Anyone know how I can change the settings for Facebook Chat to always read “not available to chat,” or whatever? I need that to happen. Every time I go there some super obscure person from the distant past sends me a message.
Hell, I’m afraid to even visit that site, because it makes me feel vulnerable. Like I’m running from one foxhole to another during a gun battle. I know that every second I spend on Facebook, the words AVAILABLE TO CHAT appear beside my hideous photo, and someone might take a shot at me.
Oh, I’m not a total misanthrope, and it’s nothing personal toward the super obscure folks from the distant past, but I literally have no time for such things. Then I feel guilty for ignoring them, and start moving down the shame spiral…
Previously I had it locked down, but apparently something has changed. I wasn’t able to figure out a solution within one minute — which is my patience window. Anything outside that time frame causes me to say fukkit.
Do you know how I can make that correction? Please help me out in the comments section, and, you know, tell me in terms you might use as if addressing a large retarded boy. I’d be much obliged.
Yeah, I know. This makes me look like a jerk, but I’ve always hated instant messaging programs. I love technology, and gadgets, and all the latest stuff, but I HATE instant messaging. It’s the most intrusive thing ever. BING! “Hey, drop what you’re doing and talk with me, right now!!” BING!! “I know you’re there.” BING!!! “You were always an asshole.”
Am I wrong? What’s the most annoying technological advancement of the past fifteen years or so? Is there anything worse than instant messaging? Or maybe you like it? If so, state your defense.
As you probably know, Netflix is raising their prices by roughly 60%. After September 1 it’ll cost me $15.99 to receive the same service I’m now getting for $9.99. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m not paying it. That much has been decided.
I’ll probably go with streaming only, for $7.99. The selection isn’t great, but there’s always something on there to entertain me for ninety minutes or so. Heck, I’m not hard to please. I’ll miss the new release DVDs, but I can maybe check out Red Box. I’ve never used it, but hear good things.
If you’re a Netflix user, what are you planning to do? Just suck it up and pay the extra six bucks? I know it’s not much money, in the grand scheme of things, but it’s the principle. Ya know? Seventy-two extra dollars per year, for nothing? I have a feeling people aren’t going to eagerly embrace that concept.
Tomorrow I need to go to the laundromat again. Our washer will be repaired soon, but right now it’s still not usable. So, I’ll get to go hang out with the back tattoo mamas, and the wifebeater/wispy facial hair dudes for a while. Good times.
Last time I was there, I remembered something we used to do as kids. There was a laundromat in Dunbar, which was always stiflingly hot inside. During the summer months they’d prop open the front and back doors, to allow the humid air to circulate a little.
So, my friend Mike and I would ride our bikes through there. We’d enter through the front door, ride the full length of the place, and exit out the back. There was a large woman who ran the place, and she’d completely lose her mind every time we’d do it. And, of course, we found this to be fully hilarious.
Sometimes we’d shake it up and enter through the back door and exit through the front, just to keep things interesting. And I seem to remember Mike taking a detour inside the building once, and making a big circle around a sorting table. While that fat woman screeched, and waved her arms around. It was funny every time.
Unfortunately, I have a lot of experience with laundromats, especially during the Atlanta years. I once saw a guy puke into a washer, at a laundry near Little Five Points. I stopped going there, even though it was almost walking distance from my apartment.
I know this is a long-shot, but do you have any laundromat tales to tell? If so, please use the comments section below.
And I’ll see you guys next time. Today is my Friday, so I’ll be tending to my always-regenerating to-do list for the next few days.
But I’ll be back soon, real soon.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Kindle: just $2.99!
ME ME ME!
Netflick the lights out on the monstrous price increase. Major boner for Netflix or a wise move since streaming is much cheaper for them? I am not paying the increase. I would rather sit and watch the WV surf roll in!
NOOOOOooooooooooooo!
YESSSS to the douchey Tucson guy.
I have big problems adjusting to the horseless carriage.
So THAT’S why that dryer in L5P smells funny!
‘Scuse me, I meant washer! 🙂
I bumped my head on an opened dryer door once in a laundromat. I may have said some bad words. The scalp has a tendency to bleed quite a lot when cut.
To disable Facebook chat — click on “Chat” in the bottom-right corner. Then click “Options” in the menu that pops up. Then click “Go Offline”. That setting should also save for future log-ins.
Ditto ‘dat. I did the same thing because I had a 20-something year old cousin who would see me on and before I could even finish loading the page she would ask me inane questions about Edward from Twilight. (And she is in her 20’s!!!)
