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I’m Sleeping More Than Ever And Can’t Stay Awake! Please Help Me Escape This Hell

January 5, 2016 By Jeff 23 Comments

sleepCan somebody please explain this to me? If I sleep from 2 am to 10 am, eight hours, I wake up swinging for the fences, feeling great. But if I sleep from midnight to 8 am, also eight hours, I’m dragging massive ass all day and trying to stop myself from building a chin-to-desk drool bridge at work. Why? What in the honey roasted hell is going on here?

It’s the up-early thing that gets me. If I climb off the platform during or before Good Morning, America, I’m screwed. And it has nothing to do with George Stephanopoulos, that sawed-off little puke. It’s just the time of day, for some reason.

Years ago, when I was a tan and rugged young toll collector, I worked rotating shifts: one week each of days, evenings, and overnights with two days off in-between. And I don’t remember it being a big deal. I could switch it up, slice ‘n’ dice, and collect those quarters like a champion. But today the tiniest alteration of the schedule destroys me. Even if I have to go to work one hour early, I feel it. It’s as if my IQ has been reduced by 20 points, and I have trouble pulling up the right words, etc. If I had to work a rotating schedule at this point of my life, I’d undoubtedly go full-Slingblade and start living on nothing but potted meat.

But, I’m doing it. So far I’ve stuck to my plan of sleeping from midnight to 8 am, and being in front of my computer from 9 am to 1 pm, trying to wring as much production out of each day as possible. I know it’s only January 5, but it’s one day at a time, goddammit. Today I posted at Suggestaholic for the first time since October, updated the Bunker Cam and Further Evidence links, changed my Goodreads status, and wrote this questionable-at-best Surf Report update. This shit wouldn’t have happened in December, my friends. Of that, I’m certain.

It’s still a struggle, though. Yesterday was close to a bust; I worked on the new book, but it was like trying to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste out of a spent tube. Today is the best day so far, but still not great. I’m assuming it’ll get better? Things will eventually normalize for your corpulent correspondent? How long? What’s the gestation period for something like this? Help me out, won’t you?

Also, how many hours of sleep do you require, before you hit a state of diminishing returns? I think I need seven, but wasn’t always getting it. I still think it’s a ripoff that we need to sleep at all, but whatever. And… what have you done to get a BETTER night’s sleep? Maybe a mattress manufactured after the Clinton Administration? Do you think that would help?

I need to call it a day, my friends.

As a very annoying person used to say to me all the time, see ya on the flip!

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Comments

  1. Ognir says

    January 5, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    I think for me it is sticking to a schedule. I get up at the same time and try to go to sleep at the same time. I never sleep in on weekends or days off.

    Reply
    • Miss Q says

      January 5, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      That sounds suspiciously like bragging.

      Reply
  2. Dogberry says

    January 5, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    Melatonin is my friend.

    Reply
  3. DavidI says

    January 5, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    I usually sleep 6 – 7 hours. Any more than that will make me logy the whole next day. I can get by on 5 hours for a couple days without much trouble. I do best on less sleep rather than more. And I can handle the occasional crazy switch-up. Like this past NYE I went to bed at 4am and got up at 10 and was pretty much good to go for the day. Sure I was dead tired by midnight, but the day was fine. I’m one of those annoying people who hate to sleep. Once my eyes are open I usually hop right up and get the day started.

    Reply
  4. Reefie says

    January 5, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    Years ago, my now ex-husband worked at NASA in the IT department (it was called the computer department back then). He worked the 11:00 pm to 7:00 am shift. He NEVER adjusted to it. He said that when he got off work and the guys wanted to go for a beer (at 7:00 am!) he just had a mental block about it. And shooting pool was certainly out of the question at that time of day. Then there were the meals; should he eat bacon and eggs when he got home at 8:00 am or some sort of dinner food (based on his work schedule, it was dinner time). Then there was sleeping in the day time. He never adjusted to the shift in his schedule and eventually quit the job to get back to working days.

