Granted, I don’t really know the proper way to take a selfie. This was pointed out in the comments on Monday, and it’s right on the money. The way I’m holding my head in this horrendous photo makes it look like I have a pronounced double-chin. Maybe not a full-blown Mitch McConnell, but getting there. And it’s not really true. So, that bothers me.
But the thing that REALLY bothers me is the roundness and the fleshiness. Right? I’ve included, for comparison sake, other round and fleshy folks from throughout history: Bobby Hill and The Bambino. I’m right there with them! Good God. Does Slimfast have a head slenderizer? I need to look into it. What’s next, fingers the size of Snickers bars?
That picture was taken at a fine-dining establishment in Morgantown, WV — a place called Wendy’s — on Sunday afternoon. I met my brother and nephew there as I was drivin’ ‘n’ complainin’ through the area. I’m clinging to the theory that the horrendousness of it all has to do, at least partly, with my poor photography skills. If you think otherwise, please keep it to yourself. Thank you very much.
The trip to West Virginia was nice. Nothing too super-exciting happened; there’s not much to report, really. On Friday we went riding around the area, had lunch off a food truck, and I bought a six-pack of an obscure craft beer that’s only available in West Virginia. Good shit. As you can see at the link, Beer Advocate rates it as EXCEPTIONAL. That’s quite rare.
And since we’re talking about beer… We were in a drugstore at one point and they had a giant craft beer section, as well as (get this!), a huge selection of DRAFT beers. In a drugstore! They sold growlers in all sizes and configurations, and all sorts of microbrews on tap. It was quite jarring, coming from Pennsylvania, where all that stuff is wildly controlled by the state. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but you’re not going to be buying any growlers down at the corner Rite-Aid, that’s for sure.
On Friday night we went to Texas Roadhouse in Huntington for dinner. An aunt and uncle joined us, and everybody’s steaks were perfect, except my dad’s. His was so overcooked it looked like part of a baseball glove. I told him that if he flipped it over there’d probably be a Reggie Jackson autograph on it. He raised some hell about it, which was entertaining. Twenty years ago he would’ve been far more subdued, but now he’s taken it up a notch or two.
And on Saturday we took a drive up to Hawks Nest and the New River Gorge. I’ve been to both many times, but it was fun just spending the day with my folks. It was hotter than penguin piss out there, and I did some bitching about that… which my mother didn’t care for. But I reminded her: “It’s what I do.” Apparently, she forgot? How’s that possible?
The roads up to Hawks Nest are crazy. They’re winding in the extreme. My parents recently took some friends from Iowa up there, and they reportedly “about shit.” It’s wild for first-timers, that’s for sure. But once you’re up there… it’s breathtakingly beautiful. Apparently, they have a catwalk across the bottom of the bridge that you can pay some fee to walk across. However, you’re required to wear a harness and attach to some overhead cable, or somesuch. No chance! I’m not a fan of heights, and if I went out on that thing my genitalia would probably retract — permanently. And I can’t have that.
On Sunday I drove back, and it seemed like it took about 15 hours. Excruciating. I listened to the Reds lose to the Cardinals and a buncha questionable music on SiriusXM. My ass was like a hunk of pine by the end. Sweet Maria. It’s a horrible drive, which is why it rarely happens.
As I mentioned, I did stop to see my brother and nephew in Morgantown. That was nice. But the rest o’ the drive… not so much. Oh well. You gotta do what you gotta do.
I need to go now. Episode 8 of the world famous Jeff Kay Show is up, right here. This is the description:
In this one I discuss my recent trip to West Virginia, dissect the lyrics of a well-known classic rock song, and talk about how I originally rejected one of my all-time favorite TV shows. Also: The Whistle Dick of the Week!
Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of “Night Moves?” Yeah, me either.
I’m going upstairs now, firing up the grill, and cooking up two hot dogs for lunch. Then it’s off to work where many exciting new “opportunities” await. For a Question… I guess let’s go with What Did You Have For Lunch? Not sure why I capitalized all those words, but whatever.
Oh, wait! One more quick thing. My friend Steve was on the local news. Check it out! Good stuff.
I’ll see you guys again on Monday.
Have a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
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I have not had Wendy’s for a long time. Were you at the one in Sabraton?
Pierpont Road exit.
I can’t recall if you like barbecue. If you do – check out Woodburn Shanks Pit BBQ sometime.
I had a grilled shrimp po’ boy, with the requisite remoulade, lettuce and pickles on it, plus hand-cut fries done to near-perfection. The dude at the hole-in-the-wall place where I get this wonderful meal toasts the rolls just right, which I suspect is at least part of what makes the sammich so darn good. Plus, he cooks up six HUGE shrimp, and includes the right proportion of pickles and not-too-much lettuce, and makes his own remoulade. Gets me to nirvana every time. Which is to say, once a week.
Haven’t made it to lunch yet, but when I do it’s likely I’ll be fixing a boring old sandwich in order to use up all the lunch stuff we bought last week on vacation. I think there’s only about a pound left to get through before It goes too God-awful manky.
As for the picture? You’re not a lil’ cub anymore, you’re the LION! Bigger is better! (next time, raises the camera above eye level and look up at it if you want to slenderize a bit, or literally ‘stick your neck out’ if shoot straight-on.)
Lunch: cold pizza and Coke Zero.
