I wish I could tell you guys about all the sleep-sapping crap that’s going on in my world, but I can’t. That part of my life used to be just a tiny sliver in the pie chart, and now it’s most of the goddamn pie. Needless to say, a lot of it’s work-related, but not all. Someday, maybe. We’ll see how it goes. Perhaps I can coax Bill Oates out of retirement, and he can tell you? Yeah, probably not.
I will say this much: there’s been a lot of talk about moving within the next few years. It probably won’t happen, but we discuss it a great deal. Some places we’ve contemplated: Cary, NC… Plano, TX… Sioux Falls, SD… Any opinions on any of those towns? There’s a reason behind all of them for us, which I don’t have the energy to go into right now.
Also, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in three months. Toney still imbibes, but I don’t even really think about it anymore. I believe I’m done. In the past I’ve missed it when I took a break, but not this time. Now I need to start thinking about shedding this flesh parka. Don’t most people lose weight when they cut beer out of their lives? I’m still a swaddling hog.
Oh well. Today I’m going to list some words and phrases that drive me at least a little crazy. Some cause a fully-realized grimace, while others just make me lightly groan in my soul. And I invite you folks to add to the list in the comments. I know we’ve done this before, but there’s value in keeping the list refreshed and up to date. Let’s do it.
I seen
I can speak to that
“melk”
“Ellinois”
commode
supper
underpants
on point
“punkin”
“aigs and biken”
meh
anyhoo
awesomesauce
pop (instead of soda)
West “By God” Virginia
Really? …Really?!
deodorant
vacay
“worsher”
sweeper
totes
grandbaby
“Scrannon,” Pennsylvania
I’ll undoubtedly come up with many more over the next couple of days, and will add them to the list. I hope you guys will add yours, as well. Use the comments section.
And I need to go now, and start another week. My nipples are exploding with delight.
See you again soon!
Support us by doing your shopping at Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you guys!
It is Pop. This is WV.
Numerous of
There are better places near Cary NC that aren’t Cary – be happy to host a tour with the ups and downs of all the burbs! Of course if you just love 4-lane traffic on a 2-lane possum track, Cary on…
For all intensive purposes, this list was on point. I would add double down and walk it back.
Containment Area for Relocated Yankees (CARY), maybe you’d fit right in? I agree with Bill Spiffy though, Cary is OK, watch out for Durham (where I live) but lots of other nice suburbs to live around here.
I just checked the average temperature for Sioux Falls, and while it’s not as cold as I’d have figured, it’s way too cold for me.
Fiance. Just because we’re going to be married I have to start speaking French? I feel women love saying it. Guys, not so much, unless they’re real assholes.
I want to beat the shit out of anyone who calls anyone “Boo” I also hate “I know, right?” I would cross Plano off the list unless you like uninteresting landscape and traffic. Most of the words you hate are being spoken there too.
“Deodorant”? How do you get around saying deodorant? I believe antiperspirant is a different product. I guess in Scrannon it doesn’t come up much.
Correct. They are different products. I don’t know any synonyms for deodorant.
My son, at about two years old, called it “de-ugly-ant”, which is what I’ve called it ever since. If only there was such a product!
I hate when a person who knows better uses the phrase “baby daddy” Don’t egg it on! Good God man!
I just want to kick everybody’s ass when that happens. Fiber?
Baby bump and prolly
Fuddasimpafack. Fuddasimpafack I just caint do it.
Slacks
Can’t believe you left “moist” off the list. And there is also “vajayjay”…
If you are considering Cary, NC look into Apex or Holly Springs, maybe even Fuquay-Varina. Those locations are much less expensive, housing-wise and still within the greater Raleigh-Durham megapolis, which is still an awesome place to live despite the fucktards currently residing in the state legislature making it a bit embarrassing to admit. But they’ll be gone soon. Hit me up on FB if you want an insider’s perspective.
Or just come up to Wake Forest while there are still trees here!
