• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The West Virginia Surf Report!

Jeff Kay's Ridiculous Adventures In Suburbia

  • Home
  • About
  • Best of
  • Books
  • Archives
  • Donate

Just a Load of Excuses, and a Plea for Forgiveness

September 4, 2013 By Jeff 47 Comments

im-sorrySorry, folks. There are weeds growing through the cracks on this website, and there’s a green waterlogged couch on the virtual front lawn. I’ve been neglectful. And today’s not going to add up to much, either.

But… I had a deadline on the book, which was difficult. It didn’t look like I was going to make it, but I pulled an all-nighter (kinda sorta) and got there. The manuscript is in pretty good shape, I think. But there was a lot of additional material I had to provide, which took longer to create than anticipated. Go figure.

The publishing industry takes the entire month of August off (can you believe that??), and yesterday was their first day back. My material needed to be finished by the end of their break. There was a frenzied sprint at the end, but I crossed the finish line in time.

Also, yesterday was our 20th wedding anniversary. And please make a note that I DIDN’T go on Facebook and type out one of those sappy, cringe-triggering posts that begins “Twenty years ago today I married my best friend…” I think I deserve some credit for that. Can I get a hell yeah?

However, 20 years IS a long time, and things have gone amazingly well. How did it happen? I mean, I’m a screw-up from way back. It’s been a little rocky on the financial end of things since Warner Bros. shit me out, but other than that… no complaints. In fact, I consider myself to be pretty freaking lucky.

My only real regrets: moving from Atlanta in 1996, and NOT moving from Pennsylvania in 2007. Those were obvious tactical errors. Care to share yours? Use the comments link.

Plus, school started up again, and there was a flurry of activity leading to the first day back. The older boy is a senior this year, and the younger one is starting his first year of high school. Crazy. They were toddlers watching Toy Story seven times per day, just a couple of years ago. It’s a little unnerving to witness their rapid maturation, in direct proportion to the deepening of my frown lines.

There are some other things going on, as well. But I have to get out of here, and attend a meeting where I will say nothing, and pretend to be in a state of deep consideration. I’ve gotten pretty good at it, through the years.

So, those are my excuses and apologies. I swear things will get back on track soon, real soon. If you have any sins to confess, use the comments section as your own personal non-denominational confession boof.

And have a great day, boys and girls.

Thanks for reading!

Now playing in the bunker
Use the Surf Report’s webhost: HostGator!

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedinShare on Pinterest

Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Miketheripper says

    September 4, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I haven’t been reading lately either, yet somehow I am FIRST….

    Reply
  2. Dogberryjr says

    September 4, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Confession: Oldest kid is being honored for a damned impressive scholastic feat next week. The honor comes at a surprise breakfast (oy) at the high school. The Missus is traveling next week so I’ll have to go alone. The dread is palpable and I feel guilty as hell about it.

    Reply
  3. Phil Jett says

    September 4, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Don’t have and will never have Facebook. The wife does and those cringe worthy, throw up in my mouth “oh how great is my life, husband, wife kids” posts that she insists on reading to me is one reason I never will.

    Nice job holding that back Jeff. What you have above is all that needs to be said and more truthful than any of the “I need attention, love me, kiss me hold me” bullshit.

    Reply
  4. junkfood says

    September 4, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    I would LOVE to see the Jeff Kay version of a sappy Facebook post. Maybe that should be the question of the day, come up with a Surf Reporter versiond of those things.

    Reply
  5. angie says

    September 4, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    My husband told me that he hopes he dies first because the LAST thing he wants to do is be stuck at the head of my casket on a Saturday talking to people.

    I told him that hopefully, on that day, he will be thinking about someone besides himself!

    Reply
    • WB in OH says

      September 4, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      Especially if it were during college football season.

      Reply
  6. Dave says

    September 4, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Yes, “Hell Yeah” for eschewing the sappy FB anniversary post. I HATE those f*cking posts. In fact, ANY sappy “professing love” post on FB is cringe-inducing…ever notice those pretty much always are posted by either (a) the recently divorced and now in a rebound relationship, or (b) the soon-to-be divorced? Correlation? Hmmmm…..