One day I told her she needed to seriously grow the fuck up & I disabled the chat. This was on the 4th of July in 2010. Her mother called to let me know I had ‘ruined’ her daughter’s holiday because of that statement. I had images of her sitting in her Twilight PJ pants, wrapped in a Twilight blanket crying into a Twilight hanky, because I told her to grow up. My boyfriend & I still pretend to cry like that when we get mad. ‘Ohh, Edward….how could you?!’
LMAO!
“Get a life” would have been more appropriate. Harry Potter nerds, Star Trek fans (of all “generations”), Star Wars Geeks, Superhero f@gs [X-men, Spiderman, Batman – you name it], Twilight fanatics (Wake the fuck up! There are no vampires anywhere! Never have been!). Sheesh. Do they have an original thought are can they only go by what their brains have been encoded with?
My impression of a female Jewish vampire…..
“You want me to suck WHAT????”
I went to a doctor last week and all he did was take blood out of my neck. Never trust Dr. Acula.
The genius of Mitch Hedberg
Serious as a heart attack here…..
there’s a doc in Austin who specializes in vasectomies…
Dr. Richard Chop
There’s a Dr. Dick Tapper here in Ohio. I also Went To Doctor Dackters for my back in Lorain Ohio, all I could think of was the Three Stooges “Calling Dr Dackters, Dr. Dackters”….ha ha
I just remembered the pediatrician I had when my kids were little was Dr. Foley. The nurses would call him Dr. catheter. (all you medical people will get this!)
I knew a guy in school whose last name was Doctor. He eventually got his PhD, and then he was Doctor Doctor.
Give me the news…
.
My brother in law is an impatient type of guy – always wants things done yesterday. He accompanied my sister to the laundromat and was about to ram an armload of clothes into an available washer when my sister stopped him, peered inside and found a washed, hardened turd. Imagine the density of that turd not busting apart on the spin cycle?
Another time, I was asked out via a note in my dryer. Which kind of pissed me off becasue what if the guy was some whacky perv who took a pair of my underwears? I did call him and he turned out to be the guy with the missing big toe I commented on a while ago.
The last laundromat I had to use on a regular basis was right next to a bar.That took some of the sting out of sitting around with your ass compressed to an unyielding plastic chair, fanning yourself and praying that the woman wiht the fresh open sores and black eye wouldn’t start up a conversation.
Are you sure that wasn’t a Baby Ruth bar in there?
It was confirmed a turd when my brother in law sniffed it.
madz: And so goes more tear inducing comments from you. I had to get up and walk away from my computer to regain composure.
I have a couple questions that I just wondered….How fucking BIG was said turd for your sister to notice it in an industrial washer?? Hoollly Shiiit!!
I also wondered if your BIL stuck his head in the washer or took said turd in hand to take a whiff. These are things I ponder.
My sister noticed the dark turd pressed up agaisnt the side of the washing machine. The interior must have been steel grey and that turd was stuck – about the size of a tootsie roll “midget” which is probably what my BIL thought it was.
Brave bastard donned a mitt full of paper towels and retrieved it then actually brought it up to his nostril and inhaled. That’s just bat shit crazy, but we love him anyway!
I think the extraction would have been man enough. No need to sniff it. It ain’t black tar heroin, man! Just trust it’s something that should NOT be in a washer, toss it & move to the next machine.
Laundromats should ALWAYS be placed next to bars. That was the best way to do laundry when I had to use one (way back when!).
There is a laundrymat in Bowling Green Ohio that you can get drinks at while you do your wash!
I haven’t missed DVDs from my Netflix subscription at all. People are mad about missing what’s new while there’s SO much old stuff to catch? I could probably watch Star Trek iterations for a couple of years at this point and still feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.
amen to that! i love the Next Generation but never seen Enterprise.. just watched the first episode and it was good. Nice seeing Scott Bakula in a pair of Torso undies hahaha
I have no Netflix, Laundromat or Facebook banter.
However, the Slenderman children’s story in Further Evidence was awesome.
I have been paying the $8 for the unlimited streaming for some time now. It’s been okay, although I notice they keep dropping anything even resembling a hit (past or present) before you can watch them. They lost all their Showtime shows & I just read an article in CNN last week that said major studios, like Sony, Universal & WB are going to be increasing their contracts with Netflix by 150%. So, what would have cost a few mill for Netflix to stream their titles may well potentially cost them over $1Bill next year, which means another big spike in pricing. Or they may end up throwing in the towel on the unlimited streaming since they can’t keep the titles worth showing.
