Yesterday I suggested (begged) you guys to please use our Amazon links while doing your holiday shopping this year, and someone said, “Yeah, but what about us up here in Canada? Why no Amazon.ca??” And that was a good question, for which I had no answer.
So, last night I applied to be a Canadian affiliate, and was approved today. If you use Amazon.ca, you can now also support the Surf Report by visiting their site through THIS LINK. Needless to say, this won’t be your only reminder. I’ll also post it at the bottom of every update between now and Christmas.
Thank you guys, for your support. This site doesn’t generate an enormous amount of money each year, but almost half of it comes from Amazon sales in November and December alone. Please try to remember to click-through our links. It costs you nothing extra, and helps me a great deal.
And just so you know… I also applied for the Amazon UK affiliate program — and they rejected me! They sent a strange email that said my website indicates that I give a portion of my proceeds to charity, and they can’t be aligned with specific charities… etc. etc. What the?? I don’t have any idea what they mean by that, and I don’t have the energy to argue about it. So, for now it’s just going to be the US and Canada.
Thanks again!
I’m pretty sure we’ve covered today’s topic before, but it’s a good one, I think, and I’m gonna offer it up again. In the comments section below, please tell us about the people you’ve seen nude, or almost nude, by mistake. You know… walking in on somebody while they were changing, and stuff like that?
Three jump immediately to my mind, and since I’ve undoubtedly written about all of them (nudity!!) multiple times, I’ll keep it brief. But that doesn’t mean you need to do the same. Elaborate as much as you want, since it’s about, you know… nudity!!
Story 1 When I was a young teenager, maybe 14 or so, we were camping at Myrtle Beach, which is something we did almost every summer. There was a gigantic kick-ass water park nearby, and we spent at least one full day there during every trip.
On this particular visit, however, I got an eyeful. At one point my dad and I were sitting on a bench at the bottom of one of the huge slides, near the pool where folks were deposited at 40 mph.
And a girl — a little older than me, but not by much — came hurtling out of one of the chutes, on her stomach. She went under for a second or two, then stood up and immediately began messing with her hair. And both her breasts had escaped their housing!
But get this: one was pointing up, and the other was pointed down. Her bikini top was now a sideways S, threading her tits. It only took a second or two for her to realize what had happened, but it was like time stood still, and both of us just sat there staring at this spectacle.
At that point in my life it was the greatest thing I’d ever seen, and probably still ranks in the Top 5.
Story 2 While delivering newspapers one day, when I was fifteen or sixteen, two identical twins (with reputations) gave me a show through their bedroom window.
I was walking a paper up to the porch of a very old man (last name: Brick), who requested that I put it in the magazine hooks on his mailbox. Usually I just flung ’em from the sidewalk, but this old dude had put in a special request.
Anyway, I was walking toward his porch, when I heard a tapping sound from the house next door. And when I looked over I saw the two twins (with reputations) standing in a window, wearing nothing but bras and underwear.
They were one year younger than me, and I didn’t really know them. But they had those reputations… (did I mention that?) And when I looked their way, they began gyrating and pursing their lips and whatnot. I stood there with my mouth hanging open, and my eyes popping out of my head. And within seconds they busted out laughing and dropped the blind.
I don’t think I was able to walk upright until sometime the next day.
Story 3 I’ve told the story about my senior prom lots and lots of times… My date and another couple went to a fishing cabin afterward, to (as the kids say) party, and some weird shit happened.
The other couple were taking speed and drinking, and we were only drinking. I never went for drugs, or anything like that. I was strictly a booze hound.
At one point the other couple went into one of the bedrooms, and we could hear them in there thumping around and stuff. I didn’t know my date very well, and it was mildly embarrassing. We just chuckled nervously, and amused ourselves in the living room.
And a few minutes later my friend from the other room came rushing in, wearing nothing but his white tux pants. He was frantic, and asked for our help. I noticed his pants were unzipped, and the tip of wiener was peeking out. Good god!
