.
Good luck to you and do check in!
Brynhildr – Me and fate had a pretty good run and I will leave it at that. I don’t tempt it any more so I can count myself lucky. Been in monogamist relationships ever since and I don’t “stray” from that. Celibate in between contrary to rumor, just not that same wild guy I use to be.
I am a vapor, I am a leaf on the wind, …then, I am gone. Dammit, now I’m officially 51 WTF?
Shiny Rod, let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday…now bend over for the spankins
RNK — Be gentle. Shiny Rod’s old man heart may not be able to take it like he used to.
Shiny you old fuck…I just turned 50 in August.
RNK,
I’m using the prize money to get tattoos. How ever many ladybugs I can get on my penis, that’s what I’m going to do.
Shiny Rod! Happy Birthday! 51 is a good age to have a midlife crisis. That way you’ll live to be 102.
Knucklehead-I have know idea what part of town we were in when we stumbled into that fast food joint. We had been sight seeing all day and drinking all night. But my friend who was in charge would probably have steered us to the seedy section of town to scare the hell out of a couple of hayseeds from Ohio. This would have been in 1991 so the seedy areas may have changed a bit but it’s not like I would remember. We spent a day and a half in frisco and just the one evening. Did manage to have a cute girl sell me a copy of L. Ron Hubbards book Dianetics, I thought she liked me, anyone wants to borrow it they can I never made it past page 3, too many big words.
Jesus McChristmas! Was anyone else born during this week? There must have been a mass power outage 9 months prior – people didn’t have anything better to do than have sex. Speaking of which, Mrs. McAppleass just fired up the shower. I’m going in boys, wish me luck.
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHINY ROD!
Oh yeah happity birfday SR and all the rest I’ve missed!
Me- Born 9/5/1968
Shiny Rod ~ Happy Birthday! The big five-one, eh? Don’t worry. It just gets better!
Happy birthday everyone. There, see y’all next year.
First, I want to thank all the little people who made this all possible, Herve, Verne, Frodo, Sam Wise, sorry guys but Shiny Rod made it to the egg first! Pbbbssstt!!!
All joking aside, I want to thank everyone for the lovely Birthday salutations. Over the past year, I hope I have touched each and every one of you in some special way. Ewwww! That didn’t sound right. We’ve laughed at each other, cried, supported and even bashed a few but we are still family. Thanks Jeff for an outlet for all of our racial and sexual hang ups, drug and alcohol abuses, ex’s, male bashing, female bashing, farting, pooping, puking, snorting and any other damn thing we can find to blog about. As I celebrate 51 years of life, lift a pint of Golden Elixir in honor of the WVSR and the entire list of folk that make this site a happening place. Now, excuse me while I whip this out:
RNK – Bring it on, I haven’t had a good spanking in a long time.
Bryn – Ooh, baby, you are so talented! Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Son Of Sam – O Lord, do we have the strength to carry off this mighty task in one night? Or are we just jerking off?
Jason – Are you crazy? They’ll never go for it. And then again they might. Those little devils… they love cheese!
T. Farty McAppleass – Now what’ll that asshole think of next?
WB in OH – What’s a dazzling suburbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?
Tadpolegal – Happy belated birthday, sorry we missed you. Throw up your hands/Stick out your tush/Hands on your hips/Give ’em a push/You’ll be surprised, you’re doing the French Mistake/Voila!
Greg – See? In another twenty-five years, I’ll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.
Enraged by their indifference, he followed them long after they were gone from his sight. He ventured further than any of us had gone before, beyond all hope of return. Swept up by the great currents, he was carried endlessly, across vast oceans, to worlds unknown. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a scotch bottle, and I’ve been there ever since. Have fun folks!
I am a vapor, I am a leaf on the wind and then…I am gone.
God that movie makes me laugh. It’s so wrong.
My Life Altering event was when my friend Jack Boston (who turned me on to this website also) gave me my first copy of National Lampoon! I think it was from 1973. It had a fake newspaper inside with the headline”Worlds Greatest Lier Speaks Out”! Underneath that was a picture of Richard Nixon! My father was a big tricky Dick fan so me and Jack put it inside his newspaper that morning and sat back while my father almost had a heart attack! Needless to say; The National Lampoon (my dad called them “them damn poon magazines”!) were banned from the house! I still have that magazine somewhere(minus the Nixon headlines)…..