• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The West Virginia Surf Report!

Jeff Kay's Ridiculous Adventures In Suburbia

  • Home
  • About
  • Best of
  • Books
  • Archives
  • Donate

In Celebration of Split Personalities and Radish Burps!

April 28, 2014 By Jeff 29 Comments

radishSo, Nancy is reportedly writing a book of some kind, with another professor. And her writing partner sounds like he might actually be wackier than she is.

She told Toney the guy is “absolutely brilliant,” but strange. During their most recent meeting, for instance, he announced that he has a split personality. And the Michael she’d known up to that point was “host Michael.” But today she was dealing with “alternate Michael.”

“Host Michael is excited to be working with you on this project,” he said. “But alternate Michael is feeling resentful, and frankly annoyed. Alternate Michael wishes he were somewhere else right now.”

Toney was telling me about this kookery, and it just confirmed how we need more Nancy in our lives. She’s the gift that keeps on giving. We haven’t seen her, or her family, in a long time.

However… Unless something changes, Toney and her cousin are going to fly to North (or is it South?) Carolina, for a visit, in just a few weeks. I won’t get to witness anything first-hand, but Toney does a good job at reporting from the field. So, stay tuned.

Oh, and Nancy’s reaction to the Host/Alternate Michael revelation? “I’m sure he’ll just be another man who lets me down…” Awwww, that’s sad.

I worked more than 60 hours last week, and unless my heart seizes up, I’ll be doing it again this week. Sorry I’ve been falling down on my posting duties, but I’m living at my job these days. Not good.

One night I was there, and bought a salad for lunch. They have a pretty good salad bar in the cafeteria, and it’s cheap. I pile ’em up, and they never costs more than four bucks.

Anyway, they had radishes on the salad bar. I don’t see radishes too often anymore. It seems like they were around a lot more when I was a kid. Have they fallen out of favor? I always liked them.

In fact, they remind me of my grandmother. She used to cut up celery and cucumbers, and that sort o’ thing. She called it a relish tray. And there were always radishes. So, they’ll forever be associated with my grandmother.

One thing I forgot, though: they’re big-time burp fuel. Wow! I was belching those bastards deep into the night. It wasn’t bad, though. At least not for me. I can’t speak for my co-workers.

For a Question, I’d like to know your favorite burp-inducing foods. Hot dogs will do the trick, in a pleasing way. What else do you recommend? Use the comments link below.

And I’ll try to do better this week. No promises, though. My one-day weekend is over.

See ya next time, my friends!

Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedinShare on Pinterest

Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Uncle_Wegie says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    Nancy! God I have missed her.

    Reply
    • m says

      April 28, 2014 at 11:28 pm

      Me too! We need more Nancy!!

      Reply
  2. Billy Joel says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    I burp for wildlife

    Reply
  3. Miketheripper says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Damn it man!

    Reply
  4. TR says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Green peppers!

    Reply
  5. Skully says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Beer! Beer is good food.

    Reply
  6. madz1962 says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    The first gulp of an ice cold Coke does it for me.

    Black Chuckles candies – well, all flavored Chuckles – will forever remind me of my grandfather. He’d toss us a bag and tell us not to eat the black ones and of course we would and give him back the yellow and green ones.

    If I think of it, I’ll buy a bunch of radishes and put them in my salad.

    I could REALLY use a Nancy and Translucents fix. is Nossy still in the picture? Wasn’t he boinking a student?

    Reply
  7. mi2tall says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Cheerios make me burp like a mofo.
    I miss the klown kar of kookerie that is Nancy, Nossy and the Translucents.

    Reply
  8. Clueless says

    April 28, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    So you’re the real Jeff and not some bloody alternate, right?

    Reply
  9. Phil Jett says

    April 28, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Instead of cooked vegetables we have a relish tray with dinner every night. We consume a much larger variety and more in amount than we ever would with cooked vegetables.

    Radishes and cucumbers work well for me but the worst smelling are those following any type of spicy sausage.

    Reply
  10. Sponge says

    April 28, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    Anr Nancy and Nostrils split? Not sure if I heard the end of that story… I guess I’m assuming they are.

