I’m having a jeans crisis. As you guys know, I regularly blow the full ass out of them and need to keep purchasing more. But the ones I like are becoming more and more difficult to find. So, I’m always behind the denim eight ball, forced to buy mysterious brands and unknown styles. And I can’t have that. The ones I like have a specific feel, and a specific fit. But if I buy something else — even if it’s expensive Levi’s or whatever — they’re odd, and I end up walking around adjusting and tugging. Just like when I was going through a horrible underwear crisis a few years back.
A couple of weeks ago I thought I’d found a pair of my old faves at Target, and they were my size. So, I snapped them up, but there’s something off about them. It’s the material. It seemed like the regular stuff, but when I put them on it felt like I was wearing sweatpants. And after about an hour the waist felt like it had increased in size by a full two inches. WTF? I needed suspenders. They’re weird, man.
Like I say, I’ve dabbled with many brands, and none are quite right. Often it’s the location of the crotch nexus. Do you know what I’m talking about? I’m not sure if that’s the actual name of it, but it’s where everything comes together… down in the crotch area. It forms a knot where all the fabric overlaps. And that thing is sometimes too far back. Or at least it feels like it is to me. A properly located crotch nexus is very important. Also, the sizes are completely wacky from brand to brand. I know what size I wear, at least with the old standbys. But when I buy that same size from a different manufacturer, it’s off the wall.
I don’t need this aggravation. I might have to look into buying jeans by mail, which seems ludicrous to me. Hell, it would be such large amounts of fabric God only knows what the shipping would cost. They might have to send them in by rail. It’s something I’d have to look into. And I don’t know the model number, or whatever. Who knows the model number of their favorite pants?? This is bullshit. I’ve been buying the same jeans for 20 years, now they’re nowhere. I’m getting pissed just writing about it. I’m thinking about seeing a counselor.
I was in the bunker last night, moving some shit around, and I spotted something that made me feel a little ashamed. Or sad, maybe. It’s a digital camera I bought, maybe ten years ago. And that bastard was expensive. For me, anyway. My inner-sensors are saying $500. Something in that neighborhood. I also sprang for a fancy-ass bag to carry it in, which was another $70 or somesuch. I mean, this was a significant purchase. I don’t drop that kind of money very often, mostly because I don’t have it. I never have it. But anyway, when I bought this camera I did months of research, and read everything there was to read on the subject. And I finally pulled the trigger on it. …And never really used the thing. I mean, I probably snapped less than 100 photos with it. I had a little $99 Nikon that I was upgrading from, but continued to use. Due to the fact that it was much more convenient and easy, and took fantastic pictures. So, I basically wasted almost $600.
And I’d like to turn that into today’s Question: What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on something that you almost never used? Or the most you spent on something that today feels like a complete waste of money? You know, something along those lines? Please tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And I’m off from work for five days in a row after today. There’s also an option on the table to turn it into six days. Oh, I’m toying with that option, my friends. In any case, I just have to complete my day today, and I’m free! For a little while, at least.
Before I say farewell here, I need to remind you about the Amazon links. Please don’t forget to pass through one of our links, any of them, before doing your holiday shopping. Or your personal shopping… whatever. Just click through, and shop as normal. It’s very easy, and it’ll cost you nothing extra. But it helps me a great deal. Thank you guys!
Also, I posted a new podcast episode at 12:01 am today. It was one of the more difficult episodes for me to record, ’cause I was going against my hardwired instincts during the whole thing. It’s available to patrons right here. And here’s your summary:
I’ve been getting feedback from listeners who tell me I use the phrase “ya know?” way too often in the podcast episodes. I was skeptical, so I listened to a couple of recent installments. And sweet Maria! You guys are right. So, I’m attempting to rid myself of that phrase. I tell you all about it in this one, and struggle to refrain from using the words. Needless to say, there are plenty of barely-related jags as well, and all the normal nonsense. Thank you guys for the support, and thanks for listening!
I’ll be back on Monday, my friends.
Have yourselves a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!
I’m guessing my first wife wouldn’t count. And would sound more sexist than I intend it to.
No, JTB. It counts. Same with second wife. Bust your ass sometimes working 2 jobs to pays for kids needs and nights out for fun. Never appreciated. Never is understood.
As commissioner of the panel on unappreciative wives, I declare your testimony valid and relative.
You need to order your jeans like Lyndon Johnson ordered his pants. Have the makers place the crotch nexus at precisely the right distance from the bunghole.
Exactly what I was going to say.
At least you are not saying Like after every word. That seems to be a young people thing. Due to weight loss – I have bought more pants in the past two years than I have my whole life. I go with Amazon. Currently I find that Lee jeans work. Of course I am no longer wearing blue jeans. So they have to be brown or green or some other color.
Sebastian Valmont says
Bought a fancy ass full-size folding bike from a brand called Montague when I moved to NYC, thinking I’d save money on subway fare. Spent $700 on it, rode it to my sixth floor apartment and left it there for a year until I moved and sold it for $500. I didn’t ride it because riding a bike in New York is insane, and getting the damn thing anywhere was a pain in the ass. I only lost $200, but it was a lesson learned.