    Hang in there Jeff. You’ve worked crazy shifts for so long now that I’m sure you will adjust…eventually.

    Reply
  5. johnthebasket says

    January 5, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    Everything gets harder as one gets older except the thing you’d prefer to be hard. Sleep is complicated to start with; throw in aging and anxiety and you have a mess you’ll never figure out intellectually. If you feel the need, you might start by reading the Wikipedia article on the neuromodulator adenosine. I’ll wait . . .

    . . . Yeah, someone who reads books and stuff can work their way through the article, but there are 20 rabbit holes and each rabbit hole has 20 more. Our bodies are complicated; our brains and all the factors that regulate sleep are absurdly complex. Our circadian pacemaker isn’t set to exactly 24 hours and doesn’t seem to have a reset button except sunrise, which doesn’t help much if you’re working the 2-10 shift.

    My advice, which is worth just slightly less than the cost, is to give yourself time. People can adapt to any reasonable 24-hour schedule (one involving enough sleep, not much alcohol and other drugs, a quiet, dim sleep environment, and some amount of vigorous physical activity). Statistically, the older you are, the longer it takes to adapt. Don’t take supplements or buy a fancy mattress, unless your current mattress has cartoon-like springs boinging out of it. If you’re still groggy or have problems getting to sleep after three months, go see a neurologist. Don’t try to figure it out on the Web. Don’t go to a chiropractor or other fake doctor. Visit a person who attended an actual medical school, served a residency, and spent two or three years in a fellowship focusing on the brain.

    In the mean time, don’t give up; drift as little as possible; eat at the same times every day; use whatever is left that’s still hard. Hell, you’re still ten years away from the Early-Bird at Applebee’s: your brain will catch on eventually.

    John

    Reply
  6. Doug says

    January 5, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    It is unfair to compare a 20-something’s sleep requirements with that of us old guys. In my twenties I would be at work at 6:30 am, after having partied until 2 am. That came with a post-work mid-afternoon nap thrown in.

    A few years ago I tried to switch myself from a night person to a day person. Now I’m neither.

    Reply
  7. Jorge says

    January 5, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    I do pretty well at coping with weird hours or little to no sleep.

    My record is up at 5 am, work 7-4 pm, go home, touch head-to-pillow at 10 pm, work (making life-and death decisions at times) 10:15 pm to 7:30 pm, bed at 9:30 PM. This was within the last year or two and I felt fine.

    With kids as young as 2 at home there are still plenty of nights of interrupted or abbreviated rest when one or more of those little buggers has a rough night.

    I do have trouble with the midnight shift though. I don’t sleep well through the daytime and when I was only on 4 non-consecutive days per week I wasn’t able to sleep or nap the day/afternoon before a shift which meant I would be up 24 plus hours that first day back.

    Afternoon/evening shift was great.

    I found when I was unemployed several years ago that when left to my own devices I like to go to sleep around midnight at get up at 8am. If I am really working out and living a full life of work, hobbies and exercise 9pm to 5 am was also pretty comfortable.

    Now that I’ve gained more weight I think that I need to 1. get thinner and 2. look into a CPAP to see if that will help my get a deeper rest. People I know who have adapted to it have nothing but good things to say.

    Reply
    • revashanes says

      January 6, 2016 at 6:07 am

      CPAP saved my marriage. Hubster had no problem adapting because he was comatose. I, on the other hand, didn’t help matters when I said he looked like Luke Skywalker recovering in that clear vat of water.

      Reply
  8. madz1962 says

    January 5, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    I just went back to work full time after a 10 month layoff and I’m doing pretty well. Of course, by Saturday I’ll be hugging the pillows all morning. When I was out of work, I tried to get up early but some mornings, especially after a humiliating interview, I didn’t feel like doing jack shit. I was probably drinking more when I was out of work, too. You know – depression and feeling worthless will do that. But now I’m focused on doing a good job and feeling 100% better about myself. Nice to have a boost of confidence!

