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I’m Starting To Lose It, Man!

February 9, 2009 By Jeff 81 Comments

the-shining-jackI really need to get out of this house.  I’ve been in front of a computer since Thursday morning, more or less, and it’s starting to take its toll.

I burned a vacation day on Sunday, and made an attempt at using the long weekend to knock a few items off my ever-expanding to-do list.  And even though I didn’t get everything done, I accomplished more than usual.  So, I’m pleased.

However… I feel strange and cut-off from the world.  I’ve been sitting in this babyshit green room for days on end, with my iPod on shuffle play (Dinosaur Jr. to Glen Campbell to REM to Benny Goodman…), to the point of almost complete isolation.  I’m starting to lose it, man!

It would be a gross exaggeration to say I’m looking forward to going back to work this evening, but it’ll probably do me some good.  ‘Cause I think I’m about twelve hours away from building shit-castles in the middle of the living room floor.

Our weekend roll call (ongoing) was amazing.  Thanks to everyone who told us where they’re reading the Surf Report.  Over 320 comments!  It must be a new website record, right?

I tried to make some sense of everything here, and it appears we haven’t yet had Surf Reporters check in from Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Kansas, Montana, South Dakota, Vermont, or Wyoming.  Anyone reading from those places today?  If so, please log it in Thursday’s comments.  We need a full 50-state representation.

And thanks to everyone who participated.  It’s been fun, and mind-blowing.

Thanks especially to folks reading outside the U.S. and Canada.  I always wonder how my ridiculous adventures in suburbia translate in foreign countries.  But some things are universal, aren’t they?

Today our second weekly recap email is going out to subscribers of the mailing list.  I didn’t really know how it would be received, but I’ve gotten lots of positive feedback.  So, I’ll keep it going.

If you’re not subscribed yet, what are you waiting for?  You’ll not only receive the recaps, but also access to periodic super-secret updates.

And just so you know… we’re due to have “visitors” during the coming weekend.  Which means there will likely be bonus material for subscribers soon, very soon.

Don’t miss out on it!  Subscribe today.

A few nights ago Toney had something to do in the evening, and the boys and I were on our own for dinner.  She suggested I use a Pizza Hut coupon, and buy several medium one-topping pizzas for $5 each.

I don’t like giving Pizza Hut my business, in an area loaded with incredible mom ‘n’ pop pizzerias and spaghetti houses.  It’s like going to a bar with 25 microbrews on tap, and ordering Coors Light.  It’s almost criminal.

I did, however, like the idea of doing dinner cheaply, and took her advice.  But only one topping?  That’s quite limiting for a man of size…

After stewing about it for a few minutes, I decided to take the easy way out and ordered my pie with pepperoni.  If you could only choose one pizza topping, what would it be?  I feel like my choice was unimaginative and predictable.

And the $5 Pizza Mia?  I thought it was pretty darn good.  For five bucks I was expecting something from a microwave, like at Chuck E. Cheese or a baseball stadium.  But I was pleasantly surprised.  MUCH better than Coors Light.

Last night I was trolling the internet for my daily ration of fucked-upness, and found a short video clip of what appeared to be eight naked Japanese women blowing something liquid out of their asses, onto another naked Japanese woman suspended from the ceiling in a leather harness.

Yep, that’ll do it.  Mission accomplished!

But it got me to thinking…  How long has it been since I’ve been truly astonished by something I saw on the internet?  The bar has been set incredibly high at this point…  If I’d watched that video clip in 1979, my head probably would’ve exploded.  Now?  It was certainly worth a chuckle, but I didn’t even send a link to my friends.  I’m sorry, but it takes more than just a twenty-one ass salute.

Without getting overly graphic and disgusting with it, please use the comments section to tell us about the most recent shocking thing you’ve discovered on the internet.

And I’m going to turn it over to Metten now, and drag myself out from behind this computer, before my skin starts meshing with the chair.

See ya tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. CitizenX says

    February 9, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    I am pretty impressed with these Monday updates, Jeff!
    So now we are all competing for “comment of the day”?
    I like that feature best.