A resounding “YES!” to you up there — the guy that said “numerous of…” I also agree with much of this list (especially “anyhoo”), and can add a few of my own: “kiddos”, treating “driver’s license” as a plural (as in “I renewed them…”), and “soda”. (Don’t consider moving south if that’s going to stay in your vocabulary, JK.) Just sayin.
Oh. And “just sayin.”
At the end of the day.
In all reality
My bad
It’s all good
Irregardless
Chimley instead of chimney
Sticktoitiveness (the word you are looking for is tenacity!)
Amiright – not a word
Agree with some of the other folks regarding Cary. Great area, but you can get a lot more house for your money in Holly Springs, Fuquay, and some of the other surrounding areas. The running joke around here is that Cary stands for Containment Area for Relocated Yankees. They have really driven the cost of living up there. I am in the building materials business and I know some builders building the same house in Cary vs. Holly Springs and selling it for 20%-30% more in Cary.
Irregardless (one of my peeves), I can speak to the awesomesauce that is the greater triangle area. Good music, good food, great beer (if you ever fall back off the wagon). I seen some people from West “By God” Virginia who vacay down here and after eating a good supper they decide it is on point and never leave. Totes.
I seen you thought about moving to Plano… Really?… Really?! Having grown up there I can speak to that… You should totes take a vacay there because it’s ausomesauce for people who love pretentiousness and shopping. Anyhoo, you’ll probably find I’m on point when I say once your punkin-headed progeny start making granbabies you won’t feel so meh about Scrannon if that’s where those little kids are busy flushing underpants down the commode. Hell, you’d probably live anywhere to get close to the granbabies… ‘cept Ellinois. When you’re nearby you can start your day with aigs and biken, a glass of melk an a kiss from the granbaby before you even have to put deodorant on. And you can end the day tossing a bunch of dirty clothes in the worsher and running the sweeper through the kitchen after those damn kids spill their pop all over the floor and sling what’s left of supper on your face after a hard day at work. Of course, by then you’re probably ready to pack up and head to West “By God” Virginia.
“one another” instead of “each other”. It just bugs me. I know it shouldn’t.
Aircrafts. That’s not a word. Aircraft is both singular and plural.
When one says they “eat” a liquid, such as milk (or even melk).
“For sell”.
This current fad of saying “gotcha” as an affirmation of understanding. Especially when done with vocal fry, as it typically is.
Delish
Delish & Vacay really grind my gears.
At work I’ve taken a dislike to the overuse of collaborate & resolved.
“Tagger”(tiger) and “jagwire”(jaguar) are two big ones with me. And Oh, my God YES you only have ONE GODDAMN LICENSE!
Its on the bumper man.
Lost my damn avatar again!!
She went callin’ Wildfire, callin’ Wildfire
Callin’ Wiiiiildfire
On Fleek
Bae
Baby Daddy/Momma
staycation
I hate “staycation,” too!
net-net
ideation –
lit
fam – this one annoys the shit out of me, especially when people I’ve never met/talked to use it; way too Buzzfeed-y
The phrase “in my opinion” preceding an opinion; we know it’s your opinion, just get to it
Irregardless – ain’t even a word!
Davenport – just how pretentious ARE you?
“Put some color around” – stupid saying. Where the heck did it even come from? Say “explain.”
Cost synergy – so you want to lay people off.
Right-size – so you want to lay people off.
“Let me break it down for you” – this one makes me want to kick the person’s ass. Especially since I’m pretty much guaranteed to be smarter than he/she. How about I break your face??
“Atlanner” – as in, “We hadda drive through Atlanner to git to Birminnham.”
That’s enough for now. Think I’ll go home and drink a bottle of wine.
On tenderhooks.
“Wooder” for water, as in “and a woodermelon wooder ice please”.
Sweeper and pockerbook are regional irritations.
Forcasted.
“Drill Down On”
“Let me say this…”
“Low hanging fruit”
I suppose for me it has to be people (mainly young people) who says the word “like” after every other word. That drives me nuts.
so I’m a ignernt Michigander cause I say melk?
