There’s not a lot going on here. In fact, it’s fairly boring and somewhat depressing. This weather is ridiculous, which doesn’t help. A few night ago it was 55 when I left work (down from almost 70 earlier in the day), and by the time I arrived at the grocery store near our house… it was 43. So, it dropped 12 degrees in about 40 minutes. And by the time I went to bed that night, it was goddamn Ice Station Zebra outside. So, it went from ridiculously warm to ridiculously cold in a very abbreviated amount of time. And it’s been slick and disgusting ever since. Every time I walk to my car there’s a 35% chance I’ll fall and explode my pelvis. I’ve had enough already. This is utter bullshit.
Today I’m engaging in the ultimate sin, and just grabbing something off Facebook and going with it. I find this thing somewhat interesting, so we can make of it what we will. Screw it. I’m getting a late start (NOT my fault, ahem), and am fairly irritated.
So, you’re supposed to give yourself one point for each of the activities above that “you’ve never done.” My score is 14, which feels high. Please share your score in the comments.
Here’s my Never Done list:
Broken a bone Yeah, I can skip this particular life experience, thank you very much. My pelvis, of course, is the most vulnerable. It could potentially turn to dust every time I leave the house.
Been skydiving This will never happen. Because I’m not INSANE.
Had braces I can’t see this happening at this late date, either. Maybe on my legs after the polio kicks in?
Gotten a massage Yeah, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put this in the WILL NEVER HAPPEN category, but it’s highly unlikely. I’d be too self-conscious because of the big pile of quivering white flab I’d bring to the proceedings. Plus, I’d be worried they’d press on me somewhere and I’d let loose a tugboat blast of flatulence.
Gotten a tattoo This will never happen either. I have no interest. I don’t have a problem with tattoos, they’re just not for me. Ya know? I casually considered the Pillsbury Doughboy on my left forearm years ago, but that moment has long-since passed.
Dyed my hair It’s never crossed my mind, even though I’m now gray as a motherfucker.
Given birth Probably not in the cards for me.
Sung karaoke Sung? Is that correct? Seems wrong. In any case, you’ve got to be kidding me, right? I cannot envision a scenario, in this life or the next, in which this might possibly happen.
Gone scuba diving I’ve never done it, but am not opposed. Do they have wetsuits in a husky?
Gone zip lining No. Never. These are the things mental patients do.
Gone skinny dipping Hilarious.
Been in an ambulance Thankfully.
Been on a cruise I’d like to do this someday, just for the experience. Maybe an Alaskan cruise? With a 24-hour nacho bar?
Gotten anything pierced Never going to happen. I’ll just go with the factory-installed holes. They’ve served me well so far.
Now it’s your turn. Use the comments section to weigh in on this ridiculousness. Please tell us your score, and share your thoughts. Are there any items on the list that you’ve done, but hope to never do again? You can put sushi down for me. I tried it several times and didn’t care for it. There was a not a drop of pleasure derived from the exercise. What about you?
I need to call it a day, boys and girls.
Thanks for stopping by! I’ll see you again soon.
Now playing in the bunker
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One from the list, one on this list?
Biased list, half the planet can’t get a perfect score (giving birth), need to add getting your wang stuck in something non-human or something for balance. I haven’t BTW.
A no to – skydiving, braces, massage, tattoo, dyed hair, given birth, karaoke, food off floor, piercings.
I haven’t logged into facebook for at least a decade either. Looks like it’s still a quality place.
Mildly depressed?! I haven’t had anything with many carbs, and little sugar, and no alcohol, for 15 days. 2F out? And a salmon salad with a glass of water for dinner? Yay.
I don’t consider myself an adventurous person per se, but there are only 6 of these I haven’t done: skydiving, tattoo, given birth, scuba diving, met someone famous, been on a cruise.
