I’m having some work done to the site today, and there are test posts going out through the RSS feed, which means they’ll also appear at Facebook, Twitter, and in email notifications. By the end of the day, though, everything should settle down. Please remain calm.
I’m excited about the changes that are underway. Well, not changes… enhancements. Yeah, that’s the ticket: goddamn enhancements. Stay tuned for details.
One of our younger boy’s teachers called me today, and wanted to know if he was at the dentist yesterday. “Uh, no,” I said. “Why?”
I’m not totally clear on what happened, but the hooligan apparently fed ’em a line of bullshit, as an excuse for not turning in his Social Studies assignment. He’s not home yet, so I’m still confused about what actually happened. I asked the teacher if he skipped classes, and she said no. So, what the hell? If he was in class, why are they asking if he was at the dentist?
I don’t know, but there’s definitely going to be a little father/son time at Surf Report Central tonight. It’s going to start with, “I’m not mad now, but if you start lying to me… the situation will change.”
It never stops. My biggest disappointment: the low quality of the lie. He’s capable of so much more.
Toney is in Philadelphia with her cousin (one of the few normal relatives in her family), at the flower show. So, I’m on my own here. I’m going to set the boy straight, then order pizza. Fukkit. Life is too short.
And speaking of that… Ex-Replacements guitarist Slim Dunlap suffered a severe stroke several months ago, and the remaining members collaborated on an EP of covers, with proceeds going to Slim and his family. Here’s a story about it. They’ve already raised over a hundred grand, through an auction of signed vinyl copies, etc. Now the EP is available to download. New Replacements music! Oh hell yes. Buy it for yourself, and buy it for Slim.
I swear I’m going to stop talking about Saturday’s Eels show soon. Maybe only a dozen or so more mentions, and I’ll have it out of my system. I forgot to tell you about the poster I swiped. Check it out:
I ripped that bitch down, and walked out with it. Steve took it to the print shop at the university where he works, and had five copies made on card stock. They look fantastic! He gave me three of them, so the boys now have a cool souvenir of that night. Along with their concert shirts, of course.
For a Question, I’d like to know about your best lies, half-truths, etc. Which ones are you the proudest of? We’ll need to know. Also, what are the worst lies you’ve ever heard?
What’s your most common lie? Is it the modern classic “Sorry I missed your call. My phone was on vibrate?” Please bring us up to date on it.
And I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Try Dropbox! It’s free and fantastic.
My high school football coach always told me to act like I’d been there before. No spiking, exclamation marks or CAPS. OK, I’m lying — I wasn’t on the football team.
I always lie.
There was the one about the parking space: Don’t worry, I’ll pull out.
While it is entirely possible for a man to lie about having achieved orgasm, the incidence of lying about climax is much, much higher in women. I mean FOR women. It might be the only area in which men are more honest than women.
In memoriam: If they don’t chisel “I’m Going Home” on Alvin Lee’s tombstone, they’re just not paying attention.
There’s a guy I work around and I don’t know if he’s a liar or more of an idiot. He just spouts off bullshit nonstop. And it’s not even GOOD bullshit. Today he was talking about nearly beating one of his neighbors to death with a “chicken bat”. WTF is a chicken bat? I don’t know.
I once pretended to be my dad on the phone when this girl’s dad called to bitch. I’d skipped school with her, got her drunk, and fucked her. He came home to find her “laying in a puddle of her own vomit” as he told it. I assured him that Jason would be beaten until one more hit would kill him, and he seemed happy with that and eventually hung up. Whew!
Shoulda told the girl’s you were going to use a “chicken bat” on Jason.
Shoulda told the girl’s dad …. Yikes I suck at typing 🙂
A chicken bat… http://www.flickr.com/photos/k0re/28251868/
I’m not good at lying, so I don’t do it much. The best I can come up with is the time I called in “sick” to work from Florida (work being in Albany, NY). I’m pretty sure the statute of limitations is up by now.
I’m lying right now.
He probably didn’t do his homework and said he didn’t have time to do it because he had to go to the dentist.
I’m lying my ass off right now on Words For Friends. I’m using a program called More Words. It comes up with words. So, it’s not just one lie, it’s a continous lie. You could call it a lie, or just say I’m cheating. Same shit, different wrapper.
That was a lie.
I’m a terrible liar. If you’re going to lie, that means you have to remember you told it….and keep it going. Tha doc I work for lets his wife run the office..as I have mentioned before. She is one of *the* worst offenders of lying I have ever encountered . She will lie about what she had for dinner, just to lie. We have caught her in so many bullshit lies about the office and whatnot we can’t believe a word she says. Mainly because she can’t remember the original lie she told. So her stories change daily. I don’t know why people are like that. Maybe for attention.
hot fuzz says
I try never to lie.
I didn’t say I was good at it; just that I try.
I never lie about anything of importance; it’s too much work. A story made more interesting? sure!
Lie to my wife or spawn? They’re the ones I would trust with my life; why would I risk their confidence in me?
