I’m going to take some time away from the site, my friends. I’m struggling, and need to get a handle on things. I know that sounds kinda ball-baby bitch, and I apologize for abandoning ship. But things are out of control, and I don’t do well under such circumstances.
A few days ago I was in the upstairs bathroom, getting ready for work, and smelled gas. WTS? There’s no gas in there — not that kind, anyway. I went downstairs, and also smelled it in the kitchen. Really strong.
We have an electric stove, so this was a confusing turn of events. And it didn’t smell like natural gas, anyway. It smelled like… propane. Yeah, that’s it! So, I walked out onto the slanted deck, and discovered the source. Man, it was just a catastrophic explosion waiting to happen out there.
I checked the grill, and it was turned off. But then I saw a big hole chewed into the hose that runs between the tank and the grill itself. Squirrels! One of those deceptively cute little assholes (I assume) chewed a hole in the hose, and the entire contents of the tank escaped. And it had been roughly 95% full.
Yeah, I know. I should’ve turned off the tank. And I should always put the cover on the grill after each use. I don’t need any lectures, goddammit. I realize it’s partly my fault. But what kind of crazy animal chews-up a propane hose? What’s the upside for them? I don’t get it.
So, that’s currently unusable. We cooked-out over the weekend, but used charcoal and our little camping grill. It’s emasculating. You should see this thing. I feel like I’m playing with an Easy-Bake Oven. Embarrassing.
Also (and this was the scariest event yet), my computer shit the bed. It wouldn’t boot-up, and I was convinced (convinced!) the hard drive was a goner. I kept getting the blue screen of death, with a message that terrified me. Holy shit! This could very well be the fatal blow.
My computer is about three years old, powerful as hell, and semi-expensive. I spend a lot of time in front of the thing, and splurged on a good one, last time ’round. And there’s no way in hell I could afford — at this point — to replace it. Plus, there’s so much important stuff stored on there. My right hand was WHIPPING through my hair.
This happened on Sunday, and I called a guy who was a bigwig in the IT department at my previous job. He’s helped me out of several jams in the past. But both numbers I had for him have been disconnected. Did he move? Hell if I know. I went on Facebook and tried to find him, but there was nothing. Who doesn’t have a Facebook page in 2011? Especially an IT dude? Grrr…
I started calling computer repair shops around here, and got answering machines. But one guy picked up, and told me the problem could be “no big deal,” something “really ugly,” or a few other things. Wow! This was some helpful information.
But he said I could bring it to him on Monday, the 4th of July, and he’d take a look at it. He asked me to take it to his house, not his shop, which seemed weird to me. But whatever.
So, on Monday morning I put the tower in the passenger seat, programmed this dude’s address into the GPS, and…. my car wouldn’t start. It was deader than Kelsey’s nuts. Seriously? Could this possibly be true? Was I being punk’d? I’ve never had an ounce of trouble with that car, and now this??
I was already running late, so I transferred all the shit to Toney’s car and took my computer to the guy’s house. I asked him to give me a receipt confirming he had my tower, which offended him a little, I think. But I had visions of him saying, in two or three days, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen you before in my life.”
While driving back to our house I felt like I might be on the cusp of a nervous breakdown. I was panicked, angry, and on the verge of tears, all at the same time. My whole world was crashing down around me. Here’s an up to date list of the things that have failed over the past few weeks:
Netflix streaming (a small hiccup, as it turns out, but I freaking lost it)
my iPod (corrupted, and completely wiped clean… I haven’t even had the energy to investigate. Fuck it.)
the battery in my laptop (holds a charge for roughly four minutes, which doesn’t do me much good)
When I returned home we called AAA, and asked them to tow my car to the garage we always use. They said they’d be here in 45 minutes. And about an hour and fifteen minutes later a white pickup truck pulled into our driveway. Where’s the tow truck? What’s going on now??
Some surly and disagreeable bastard emerged, with a battery charger. He ordered me to release the hood, and connected the charger to the battery. Nothing happened. But he kept monkeying with it, and it finally fired up.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s running and you can drive yourself to the garage,” he said, before getting back in his truck and leaving. Nice. A real breath of fresh air.
The guy at the garage gave me an assessment similar to the one I received from the computer dude. It could be something easy and cheap, apocalyptic, or several things in between.
Toney followed me to the garage, and I asked if she wanted to go to Waffle House, after I finished describing my latest problem to the latest stranger. I needed to drown my sorrow in bacon grease…
And I could go on and on with this, but the computer problem is fixed. It cost me ninety dollars, and was something to do with corrupted memory. I consider it a bullet dodged. But the car is another matter. We got “good” news about it as well. They said the battery was dead, and that was my only problem. Whew! I can deal with a dead battery. I also considered this to be a bullet dodged. I was excited.
However, when we arrived to pick up my car, the hood was raised, in the middle of the parking lot. Uh oh. The guy said they put a new battery in it, but it appeared to be defective. It was doing the exact same thing it was doing for me, earlier in the day. He assured me it was just a bad battery, but I don’t have a warm and fuzzy feeling. I think they might have misdiagnosed the problem.
But, so far so good. I drove it all over carnation (as one of my aunts would put it) yesterday afternoon, and it started every time. So, maybe we’re OK? Yeah, I wouldn’t bet a whole lot of money on it.
So, you see… this is the way all of my so-called downtime has been used. And my downtime isn’t exactly plentiful. I’m working a ton of hours, because we need the money, so everything is just out of control right now.
I need to take a week, and at least one vacation day, and try to get a handle on things. I can’t live like this. I’m a wreck. Over the weekend Toney told me: “You know, sometimes you’re not an easy person to like.” I’m supposed to be happy about all this? I should be skipping through the park with a basket full of rose petals at this point?! Not an easy person to like? I feel like I’ve been remarkably restrained. I didn’t flip out like Jovis, or anything. Heck, I didn’t even have a beer.
I don’t know when I’ll update again, but it’ll probably be next Monday. No later than next Monday. I’m sorry, but I really need to regain control of my life.
By the way, I was supposed to be working on the Nancy update over the weekend. That didn’t happen, for obvious reasons, but I might squeeze it out during the week. We’ll see how it goes.
However, I do have some fresh Nancy news: somebody stole her purse on Sunday, and bought several thousand dollars worth of electronics with one of her credit cards. They have her driver’s license, her house and car keys, and all her cards. Sheesh. My blood pressure is ratcheting upward, just thinking about it.
So, there ya go. I’m going to go underground for a few days, but will be back soon. I appreciate you guys sticking with me. I’ll probably be on Twitter occasionally, but other than that… I’m taking a break.
I’ll see everyone in a few days.