All three of us went into the bedroom, and the other girl was lying naked on the bed — having some kind of convulsion. What in the everlovin’ hell?? My girlfriend went to her and tried to help, but I just stood there looking at the nakedness before me. I was no help whatsoever.
Ten minutes later the girl was perfectly OK, and hitting the booze again. And my head was swimming with all the things I’d seen… Everything was neatly trimmed — in 1981. Wildly exotic! I simply couldn’t get it over it.
And now it’s your turn. Use the comments link below, and I’ll be back tomorrow.
See ya then!
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon: US and Canada
I’ve never seen anyone naked, I even close my eyes while I shower.
Top Ten! Woot Woot!
Top Ten? Huzzah…
Been flashed while playing onstage, once by a crazy Canadian stripper who was offering all kinds of drugs to us after the show. Fun times…
NOW I remember you!!!
Oh, my. I think the first woman I saw entirely naked was my second wife. It’s quite cold up here in the Great Pacific Northwest, and the women usually favor fur underthings which they are reluctant to surrender to passion.
jtb
Although, thinking about it now, when I was seventeen it was a very good year.
Saw Mom topless when I was about 5 or 6. Got flashed by a 12-year-old girl when I was 16. About 10 years ago (early 40’s) I was tossing something in a public swimming pool with some friends. Whatever the object was, it went sailing past me, skipped once on the surface and landed 2 feet out of the pool on the concrete. There was a woman sitting close (say early 30’s), dangling her feet in the water (otherwise she wasn’t wet). The bottom of her 2-piece was kind of ‘loose’ and she twisted her body in such a sway to retrieve this thing we’d been tossing, that her bikini bottom completely moved to one side and I was staring at the whitest crotch, finely thatched with sandy brown public hairs. Naturally, she couldn’t quite reach the object and this prolonged her pretzelly position. By the way, I was only about 5 feet away. It nearly paralyzed me. You’d think, all other considerations aside, I’d consider that occasion like “found money”. Not so. 8^O
Sunshine, in regards to your first sentence, I had a similar experience. Like you, I was about five years old when I saw my mom in a state of undress, except that I got a side/rear view of her, but saw just enough of her to know that she was stark naked. During that moment, she was ironing in her bedroom – while her bedroom door was open! But I snuck away, so she was completely unaware that I had caught her in the buff.
A few years later, when I was 8 years old, there was an occasion where she had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing only a towel as she knelt down in the hallway to check some laundry. At that point, her towel opened a little, but just enough to give me a glimpse of her butt. Thankfully, she was too focused on the laundry to realize her little wardrobe mishap. And to spare her any embarassment, I never told her.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
Once walked into the living room straight out of the shower, no towel (it was summertime and very hot) only to realize my wife had one of her girlfriends over to have a drink and talk.
And, I intentionally get naked when I see Jehovah Witnesses at the door. That ends the conversation real quick.
I think I’ve mentioned this here before, but here goes. When I was in around second grade, a freind and I walked into the men’s lockerroom of a public swimming pool near his house, intending to quickly change and go swimming (duh). Instead, we were greeted by the sight of about 20 girls and women between the ages of 5 and around 40, sitting on the benches or standing around. All completely naked, and engaged in what appeared to be casual conversation. One of the women turned toward us, smiled and said something like “I’m sorry boys, you’ll have to wait awhile for swimming.” She said it completely pleasantly and made no effort to cover up, nor did anyone else. My freind and I were so shocked and bewildered that we actually left the building and wandered back to his house. I don’t think we even told anybody what had happened.
To this day, I have no idea what these females were doing in the men’s locker room, why they were just hanging around naked, why there were no signs or other indication that the locker room was occupied, etc. It was all very bizarre, at least to a 7 year old.
Class trip to a local sporting complex for some physical activity, and we had to sit around outside the locker rooms and wait for them to clear out before we decended upon them. For whatever reason they had us sit in some order rather than clustered around the respective sexes locker room door. Looking back, I had a primo spot right across from the ladies locker room door, and thanks to poor design, everytime one of the women left, I got a full view of the inside and free range boobies! WOOT!
Thats probably the only one worth writing about. Various down blowse and upskirt views through the years.