For now I’m okay with watching the TV selection. I am watching Family Ties (hey, I liked that show), Law & Orders, Cheers (I never saw it but LOVE it!) & Friday Night Lights. So, as long as they keep tv selections, I’m good.
I’ve lived a sheltered life and have no laundromat stories to share. However, my sister-in-law managed to wash and dry a bunny that had hunkered into a pile of wash…poor little thing.
I’m pretty sure they’re ‘dry clean only!’
If your Facebook page displays the “new” iteration of Chat (the one where the big, long column shows up), launch chat. At the top right corner, there should be a little star-like icon. Click it. It should show an option which says, “limit availability. . .” Click on that, and a window will open giving you two options: people you want to keep out, and people you want to let in. Select the latter, and uncheck the box, and don’t add any names. I’m not sure if this will work, but with the new system, it’s the only way I can think of to appear to be offline.
Thanks. I have one FB friend who seems to have nothing in life but woe, jumps on me every time we’re online at the same time, and plays “Guess what happened to me NOW? Oh, no, silly, wrong again! THIS is what happened” until I want to scream.
Yeah how about people that put negative posts out there that you can’t figure out…., fishing for attention? They never really say what the real problem is…that pisses me off!
I once did a horrible, horrible thing at the Woodruff Hall laundromat at Georgia Tech. Bear in mind, this was 15-20 years ago, and I’m not so much of a creepy misanthrope anymore.
I was waiting for my drying to finish, when a couple of hot chicks came in to switch their clothes from washer to dryer. They were being, in my retarded mind, typical bitches – dishing on people, being very catty. They left their stuff in the dryers after about 15 minutes to go to the dining hall part. I opened one of their dryers, jacked off to completion into a pair of panties, and put them back in and restarted the dryer. By then, my clothes were dry, so I left.
Joe
HAHAHA. Jesus Christ!
Ah yes, TBS (Tech Bitch Syndrome) in action!
How the hell did you get away with this? Very Funny!!!!!
Oh, and about a year ago, I was working as the greeter of a big kick off meeting we were having. Lots of businesses involved and they had to come up to my table, sign in, get their packet, etc. I can’t tell you how many ignornat fucks wouldn’t even look up from their phones (texting, reading etc) to even give me their names. I was like HELLO – I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE! Can you put the fucking device down for a minute and look me in the eye? That’s just so freaking rude.
A cattle prod seems to get their attention!
Yeah, I HATE rude people and their shiny little toys. Yes, I know how important you are, trying to read your e-mails on that tiny screen…I just want to slap ’em–hard!
Forget my last post. I started messing with chat, and came up with a much easier method to go offline. Again, launch chat, click on the gear icon at the top right. A box will open up showing “Available to chat”, and “Chat sounds”. Click on “Available to chat”, and the chat window should close, and it should say “Chat (Offline)” at the bottom of the page. This definitely works!
Like That worked like really great Greg. Like now I am like totally like unavailable… Like ya know, like…
Keeping unlimited streaming; dropping DVD’s. We’ll probably re-visit in a year.
Laundromat – I came back from the bar next door to the laundromat to find my still wet clothes on the floor in front of the dryer I had originally put them in, along with $2 in quarters, and someone else’s laundry in the dryer. Gathered up my clothes, threw them in the car, and grabbed a couple of my daughters’ crayons. Went back in, threw the crayons in the dryer, and added another $2 to heep that thing going.
That is awesome! Thank god for crayons!
THAT WAS GENIUS!!!!
For my service (4-out-at-a-time DVDs and unlimited streaming), I’m only seeing about a $2/month increase, which doesn’t trouble me. I still consider Netflix well worth what they charge me.
not looking a gift quail in the mouth, but do you guys notice that when jeff says he’s cutting back on posting we get a message every day? But when we expect one everyday we get an apology update?
I like this system better.
I don’t do a whole lot of chat. Back in the day I would, even got me some ass a few times, But I would immediately ignore the person if they started with ASL?
I’m gonna go masturbate in the dryer.
Maybe it’s the pressure relief. No deadline, no issues.
I’m going for the washer Spin Cycle!!!
I don’t miss the laundromat days. It was a choice between welfare moms with too many out of control kids during the day or the freaks at night. One time a biker came in and stripped down to wash what he wad wearing. I still preferred the freaks.
Netflix rat bastards. We ponied up for the extra XM-Radio annual costs–I cannot tolerate regular radio–but Netflix? Of course, our only movie rental store shut its doors forever not long ago and I refuse to pay for HBO anymore, sigh.