Jacuzzi tub, because I so often have a spare hour to soak in a tub. And so doesn’t the missus either.
Jim Britton says
Jeans? I like the Carhartt brand and the Duluth Trading Post trousers.
I think they are weaving spandex into most jeans nowadays. I’m not kidding. It says super stretch right on the label or something. They are all stretchy now which can be a good and bad thing. Sometimes that little extra give can be helpful. But that might explain the sweatpants feel they have now.
As far as purchases go I can’t think of anything offhand but I’m suddenly reminded of a vast collection of neckties I have. For some reason when I was in my 20s I went through a necktie phase even though I don’t ever recall having a job that required one. So now I literally have like 30 or 40 neckties just hanging on this rack in the bedroom collecting dust. they are not even put away they are out in full view.
The Qweezy Mark says
Yeah, you can’t really break in the jeans they’re selling now because of the “flex.” I’ve tried shopping for jeans without the stretch but it’s the same with all of the big brands and even Carharrt has started adding their “flex” line. Pisses me off. If I wanted to wear stretchy pants I would’ve become a ballerina (ballerino?).
Having said that, you need this: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_tCcjI6S-GTw/SdWLstJRQkI/AAAAAAAAAyU/65kuUUEy5uw/s1600/152.+Primo+ballerino+copy.jpg
Duffy is a genius.
The Qweezy Mark says
You guys be damned. I don’t need anything but this convo. made me realize how much I hate my newer jeans after an evening of having my taint’n’scrote smooched because of the stretchy denim. Just did a search and came up with a pair of Levi’s that that JC Penney fella had at his house.
Different colors have different degrees of “elastine” but a couple are 100% denim. If they work out my other jeans can go to Goodwill, or as usual, sit in the corner as a good intention until I get tired of looking at them and just throw them in the trash.
Hate buying jeans online but the ones I want are online only items.
I buy my jeans at Goodwill. I wash them ten times before I wear them, tho. Don’t want the boys playing in the other boys neighborhood. Yes, I’m a Seinfeld fan.
The Qweezy Mark says
Well then, you may be able to find a newish pair at a Goodwill in Austin. 32×34, light blue. Alert, I’ve never worn underwear with jeans in my adult life. I consider it ridiculous. If you are so inclined, your boys will meet my boys. I’m pretty sure I’ve never shit this pair.
Technivorm Moccamaster. An automatic drip coffee maker that cost $275. It does make good coffee, but not any better than the $5 Melitta manual drip cone.
I just spent $40k remodeling the dining room for Thanksgiving… I’ve used my dining room a total of 2 times since I bought this house almost 7 years ago. SOMEONE had to impress their cousin or some such nonsense… what do I know, I just sign the check.
$40k remodeling a dining room. Where the hell do you live? BelAir?
Too close to a Restoration Hardware is where I live.
Are we married to the same woman? Some day I will tell you about our $62K custom-made Country French kitchen cabinets with hand carved $7K Enkeboll corbels plus the $9K Italian tile floor.
Yea, corbels. I cut steel plates for a living and we have a kitchen that costs as much as a Ferrari.
Buying clothes online if you know the size is just so freaking easy. A couple months back I needed some giant Tee shirts for someone who had edema and had blown up virtually overnight. And I needed them now! Instead of driving all over creation when I needed to be elsewhere I got them online in like 10 minutes paid for next day delivery and had them in my washer (New clothes are dirty clothes) by 10 am.
Just wait for a sale and order a half dozen pairs or more. Wash them, fold them and put them away now you have inventory.
Wasted money … I spent $1000 on a pergola and another $1000 on outdoor dining set we never use.
Profiting on other people’s wasted money I got an Italian espresso machine at Goodwill for $4 retail value $695 and a cat fountain for $5 that retails for $80. I also picked up a full length antique Persian Lamb coat for $3.
That Persian Lamb coat is just in time for the Elton John farewell tour. Or for visiting Persia.
That Persian Lamb is WARM! When the wind chill dips below 0 I am covered from neck to ankles it is from the 40’s black and from a furrier.
Jeffrey Gottlieb says
Being 6’8″, jeans have always been a challenge. Levi’s 501’s were the go-to for many years because they cut a 40″ inseam. Wrangler 13MWZ have a 38″ inseam available and now there is a Wrangler Retro Slim Straight in 36×38 which is damn near perfect.
I absolutely hate buying clothes. As a woman, I don’t have that particular shopping gene so I only buy when I get desperate which happened a few months ago. I got a pair of cammo jeggings (I guess jeans and leggings?) from JC Penny and LOVE THEM! Splurged on 2 more pairs. I’m wearing the faux denim jeans one for the first time today and I feel like they’re bagging off my ass. How is that? Maybe different materials? Maybe the fact they’re made by some 7 year old in a 3rd world country?
I really do hate that stretchy shit they put in pants or jeans or jeggings, whatever the hell they’re calling them nowadays. When you wear a belt it feels like the material bunches up and I can’t have what feels like a fist in the small of my back all day.
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEFF! Hope you’re having a fantastic day!
Happy belated Birthday Jeff! We spent about $170 on an industrial caliber carpet shampooer….and have not used it once in 6 years. Our cousin did borrow it once and use it, for what it’s worth.