I don’t have much time here, due to sackism, but would like to ask for your funny/scary/crazy-ass movie theater stories. Anything remarkable that you’ve witnessed or perpetrated while watching a movie in public, or even a film if you’re fancy. I’ll start the ball rolling with a few quickies of my own, and turn it over to you guys. Let’s do it!
- At a midnight movie (Taxi Driver) our friend Vincent fell asleep. The theater was nearly empty, and we were sitting in the dead center of the room. One of us, Bill or myself, got the idea to gingerly place a large empty popcorn bucket (from the floor) on top of his head, like a crown. We accomplished this without waking him, and then left him sitting there by himself. After he woke up and cleared his head of the high confusion, he stormed out of the screening room in a fury, which was the cherry on top of the whole deal. It still makes me laugh.
- At another midnight movie (a 3 Stooges film festival) Bill brought along a wide assortment of “throwables” which he’d hand-selected at a grocery store where we both worked. There were several random items, but I can only remember two: raw hot dogs and a large bag of chocolate chips. We sat near the back of the room, and flung this stuff into the crowd, and laughed and laughed and laughed. I remember a high-arcing wiener flying end-over-end, causing a shadow on the screen. And the sound of a handful of chocolate chips raining down on a baffled group of Stooges nerds is a beautiful sound indeed.
- The first time we saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the place descended into chaos. Throwables were allowed, even encouraged, but things got out of hand. Nobody was keeping with the accepted spirit of the event, they were just using it as a loophole to throw shit and cause mayhem. I got hit at least twice by a handful of rice, straight to the face, which felt like a shotgun blast. Some guy from FM 105, the rock station, was pummeled by trash, and had to make a run for it. And they took some girl out of there on a stretcher, after she was hit in the face by a D Cell battery. None of this was happening in conjunction with what was going on in the movie, mind you. It was just pure anarchy. And, of course, it was never allowed again. I found rice in the nooks and crannies of my jacket, for weeks. And when I took a shower the next morning, there was a load of rice on the drain at my feet. It was probably embedded in my crack, but I’m not sure.
- At yet another midnight movie (Richard Pryor Wanted: Live In Concert) a girl — who I had no interest in — sat beside me and held my hand and snuggled up, etc. I was so uncomfortable, and mortified, I just sat there like I was made of ceramic. I didn’t even allow myself to laugh, for fear it would be construed as encouragement. It was one of the longest nights ever; I was soaked in sweat by the end. And a couple of weeks later she did the same thing to Bill, at a drive-in movie. He was a little more direct with her, and said, “Get off me, you old bag.” Or something similar.
- Steve and I crossed an honest-to-God picket line to see The Life of Brian. Some Christians thought it mocked their religion, and were trying to dissuade people from supporting it. There were people from our school out there, along with their parents. It was great! And so was the movie.
- At a horror film (can’t remember the title) the woman who played the blind older sister on Little House on the Prairie was being chased through a house by an escaped lunatic, or somesuch. She was running down hallways, jumping over furniture, etc. And I said something like, “Wow, she does pretty good for a blind girl.” And just as I said it all the noise in the movie stopped, and everybody heard me. The place erupted in laughter. It was a great moment for your corpulent correspondent.
I could probably come up with a few more, but I’m all out of time here. Please use the comments section to share your stories. And I’ll be back on Monday, with tales of a short, but hopefully memorable, road trip.
Have a great weekend, my friends!
Sneaking into movies with my ass-hat buddies ( Joe T included). It could be a drive-in with some guys in the trunk, the West Side Theatre in Scranton by simply crawling along the wall beneath the ticket window, which was built into a wall in a dark hallway, or just walking in backwards with the previous show’s exiting crowd at the mall movieplex. Those were the days.
Of course we always….always were well laden with Miller High Life pony bottles or Old Mill pounders. Joe T could smuggle at least a dozen ponies in in his overalls.
Then, as the need to drain our dragons arose, we’d crawl over each other to get out of the aisle and knock down 4 or more empties by our feet. This would set up a chain reaction of tiny glass pony bottles rolling downhill between the seats and intermittently crashing into things. Quite a clatter indeed!
We were real film enthusiasts back then.
Remember “Two Girls, One Cup”? Now that was a film.
I recall going to one of those 24 hour theaters in LA back in the day. There was all sorts of things going on in there. I felt like Axl when he gets off the bus in that GNR video.
Oddly enough, it was just last night. My wife and I won tickets to a preview of “The Neon Demon” which I’ll describe as easily the worst movie I’ve ever sat through in a theatre in my life – and I’m not the type of person to use “worst movie ever” anytime I see a bad movie. Seriously – the worst movie….I’ve ever seen….in my entire life!