I do love that Netflix streaming stuff.
Vicki, do you think XM is worth it? I bought a car in May & got 90 days free of it & I do like it, but I only listen to about 2 channels. I listen to 33 (1st Wave) & 8 (80’s). I can’t decide if those 2 channels are worth the monthly cost, though. I know there is a lot more channels but I’m lazy & haven’t done the research. Let me know your thoughts & I might become a subscriber (I’m easy…heh).
Does your car stereo have HD? If so, give some of the HD2 channels a listen. Most are still commercial free, and some are pretty decent.
My XM buttons are: Altnation, Lithium, 1st Wave, Coffee House, The Loft and Spectrum–in that order.
My husband has: Deep Tracks & Classic Vinyl (hate ’em) then Braves Baseball (soon to be SEC Football), PGA Golf and then I have two Public Radio buttons at the end.
You have to remember I am from the Deep South and the only choices on regular radio are Country, Atlanta Crunk and Cumulus Classic Rock.
We’ve had XM since probably 2003 or so. I pay in two year chunks, so I forget how expensive it is in between.
It IS worth it to me especially since I don’t I-Pod and haven’t been buying recorded music much in the past few years.
Vicki…
“My XM buttons are: Altnation, Lithium, 1st Wave, Coffee House, The Loft and Spectrum–in that order.”
.
I used to take quite a bit of that Lithium stuff, but what the hell are those other things? Seriously. I assume they somehow characterize the kind of music or other programming the “station” offers, but a little explanation would be helpful. They seem almost whimsical.
thanks…jtb
I’ll help you out, jtb. http://www.siriusxm.com/channellineup
Deep Tracks includes weekly shows by Tom Petty and Bob Dylan–Petty’s funny because he wants to be, and Dylan’s funny because he’s Dylan.
It’s fairly easy to get XM/Sirius for $5 to $7.50 per month instead of the standard $15. First of all, NEVER pay by credit card. Have them bill you and pay by cheque, otherwise they will do automatic renewal at full price. Everytime they send you a renewal notice at full price, call to cancel your subscription. They will offer you a better deal on the price to keep you as a customer.
If you already pay by credit card, you can still get the deals but you have to remember to call and cancel your subsription before they automatically renew it, which is usually every 3-6 months. You can also try googling “XM discount codes” if you want to renew online.
I freaking love XM, but they are bastards when it comes to legitamate business. They will slam your checking account without asking. It happened to me twice. You can never get anyone to answer their phoneline….ever! But I love the service so much I just keep it! The comedy channels (Rawdog and Blue Collar comedy), The Boneyard, Alt Nation, and so many more are great when you drive a lot!
Have you tried gethuman.com to get through to a person? I love that site. 🙂
We used to go to the laundromat when we were kids. They had these square carts with bars across the top of them (to hang clothes from, I presume) and my brother and I loved to hop into those and ride them around. We’d use the table or machines in the center to pull off of, or sometimes a broom as a pushing stick.
Only thing was, those fuckers were very top heavy and during one of our exploits my brother’s cart flipped and broke both of his collar bones. His arms wouldn’t work for a while and my mom threatened that I’d have to be the one to wipe his ass, but it never happened.
There was a crazy ass old lady that used to come in there all the time. She’d fold her dirty clothes, then toss the whole pile into the washer. Even as a kid I knew this was fucked.
I stopped Netflix a long time ago. Sometimes I still watch stuff on hulu, but we got a new system at home and it’s easy to order movies for a few bucks.
I just heard Netflix were raising their prices and Jeff was the first person I thought of. We are still paying Comcast half of a morgtage payment to watch the same shit week after week. Goddamn thieves.
When I used to go to camp as a kid and had to use a Laundromat, it made me homesick for some reason.
Went to the laundromat once to wash an oversized bedspread. It’s attached to a dry cleaner, both owned by some old Asian couple. They couldn’t understand one bit of english, which pissed me off. Trying to ask them a question was like playing cherades trying to get them to understand.
The whole instant messaging thing would make me crazy. My boyfriend uses it for work. He was just telling me how convenient it is. But you can tell if someone is responding to you, ignoring you, recieved the message and said fuck you…whatever. That’s just crazy. No privacy anymore.
You simply needed to hold up a box of Calgon and say “Ancient Chinese secret, hmmmm?”
Will someone please come over to Facebook and instant message with me? I’ve been trying to get into a heated argument with Jeff over Battlestar Galactica for months, but he just ignores me.
