It’s incredibly windy here. Or, as our British friends like to say, blowy. I realized it’s also trash day, while I was outside letting Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) sling some urine around. Nothing short of fantastic…
A few years ago I was nearly decapitated on an especially blowy trash day, by a cardboard discus from the bottom of a pizza box. The thing came sailing out of nowhere, at exactly neck level! So I was on high-alert this afternoon, dammit. I will not be taken-down by an airborne Hi-C bottle; I will NOT go out as a Fark link.
But everything worked out OK. I just stood on the porch and watched the endless parade of garbage march past, while Andy searched for another dog’s pee to trump. I imagined me out there with one of the Secrets, when they were younger:
“Look there! It’s a Frito’s bag — family sized! And look what’s behind it! An empty butter tub, and a vortex of Tide bottles!!”
“Daddy, can I sit on your shoulders?!”
It was fairly amazing, and Andy got a surprise as well. I don’t think he’d ever seen his pee go in an L before. It went straight out, as normal, then made an abrupt left turn, because of the high winds.
And that’s as far as I got with Thursday’s update — before the loud explosion, and the complete and absolute nuclear winter loss of power.
Turns out a telephone pole tipped over. And how does something like that happen? Aren’t they generally in the ground pretty deep? Sure, the wind was blowing at an accelerated clip, but it wasn’t exactly a hurricane out there. How could a telephone pole just fall down like that?
And it’s a good thing nobody was driving past at the time, because it fell directly across a well-traveled street(!). The big transformers (or whatever the hell) at the top EXPLODED when they hit the pavement, and stray wires were dangling from the treetops.
Wotta mess. But luckily, and miraculously, several elderly men were on the scene within seconds, sporting reflector vests and carrying flashlights with plastic extenders on them. Where do those guys come from? Are they always standing by? Apparently so.
In any case, they kept the traffic from approaching the danger zone, and just a few minutes later several police cars, an ambulance, and a couple of fire truck were on the scene. Eventually, the power company arrived as well.
Our electricity was out, of course, and I told Toney I was going to use the opportunity to get a haircut. I’d been needing one badly, but couldn’t find the time. Since everything was now disturbingly quiet at our house, and getting colder by the minute, I figured the time was right.
So, I went to the mall and paid some guy to dance around me and carve great hunks of graying fur off my head. The dude moved as if on wheels, just gliding from here to there. If there was ever a man born to cut hair, he was it. Holy crap.
While driving home my cell phone rang, and it was Toney. She’d called the power company to get a status, and the recording told her we’d be without electricity until at least 7:30. So, she was proposing dinner at a restaurant.
Well, if we absolutely have to…
We went to Five Guys, and my burger was uncharacteristically disappointing. Way too saucy. Whoever was manning the ketchup pump got overzealous with it, and rendered my dinner a gloppy mess. The prick.
Afterward, Toney called the power company status line again, and they were now saying 10:30. What the hell, man?? It was dark outside, and the temperature was plummeting. Plus, we had a new episode of LOST to watch. I didn’t care for any of it.
The younger Secret was supposed to have basketball practice, so we went home and he changed his clothes by flashlight. Toney and the older boy went to swim practice, and we left poor Andy in the dark: the Woody Allen of dogs.
Since a big section of our neighborhood was now closed-off, I had to take an unusual route. And near the elementary school there was roughly a thousand flashing lights — emergency vehicles as far as the eye could see. What the hell, man? Are we under attack??
Traffic was completely balled-up, and we couldn’t get through. As we sat still, waiting for an opportunity to escape down a side street, I saw a horse standing in the middle of the school’s playground. Way off in the distance, with nobody around. A horse!
“Is this the Sundance Channel?!” I said out loud, while performing a fully-illegal U-turn at 2 mph.
I drove through a residential section, and eventually emerged near a grocery store a few blocks away. And cops had all the main roads sealed-off, directing cars away from downtown.
“Screw this,” I told the Secret. “You’re going to miss practice tonight, because we’re going home.” There was far too much incomprehensible weirdness going on. Were we under martial law, or something? I seriously thought those thoughts.
We returned home, and it was inky black inside. I went to the baffroom and took a leak with a flashlight in my left hand. At one point I thought I heard something, got confused, and pointed what wasn’t a flashlight in the direction of the shower stall. Woops. Where’s a towel?
I grabbed a Yuengling from the fridge, and the Secret and I spent the next hour sitting in the living room, smiling into the darkness. I felt like David Putty. And it was freakin’ cold in there.
Needless to say, I blamed Obama for all of it.