Lie to a customer or co-worker? Nope. I lost my shit on a boss that wanted me to lie once. I almost got written up until he realized what the true problem was.
I used to say if I’m going to burn in hell, it’s going to be for a lot more than just a few stupid lies. My very religious friend (I’m not) replied “if you’re going to burn in hell, why does it matter?”
Jeff – thanks for all you do; You’re a good shit. In my opinion, you’re a good parent as well. And that’s no lie.
A good shit? Is that another regional expression?
It’s Canadian, Chill. By the way, I think you’re a fair country piss.
Once when I was a kid, my “good” Sunday church pants got caught and ripped on a bicycle chain so I lied and said a dog came out and attacked me. Holy hopping shit, my Dad got so pissed he loaded me in the car driving around looking for “that furry sonofabitch bastard”. Of course we never found it. I got away with it but to this day I still feel guilty about it.
Oh, yes, in high school especially, I was a lying savant. My father was super strict, and in order to have a parallel social life to my friends, and not be home by my curfew of 10 p.m., I often had to concoct the most elaborate of lies.
Probably the worst was when I was 15, and lied to cover the fact that my best friend (a gay male classmate) and I snuck off to Atlantic City for the night. Again, I was 15. When I think back on it now, I shudder about the big balls I had in pulling that stunt, and how my father would have flipped if he ever found out. It sure was fun though!
pressure clean says
I suck at break ups and when I was 23, I told this bimbo that I dated for a few weeks, that I got busted with a kilo of cocaine and was “going away” for a while and that I’d call her in 12 years.
So gullable, it’s almost cute! haha
if the statute of limitations hadn’t run out, i would never tell this.
when i was still practicing, i began to hate the insurance company which serviced the employees of our hospital. so numerous times i submitted drug bills for prescriptions written for the employee’s dog or cat by their vet.and the company paid!!! i would never have done this except the ins. co. refused to pay for legitimate drug bills and medical procedures. i was so aggrieved on the employees’ behalf, i said to myself, “FUCK YOU, INSURANCE CO!! YOU’RE PAYING FOR FIFI’S HEART MEDICINE AND ROVER’S ANTIBIOTICS!!!!!”
We’ve got a winner here!!!
Not Oprah says
Definitely don’t have a poker face, so don’t tell intentional lies. Is non-disclosure lying? If it is, then I do because many things are just no one else’s freak’n business.
If your secret lies to you, it should be liver and anchovy pizza for him.
I’ve told more than 1 woman that I would not c*m in her mouth. Hey go ahead & call me a liar!
Actually your son was merely pointing out a very good example of a “Social Study”. He decided he did not need to write a paper and a live performance would have more impact and he was right. The sad part is the teacher missed the point of his exercise. Most people bullshit and some people actually tell lies and there is a very big difference.
Another thing the bright lad did was show his integrity and not drag Andy into any of this with the, “The dog ate my homework”, bullshit. Everybody knows that dogs do not eat homework. Goddamn cats do though!!
If you want to hear the epitome of lies, listen to a bit of the Jodi Arias murder trial. Nuff said!
T Farty McAppleass says
I’ll be shocked if that pretty little bitch doesn’t walk. We don’t convict pretty little bitches in this country. And all that talk of dressing like a school girl and taking it up the ass? No, some idiot guy on the jury won’t be able to pull the trigger. If nothing else, they won’t give her death.
As far as being an out and out liar I’ve pretty much sucked at that since I’m guessing I was two years old. If something was fucked up around the place, I was the go to guy to blame and I was most likely the one that did it. Things seemed to get worse by the time I was ten. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I do like to bullshit (aka…pull your leg).
I was in Mullinville,KS.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mullinville,_Kansas (I walked the entire property and took pictures of that insert you see there) and parked my truck in the back dirt of this little Mom and Pop “truck stop”. Had to spend a day and a half there. Went into the store there at the truck stop to buy supplies (aka…beer). I’m not allowed to drink (by law) on duty or etc, etc, so without wanting to explain I was on a 34 hour restart (although she did not know my truck was parked back there in the big lot)…I told the cute counter girl I was from Arizona and I travel around the country taking pictures of remote and unique places and submit them to movie studios for a possible location to us as a remote setting to shoot a movie. I told her we like to hire the locals to be in the movie and that’s how Amy Adams was discovered and I was sure she (counter girl) would get a part in the movie. That little town of 255 people might still be talking about me now have their own version of , “Waiting for Guffman”.
I am such a good liar that people do not believe me when I tell the truth.
Really. No lie.
I was taking a nap one afternoon when the dentist’s receptionist woke me out of a dead sleep to bug me about making another appointment, so I told her I wasn’t home.
She said, “Are you SURE this isn’t you?” so I told her that I was my (nonexistent) sister, whose sister (me) had died.
I still don’t know where that even came from, other than the deep loathing I have for this receptionist. I should have told her I was my TWIN sister in case I ever see her in the grocery store.
Plus I had to get another dentist.