His repeated rejection has me feeling low, I’m contemplating suicide by tying one end of a long rope to a tree and another end around my neck, then stomping onto the gas of my car and driving onto a busy main road, forcing others to witness my horrific death. My headless body will have a note stapled to its chest, “I only wanted to talk about Battlestar Galactica, fucker.”
Great idea! Make sure you are wearing woman’s underwear that has been jacked off in and run through the drier. Joey Jo Jo will be called in for questioning as to his whereabouts during the time of the event.
Oh yeah, I’m gonna make the investigators work for their money. I also plan to shove a few shotgun shells up my ass, and swallow a kazoo before I go through with it.
And no corpse would be complete without a block of Velveeta planted solidly on one’s genitals. Please, do not forget this.
No problem. I KEEP a block of Velveeta planted solidly on my genitals. I’ve got one on right now. What are you wearing…..?
No. The “I Fucked Cheese” will misdirect them away from Joey Jo Jo. I want that dude to be looking over his shoulder. (no reason, random choice)
Okay. Yeah, Joey Jo Jo, you’ve been randomly chosen to be fucked! Sorry.
Be sure to leave a love note to George Anthony.
I got to a laundromat every Saturday morning. I have many tales to tell, but not here.
I find texting annoying. I don’t do it, and people still try and send me text messages.
A 60% increase seems excessive, to me. I can’t use the streaming at all – my ‘net connection isn’t fast enough.
My only laundromat story involves the fact that I went to one instead of attending my own college graduation. It was nice, I had the place practically all to myself.
.
The cell phone is the MOST annoying thing ever invented. Including all its fiendish ‘aps’ and instant messaging. Who REALLY NEEDS to be that available? Are you REALLY THAT IRREPLACEABLE THAT YOUR IMPUT NEEDS TO BE SOLICITED EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT???? *breathing into paper bag*
Laundromats are freaky places. This never bothered me because I am a freak and the laundromat is one of our ancestral gathering places. I was 86’d from one by a red faced, screaming little Korean man for washing cleaning rags. Apparently industrial washing machines aren’t designed to handle, you know, dirt. After being thrown out I made it a point to return repeatedly, same load (had a cleaning business) wave, give the man a hearty hello and howyadoin……he never caught on.
Apparently we all look alike.
Damn, you guys are funny today!
That increase comes to what, 20 cents a day. That might make it seem like less.
I know people who will drive all over town to buy gas, but when you really think about it if you save 5 cents a gallon… big deal!!!!
I thought of you Jeff when they sent me my email about the increase. We only watch one movie a month with my crappy work schedule so I dropped the DVDs. We don’t have cable so we love the streaming. The kids get to watch all the Nickelodeon and Disney shows that they haven’t been able to see. I can’t see paying extra to watch one or two movies a month.
We’ve used redbox quite a bit since they put two in my town. I’m not sure why since they are only about a couple blocks away from each other. Our local movie store also lowered prices since we got the redboxes in town.
Netflix did try to pull some crap where it would only let you stream on one device at a time. My husband called to complain and the guy told him that’s what our plan allowed but he would “fix” it for us. Up until then we had three different shows/movies going at once without a problem and we are back to that.
I lived in an apartment that was across the street from the laundry mat. My roommate use to bring the laundry mats cart home filled with her clothes so no one would steal them.
My mom took me with her to a laundromat late one evening when I was around four years old (I think our machine was busted). We left immediately as a man and a woman were fighting, wrestling in fact, over a box of soap–at least that’s what I was told. Years later, I mentioned the occasion during a conversation, and mom laughed and told me the people were actually making out, and were in the process of disrobing, completely oblivious to their surroundings. She was afraid I’d seen more than I actually had, and been somehow scarred by the experience…
I am canceling netflix we really haven’t used it in the past year or so; I had been happy paying for the idea that I could but this was a wake up call. For the price I can get 3 on demand movies – which I don’t have time to watch either.
I’m not an economist but I bet there are a bunch of people like me who have been paying their $9.99 or $13.99 not streaming and dusting the Netflix envelope that sits next to the TV. Suddenly there is snotty email saying you will pay double and the link to cancel your account. I bet a lot of cancellations will be coming
I’m already an Amazon Prime customer, and they are now offering streaming movies. The list is not as extensive as NetFlix but it’s expanding daily, and will probably be good enough for me.
Was fucking around with names earlier and was thinking of the name Cassandra. Cassandra backward is Ardnassac. What’s the first part of that?
Ardna! Shove a shovel full of demon shit up your ass, Ardna!