Bandwidth (when the speaker means “workload”).
Walla (when the speaker means “voila”)
“Alright” (when the speaker means “all right”)
“That’s exactly right”
“Pursay”
My God, man, you wouldn’t call the leader of a lesbian crime gang “per se Galore”. After she has served her hitch in Sing Sing, let Pursay run wild: she is out there somewhere, even now, swinging from her trapeze, flying free.
jtb
I had a coworker who would pepper his speech with “per se,” clearly not knowing what it means. Then one time he wrote “pursay” in an email, and I became scarred.
“I wish I would have gone there”. No, idiots! It’s “I wish I had gone there”.
Hubster quit drinking almost a year ago. Like Toney I still imbibe and don’t feel the least bit guilty. He still hasn’t shed his Edgar suit either. He thought the lack of booze calories meant he could eat more. Nope, hit don’t work that way baby.
In terms of
Transparent or transparency
Reach out to (usually to my sworn enemy the insurance company)
My daughter,17, has started saying “yadda, yadda, yadda” along with “like” and I’m gonna have to kill that kid. Oh shit don’t turn me in to Child Protection. Remember the time when your parents said things like that without worry?
Most of the words and comments have me completely pissed off but I have softened recently. I had a new employee that I was responsible for use “aks” as in aks me something. I nearly went Donald Trump on her and wanted to grab her by the nether regions and throw her out of the building. It didn’t take long to discover an articulate woman who had an unusual ability to charm customers and set them at ease in most situations. At least one term has quit making my blood pressure go out of whack.
The fact of the matter is.
Eye-talian
Conversate or conversating.
Have at it.
Any phony bullshit corporate America talk.
We used Eye-talian when we got pissed off at our Italian buds, that would set them afire. Mission Accomplished.
And Melk is dutch for Milk. Farming community around here was/is primarily Dutch immigrants, Melk was the standard I don’t even do a double take on that.
A waitress once asked if I wanted my side dish to be salad, baked potato or Eye-talian spaghetti. This was in Wausau, Wisconsin in the 1990s.
The word “like” used 30 times in a one minute conversation. Add to this, use of “literally” or “actually” to add emotion to statements.
“Reach out”, when you are simply going to call the fugger. Assholes!
“Hydrate” rather than drink water.
Run it up the flagpole to see if that dog will hunt.
I once worked for a company where I was one of the few English as first language employees, but everyone spoke English during meetings as it was the only common language. My boss was insecure about his poor English, and tried to hide this with overuse of folksy idioms, frequently incorrectly. Made for some fun meetings seeing a bunch of coders’ jaws drop when they were told they had to skin some cats in a different way 🙂
As someone who speaks barely a language and a half, I have no room to make fun of people who don’t have English as a first language. I worked with a manager at a Fortune 50 company who was from India. Her English was probably better than mine, but her American was not colloquial. My manager and I were working on teaching her a few business clichés, just to help make her part of the family.
She once announced to a large meeting — maybe 50 coders, analysts, network geeks — that it was time to get our ducks lined. My boss and I jumped in at about the same second saying, “She means lined up.” But from then on, at least for the next five years, the 500 person I/T department of a significant forest products company adopted the phrase “time to get our ducks lined” to mean get organized, prepared, and work together.
John
Well it’s good to hear that nerd humour is universal. After our manager gifted us “steps of a baby” rather than “baby steps”, it became universally used.
My trainer who hails from Mexico would think about a problem and say “There are many ways to peel a cat”. He had so many of those I could write a book.
Reva, I’m considering writing a book about your having a personal trainer. But due to the adult content, I can’t divulge the happy ending.
jtb
Oh John now stop it! He was my horse trainer. You can’t train a horse without training the human too. We called them “Joseisms”. Better ones were “fuck-us” for focus. He later changed that to “concentrate” when we brought it to his attention. He had a horse named Vegas but it always sounding like “Big Ass”. Jose became one of my best friends. Wilber, the horse, is a best friend too. I thought I could leave him behind in Arkansas. After 4 months I had him shipped a thousand miles to SouthCarolina where we are living happily ever after.
