It’s been so humid in the Upper Perogie Belt, our clothes have to be 100% dry (burned to a turn) or they go musty and smell like a wash cloth that’s been hanging on the rack for a couple of days. And I can’t have that.
A few days ago I was getting ready for work, and grabbed a shirt from the dryer: full-on rancid musk. I pulled everything else out of there, and it was the same situation. And they’d only been neglected for thirty minutes or so, everything had gone funky in a very short period of time.
So, a large load of laundry went from the washer, to the dryer, back into the washer, and into the dryer again. The same clothes. And I was forced to wear some stupid shirt that’s been out of the starting lineup for many months, with a collar that refused to respect the authority of an iron.
I’m not really a fan of the hot, humid, rampaging-musk days of summer. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before…
A good sign, though: Toney saw someone at Wegmans yesterday building a display of pumpkin ale. And if that’s not a sure sign of autumn, I don’t know what is. When pumpkin ale starts arriving in the stores, there’s light at the end of the sweaty-buttcrack tunnel. I think Billy Graham first said that.
I moved Gran Torino to the top of my Netflix queue, because it was listed as “very long wait.” Therefore it shipped on the same day… Makes sense, huh? But what did you think of it? Am I going to like it? Don’t ruin it for me, but let’s hear your quickie review.
And is carrying an umbrella poofter? I kinda think it is. I keep one in my car, in case of an emergency, but would never carry it around with me. I’d rather get soaked, completely, than sashay through the streets with a parasol over my forearm. What’s your thoughts on it?
And what else falls into the “possibly effeminate” bucket? Drinking straws, perhaps? My Dad used to call them sissy sticks, and I refused to use them for years. But recently I started thinking about all the hundreds of quivering disease-lips that have been pressed against restaurant glasses. So, I’ve thrown manliness to the wind, and have started drawing fluids up a plastic pipe. Is that so wrong?
Here’s something I received from our old friend Buck:
Okay dude, only you can properly assess what the hell was happening here, through your vast WVSR network.
Two women with whom I work attended a fancy pants fundraiser this week. It was a high-brow function requiring they wear either white or black—nothing else. It was a dress-up affair with cocktail dresses and whatnot–largely a flock o single women. It sounds like one of those deals where you’re required to hoist your novelty drink with a pinkie raised—you know what I mean.
Okay, amid the trappings of this thing there was a “sushi TENT” WTF? Anyway, she tells me she doesn’t like sushi, but went to the tent to see this for herself. In the tent, there was a man, LYING ON THE TABLE wearing nothing but leaves covering his junk…and all the way up his arms and on his legs and torso were pieces of sushi. He laid there, motionless, for the duration of the event. She said nobody actually took the sushi off his body, since there was a full table of it surrounding him. She said she’d heard of this, but never in WV.
I have NEVER heard of such a thing PERIOD. Have you? Have you ever heard of a human being transformed into a piece of furniture–especially one used as a food service device? What’s next, a naked man whose penis is pulled to draw beer from his asshole tap?
I just cannot comprehend such a thing and it sounded like a subject you would most assuredly want to explore on your website.
Yeah, I got nothing. I’ve never heard of such a thing, either. I asked Toney, and she said she HAD, but believes it’s usually a naked woman… you know, lying on a table covered in individual servings of sushi.
I have to agree with Buck’s reaction: WTF? Can any of you shed some light on this bizarreness? What in the pearl-handled heck??
Those Japanese just never stop, do they?
And this is it for the week, boys and girls. We’re taking our quickie trip to West Virginia today, and won’t be back until Sunday evening. A long weekend filled with lots of driving…
I’ve spoken with the T-Shirt Lady a couple of times about our upcoming retro reproduction shirts, and she’s ready to go. We’ve been taking pre-orders for a couple of weeks now, so I’m going to make this WV weekend the end of it.
I’ll probably order a limited number of extras, but if you really want one, you should order now. On Monday or Tuesday I’m going to get the ball rolling, and all bets will be off. Here’s your order link.
Also, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could post something about the Convenience Story eBook at Twitter while I’m away. In fact, here’s what I’ll do…
If you post something about the book on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday – and link to this page: http://tinyurl.com/no7olg – I’ll put your Twitter name into a hat, and draw two at random. And whoever is chosen will receive a FREE Evil Twin jumpin’ catfish shirt, in whatever size you choose.
But remember, it has to be at Twitter, and there has to be a link that appears exactly like this: http://tinyurl.com/no7olg. I’ll use Twitter Search to find out who mentioned it, and the link will have to be exact or I might miss it.
So, there ya go. I’ll tell you about our trip when we get back, and I hope you have a great weekend.
See you on Monday.
33, 5-11, 190, wife, two girls 3 and 1 and one on the way in Feb. Realtor.