Holy shit! What a coincidence! That’s exactly what I’ve thought of my whole life when I’ve heard the name Cassandra!
Using the washateria here at the Hide-Away Rv campground as I type this.
Wife has a Facebook deal. I have not tried to friend her. I could care less about such things.
Stopped Netflix about a year ago when I realized we let the things sit around for two weeks, send ;em back and get others we’d let sit around for two weeks. Took me a couple months to catch on to our non-viewing habits.
We’re canceling our Netflix at the end of August.
Dear Large Retarded Boy,
I set up a group within my friends list called “chat folks”, and set the chat to only allow folks within that group to chat with me. That way only folks I intentionally added to the group would see me online. I did this a long time ago and have no clue about how to go about doing so today.
If anyone else suggested this method previously, I apologize for repeating it. I am way too drunk to read through all of the comments. Maybe I’ll read them tomorrow, when I’m supposed to be working…
The bad thing about the screwing we’re getting from Netflix is that TV shows are seldom streamed and the shows are one of the best things about Netflix. Red box has movies and is damn near everywhere so I don’t know what we’re gonna do. We streamed a movie to our ipad in the airport in Nebraska. How cool is that. I hate to loose it., but the streaming will probibly go and the bastards will still get the same amount. Nothing like taking over the market and then charging what ever you want. Damn the customers, like they have an option. HA HA HA HA HA HA
Wow. Admittedly, I sifted through the comments
but NO ONE answered Jeff
on how to go into CLOAKED mode on FB chat?
yeah by default you are “available” to chat.
Once logged into FB
[and not on a phone *ahem*]
The bottom right
you will see a star next to search
and it has an “arrow down” next to it
This is the menu that has
the CHECKBOX that controls your chat availability
in facebook.
.. cause it always boils down to some goddamed checkbox that they hide from you.
There was a place called the Brainwash in San Francisco – it was a laundry mat that had a full bar and live music. What a great idea!
Unfortunately, I didn’t live that close to it and used the one on Haight street. Bought my own washer/dryer after I inadvertently put my clothes in a dryer that a homeless dude had just used to dry his filthy clothes off from the rain. What a fucking stench.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
I used to frequent Brainwash when I lived there a couple of decades ago. Great place with usually good live music.
I’m keeping my Netflix. It’s going up from 14.99 a month to 19.99. I think it’s worth the extra five bucks because we use it so much. My daughter watches it on her laptop at college. We have a Roku that we move and watch it throughout the house. Our son has XBox Live and watches it in his room and we can watch it on our computer. We go through an average of 10-12 dvds a month and honestly I can’t think of anything else I can get as much use out of for twenty bucks a month. If I had a different plan and didn’t use it as much then I might have considered dropping it but the extra five bucks is well worth keeping it, at least at my house.
I’m not a fan of instant messaging either. I will get a wild hair across my ass occasionally and do it, just for the hell of it, and then I’m done with it. I think I’ve chatted on FB once or twice and then made myself unavailable. The main reason I like Facebook is because you can get on, socialize for a little and then get off without any awkward goodbyes or any of that crap.
I slept in a few laundrymats back in the 60’s when we were hitch hiking around the country. After I got divorced back in the 80’s I would go towns where I thought I would find some hot college girls. Never did find any. I got crabs from using the folding table once to fold my sheets. That was pleasant…
On FB, you can create lists of people that can see you. I only have 5 people who can see that I’m online or you can just go offline. Go to “edit friends” and above the list of names is a button that say “create list” and that should do it.
Off to Jamboree in the Hills today. Anyone going? It’s located in Flushing, OH, outside of WestByGodVirginia. Yet another festival of drunks and hicks.
Funny, I may be going to Flushing, Queens, NY on Saturday!
I’ll definitely be flushing this weekend!
I’m crashing a wedding this weekend.
Not going this year, but have been before. At least I’ve been told I was there, if you know what I mean. I think Hank, Jr. was there, hell who knows?
Bill: That must have been a long time ago! The line-up this isn’t that great. The head liners are really the only ones worth seeing. Last night was Miranda Lambert. Tonight is Tim Magraw. Tomorrow, Toby Keith. I really wanted to see Loretta Lynn on Sunday, but she cancelled.
madz: Crashing a wedding? Hope there’s good eats and beverages to wash said eats down!
Gretchen: Yep…with all the booze this week, I’ll be flushing a lot too
A guy that Jeff and I went to school with is in Tim McGraw’s band – David Dunkley (plays percussion). Talented guy. Enjoy !