    I do think we need a new bed, though. I’m starting to get back pains which can only be from the mattress. Sigh… that will be paycheck # 22. I need a new dishwasher first and foremost.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      January 5, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      madz,

      The first sentence of your last paragraph is remarkable. Have you run all the controls? Slept in a different bed for a couple of weeks, ruled out disc problems, hired a PI to make sure your hubby isn’t delivering kidney punches at oh-dark-thirty? It’s certainly not my business, but maybe your underwear is too tight or your purse is too heavy. Have you tried rotating your mattress? Have you tried rotating your tires?

      Sorry you have a sore back, but I was struck dumb by the certainty of your prose. I had to type this with my fingers.

      John

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        January 5, 2016 at 9:15 pm

        John – we have been rotating our time between a regular, good old fashioned bed and a blow up mattress in our other home in Rhode Island. We’re becoming human pretzels. I don’t think there have been any in-the-dark punches being thrown (my hand isn’t swollen) but I have seen fresh bruises. I don’t know what it all means but I haven’t opened the door to any social workers of late.

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          January 6, 2016 at 1:29 am

          Well, you answered my question. Two houses, two beds: the definition of a control group if your back hurts after sleeping in one and not after sleeping in the other.

          If you want to definitively diagnose hubby’s sore lowquarters, stop at the craft store and purchase some of those stick-on glow-in-the-dark stars people plaster on their kids’ bedroom walls. Once he starts snoring, use double sided tape to affix the front of the stars to your knuckles. If his ass looks like the Hayden Planetarium when you wake up for work, you’re fouling him.

          Just trying to be helpful as always.

          jtb

          Reply
          • madz1962 says

            January 7, 2016 at 6:11 pm

            LMAO1 Thanks for your help as always!

            Reply
    • Miss Q says

      January 7, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Congrats on getting back to work!!! Being unemployed sucks.

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        January 7, 2016 at 6:11 pm

        Thank you!

        Reply
  9. Limey says

    January 5, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    I seem to need 8 hours. If I get less than 5 I’m a disaster, I don’t even feel safe driving. I sleep best naked in a cool, dark room with no cats. Most nights I sleep in a room with roaming cats and the blinds up to appease the little fuckers.

    My daughter wakes up at 7 regardless of the time *I* went to bed 🙂

    Reply
    • Miss Q says

      January 7, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      “with no cats”! Bwaaahahahaha!! That really did make me laugh out loud.

      Reply
  10. adam says

    January 6, 2016 at 10:38 am

    http://www.ritzcarltonshops.com

    Mattress, pillows, feather bed topper, sheets. Book a night at one of their hotels to give it a test sleep.

    I’ve got to have at least 6 hours, but I can make it to 10 if I try. I think 7 is my usual.

    Reply
  11. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    January 6, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    I think I sleep rather well, but I will make a point to wake myself in the middle of the night tonight just to see how I am doing.

    Reply
  12. Erin says

    January 7, 2016 at 10:47 am

    I love to get 7.5-8 hours of sweet, beautiful sleep. Instead I get around 6 hours on the regular, which is a huge improvement from college and grad school when I was lucky to get 4 or 5 hours, and came away with a habitually coffee swilling monkey on my back. Last fall I worked many more hours than normal and found myself back in the lucky to get 4 or 5 hours category – I’m not nearly as skilled at it now that I’m nearing 40.

    The only thing that seems to improve my quality of sleep is regular cardiovascular exercise. I hate that this is what it’s come to.

    Reply
  13. chill says

    January 7, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    “Did you sleep well?”

    “No, I made a few mistakes.”

    Reply
  14. Greg S. says

    January 7, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    Google “delayed sleep phase disorder”. Sounds like it might be something you have, your body naturally wanting you to sleep later than a “normal” schedule is a hallmark of it.

    Reply

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