Toney and the older boy got home around 9:00, and all four of us sat there talking without being able to see each other. I noticed a candle flickering in the living room of the house across the street.
“Well, this blows a whole flat of eggs,” I said. And even though it made no sense whatsoever, the family agreed to the general spirit of my statement.
The Secrets went to bed, and Toney and I had another beer each. She called the power company again, and they were still saying 10:30. “Forget this, I’m going to bed,” she said. I considered doing the same, but it was still so early… Wonder if I could watch a movie on my laptop?
So, I fired up In Bruges, and made it two-thirds of the way into it, before the battery died. I really liked the first two-thirds, though. It was a really good partial-movie.
Finally, I sighed and climbed atop the platform. And I did something that’s completely unheard of: I wore socks to bed. I hate that, in warm weather I don’t even like my feet covered by a sheet. But these were unusual circumstances; it was like a refrigerator in that room. Sweet Maria.
And at exactly 12:27 am I was awakened by a low hum, and sudden light in my eyes. Finally, we were back in business. Toney got up and adjusted the thermostat, and within minutes it started to warm-up a little.
Good times!
Yesterday, before tragedy struck, I sent out an email announcing that I’d bowed to public pressure and would be offering a limited edition long-sleeve Surf Report shirt. Several people said they wanted them, but I wasn’t convinced we could meet the minimum order requirement of twenty-four.
But, to my surprise, twenty had already been ordered by the time the power went off. And this morning I was pleased to learn the number had nearly doubled. Thanks, folks! I really appreciate it, and am genuinely shocked.
I’ll keep the order form active until noon on Friday, February 20, and will then call the T-Shirt Lady with our numbers. I’m not ordering extras this time, so if you want one you’ll need to pre-order. Sorry, but it gets too complicated and convoluted; it’s better to do just one big mailing, all at once.
I do still owe a few of you short sleeve shirts, and those will go out on Saturday morning. Thus closing-out the category.
Thanks, folks! Your support is much appreciated.
And that’s that. I’ll leave you now with another deceptively simple question from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk. I’d like to know what you’re addicted to. What do you have trouble doing without, for extended periods?
For me, it’s beer (especially on Fridays and Saturdays and on days when we have no electricity), email and the internet, the maintaining of this website, and music.
What about you? Tell us about it in the comments.
And I’ll see ya on Monday.
mountain bike, candy corn, sneering at lessers.
I’ve got lots (I’ve got an addictive personality) – Coffee, Coca-Cola, Wal-mart’s “Great Value” Brand Beef Jerky, laughing, watching movies, reading about movies, sex, art, pornography, music.
Addiction I miss the most: Smoking. God, I loved to smoke, and I miss it every single day.
Beer, Burbon, Coffee, Internet, Hockey, Video Games, Cheese, Music.
Funny. I was just wondering if Jeff was HORRIFIED that the majority of his fans are smokers.
It was a nice surprise to me.
In Bruges was probably my favorite movie of ’08. Make sure and watch the deleted scenes Jeff. Not only are they outstanding and, in my opinion, should have been included in the actual movie but there is one extended scene with Farrell and Gleason in the hotel restaurant that is so politically incorrect I almost pissed myself laughing.
Addictions? Galliker’s Lemon Iced Tea. I am so addicted to it that I don’t even need to be drinking it. I just need to have a glass sitting beside me at all times. And Mountain Dew is just a notch below that.
Definitely Coffee, Hot Running Water – and The Google
I am intensely addicted to:
~ oxygen
~ Seeing my wife smile everyday
~ Hearing my teenage son say he loves me
~ hot food and cold Jimmy Johns
~ cold chocolate with nuts
~ heat in the winter (loathe being cold)
~ cool air in the summer,
~ daily dose of internet including The WVSR Surf Report, a daily search of the old radios I collect, local community blog, and youtube fix
~ My 67 Ford Pickup
~ trying to figure out why my dog spins circles each time he sees me (I need help on this one)
~ Duncan Donuts Coffee
~ The lift of all stress on Friday afternoons
~ Acting stupid around dumb people
~ Auctions
~ Titans Football
~ Josh Turner, Vince Gill, Elvis, Jeff Bates, Jamey Johnson, Elton John, James Taylor
~ laughing
Pie, coffee, baked steak, Wendy’s Double Classic with Cheese, Mounds bars, my guitars, my MP3 players, my PDA.
Nuff of that crap – I have an important announcement.
Ahem.
I have it on very good authority that **Yuengling** beer will at long last be available in the state of West ByGod Virginia, probably by the end of April. And *that* means no more driving up to Washington, PA to pick up a case. Yet another reason to root for Spring to arrive.