The Bobby Hill side-by-side is great! I look so bad in selfies that I have resorted to the age-old tradition of finding some poor sucker to just take the picture for me. They usually come out SO much better that way. But like Tiff said, you need to either position the camera higher than your eye-level, or stick your chin out like a turtle. Neither are great options.
A couple of friends and myself went across the NRG bridge catwalk several years ago. No admission, regulations, supervision, or harnesses involved – just three drunken idiots and poor fencing.
One of my friends took off running while hollering, I was cautiously walking along admiring the missing trap door panels I had to step across, while my other friend lagged behind hollering at us to wait up.
The lead friend eventually disappeared in the fog, only to pop his head up through one of missing hatches as I walked up, nearly giving me a condition that would require abandonment of one’s underdrawers.
My selfies always make me look like I escaped from an asylum. That’s why I think I have maybe 6, 4 of which are delete.
We have a small chain of family owned grocery stores (DeCiccos) and the one closest to us has a bar in it. They sell a jaw dropping 2 aisles worth of craft beers, and the bar features a rotating amount of beers per month and some really good Long Island wines. Who the hell goes to a grocery store to hang out in a bar? LOTS.
My friends and I have termed the long drive rump pain as “pancake ass”, but I like hunk of pine, too!
In a sort of homage to terrestrial radio, Sundays are weird radio days on SiriusXM too. There’s Nordic Rox, Kick Out the Jams, a lot of “let’s talk for 20 minutes about the next obscure song” programs like David Fricke, Bob Dylan has (or had) a completely unintelligible show; and then there’s the live festival broadcasts that they play completely unedited. I don’t want to hear 2 hours of crowd noise at Bonneroo or somesuch. You’d think that with 200 channels, they can keep most of them playing their regular “normal” music.
Oh, chicken salad on rye toast. The chicken was piled high. I could only eat half. And 2 glasses of water.
A yogurt (yoghurt). Exciting times.
The Bobby Hill comparison is only appropriate if your Dad knows how to fix all sorts of stuff and you don’t.
Phantom Railfan says
Lunch: An unsatisfactory order of chicken tenders from Wendy’s. It was my first time ordering them, and they were essentially elongated chicken nuggets, with an elongated price to match. The Wendy’s in my area have really slipped over the last five years or so. I came home after driving my 82 year old father around to his appointments and had a big bowl of Five-Layer-Bean-Dip from Costco with tortilla strips. Much better.
Selfies: Considering I look like a bloated mental patient in even the best pictures I’ve had taken of me, I can’t offer much advice. I’ve been told to hold the camera above and look up, but I dunno…
West Virginia: Haven’t been by Hawk’s Nest or that huge bridge since the early ’90s, but don’t remember the roads being particularly bad in that area. The roads to and from the Cass Scenic Railroad, however, made me feel like I was gonna lose control of the vehicle at any second and hurtle off into a ravine to never be seen again…
Root 66 says
Totally agree on the Wendy’s “tenders”. They are far from it. I’ve tried them twice and both times it was like trying to eat deep-fried styrofoam! Once you’ve had Chick-fil-A or Raisin’ Cane’s chicken tenders, you’ll never go back!
Root 66 says
For lunch: Stouffer’s frozen “Honey Chipotle Chicken”. It tasted mysteriously similar to their BBQ chicken that they have had forever. I think they just boxed up the same ol’ slop and gave it a fancy-pants, trendy name!
I don’t think that I’ve ever taken a selfie…because nobody cares what I do. Heck, I don’t even care!
Here in NW Ohio the main supermarket is Kroger and both of the ones I frequent have full service bars in the center, open noon to 8 pm. You can taste four craft beers for a buck, or four wines for the same. They always have 12 craft beers on tap, mostly from the midwest.
But the kicker is that after you throw down your dollar for the tastes, you can then buy a pint of really good beer and walk around shopping. The carts have drink holders in them! This has changed my entire attitude towards grocery shopping. The only restriction is that if you want something over 9% ABV, there is a two drink limit. We live in the best of times.
Night Moves has that great line: “and points all her own, sittin’ way up high…way up firm and high.” I knew a girl like that once…
A third-rate salad from the cafeteria at work. Sad.
I had the Turkey Bacon Club from Tim Hortons. Very good, but a bit pricey if you don’t go with the combo.
1) You’re at the Leaning Tower of Pizza
2) That Wendy’s was built on a slant
3) Your left leg is about six inches shorter than your right leg.
Ok…next. Get yourself a casting agent, (I have one), send them that “Head Shot”…(it’s an industry term). They love chin dimples and you also have that, “I’m guilty as fuck but you’ll never prove it”, look. CSI loves that shit.
And then there’s that cool high school baseball coach that gets eaten by Zombies thing you got going for you. Total character actor face. If you have partially removable teeth, all the better. You’re no Jack Elam, but…….
What I can’t get over… Jeff, that is not jiffy pop hair! It’s nice and groomed my friend.
Something ain’t right with that boy. Just sayin’.
Did I read that KotH is coming back?
I read that too, then heard nothing more. Luanne would be a problem. At its best KotH was superb.
Surreal Killer says
Man I can’t stand Bob Seger’s music. I won’t talk poorly of the man, because for all I know he has donated all of his money to curing childhood diseases. I do know one thing though: In space, no one can hear you scream. You also can’t hear Bob Seger in space, so that’s a plus.