    If you are fascinated by where your surfers come from, I suggesting adding this tiny widget to your site.
    http://www.clustrmaps.com/
    I have it at my site and it is very cool indeed seeing where everyone is from.

    Great job on the location breakdown.
    I am considering putting the info on a world map somehow
    It would make for a nice reference for this site.

    Reply
  2. Adam says

    February 9, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    LOL @ Brandy…

    Reply
  3. vegasrandall says

    February 9, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    hey! I got stiffed on the location log.

    Reply
  4. Josh says

    February 9, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    I came across this site once called the WVSR…. Highly Disturbing… somehow though, I just couldn’t look away and I keep coming back for more.

    Reply
  5. retrollama says

    February 9, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Once upon a time, I accidentally stumbled across a page featuring hardcore clown pornography. That was pretty horrifying/shocking.

    For sheer creepiness though, nothing beats Peter Pan’s Fashion page. Oh my.

    Reply
  6. Pagan says

    February 9, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    one topping on a pizza a bucket of KFC:) scary stuff on the internet Josh beat me to it:)

    Reply
  7. Pagan says

    February 9, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    Brandy me too! Its even in wikipedia for god’s sake! I will never enjoy a nice warm cup of Hot chocolate again as long as I live!!

    Reply
  8. Doug says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    pepperoni.

    Most disturbing internet moment? The dudes who “re-tapped” beer via enema, and then drank it. I think I just threw up a little…

    Does any remember the old WVSR Frapper Map?

    http://www.frappr.com/thewestvirginiasurfreport/map

    Reply
  9. chill says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    I’ve heard enough about 2G1C to know I never want to see it. Stuff like that, if it’s avoidable, I avoid it. I tend to go for tamer stuff like the famous Honda commercial, skater tricks, parkour, etc.

    As for pizza, my one topping would be sausage (shut up), or maybe fresh garlic. Pizza Hut really only makes one flavor, the Salt Lover’s.

    Reply
  10. Jason says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    If I can only pick one topping for a pizza I go with bacon.

    I saw a video of some Japanese girls filling their lower regions with eels and then shooting them out at each other.

    Someone on this site posted a link to a video a while back. It was some guy that was bent over in a tub and his “friends” were giving him a beer enema. Another guy held a mug near his ass and caught the beer as he expelled it. Then he quickly gulped it down. I puked.

    Reply
  11. Jason says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    Jeff,
    Love the weekly recaps. I like being able to look back over the bunker cam, further evidence and surf report classic links. Sometimes I don’t get to them during the week before they’re changed.

    Reply
  12. CitizenX says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    @Jason
    Oh Christ-on-a-bike I did not need that beer enema reminder.

    As much as I agree that 2G1C was shocking
    (More shocking – the meme that followed)
    I would have to say that the last time I was shocked was when I started looking for the Saddam hanging a few hours after it happened.
    I was shocked when I finally found it.
    It slowly filtered into the main search engines
    and I still appreciate whomever leaked it.

    Reply
  13. Brandy says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    @Pagan – you can also cross Wendy’s Frosty, Chocolate Cool Whip, Mocha softserve and Milky Way/Three Musketeers bar filling off your list of enjoyable food products.

    Although, being a dog owner, cat owner and mother of a 12 year old… i have never seen poop quite that color, nor have I heard of that consistency coming out with such velocity. I question the validity of the film. It definitely came out of the girl’s ass, but was it poop? I don’t know. Oh well, even if it was chocolate cool whip, I still wouldn’t eat it out of someone’s ass.

    Reply
  14. Shane says

    February 9, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Link for multiple Japanese women blowing liquid from their asses, plz? Thanks.

    Reply
  15. CBS says

    February 9, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    “Shocking” videos don’t shock me. With the exception of death videos. If I see someone beheaded, I am shocked.

    Reply
  16. Jason says

    February 9, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    I just remembered this one video I saw in which a guy held a press confrence. He handed out several sealed letters to reporters and calmly pulled a gun out of his jacket. When they tried to run up and stop him he starting saying, “no” and tried to wave them off. When they got too close he shoved the gun in his mouth and offed himself. Gave me the willies.