So, people kept walking out within the first 30 minutes or so, but one couple waiting until the 90 minute mark to leave. As the were walking out, one guy shouted, “You almost made it!” and the entire theatre started laughing.
There were times in the movie that were so horrible, the entire audience (what was a slowly diminishing number) would start laughing, then continue laughing at the fact that everyone was laughing.
At the end of the film, the guy in front of us turned to his wife and said, “I know the tickets were free, but I want my money back. I want your money back. Hell, I want that guy’s money back. I want the money I spent on gas driving here back!”
At the exit, there were a couple of people asking folks what they thought of the movie (studio shills? You see them at most premieres). The one girl asked an obviously unhappy senior citizen what was his favorite part of the movie, and he angrily replied, “When it ended!”
Honestly, I’ve never laughed so hard in a non-comedy in my life.
My only real claim to fame is being thrown out of Rock Horror. BTW have you seen that Fox has remade Rocky Horror? Going to show it on Halloween. Anyway, when Frank jumps in to the misty water I jumped onto the decorative divider between audiance and screen and, with news paper, fanned the mist away. Rent-a-pig escorted me out to the sounds of cheers! My greatest moment.
Pretty sure (without looking, mind you) that the movie you saw with the girl from Little House was “Happy Birthday To Me”. Yet another movie showing inventive ways to make teenagers die. (Top 3?: 1. Drop a free-weight on a guy’s nuts while he’s on his back lifting weights and he drops the whole thing on his own neck; 2. Find moron who’s wearing a scarf while working on his motorcycle while it is running, toss end of scarf into the chain and watch him get sucked into the gears; 3. Feed your boyfriend by the fire with a shish-kabob and after the 3rd morsel, ram the thing into his throat.
This movie was also the nadir of Glenn Ford’s career; it had to be.
According to IMDB: “Reportedly, actor Glenn Ford was heavily drinking during the production of this picture. ” – which probably explains why he was in the movie at all.
That sounds right. I’d like to go back and watch that cinematic gem.
I think I have seen parts of that film on Youtube. The whole thing is probably on there.
I forget the exact film, probably something foreign with subtitles, but it was matinee in a basically empty theatre. At a key moment *thud* *thud* *stomp* “Shamequa! Shamequa! Girl, where you be at?!”, in a very loud black female voice. Wait 10 seconds with no response then “Shamequa! Shamequa! Girl, where you BE at?!”
Shamequa don’t be no here apparently, but don’t mind us we’re just trying to watch a film.
“Girl, where you be at?” has become part of the family lexicon.
Italian actor Bud Spencer died yesterday in Rome at age 86. He made WVSR-type movies.
jtb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwhZwnQNPCM
I should add that Mr. Spencer was an Olympic swimmer and a certified commercial airplane and helicopter pilot, and had a law degree. He also raised millions of dollars for children’s charities.
I once knew a girl who named her daughter Trinity. She gave me the weirdest look when I asked her why she named her kid after a spaghetti western.
RIP Pat Head Summit. She was our home town girl done good. Her book is a wonderful read.
Home town boys done good with Coastal Carolina making it to the World Series!!
They Call Me Trinity (1970)
Speaking of westerns – Blindman (1971) starring Ringo and Tony Anthony (from Clarksburg)
I worked in a movie theater through high school. Two incidents involving patrons and three by employees come immediately to mind:
1. Girl and a guy, she on her back, feet in the air, him on top of her, both their pants around down around their knees on the back row floor (yes, the floor of a move theater) right next to the door during the final dogfight scene in “Top Gun.” On a Saturday evening during a showing with approximately 200 other people in the theater.
2. During a screening of “Legend,” different girl and guy. She sitting on the back row, him standing in front of her, pants around his knees, facing the back wall. Midweek, so only a few other people in the theater.
Something about those mid-late ’80s Tom Cruise movies, I guess.
Employee shenanigans:
1. When popcorn was sold in buckets/tubs a fun thing to do after the last show was to find one that was mostly full or could be filled with remnants from others and punt it across the theater. I once kicked one straight up, to within a foot or two of the ceiling, where it turned over showering the entire section in popcorn “snow.” It was rather impressive, if I may say so. One guy tried kicking a full large drink. I think he broke a toe. No one else tried kicking drinks, but it was pretty funny when he did.
2. We played tapeball with the little mini-brooms and a ball made of popcorn, foil, and tape. One guy had the broom slip out of his hand. It flew across the lobby and embedded the handle six inches deep in the drywall above the concession stand.
3. Years later, when I was on management staff, an employee bought a gorilla mask and wore it while we had “Congo.” He would go up and down the aisles during the second half and tap people on the shoulder. I’m surprised he didn’t get punched.