I feel so refreshed.
Thanks for participating Jason. We would have never known about the upcoming event until it happened, had you not told us. Hoping for a boy? Or do you already know?
@ JCIII & Trish:
Ah yes…a wedding in the ‘Burg. Yinz guys ain’t lived &’nat there if you’s ain’t never been to one! You mentioned the food…everytime we go to one we bet on the offerings: fried or baked chicken, pigs & rigs (stuffed cabbage and rigatoni in layman’s terms), parsley potatoes swimming in butter/grease, canned green beans, side salad with a choice of italian or ranch dressing in a cup, & hard-ass dinner rolls left over from the wedding the week before. And don’t forget the COOKIE table!
No wait!…I ain’t done &’nat there… Location?…. any local firehall. 6 foot folding tables covered in colored paper tablecloth’s….soon to be torn as soon as some drunkin bafoon stands on the table doin the whole “YMCA” thing….No THAT’S gay!!! The DJ playing…”Play that Funky Music”, “Electric Slide”, “Chicken Dance”, ” Hokey Pokey”, “Old Tlime Rock&Roll…… Loads of Bill Cosby sweaters and big haired chicks in cut-off old bridesmaid dresses!
You can guess I have attended quite a few!!
There is nothing gay about wearing chaps with no pants; especially if worn to work on “casual Fridays”.
AngryWhiteGuy,
I’m hoping for a boy. I’ve already got two spilt-tails (plus the wife) so I think it’s time for another swinging dick around my house. We’re supposed to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl next month.
@ Hardoxdan: Bossa Nova is a cool place. That’s where the “pretty people” go. Since I am a shot and a beer girl..it ain’t my cup o’tea. Surprisingly, it has remained a staple here. A lot of charity events are held there; and local sports figures carouse there too. Last time I was there was for my office Christmas party about 3 years ago. Otherwise, no thanks.
Carrying an umbrella as a man is super poofter…right up there with carrying your lunch in a fancy insulated lunch bag.
You may as well do jazz hands every time you enter a room.
34, 5’6″, 175.
2 boys, one 8 week old girl.
I had high hopes for Gran Torino but I got bored halfway through and stopped watching it. My husband watched it all the way through, he had nothing great to report about it. The end is predictable.
I seemed to remember hearing about a woman covered in sushi – I guess if a bunch of women are playing dress-up it maks sense to have some dude covered in sushi. Where I work though I’d expect to see the women plucking sushi from some other woman except she’d have a mullet and be wearing dockers and a button collar shirt. You can’t swing a cat around there without hitting a bunch of lebinese wimmen. We did have a Christmas punch bowl one year that had Santa squirting the punch out when you squeezed his nose. (we have a tradition of making whacky punchbowls for X-mas – were a bunch of engineers after all)
AWG-Couldn’t agree more for some reason running somebody down in a drunken stupor seems more heinous than shooting your own dumbass in the leg.
Don’t watch reality tv cause it all sucks a bunch of ass.
Male, 6-1, 240, single, never married, Project Manager for an electrical contractor.
I’ll have to try the whopper thing, 5 whopper lunch, sum bitch!
@bikerchick.
My sales manager is from Sewickley. Somewhat of a poofter. His dad was a professional musician with the Pittsburgh Symphony, so you know the type. Nice guy, though.
I am more shot and a beer, too.
Dan
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
Male, 42 soon to be 42. 5’10”, 185 lbs. Married 21 years(together 23 next month). 2 sons; 21 and a Corporal in the United States Marine Corp, 15(16 in a month) and a typical teen into on-line gaming, music, texting, et al.
I’m a Business Manager(Finance & Insurance) for a Chevrolet dealership. I’m also a golfer, gambler, joker, smoker and midnight toker.
In my off time I enjoy investigating the chemical composition of Miller High Life and ponder how they make it so damn good.
uh yeah, 42 soon to be 42???
43 in November
Ok, I’ll enlighten everyone with some personal info.
Real name: Kristi
Height: 5’6″
Weight: too much
Age: 40
Single, never married, no kids.
Native Hoosier, transplanted to Phoenix about 6 years ago.
Oh, and I’m an accountant.
Exciting.
WTF?????
check out the strip for August 21, 2009:
http://www.gocomics.com/frogapplause
WTF? Thief!
Ok AWG…I’m in on this thing…age 43, height 5’5″, weight approx 165 (my boobs weigh 20 of that), Husband Age 43, height 6’2″, weight 275…27 year old daughter, 18 year old daughter, 16 year old daughter, 13 year old son…I was a dispatcher until I got laid off so now I sell myself on the street corner so I can put the 18 year old through college.
I have no gag reflex and I accept paypal..
“I have no gag reflex and I accept paypal..”
The WVSR commenters are the best!