Today’s quote: “Any darn fool can make something complex; it takes a genius to make something simple.”
-Albert Einstein
Have a great weekend Surf Reporters, if you can, since no more Steelers for 6 months. *sniff*
@ bennigan’s nazi
I just officially wet myself.. that may be the funniest comment I have ever seen on here.
Yeungling in West By God? I might have to start drinking again. I had my first one around Christmas time and it was pretty farkin’ good. I’m partial to ales and lagers (the crisper the better) and the Yeungling seemed to have a perfect balance of everything. I really liked it.
I’m with ya on the Steelers withdrawal, Uncle Buzz. Let’s hope they have another great season next year!
We had a couple 2+ day power outages in our first year at this house. My wife ran an in-home daycare at the time, so that was unacceptable. So….. I got the OK to buy a 6.5kw generator, enough to power the fridge, freezer, TV, and a couple lamps. Shockingly, since that purchase, we have not had a power outage longer than 10 minutes. Stupid karma…..
What can I not go without daily…hrm…Diet Mt. Dew, The Interweb, The WVSR–the smell of gunpowder–and last but not least, burned diesel fuel…it really wakes you up, and makes you feel alive.
Bourbon and Chef Boyer D Overstuffed Ravioli…yum!
David Putey Elaine’s addiction on Seinfeld? The guys in reflector vests and extended flashlights are actually aliens sent to study the grid and it’s inherent weaknesses. They meld into the dark when the real power co employees arrive.
present addictions: electricity, wine, gin (Tanqueray in particular-short glass, light ice, lime. I think the proper term might be “Booze Hag”),corona light with lime, charred outside med-rare juicy rib-eye, internet connection, information in general, TIVO, my trusty Husky Boris, dark chocolate covered organic almonds, Alfred Hitchcock and Perry Mason; I probably could be addicted to “baked steak” if I knew what it was Uncle Buzz in Wheeling
past addictions: marlboro light cigarettes, fired chicken, the Monkeys show and Mike Nesmith
and coffee…GOT TO HAVE IT…I’m having it now as a matter of fact and it is perfect! Hot, creamy and STRONG-and yes I gotta say it-like my men!
Cindi K in VA,
I like my coffee bitter, cold, full of cream, and expensive. Just like my women. No, that doesn’t sound right. Never mind.
To all of the lovely ladies of thewvsr:
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
books/reading in general…I have to have a book with me where ever I go. I can spend hours and hours in a book shop or library. If I have had a busy day at work, I’ll come home, crawl right into bed and spend the next few hours reading.
If we are talking about food – I gotta have Twinkies, Reese Pieces, Sonic Hamburgers.
If we are talking about alcohol – Shiner Blonde made from Shiner Beers, the best beer in Texas!
Aw Jason! You are the best! To all the fantastic men of the WVSR, and Jeff most of all-Happy Valentine’s Day too!
I used to work as a utility pole inspection and treatment foreman. You are correct that they are buried very deep. But if they are not treated properly and regularly (and sometimes even if they are), they can rot away from insects and microorganisms on the inside, especially the part underground. If that happens, you end up with a pole with basically nothing supporting it. A high wind will usually topple a pole in such a condition.
Cindi K…
Baked Steak – Comfort food for sure – recipe follows.
2 lbs round steak, give or take, the cheaper & tougher the better
1 large onion, chopped
1 can beef broth
1 envelope Lipton onion soup mix – any flavor
1 can beef gravy (optional)
1 bag of carrots, peeled & chunked (optional)
Salt, pepper & garlic powder to taste (Easy!)
Handful or less of brown sugar on top, sprinkle with parsley
Cut steak into serving-size pieces, coat with flour & brown in a hot skillet. Toss everything into a crockpot, including
skillet drippings and let that baby simmer for 5-6 hours on high or 12-14 hours on low. Meat will melt in your mouth.
Can also do in the oven, covered 350-375 for at least 4 hours, but watch about replenishing liquids.
Serve with mashed potatoes, crusty bread and your favorite beverage.
Rats, now I’m hungry. Bon appetit!
Coffee first, then beer. I could go without beer without much trouble, but I couldn’t give up caffeine and be functional. Maybe the caffeine’s the only real addiction then. I do like to eat, but there’s definitely a physical need involved there too.
In Bruges was good, I watched it a couple times on an extended flight. Definitely worth watching.
Uncle Buzz in Wheeling-Thanks! Sounds delish : ) I have copied it to a word doc and will be trying it soon with a tasty Burgundy. Will let you know how i do with your recipe.