Jeff, do you also get some kickback from amazon just from click-throughs or only purchases made?
Pretty sure it’s only for purchases made. I can recall, he had someone a few years ago buy eight Amazon $1,000 gift certificates through his link and was rewarded nicely.
I think I mentioned this one already but I was 12 years old when I got my tonsils out – come to think of it – in a downright shithole city hospital. Anyway, coming out of it in the recovery room, I was next to a bed with a screaming mimi of a woman who kept kicking off her blankets.
Boys, she had the biggest set of knockers on anyone I’ve ever seen. Even as a 12 year old girl, I had to stare. They looked like 2 Wilson basketballs. Some orderly kept trying to cover her up but she kept kicking off the covers. Could you hallucinate at 12 years old?
Another time my friend and I just crossed the border from New York into canada and some crazed Canuk came alongside us honking his horn and jerkin’ his gherkin. What a welcome to Canada.
Bienvenue au Canada!!!
I had a much older cousin who was, as they used to say, “not quite right in the head”. He was born in the early to mid 50’s and they’d used forceps during his birth on account of he was gigantic.
He was like 6’7″ or something but he was basically a 40 year old kid. He would play outside with us and swing all the little kids around and play tag.
When I was about 10 or 12, it was fourth of July at my Grandpa’s farm. All us kids (and Davy) were playing outside. Davy disappeared for a few minutes and I went to go look for him. He was standing near one of the fence posts. I walk towards him and see him from the side. Turns out, he’s taking a piss. It looks like he’s holding a freaking fire hose in his hand! I swear to god, it could have been a elephant’s trunk. To this day I’ve never seen anything like it.. and I’ve seen a few.
I mentioned it to one of my brothers once. He’s about the same age as Davy. He told me that when they were kids, none of the other cousins would pee on the same post with him! Next thing I know, all my brothers are regaling me with stories of Davy and his massive member! I guess it was a thing of legend..
Jeff, I think I know why things were “neatly trimmed”. The girl was a majorette and we all know they tend to do high leg kicks and, if not trimmed, the shrubbery might come out of it’s housing.
But that would be so hot! Why would anyone find it undesirable? “Neatly trimmed” is hotter still, but one would not normally see it. Hmm, a conundrum.
.
Driving from Columbus back to Charleston back in the mid-80s, there used to be a rest area on Route 35 between Jackson and Chillicothe which featured “non-modern” facilities. In other words, the turlet was just a hole in the floor covered by a piece of plywood. Anyway, I stopped in to take a piss one time and there’s this completely naked guy sitting on the shitter. Just sitting there. No door between him and the entrance to the bathroom. Kinda freaked me out. I just got back in my car and proceeded on to the next rest area.
I got flashed by a miss america contestant while working on the show in vegas.
My life must suck as I never saw accidental nudity. I had accidental sex once, but it was dark and I never got to see her.
On the up side, there was that incident with the stripper, the cheesecake and the rubber chicken…….
You hope it was a her.
awesome.
Hulk Hogan no bullshit. was about 10 and my mom dragged me to an arts and crafts festival at the Huntington Civic Center. the WWF was in town the next day.and i being a bored 10 year old boy at a arts and craft fair started wondering around backstage where i wasnt supposed to be. I opened a door and seen the Hulk standing there butt ass naked talking to a doctor i think. he screamed get outta here kid! i hauled ass outta there,that was some crazy shit.
Did he have itty bitty steroid balls?
I hope some Indy Surf Reporters saw this:
http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/22/8961503-half-naked-man-drives-jeep-up-steps-of-war-memorial
Accidental nudity?
This topic is right up my alley.
Not only have I seen multiple nudists at random times, but I have also been the victim of accidental nudity.
There are a few that stand out in my mind…
People I’ve seen:
The guy who took stood on the corner of 19th street and Dunbar ave and took his pants off. He proceeded to chuck his soiled underwear into someone’s yard and then put his pants back on.
The old guy who flashed me, not once but TWICE in the parking lot at Kroger. His dangley parts looked like a white chewed up cat toy.
