I often allow the bunker to get pretty nasty. Toney won’t clean in here, because she considers it my mess, and my problem. Which is unfortunately true. So, when I’ve had enough and finally clean it up, it can be quite an ordeal. Sometimes I need a snow shovel up in this bitch.
Last time wasn’t so bad. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf, you see. But it was still fairly dusty. And where does dust come from, anyway? I read somewhere it’s dead skin. Can that possibly be true?! Am I just sitting in here, rocketing flakes in every direction? I don’t think I care for it.
In any case, this is a photo of the shelf above my computer monitor. As you can see, five items had previously been resting there. Can you guess what they were? Any ideas?
Tomorrow I’ll post another picture, with the items replaced. So let’s turn filth into fun! Use the comments link to post your guesses. I’ve taken the liberty of numbering the interruptions in nastiness, for your convenience.
And is that a fingernail clipping in the middle? It’s quite possible, but I’m uncertain. If it is, it’s just a pinkie shard. We should all be glad it’s not off a big toe…
Tony Tony Tony says
2. SnowGlobe of Tulsa
3. Mariah Carey CD
4. Old Computer Mouse
5. Critical piece of lego Millenium Falcon
Willie Williams says
1. Roll of Charmin
2. Top Hat
3. Trapper keeper
4. Marijuana plant
5. Ring pop
1. $10.00 jug of wine
2. Bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
3. 1976 copy of Playboy
4. Fanny Pack
5. Vibrating cock ring
Mr Neutron says
1. Jeannie’s bottle
2. Magic 8-ball
3. Notebook of evil plans for world domination
5. Caused by leaving wet beer bottle there too long
The Evil Twin says
2. tin coffee can full of used gum
3. lucite “Esprit de Corp” award from previous job
4.WV Coal Miner figurine made of compressed coal
5. Dunbar High School graduation ring
fattie20xl / lucas says
2. coffee tin of saved nail clippings
3. altoids tin filled with celebrity pubes.
4. a model of the uss enterprise.
5. some boyscout’s egle scout ring.
i’m only guessing ’cause that shelf looks dustier and less maintained than a cat lady’s vajayjay. and when that happens the owner’s usually a “collector”.
fattie20xl / lucas says
i’m gonna chance #1 from shotglass to film canister filled with presidential quarters.
and #4 from uss enterprise to a commemorative snowglobe featuring martin luther king jr and barack obama in a friendly embrace.
1-Empty Pringles can.
2-William Shatner spoken word CD
3-Army field manual3-25-150 Combatives (hand-to-hand)
4-Spiked high-heel “earth” shoe
5-International Scout camshaft lobe (not sure what year…why the hell did you cut up a camshaft?? Oh, after some thought I realized that it would make a perfect collection of matching paper weights…very nice indeed!)
greg t says
1 A picture of Nancy and the Translucents.
2 A mouse ( real dead one)
3 A empty four pack case of some strange ale
4 Empty 8 O;Clock bean coffee can( well with dust in it)
5 Half eaten can of Pringles
1. Deflated 1960’s era basketball
2. Undelivered Christmas gift of genuine stainless steel steamer pot.
3. Lost copy of declaration of independence
4. Plain, old sneeze.
5. Old bar of soap that somehow got shaped that way and you just couldn’t ditch it?
6. There must be a cat trap there somewhere….
1. Favorite mug from (evil?) L.A. company
2. Can of change, possibly a red Salvation Army bucket
3. Billy Joel CD Jewel case
4. Sissy girl ergo mouse
5. Massive knuckle dragging class ring
No dog hair?
2-seasonal silk flower arrangement–December so probably a poinsettia
3-note pad from a bank now out of business or bought up by another
4-“dunking bird” statuette
5- residue from used q-tip
Gotta go, have dusting of my own to do.
other kristin says
2 stack of CD-Rs
3 stack of DVDs
5 ring from a beer bottle – Yeungling? Or MAgic Hat?
Good Morning Surf Reporters……..
1. – Autographed baseball from 1972 Cincinnati Reds
2. – CD of Zamfir, Master of the Panflute
3. – Garfield daily calendar
4. – Johnny Bench bobblehead doll
5. – High School class ring
Shiny Rod says
Jeff – Your right, thats the dead skin. About 1,800,000 to 2,4000,000 dead skin cells fall off every hour,so billions fall off everyday. You will dust before you put those items back eh!!!
1-Signed baseball from Bill Hershberger
4-Small statue of Bill Hershberger in the pose from the picture.
1. Beer Stein containg pens/pencils/etc.
2. One of those “tubes” of New Blank CD’s
3. Stack O’ already on the I-pod cd’s
4. Crappy old Mouse
5. Beer Bottle Ring
Just a guess
3. Case for CD
4. Computer Mouse, or slice of ham
5. Giant ring
I have no guesses.
the wvsr cam scared the hell outta me. for your amusement:
J Shifty says
1 – canister of Tiger Balm Ultra
2 – 8 O’clock coffee can used as a pencil holder
3 – iPod case of some sort
4 – odd-shaped clock. maybe in shoe form?
5 – a film canister. what was in it I can’t imagine
I can’t believe you leave that stuff just laying around out in the open…having a family and all. At least you keep #1 kinda hidden and I haven’t seen a #4 since one weekend in Tijuana years ago. You could probably get over $300.00 on eBay for # 5 if they let you post it. When you put the stuff back I think you should switch the placement of #2 and #3. The way there now un-fungs the ‘shway’ and I think it would help bring the shelf together a little more.
I’m guessing you keep #6 on the lower shelf at the ready. Beer nuts…of course!
You guys are all way off!
#1 and #2 are the disproportionate butt prints of an elf that was sitting on the shelf with one legged propped up leaving a boot print which is #4. His other leg was resting on #3, the Mariah Carey CD. #5 is where he had his beer.
2-bigger silicone implant
3-Implants for Dummies handbook
4-old implants that had a malfunction
5-bottle of tequila for patient anesthesia and doctor nerve-calmer
1. Big size Yankee Candle in Fresh Cotton scent
2. Empty coffee can saved for God knows what reason
3. Fancy-ass moleskin notepad
4. Super special cat statue given to Jeff by Sunshine
5. Bud vase
1. Right ass cheek
2. Left ass cheek (you are deformed, right)
3. Mirror laying flat
4. Single testicle (the small spot) and penis (pressed flat)
5. KY Lube bottle.
You are one sick man, Mr. Kay.
#4 is the trickiest
(most curious about that one)
#5 is a ring
.. the rest are up for grabs
I never laughed so hard
you early submitters had me CRYIN!
In other news:
The First Five Pages By Noah Lukeman
A Writer’s Guide to Staying out of the Rejection Pile
(Simon & Schuster, 1999)
A better Lukeman link:
(tinyurl failed me)