    Reply
  7. Ginger says

    September 4, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    HELL YEAH!

    Reply
  8. Linda says

    September 4, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    One of my co-workers used to have a license plate holder that said, “Married and loving it!” Sickening.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      September 4, 2013 at 2:51 pm

      If the holder was on a Mercedes it would mean “Married to a Positive Cash Flow and loving it!” If it was on a Yugo that could actually be true love.

      Reply
  9. Brenda Love says

    September 4, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    My Facebook posts are emo because no one understands them.

    Reply
    • Henderson says

      September 4, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      OR are they not understandable because they’re emo?

      Reply
  10. Root 66 says

    September 4, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    No need to apologize to us…we are merely remoras feeding off the Great White Shark of Tom-foolery!

    My youngest also started high school this year. He is taller than I am and sounds like James Earl Jones when he talks! I also have a grandchild turning one this week. How did I manage to get so old so fast?!?

    Reply
  11. Uncle_Wedgie says

    September 4, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Welcome back Jeff! When the book to comes out I will be all over that bad boy. Congrats on the 20 year thing. That must be one tolerant woman you have. Heh, I just had a flashback to the “Groove Tube” “My wife, I think I’ll keep her”

    Reply
  12. chill says

    September 4, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    I saw a license plate today – not a holder – that read YF4LYF. Bleah.

    20 years is a long time, but it doesn’t seem like it. I was talking to my cousin, and he mentioned that his niece was in law school. “How can she be in law school? Isn’t she, like, 10 years old?” “Um, no, she’s 26.”
    .

    Reply
  13. mi2tall says

    September 4, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    Our 20th is in a couple of weeks. I’m gonna get drunk. Can I get a Hell Yeah!?

    Reply
    • T-STORM says

      September 5, 2013 at 8:10 am

      Hell Yeah!

      Reply
  14. Henderson says

    September 4, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    Congrats on 20 years! What did you guys buy each other?

    Reply
  15. madz1962 says

    September 4, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    Here’s a hearty “Hell yeah!” I deactivated my Facebook account. What a goddamn boring parade of people in love with themselves THAT shitbasket turned out to be.

    20 years is excellent. Congratulations!

    And good luck with the book! SOOOOO exciting!

    And now for the religious part of this post…

    “Bless me Father for I have sinned, it’s been 37 years since my last confession. During that time I think I blew through 8 of the 10 Commandments. The lack of incarceration should indicate what I didn’t do and/or got away with. I also have impure thoughts, Father, against the career cunts making my life miserable. Can you use your omnipowers and sic them with a dibililtating disease? Thank you. What about if I type “OMG” – is that taking your name in vain? Or has that gone mainstream and it isn’t a sin anymore?

    Send me an email with my penance. Amen.

    Reply
    • Billy Joel says

      September 4, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      Hear hear on the FB comment. I wonder if there has been any research done on the relationship between the frequency of FB posting and the severity of narcissistic personality disorders. I would imagine there should be some level of statistical significance there.

      Reply
      • Nads says

        September 4, 2013 at 9:32 pm

        How bout the positive vs negative posters? You know, the “I’m so tired” perpetual wet blanket vs the “best rave ever” people. What does it say about someone who takes the time to do nothing but bitch on FB?

        Reply
        • T-STORM says

          September 5, 2013 at 8:11 am

          Mine are generally song lyrics and random quotes from tv shows.

          Reply
          • Billy Joel says

            September 5, 2013 at 10:35 am

            I often enjoy seeing how deep one of these reply thingeys can get. Will the text box keep on getting smaller and smaller until it just doesn’t leave enough room for text?

            Reply
            • Billy Joel says

              September 5, 2013 at 10:36 am

              Perhaps we can get a bunch of replies to this so we can see how small the text box becomes……

              game on?

              Reply
              • Billy Joel says

                September 5, 2013 at 10:36 am

                I also hate the FB posts with pictures of someone’s friggin’ dinner. Enough already!

                Reply
                • Billy Joel says

                  September 5, 2013 at 10:49 am

                  This box is even smaller!