My cousin’s daughter (my second cousin? I don’t have any idea how that shit works). Anyway, my aunt lives in North Carolina so I get to see her like once a decade so I decided to go to the ceremony. (Church is only 1/2 hour from me). My cosuin said to come to the reception but I don’t know – these kids don’t have much $. Even though it’s a buffet (AND OPEN BAR!) I think they have to pay per person. I’ll see.
This should be a pip. The bride is lily white with red hair (natural – think Bozo’s shade) and freckles. The groom (whom I’ve nver met) is Jamaican. Put the Irish and Jamaican families together and that is going to be one hell of a party, Mon.
Some old man showed up at our wedding reception and helped himslef to about 15 beers. Nobody knew who he was. We later decided that he was just walking by and decided to stop in for beer. Pretty ballsy.
I need a yurt. I can’t seem to get over a hump on a screenplay.
I wonder when Jeff will be back from doing laundry…
Since we are most likely alone until Monday, here’s a good question.
What is the best line you have heard from an innocent child that has a double entendre?
My daughter, the AngryWhiteGirl, age 7, was with me at Busch Gardens, looking for a bracelet in Sesame Street Land with her name on it (Jayne). Of course, it may be years before that spelling becomes mainstream again. So after looking on the rack and not finding her name, she says”Seriously, Daddy. how many people have the name Jesus (she pronounced it Gee-Zus). I know it sounds like Reader’s Digest material, but it was fucking funny.
Also, report on planets last year in school. She drew the planet Uranus.
Best line of the report, which would sound like an insult to a fat person who farts a lot—“Uranus is larger than the Earth and is covered in gas”. Awesome.
Jerry Springer is in my office right now, looking for records. I hope to get him to agree to a Smoking Fish pose.
Not really a double entendre but… when my sister was about 6 she asked my father:
“Dad, are we best friends?”
“Well, yeah, sure, of course we are.”
“Does that mean we’re lesbians?”
*****
Get Springer’s picture! Smash a record over his head to get the ball rolling.
He spent a half hour in here talking to my supervisor, then left. Supervisor would not be happy if I took a picture. Bummer. Mayube next time.
Dick Vitale comes in here too for permits to water his properties.
Stephen King was in here once.
Very cool. It’s fun spotting celebrities. When I worked for McDonalds (a good 30 plus years ago) Peter Frampton was a regular. And Fred Gwynne came in once.
What in the world would Herman Munster order at McDonald’s? An I Scream cone??
About the best I can do is I saw Gene Shalit once at Tanglewood. Also once had a conversation about balanced audio with Mark Levinson. Also once got a quick glimpse of Joey Ramone as he was entering his apartment.
.
Where in the heck do you work? If I saw Stephen King in person I would turn into the biggest idiot immediately, giggling and acting like the most awful typical fan. I’ll probably never run into him, so I don’t really have to worry about it.
I literally ran INTO Stephen King when rounding a corner in Bangor, Maine when I was 12 or so. I was a huge fan, and started stuttering. My mum just shook her head, rolled her eyes and kept walking.
He grinned, said “hi” and went on his way.
I never claimed to be cool…
Celebs: My friend in the Air Force was from California and he was behind Ernest Borgnine in line at McDonalds. His wife (before they were married) sold a training bra to the girl who played Cindy Brady at the Broadway department store in Simi Valley, CA,
I met Jeff Corwin at my One of the gs Peter Ueberoth, and he and my buddy were talking of their love of baseball. A couple weeks later, my buddy gets a package in the mail from Peter Ueberoth, and it is a baseball autographed by all the players in the final game!!!!!
Not quite so famous, but I was in line behind Karl Kinser (yeah, you sprint car fans know who he is!) at Burger King in Chico, California after the Gold Cup 20 some years ago.
Said hi to Nicholas Cage as I was exitting, and he was entering a convenience store in Hollywood bck in the 90s. I held the door open for him, he said ‘thqnks. How’s it going/’ i said, ‘good, how you doin’?’ he said, ‘pretty good.’ And that was that. My buddies waiting outside said, ‘Wow, do you know who that was?’
best celeb ever was Norman Fell and his wife, when I was working the second crappiest job in my life. Just the nicest couple of people ever. Also met Tom Skerritt on the same job. Okay guy, but Norman Fell was just the absolute best!
Grrrr….why does the text on this comment board jump and do funky things? Wish we had an edit function!
http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/i3iso/til_the_man_who_ran_over_stephen_king_on_june_18/
well, SOMEONE, ran in to Stephen King in Maine…
Jacking off into a dryer isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes you get caught. Sometimes the clothes turn out to be men’s clothes. And sometimes the people come home before you’re finished. My dryer jacking days are over your honor, I promise.