Best of luck on the college fund, Tammie 🙂
NDfaninAz…I can also touch the tip of my nose with my tongue…I accept WalMart gift cards too.
Tammie – you should have that college fund in no time then!
And WalMart gift cards are good for back-to-school shopping.
Well, Tammie, no gag reflex? That is one helluva quality to have. Ought to get you some work real quick-like for the upcoming tuition payment.
Me? 42, 5’11”, squishier than I want to be (brave souls — I thought ladies never divulged that info), single, no kids, 1 dog. Unemployed at the moment, former university lecturer and former VP of Events Management at one of the big investment banks currently in the crapper and now partially gubment-owned. Hair-trigger gag reflex.
scarymary — congratulations on your baby girl
Brynhildr – thanks she’s a doll.
After dealing with my 12 year old whining at me in his pubescent cracking voice and my two year old screaming in defiance, she makes me remember why I wanted kids to begin with. And, well, somebody’s got to take care of me when I’m old because my 6 foot 298 pound, high blood pressure, husband probably isn’t going to make it that far. *sigh*
First, greetings from Virginia Beach. I was initially not taking my laptop but I need to do some research on a paper I’m working on. My jowl is on the floor. Thank you Tammie, all my stress just ran out the door. Jason, you really should be here, the women are all over the place. It is hotter than July and the chicks are even hotter. I am finding it very hard to stay put but I’m gonna keep my promise to , eh what was that? Oh, keep my promise to stay out of trouble. I am drinking a Fosters, got something to say about it? Thought so! So as I pulled in the area whatever was on my mind just left. I am so loving it. Now lets see Oh my stats.
Age 50, 6’0, 285 lbs after dropping 20 over the past 2 months.
3 Grown kids 22, 24, 26 One lady (my baby girl) and two young men
Married twice, divorced twice.
Employed – IT Project Manger for NC Department of Transportation
I also work as an independent music producer for artist HipHopWallStreet which he just sign a contract granting 40% revenue from all collaborative productions to my production company.
Income – You think I’m gonna tell you, pssst!
Now keep it down, I am trying to study, bye!!!
I’m a know it all still learning life’s lessons.
6’2″, 185. 3 mos ago I was only 55 yrs. old. Retired musician. Now I play for free. Run my own biz. I’m the CBL (chief bullgoose loony) and the GFO (general fuck off). Married 22 yrs. She has a 35 yr old son (cool guy). Dog, cat and all the animals that roam around here. Mnt Lion, Bear, Elk, Deer, Raccoons. And Danny the village drunk. I hike and ride horse. I fix things and get greasy. I fix things and stay clean. I like a good conversation and I’m a flirt without any intensions. Ahhhh crap….this sounds like an eHarmony ad!
Hey…the grills on and Bev just suprised me with Margarita night. Gotta go. Happy week all!
39, 5′ 8″, 240, married, Wife 38, boy 14 girl 8, college educated and owner/operator of a lawn and landscaping company.
Intersting mix of folks…
6 foot even
225 lbs
44 year old male
Married with 7 year old son
Gas Liquids Trader for a Energy Co in Tulsa Ok.
Love the Surf Report
Shiny Rod,
It sounds like a lot of fun. However, I’m very busy right now. I’m buying a shit load of Wal-Mart gift cards and heading to West Virginia to find some lady with a Gene Simmons tongue and twenty pound boobs.
It’s all about me:
On the younger side of 46. Weight: way to fucking much…all boobs (they’re real) and butt. Long blonde hair. Married/divorced/Married again/widowed. Now living with my 30 year old boyfirend in Pittsburgh. Work for a plastic surgeon…for the freebee’s (mamma didn’t raise no monkey’s ass!). But my true love is my antique business.
ALMOST 41,MALE , MARRIED 14 YEARS,2 BOYS 12 @ 9,1 PUGLE
@ Jason – West Virginia to find one or Va Beach where it’s the pick of the litter. I’m confused?
Going to look for Tammie (twas a joke).
I believe the popular beat combo “Queen” used to have roving midgets with bowls of coke on their heads at parties.
Working as a sushi platter – gay. Buck should have ‘spilled’ a bowl of wasbi on his nutsack.
Jeep – gay.
Jeep Wrangler – screaming.
I beg your pardon, I am not gay and I OWN a Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited. Now you want gay, Land Rover is gay…Damn brit pissing on an American male Icon. WTF?
Hey… that bit I wrote about my ’92 4Runner (back up there) was suposed to have some inuendos. Was I lame and missed the mark? I thought it was funny.
SR…maybe Limey meant a certain color. I’m sure he meant no harm.
My cousin had an old ’68 land crusier. Yeah…the safari kind. Built for Aferica and Asia.Tank mofo I tell ya. OD green too.