    Reply
  17. DTO says

    February 9, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    1)pineapple..2) w/onion…3) w/Canadian bacon/ ham

    I do not look at nor look for internet crap. Not a prude by any means but I hold myself to a higher standard as evident by my time spent here. Huh…?

    -d

    Reply
  18. Dan says

    February 9, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    I was going to say 2G1C… and then I remembered a video a buddy sent me one time… some girl pushing a huge octopus out of her vag. I’m glad I didnt have to see it go in.

    Reply
  19. Bill in PA says

    February 9, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    Great posts, all.
    Perfect under the influence of a full Moon.

    @Jason
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budd_Dwyer

    Howard Stern had a field day with that indecent.
    He’ll burn in hell for that one.

    Reply
  20. mountie9wv says

    February 9, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    I cannot believe that I just successfully completed a Google search for a video of a Japanese woman squirting an octopus out of her vagina. Now onto the eel and bubbles (two separate and distinct videos, I think) videos.

    Reply
  21. CBS says

    February 9, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    @Jason

    The song “Hey man, nice shot” by Filter was based on that guy.

    Jeff, I am also shocked whenever I read about the N&N exploits. From the armpit hair to the underwear stealing, I am truly shocked and amazed that two people like this exist, much less breed and are “gainfully” employed (even if it is at a university).

    Reply
  22. Warren Peace says

    February 9, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    To Jason and CBS – that was Bud Dwyer.
    I’m too lazy to type it all out, so read here – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bud_dwyer

    Also, if you look real hard (or not), you can find the full length video.
    It does shock me even though I have seen worse. I think any suicide videos give me shivers.

    Pizza topping- Onion, Pineapple or both! Add tons of garlic and hot sauce and you got another Saturday night all alone.

    Reply
  23. JDL says

    February 10, 2009 at 4:46 am

    1. extra cheese if ordering from a place you can trust will actually put extra cheese on your pizza. If ordering from a disreputable pizza place, pepperoni.

    2. The 2 most disturbing things I’ve seen are the guy getting his head sawed (sawn?) off by terrorists. A beheading I can stand if done in one samurai style swing but they literally took the knife and started sawing his head off. Second, a video of some mayor of a town in South America who did something or other to dishonor his family and shot himself while sitting on his porch in front of a news camera and his children. Some fucked up shit right there.

    3. What the hell happened to the Japanese? They used to be this island of polite, demure, smiling people and now, half the videos you see online are of Japanese people disproving the saying “nothing new under the sun” by sticking stuff into or shooting stuff out of various orifices. They have lost their minds.

    Reply
  24. Alice in WV says

    February 10, 2009 at 10:07 am

    I haven’t seen a great deal of shocking videos. Those I have seen I wish I could un-see. Sounds like the worst of what I’ve seen wouldn’t even make some of you guys even bat an eyelash.

    Reply
  25. tadpolegal says

    February 10, 2009 at 11:06 am

    2 Girls and a cup- That can’t be real- can it?

    Reply
  26. tiff says

    February 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    I just spent a lovely half-hour looking at pictures of ‘ulcers’ on a GIS. Shocking? I should think so.

    Amazing what you can find on non-porn sites that can be really really awful.

    Reply
  27. Melissa says

    February 10, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    I agree with quite a few others here.
    2 Girls 1 Cup. I receive full body shivers just saying the name.

    Reply
  28. Poo says

    February 10, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    2 GIRLS 1 CUP….. A family classic. Brings tears to my brown little eyes!

    Reply
  29. Son of Sam says

    February 10, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    @ Jason I remember when that happened. Guy’s in the steel mills were drilling holes in dimes and calling them Bud Dwyer comemaritive coins.

    Reply
  30. Cindi K in VA says

    February 10, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    oh-shocking? I don’t really know…hangings and beheadings and suicides certainly qualify, although I don’t view them. I saw a fat guy in a long sleeved leotard perfectly enacting the Beyonce hit “Put a Ring on it”. The clip is called ‘Beyonce’s Competition’ I believe. That was funny and disturbing at once.

    Pepperoni on Sicilian.

    Reply
  31. messy says

    February 10, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    I always liked shakethatbear- well liked is not the right term…

    black olives as my only topping.

    messy from mo.

    Reply
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