Does the heat from the dryer intensify the scent? Mine smells like blood…copper…regret…self loathing…
that’ what my beard smells like
I hope it’s from a different source…or not if it makes you happy.
Laundromat stories. Heh. My stepfather owned a couple locally, and when I was a misguided 16 year old in the early/mid 1980’s, he actually had the lack of enough common sense to pay me a couple bucks, cash, each week to open, (6am, ick), close, and clean one of them.
Oh, the stories I have! Short on time here, so I’ll touch on just a few.
First of all, I had a key to the “back room”, as well as the front and back doors. Needless to say, I did all sorts of unspeakable and vile acts with any girlfriend that was on hand at the moment in the storage room over the years.. Yeah, nothing beats the abiance of 4 or 5 water heaters, boxes of single serving detergents, and whatnot. Dump a box of rags and ya got instant bedding!
My sidekick and co-conspiritor Ed often helped out (with the cleaning, not the girlfriends), and he’d often come up with ideas that sounded good, like dragging each washer out, and tipping it, so that the other guy could fish around under it for lost change, which was actually a fairly productive sideline.
Sometimes we’d raid the boxfull of liquid detergents, softners, and whatnot in the storage room, take em’ out to whatever car we had handy (usually a parent’s, girlfriend’s mom’s, etc……..) and poor as much of the gooey shit on the right rear tire as we could. Ed’s gf’s mom’s car could produce some awesome burnouts this way, with white/blue smoke of a very pretty smell enveloping the entire car – blocking it completely from view! Amazing considering it was a plymouth valiant,and only packing a slant six engine.
Another thing I recal vividly was “cleaning the lint”. The old man had me do this every few weeks, and paid me extra to do it. Under the big commercial dryers, just below the door you toss your clothes in, is a large roughly 2foot x 2foot panel, with a lock on it. Ya open that door, and kinda rake the lint into a garbage bag.
I’d have done that job for free man, it was a gold mine! Also in there, besides the lint, is anything you left in your pockets…….. from change, to bills, jewelry, and so on. I found a diamond ring once, another time $86 in bills in one dryer. Oh, and the socks that always seem to disappear in laundromats, folks? That’s right, in the lint bin.
One downside was that the place was right……..next………to…….a……gay……bar. After getting tired of being asked if “I wanted my cock sucked” by drunk 50 year guys a bit too often, I took to locking the front and back doors first, and then doing the cleaning.
Good times. I loved the time I spent in laundromats, but, uh, ain’t no way I’d wash my clothes there, man. Never do know when a couple’a hicks mighta’ been there before you and washed dog blankets, horse blankets, mechanic’s greasy clothes, etc………..the list goes on and on…………
So you were tired of being asked? Not tired of saying “ok make it quick”?
HAHA. That’s good. Lesbians I can get behind, but gay dudes, I just can’t imagine. I think most people are that way. When people say that gays are “sick” they’re talking about dudes. “Hey man, can I suck your dick? Maybe put it in your hairy ass?” God.
I like to look at my local craigslist missed contacts. It’s cram packed with queers. “Saw you at the car wash. Wanted to touch your balls, but I didn’t” I guess craigslist is the perfect place for such things because I can’t imagine someone saying that in person. If some guy walked up and asked to suck my dick I’d probably piss myself laughing.
Lesbians I can get behind, but gay dudes, I just can’t imagine.
Jason, I think you have that a bit backwards! You get BEHIND a gay dude and then well,…
I just love bi-females…but sometimes it just seems they’re being greedy
Anybody seen this yet? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Nn0UkdDArM
Gonna bury a perfectly good squirrel? What a waste.
Yeah WB..and what’s up with parents these days? I was never allowed to play with my food before I ate it.
Lol!
This is hilarious! Thanks for the link.
Writers block broken!!
The cyborgs will fight against Mega-gorillas with guns, to prove to the senator they, the cyborgs, weren’t a waste of money.
I’m going for a pack of smokes and some pop-tarts, I’ll be back in a minute.
Way to go icey…I thought you’d resort to the husband admitting he was gay after having sex with his brother-in-law. Then again…you could always make the Senator gay and he has a crush on the Mega-gorilla’s Ultima. But the Senator has a love child with a Moreworts and knows the Ultima must never find this out. Only three cyborgs know the Senator’s secrete and the battle has yet to be fought.