Apologies for the confusion, and a reminder that I’m only 3,500 miles by rail from South Carolina and don’t need oats for the journey: just the fine grains of the Bar Car.
John
John you are welcome at my barn anytime.
-Warshington (George, state or D.C.)
-I know it’s not a phrase, but when someone puts a possessive apostrophe “s” on a word that is really a plural, I want to kick something!
-This is also one of Jeff’s favorites–when somebody “does” something for lunch…because it just sounds so terribly wrong for someone to “do a number one with no pickles!”
-and “fave(s)” (slang for favorite.) What, you don’t have enough energy or brain power to finish the rest of the word? Sheesh!
At the end of the day…
Let me ask you this… No. I will not let you ask me that.
My mom has always said, “I have no earthly ‘ideal'” instead of “idea”
Another of her’s we’ve almost broken her of is “Tye-nawl” instead of Tylenol
Veggies
Meatloaf- Two words that should never touch or even used in the same sentence.
My father-in-law says “Mealk”
Bae
Boo
Woke AF (Woke as Fuck)
Billfold (Unless spoken by a person over the age of 70)
“Can you borrow me a ___?” (Instead of loan me)
Laundrymat
Long-time reader, first time commentor, because you mentioned moving to Plano. It is true, like Adam said, the landscape is dull, and the people are vapid. But when you move to Plano, you are really moving to the entire DFW metroplex, and that has a lot to offer. The economy has been great (relatively speaking), and the opportunities are many. You could live in a worse place. I grew up there too, but now I live about 30 miles north in Denton, a little more ‘fun’ college town. Don’t let your opinion of Rick Perry dissuade you from Texas. We feel the same way. Feel free to contact me if you want specifics about Plano/DFW area from someone who feels the way you do about, well, most everything! Best wishes on the move, if it comes to pass.
Travis,
In the ’90s, I choppered into EDS a few times. You could see the bunkers (and if you looked closely, you could see the outline of the mortars) surrounding the corporate HQ from a helicopter. Also, Perot’s chopper pilots somehow got permission (or forgiveness) to dip into Texas Stadium en route from DFW. (All the EDS copter pilots were Viet Nam combat vets.) I’ve worked with a lot a crazy companies in a lot of crazy places, but EDS in Plano was easily the craziest. Seems like a nice enough place other than that.
John
My brother’s name is Travis and for a second you sounded just like him. Agreed… Plano is actually not a bad place to be. The property taxes are a biatch, but you pay for what you get.
“Adulting”.
Any noun can be verbed.
And any verb can be intercoursed.
Was a little surprised to see Sioux Falls as a front runner for a move. I have lived here since 88′ and I do love it. With that being said I could also do without the super cold in January & February.
Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of people writting “should of” instead of “should’ve”.
Drives me insane.
Aks…because they want to aks you a question. Seriously people? how hard is the word ASK?!?!?!?!
Almost forgot “onboarding.” Evidently this became a word sometime in the last 15 years.
Only for people with Business degrees. I’d rather hire a bright welder and give her the run of the place. She’d do a better job and at least I’d understand what the fuck she was saying.
John
Jeff,
Please remember that no matter where you go there you are.
“Bigly”, I don’t care that the dictionary says it’s a word. “Bigly” sounds wrong.
Big league.
Not sure if you’re correcting me or adding to my statement but add “big league” to my previous statement. Also add “A game” as in “bring your A game”.
“Eye swatter”
“expresso” for espresso
stakeholders
living room/dining room furniture suites pronounced “suits”
That needs to be corrected toot sweet.
Toot Sweet sounds like chocolate covered beans, but I’m just guessing.
jtb
Ha jtb that’s funny. And a great idea!