Granted, I don’t really know the proper way to take a selfie. This was pointed out in the comments on Monday, and it’s right on the money. The way I’m holding my head in this horrendous photo makes it look like I have a pronounced double-chin. Maybe not a full-blown Mitch McConnell, but getting there. And it’s not really true. So, that bothers me.
But the thing that REALLY bothers me is the roundness and the fleshiness. Right? I’ve included, for comparison sake, other round and fleshy folks from throughout history: Bobby Hill and The Bambino. I’m right there with them! Good God. Does Slimfast have a head slenderizer? I need to look into it. What’s next, fingers the size of Snickers bars?
That picture was taken at a fine-dining establishment in Morgantown, WV — a place called Wendy’s — on Sunday afternoon. I met my brother and nephew there as I was drivin’ ‘n’ complainin’ through the area. I’m clinging to the theory that the horrendousness of it all has to do, at least partly, with my poor photography skills. If you think otherwise, please keep it to yourself. Thank you very much.
The trip to West Virginia was nice. Nothing too super-exciting happened; there’s not much to report, really. On Friday we went riding around the area, had lunch off a food truck, and I bought a six-pack of an obscure craft beer that’s only available in West Virginia. Good shit. As you can see at the link, Beer Advocate rates it as EXCEPTIONAL. That’s quite rare.
And since we’re talking about beer… We were in a drugstore at one point and they had a giant craft beer section, as well as (get this!), a huge selection of DRAFT beers. In a drugstore! They sold growlers in all sizes and configurations, and all sorts of microbrews on tap. It was quite jarring, coming from Pennsylvania, where all that stuff is wildly controlled by the state. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but you’re not going to be buying any growlers down at the corner Rite-Aid, that’s for sure.
On Friday night we went to Texas Roadhouse in Huntington for dinner. An aunt and uncle joined us, and everybody’s steaks were perfect, except my dad’s. His was so overcooked it looked like part of a baseball glove. I told him that if he flipped it over there’d probably be a Reggie Jackson autograph on it. He raised some hell about it, which was entertaining. Twenty years ago he would’ve been far more subdued, but now he’s taken it up a notch or two.
And on Saturday we took a drive up to Hawks Nest and the New River Gorge. I’ve been to both many times, but it was fun just spending the day with my folks. It was hotter than penguin piss out there, and I did some bitching about that… which my mother didn’t care for. But I reminded her: “It’s what I do.” Apparently, she forgot? How’s that possible?
The roads up to Hawks Nest are crazy. They’re winding in the extreme. My parents recently took some friends from Iowa up there, and they reportedly “about shit.” It’s wild for first-timers, that’s for sure. But once you’re up there… it’s breathtakingly beautiful. Apparently, they have a catwalk across the bottom of the bridge that you can pay some fee to walk across. However, you’re required to wear a harness and attach to some overhead cable, or somesuch. No chance! I’m not a fan of heights, and if I went out on that thing my genitalia would probably retract — permanently. And I can’t have that.
On Sunday I drove back, and it seemed like it took about 15 hours. Excruciating. I listened to the Reds lose to the Cardinals and a buncha questionable music on SiriusXM. My ass was like a hunk of pine by the end. Sweet Maria. It’s a horrible drive, which is why it rarely happens.
As I mentioned, I did stop to see my brother and nephew in Morgantown. That was nice. But the rest o’ the drive… not so much. Oh well. You gotta do what you gotta do.
I need to go now. Episode 8 of the world famous Jeff Kay Show is up, right here. This is the description:
In this one I discuss my recent trip to West Virginia, dissect the lyrics of a well-known classic rock song, and talk about how I originally rejected one of my all-time favorite TV shows. Also: The Whistle Dick of the Week!
Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of “Night Moves?” Yeah, me either.
I’m going upstairs now, firing up the grill, and cooking up two hot dogs for lunch. Then it’s off to work where many exciting new “opportunities” await. For a Question… I guess let’s go with What Did You Have For Lunch? Not sure why I capitalized all those words, but whatever.
Oh, wait! One more quick thing. My friend Steve was on the local news. Check it out! Good stuff.
I’ll see you guys again on Monday.
Have a great weekend!