                • The Kuban says

                  September 5, 2013 at 10:53 am

                  smaller even

                • Clueless says

                  September 5, 2013 at 11:16 am

                  *playing along*

                • Billy Joel says

                  September 5, 2013 at 11:18 am

                  You guys are great!

                • madz1962 says

                  September 5, 2013 at 11:24 am

                  you’re getting VERY sleepy…

                • T-STORM says

                  September 5, 2013 at 1:17 pm

                  I can almost touch the walls!

                • Billy Joel says

                  September 5, 2013 at 3:19 pm

                  Huzzah!

                • jeff_in_SW_Ontario says

                  September 5, 2013 at 3:57 pm

                  Hell yeah

                • Clueless says

                  September 5, 2013 at 6:16 pm

                  Getting there.

                • neilyoungfan says

                  September 5, 2013 at 9:52 pm

                  Just trying to help here…

                • Billy Joel says

                  September 6, 2013 at 10:51 am

                  So that’s where the texts boxes stop getting smaller. There is no ‘reply’ link on the subsequent posts. This represents an important scientific advance. Congratulations surf reporters!

                • Clueless says

                  September 6, 2013 at 5:11 pm

                  Cutting up the liver *gags* my mother used to serve into smaller and smaller pieces in hopes it would disappear didn’t work either. We get honorable mentions when your research paper is published?

                • chill says

                  September 6, 2013 at 8:40 pm

                  Hm. How about now?
                  .

                • chill says

                  September 6, 2013 at 8:42 pm

                  Now this one is a reply to Billy’s Huzzah, as opposed to jeff_in_SW_Ontario.
                  .

              • T-STORM says

                September 5, 2013 at 10:37 am

                Most boxes get stretched out and sloppy the more stuff you put in them.

                Reply
                • Reefie says

                  September 6, 2013 at 1:40 am

                  I once knew a guy that dated a rather trashy girl for a short period of time. He said there were all sorts of things up in there…lamps, old lawn furniture, shoes, pots and pans, etc. He said it was also like a cesspool. She eventually married some fool and gained about 100 lbs. and she wasn’t tiny to begin with. Sweet memories…..

                • T-STORM says

                  September 6, 2013 at 10:58 am

                  How long was he with her? She really did love lamp.

          • madz1962 says

            September 5, 2013 at 10:38 am

            I also couldn’t stand those ridiculous attention whores who would type out some obscure message like “It’s all going to end soon” just so their dumbass friends would comment 742 times asking for further information only to find out the dumbass was finishing off a candy car.

            Reply
            • T-STORM says

              September 5, 2013 at 10:41 am

              Well what’s worse? The dick who posts “Well that was worth it….” or the shit dicks who respond “What?!!” “Details?”?

              Reply
  16. nalts says

    September 5, 2013 at 7:50 am

    I hear you bro. I think I wrote my entire book in a weekend.

    Reply
  17. bikerchick says

    September 5, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Hells yeah, Jeff!

    Reply
  18. Rick in the UK now says

    September 8, 2013 at 6:26 am

    A hearty “Hell yeah”. My youngest just turned 21, as a result my liver left for a few weeks of detox. I got an email from it at the rehab simply saying “Asshat”. Some appreciation that.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Now With Podcast!

Support Jeff And His Projects

Latest Tweets

  • Fresh podcast action, available everywhere! From Milton to Madagascar. pic.twitter.com/V6M1cmQcSA

    November 3, 2022 5:46 am

  • Something new I'm trying: nonewjeffs.substack.com/p/im-n…

    December 2, 2021 4:11 pm

  • Only 182 days until Opening Day.

    September 30, 2021 2:37 pm

  • Check out this great story about a 16 year old Tom Bergeron talking to Moe and Larry on the phone during the early… twitter.com/i/web/status/14387…

    September 17, 2021 5:02 am

  • Dogs! surfreportpod.com/2021/09/16/e…

    September 16, 2021 4:07 pm

Facebook!

Footer

Get Social!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Search The Surf Report

Copyright © 2023 · Smoking Fish Media