That’s two I can think of off the top of my head.
Then there are the times that I was accidentally nude…
I was sitting on the lawn of my house with my puppy, wearing a tube top dress (this was in 1985). I saw that a truck was coming down the road so I picked the puppy up and went to stand up and go into the house when I stepped on the bottom of my dress and walked right out of it.
Thankfully I was wearing panties or they would have gotten the full show.
Then there was the time I stood in my kitchen, eating breakfast, and I spilled hot coffee on my pajamas. So I stripped them off and continued to eat breakfast. Then I spilled jelly on my chest and while I was licking it off, I noticed the garbage men in the back alley, looking through the window at me.
And here’s one more…Mr.Man and I were newly married and living in base housing. They had been replacing the water pipes all week long and were finishing up right outside our house.
We decided to have a wee bit of a cuddle and went into our bedroom. We both stripped and as I was giving Mr.Man special kisses below the waist, the window shade flew open and there was a guy sitting right next to the window, looking right at us.
I think those are the mostly tame stories. The rest can wait for another day….
I was swimming at a friend’s house when I was in my early teens and were peeking at his mom in the little change house. She was getting out of her suit when she turned and saw us. She came to the window and told us that there was nothing wrong with nudity and if we wanted to watch her change to come on in.
My buddy sat outside and I went in and watched. I used that scene many, many times over the next few years.
I told this before. Mainly because it is imprinted in my memory.
Working for a little wedding/formal dress shop in Indiana, PA in the 80’s. It was two floors. I was in the window on the 2nd floor looking down at the traffic backed up at the light on the main drag. Some dude in I think a big box truck was pulling his pud with one hand and steering wheel in the other. Jesus. I was transfixed. And at that moment he looked up and saw me standing in the widow, frozen with disbelief. Didn’t slow him down one bit.
Another time….I was walking my dogs later at night in my old neighborhood. While my dogs were sniffing and peeing a hundred times on one tree, I just happen look through a window of the house beside me. Saw some guy clean some chicks carpet on the kitchen counter. Curtains wide open. Every light in the house on.
Where you in a skirt when you where standing in that 2nd floor window?
Based on lack of comments after getting this question for the fourth time and reading the “wildly exotic pubic hair” post”, if anybody gets bored with this stuff, go to the archives and read ALL of July, 2004 Jeff kay postings. In my opinion, his finest period.
the Gettysburg trip and previous posts in that month blow out a few Kayisms that I use in daily conversations.
Back then. the original paragraphs of handling ones junk and washing hands….
the frozen pizza disaster
The diatribe against the teachers who will inevitably go on strike
“Where’s Norma rae?”
Andy dumping the “starter kit of Linclon Logs in the living room”
Newbies, go back and read this stuff. this guy is a fucking genius. I, who have the exact opposite feelings about shitting at work as JK, tend to print this stuff up to read while, as I feel, getting paid for it. 15 minutes minimum for me in there. I do get weird looks for laughing in there when I come out though.
JK, whether it be new stuff or ancient stuff, you always make my day better.
\
Seriously people, read the archives , that’s why he saved them.
Been re-reading the July 2004 archives… I’d forgotten what good stuff that was. I was also going to mention the -daily- nature of those posts, but then decided against it.
.
“I experienced a Ned Beatty shiver” when describing a campground where a redneck stomped around with a weapon.
john Kerry- “every time I see his big mule face on television, I see the rich asshole from every John Hughes movie”.
I could go on and on about July 2004, but I won’t. You guys gotta read that shit yerselves.
When I was about 15 or 16 the church youth group decided to have a scavenger hunt. One of the girls in the group and I headed out walking around town to collect the items. We walked up to the door of the first house we came to. The front door was open. As I prepared to knock on the screen door, we glanced inside as saw a topless woman (late 20’s early 30’s) in the living room. She appeared to be in the middle of changing her clothes. Since we were walking, she never heard us and we just turned around and left. I don’t recall if we collected all the items needed for the scavenger hunt, but I did collect a memory that will be forever seared into my brain. I also had the best story when the group reconvened to tally the items.