    Beer and burps go well together.

    Reply
  11. TxTy says

    April 28, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Cucumbers and bell peppers.

    Yeah, I’ve missed ‘Nancy, Nostrils, and the translucents’ updates, they’ve brought so much to my life, like the term ‘wiffy’. Last I remember, he had been unfaithful and she was on the prowl (full body shiver), so what’s the latest?

    *knife and fork to table* More Nancy! More Nancy! More Nancy!

    Reply
  12. madz1962 says

    April 28, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Is it just me or did Nostril’s fling coincide with the oldest translucent learning how to needlepoint. Didn’t he throw his hoop down in protest that he would never ever use deodorant?

    Reply
  13. chill says

    April 28, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Yes, peppers. Looking forward to the Nancy Report; it’s been too long!
    .

    Reply
  14. Limey says

    April 28, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    Scallions for me. I try to store my scallion burps so I can do them in the cat’s face, the look he gets when hit by scallion wind is priceless, it’s like a “Wahhh” face from a Kung-Fu movie.

    He’s probably shitting in my shoes right now.

    Reply
    • Alice in WV says

      April 29, 2014 at 8:54 am

      ah, Limey! I laughed my ass off re: your Kung-Fu ref. I can see it!!

      Reply
  15. weegleflip says

    April 28, 2014 at 9:07 pm

    Broccoli gives me gas something awful. I never really burp much. The knee buckling farts are enough.

    Reply
  16. johnthbasket says

    April 28, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Ballplayers hitting below the Mendoza Line and land wars in Asia.

    jtb

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      April 28, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      Coffee used to. Been almost 18 years since I had a cup.

      Reply
  17. Skippy in WV says

    April 29, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Nothin really gives me the burps other than a newly “popped” can of pop or beer in general. On the other hand, deviled eggs make me fart for a week.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      April 29, 2014 at 12:35 am

      Farting on your hand is bad form.

      Reply
  18. t-storm says

    April 29, 2014 at 7:51 am

    Sounds like an awesome way to passive aggressively say that you can’t stand someone.

    Reply
  19. Alice in WV says

    April 29, 2014 at 9:00 am

    My brother used to do fine finish wood-work for home builders. I asked him if it bothered him when the owners hovered over him, asking questions, etc. His way of making sure people stayed away was to eat a lot of cabbage and beans the night before.

    Reply
    • dorothy says

      April 29, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      roflmfao!

      Reply
  20. kristin says

    April 29, 2014 at 9:18 am

    I would also like to know the current state of the Nancy/Nossy situation. Did she forgive his indiscretion? Or did she kick him to the curb without fresh underwear? Did the student end up in therapy?

    Reply
  21. Joe T. says

    April 29, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    Did you know the French eat radishes by spreading butter on them?

    Reply
    • chill says

      April 29, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      I can’t decide…

      a) That sounds tasty, but how does the spreading of butter result in the radish getting into the stomach?

      2) Did you know there is no proper name for the back of the knees?
      .

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        April 29, 2014 at 11:10 pm

        Actually, the French also spread butter on the back of the knees. Helps them surrender quicker.

        jtb

        Reply
        • lori from cbus says

          May 4, 2014 at 8:23 pm

          Right on jtb!

          Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Now With Podcast!

Support Jeff And His Projects

Latest Tweets

  • Fresh podcast action, available everywhere! From Milton to Madagascar. pic.twitter.com/V6M1cmQcSA

    November 3, 2022 5:46 am

  • Something new I'm trying: nonewjeffs.substack.com/p/im-n…

    December 2, 2021 4:11 pm

  • Only 182 days until Opening Day.

    September 30, 2021 2:37 pm

  • Check out this great story about a 16 year old Tom Bergeron talking to Moe and Larry on the phone during the early… twitter.com/i/web/status/14387…

    September 17, 2021 5:02 am

  • Dogs! surfreportpod.com/2021/09/16/e…

    September 16, 2021 4:07 pm

Facebook!

Footer

Get Social!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Search The Surf Report

Copyright © 2023 · Smoking Fish Media