I wish I could tell you guys about all the sleep-sapping crap that’s going on in my world, but I can’t. That part of my life used to be just a tiny sliver in the pie chart, and now it’s most of the goddamn pie. Needless to say, a lot of it’s work-related, but not all. Someday, maybe. We’ll see how it goes. Perhaps I can coax Bill Oates out of retirement, and he can tell you? Yeah, probably not.
I will say this much: there’s been a lot of talk about moving within the next few years. It probably won’t happen, but we discuss it a great deal. Some places we’ve contemplated: Cary, NC… Plano, TX… Sioux Falls, SD… Any opinions on any of those towns? There’s a reason behind all of them for us, which I don’t have the energy to go into right now.
Also, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in three months. Toney still imbibes, but I don’t even really think about it anymore. I believe I’m done. In the past I’ve missed it when I took a break, but not this time. Now I need to start thinking about shedding this flesh parka. Don’t most people lose weight when they cut beer out of their lives? I’m still a swaddling hog.
Oh well. Today I’m going to list some words and phrases that drive me at least a little crazy. Some cause a fully-realized grimace, while others just make me lightly groan in my soul. And I invite you folks to add to the list in the comments. I know we’ve done this before, but there’s value in keeping the list refreshed and up to date. Let’s do it.
I seen
I can speak to that
“melk”
“Ellinois”
commode
supper
underpants
on point
“punkin”
“aigs and biken”
meh
anyhoo
awesomesauce
pop (instead of soda)
West “By God” Virginia
Really? …Really?!
deodorant
vacay
“worsher”
sweeper
totes
grandbaby
“Scrannon,” Pennsylvania
I’ll undoubtedly come up with many more over the next couple of days, and will add them to the list. I hope you guys will add yours, as well. Use the comments section.
And I need to go now, and start another week. My nipples are exploding with delight.
See you again soon!
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Warshington or is that just a West Virginia pronunciation?
Asheville NC is not bad. Boone NC is okay if you want to work at Hardee’s.
Don’t consider Florida. Its too fucking hot here.
I had an aunt who was from Oklahoma. She said Warshington. And at supper time, she would tell us kids to “warsh your hands.”
There IS a difference between, on the one hand, using poor grammar/syntax or business or popular culture clichés, and, on the other hand, using regional vocabulary, dialect, or pronunciation. I LIKE the idea that many areas of the United States sound different than others, and use a slightly different vocabulary to talk about their lives. I like the idea of different regions of the country enjoying different kinds of food, or similar foods prepared differently. Hell, I like the idea of red states and blue states. I think all that stuff makes us more interesting and a little more e pluribus unum, if you know what I mean. That’s one reason I run what sometimes seems like a one-man jihad against restaurant chains. I think they homogenize us and reduce our regional identities.
I live in the state of Washington and I’m not offended if you pronounce my state the way your father, or even your aunt did, however that was.
I was fortunate enough to travel fairly widely in our country throughout my business career, and I made it a point to get my rental car off the freeway or turnpike and visit old groceries, gas stations, hardware stores — any place the locals gathered to drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, shoot pool, talk politics, or just shoot the shit. An old redneck gas station on an old road in central Virginia; a rest stop/café half way out the Florida keys; a dusty restaurant on the Apache trail fifty miles east of Phoenix; an artist colony thirty miles north of Palm Springs; a bar/juke joint in a less than safe part of New Orleans; a mob-owned restaurant in South Philadelphia, and three dozen other cultural addresses.
Real Americans inhabit these places, and if they talk differently, eat differently and vote differently than I do, my visit is all the more interesting.
So I’m all for making fun of the business and cultural clichés that we sometimes substitute for actual American English, and I’m equally in favor of encouraging people to conjugate verbs and use apostrophes appropriately: there’s no gain in abusing the language of Shakespeare. I think there is a significant gain in encouraging people to continue to use the regional colloquialisms and pronunciations that generations have used in the great nooks and crannies of our country. Obviously, we need to remove the racist and sexist content of some of this language, because things have changed, but we don’t all need to talk and walk and act alike.
John
Just to be clear, Chill, I wasn’t responding specifically to you, or objecting to your aunt. This was a general comment on the content of the comments.
jtb
“Now I need to start thinking about shedding this flesh parka.” – Check out dietdoctor.com
https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Get-Fat-About/dp/0307474259
I have been guilty of using “office” as a verb recently and that is why I will get very dunk tonight…..to forget it.
I’m not as think as you dunk I am.
Mark,
I can’t imagine how office could be used as a verb, unless you’re saying, “Don’t put that guy in a cubicle — office the motherfucker.” So before you get any dunker, could you offer an example that makes more sense than mine? thanks
jtb
BTW, with the weather we’ve been having in the mid-Atlantic – chilly and windy – I think it’s now what Jeff calls (called?) Bourbon Season. I call it Whisky Season. Either way it’s welcome. Hello-o-o, comfort food!
MOIST..