The maragratia weekend has not ended so far. I don’t know where the cat is and the dog smells like goose shit.
DTO – Yeah, long as It wasn’t gold, I’ll forgive him. I think everyone is tired this week. Scotch on the beach is still going strong. I love the breeze and the ocean.
Video’s I cut last week are out on youtube, check it out, It’s not what you might think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sZdYWuRRFg
you should do a thing on those emails that urgently want to give you a million dollars because their husband has had to flee the country or died or something in Africa and they need to transfer a bunch of money in your account. Have you ever responded to one. You can really mess with those people. Also random responses to Craiglist ads.. especially the personals… You can have a blast. I would love to see what you come up with.
@AWG – RE: Issues of the law and sports figures
The thing about the law is that sometimes it is counterintuitive.
I don’t think that Plaxico should go to jail for 2 years, but I do think that he should have to wear a sign around his neck that says, “I am such a dumbass that I shot myself in the leg.” I don’t think that is a remedy offered in most criminal proceedings.
And it appears at first blush that Dante should be punished more than he has been, but I would also add that this may have been an accident in which alcohol was not necessarily a contributing factor. What I mean is that the accident may have happened whether or not he was drinking. I am not positive about where the accident took place, but I think I know the location, and, if I am right, it is a place that is not well lit and is not a place one would typically see a pedestrian, especially in the middle of the night. Having said that, most states will assign fault based solely on alcohol consumption regardless of whether it is appropriate. For instance, you could be sitting in your car, stopped at a stop light, and an asteroid could fall from the sky and crush you, and it is your fault if you were drunk.
I don’t know what to say about Michael Vick, except that I am glad that Tony Dungy has taken him under his wing.
@AWG – RE: Reality TV
Not much for reality TV at our house. We used to watch Last Comic Standing even after swearing it off when NBC canceled it with one episode – the big finale! – to go in the third (?) season. It was the season that Alonzo Bodden won.
Sometimes watch American Idol, but not as much as we did initially (not at all last season because it was up against Lost).
And Dancing with the Stars? Nope. We watched the first season and it was ok, but you are right about the caliber of the celebrities. The level of stars started at the D list and seems to have gone down from there. I fully expect the producers of DWTS to show up at our doorstep one day to ask my husband to participate because he was once asked a question on the local news by a local reporter as he walked down the street.
@AWG – RE: Personal info
Married, no kids, husband (who sometimes posts here) and I are the same age which is younger than (I think) everyone else who has responded, but older than Jason. I am an attorney (currently working in the areas of administrative law and healthcare law, but I have worked in some other areas as well), and the husband is an IT guy. When we met I worked at a radio station, and he was in a band and we met because I interviewed his band. We recently were talking about how crazy it is that we are now a healthcare attorney and an IT guy – what happened to the band guy and the rock-n-roll party chick? They were cool and fun and we miss them. *sniff* Probably more information than you wanted.
Anyway, AWG, maybe it would be fun to say what we have learned about each other from reading the posts? Like I know that you and I share a love of the Colts. Just a thought. This was your idea, and I don’t want to step on your foreskin.
@ Kristin – WTF! Outrageous!
@ ScaryMary – Congratulations!
@ Jason – Congratulations!
@ Tammie – LMAO! You accept PayPal! Too funny!
@ TILLY – Now I get the hefore vs before thing. Blond moment. Oh, and you don’t tell me everything? I have seen a baby come out of your vagina. Maybe the day before that happened would have been the day to start keeping secrets from me.
@ AWG – Also we have two dogs and one cat.
The rule is – if there is Barbie version of a car then it is a gay car.
Barbie VW Beetle? Check.
Barbie Jeep? Check.
Both are poofterwagons.
@ Limey – What about the Barbie Corvette?
Limey-That’s a pretty broad statement, I’m no Barbie expert but she’s had a lot of popular vehicles.
@White Trash Barbie-Touche’, Also I tried the Burning River Pale Ale yesterday, I thought it was pretty good if you like pale ales, only a slight hint of yellow perch or maybe it was walleye, lol. I will buy more to support Ohio business as this state can use all the tax dollars it can find.
I think Barbie had a speed boat and that’s hardly gay. Unless, of course, it’s a pink speed boat with a rainbow flag flapping in the wind behind it.
I debating as to wheather or not I should drink some beer today. I’m not working tomorrow. What to do, what to do…..
Barbie also had a Ken. Does having a Ken make you gay? I think not. Oh, wait.
Thank you Jason, you da man!!! Now go drink some beer and stay away from the velveeta.
Last time I checked a speed boat wasn’t a car. The Barbie Gay Car rule applies only to cars. Barbie’s Winnebago isn’t gay either.
Is Barbie’s convertible automatic transmission Corvette gay? Ya think?