There’ll be “visitors” this weekend. Can’t wait to hear the latest!!
Cleaned out cookies, cleaned up hard disk, doing a disc defrag, have to reset all my passwords……..
That’s all
Nose berries. Needs no esplaining…just funny!
Red wine, beer, humor, writings (print or film), information. I’m not addicted…I’m devoted. I had a few other devotions back when “and after taking several readings, I’m suprised to find my mind still fairly sound.”
“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone…but they’ve always worked for me”
Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.
Mrs. DTO decided to make a meat loaf (YUM!) instead of go out tonight. Huh?….yeah…….(all sing) “Isn’t it romantic….”
Amy Winehouse’s Mother is not a Saint, she’s a North London Jew with poor parenting skills! And she will not be canonized on my watch!
O.K. Fellow surf reporters I need some help on this one: my message of the day: “just another boring night at home” went like this: I was sat watching T.V. enjoying a fine Yeungling when a plane fell on my house! Thought about it & wondered as a newbie: over the top or acceptable? you decide!!
“As I sat watching….” or… “I was sitting”….
Over the top would have been more acceptable I’m sure.
Pagan,
I’m of the belief that there’s no such thing as “over the top”.
And now it’s time for a public service announcement:
The girl scouts are now selling cookies. I bought three boxes of the Samoas. I ate an entire box in one setting. I’m not ashamed of myself in the least.
Wait – there is such a thing as “over the top”. The momma with 8 babies is over the top. I saw pictures of her taken days before the birth and it ruined my pregnant girl fetish forever. You’re over the top eight momma!
Yes. The octoplet Mom is, as Jason says, “Over the top.” Only because her desire for attention is not anchored in normalcy. A single woman (who is not a widow) with 14 kids is an aberration.
Caffeine (diet pepsi & coffee)
My Tassimo hot beverage maker
My Brussels Griffon
U2
Rosie’s Mex Cantina (Hsv,al)
SSRIs
My Pappy’s great big laugh
Expensive purses
Oh God I wish I had some baked steak : )
Baked Stake and eggs sounds good right about now. Home fries with onions and some souardough toast with apple butter and a Bloody Mary.
I’m on my fourth Bloody Mary, have no desire for food and have convinced myself of the life sustaning value of tomato juice.
Sorry DTO, and I was an English Major! (shame, shame!) If you get tired of Bloody Mary’s try a Bloody Ceasar, Nectar of the God’s!
Thanks Pagan… but it’s hard for me to understand what, in the name of Sweet Sainted Sister Mary Mollusk, exactly is clam juice.
Jason, I just bought three boxes of Samoas, too!
Now, if only they were deep fried and served on the end of a stick…
Or a Bloody maria…it’s made with Tequila. Yum.
Brandy,
I could – no, wait. I don’t want to say anything over the top.
DTO-there is also the redneck bloody mary-great for the morning after-beer and tomato juice.
@mountie9wv – at the risk of totally sidetracking this comments thing – I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOw the serial comme can instigate an entire lawsuit.
As a ‘professional’ writer, there things are relevant to my interests.
Thanks Cindi K in VA… I love a ‘red beer’ in the morning reguardless of the night before. Learned about that in Canada back in the day and a lesson gladly learned…Yum! …..Hey …lycopenes and fiber!
We still have “visitors,” and the Secrets are home from school. No way in hell I’ll be able to finish an update today… I’m not a war correspondent, dammit.
But I’ll be back tomorrow, and there will be bonus material soon. Very soon.
Have a great presidents day! Yay Polk!!
Since I specialize in self-promotion….and since in only the second (or is it the third) week in review e-mail transmission I have now been awaded a “comment of the day,” I believe that each person who is named a “comment of the day” contributor should receive special recognition. I suggest anyone earning a “comment of the day” award have a star or some other designation placed beside thier name when it comes up in the comments section.
Of course, since this is the WVSR it wouldn’t be a star–but probably a digital penis or vagina.
Jeff, you should be able to award this lofty status with all of the new fangled gadgetry you’ve amassed with your webtools.
Buck Out
Buck, Based on the WSVR Logo the comment of the day award should be named (naturally) The Cod and as it is awarded for writing the best piece, perhaps the approprate award would be a new codpiece!
Had a feeling update would be delayed due to “visitors”. Can’t wait for this one!!
Oh Lord, Translucent #1 probably shit the couch.
I thought the visitors were staying at a hotel- Did they get kicked out for clogging the toilets or somthing?