Many of the adventurous ones were as a kid/teen (well, the first times at least): skipped school, fired gun, rode limo, swam ocean, dyed hair, Star Wars, rode horse, got ticket, rode train, zip lining, camping, floor food (EVERYBODY has, right?), traveled out of country, been on TV, gotten piercing.
Unfortunately the ambulance was in 2017. Twice. Here’s to a new year!
5 no skydiving, braces, given birth, eaten sushi or gotten a tattoo. They had to move me to the MRI machine across the street in an ambulance from the main hospital so I guess that still counts.
2. No Sky diving and no giving birth.
I still have time to sky dive.
Crazy 8 for me.
No sky diving, no braces, no tattoos, no Star Wars. not given birth, gone scuba diving, eaten sushi, been on a cruise.
I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen Star Wars – any of them – in their entirety.
I am 55 but kinda want to get braces.
I’m too claustrophobic to want to try scuba diving.
The “given birth” should be stricken from the list. I’m a woman who has never given birth, and, despite what The National Enquirer says, I don’t know of any man who can make that claim.
For what it’s worth, Madz, I’m pretty claustrophobic but scuba diving doesn’t set it off at all. That first breath underwater had to be taken against the advice of every brain cell screaming “you’re going to kill us all!” but it was completely fine after that. And once you’re under the surface, even seasickness goes away.
(Obviously, seasick claustrophobes like me should avoid cruises. I got an 8 with a slightly different list to yours.)
Thanks, Philippa! My husband is a certified diver – took training with the local fire department. Maybe I will reconsider!
-Skydiving – nope. Just nope. It takes a special kind of dumb to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.
-Braces – Not a priority for my family, even though my bottom teeth look like an old picket fence.
-Tattoo – Nothing is cool forever. A tattoo is a Members Only jacket you can never take off
-Given Birth – do not possess the required plumbing
-SCUBA diving – opportunity has never presented itself, but I’m open
-Ambulance – just lucky on this one
-Cruise – will probably do this one in the next couple of years
-Piercing – no thanks.
I live alone so I have no qualms eating food from the floor. Some day I’ll go scuba diving but jumping out of an airplane is definitely not on the list.
I’m a 5 and would have been a 6 had I not been dragged to Star Wars last month.
No skydiving, tattoos, dyed hair, giving birth or braces (assuming teeth, though, because I did have a leg brace after a college incident).
Let’s see . . . Never
1. Skipped school – too late
2. Been skydiving – still time to remedy this one
3. Ridden in a limo – no desire
4. Sung karaoke – kids say that is a big no no
5. Gone scuba diving – still might
6. Gone zip lining – no plans for this one
7. Been in an ambulance – thankfully
8. Been on tv – managed to stay off Cops
So, 8. At 56 that’s pretty good I’d say.
I should be exempt from the ambulance one since I wasn’t the patient; I sat up front and talked to the driver. 14 or 15 then, depending.
Yes, my ambulance ride was to accompany my uncle. We were desperate to get him into a hospital so they would perhaps transfer him to hospice (he had lung cancer). Despite having earned 2 purple hearts in WWII, he was denied because he wasn’t ill enough.
It took almost 2 weeks to get him into hospice with a special guardian angel nurse who pulled a lot of strings.
The man was gone within 4 days.
Jeffrey Gottlieb says
Wow, I’m scoring a 15. Can it be that I haven’t really lived at all?!?
Skydiving – will not even consider
Ridden in a limo – but I did sit in a stationary one once
Had braces – but I did have a spacer when I was young
Gotten a massage – not that much of a touchy-feely person
Gotten a tattoo – not into the permanency thing
Dyed my hair – now about 80% gone, so that’s a no
Ridden a horse – I can’t rule this out, as we did have family in Mississippi when I was young
Given birth – hey, I’m no Jenner
Scuba diving – not really interested
Sushi – Decided against it when I found out we discovered fire
Zip lining – not yet, but can’t rule it out completely
Skinny dipping – this is the one that hurts – how have I never done this????
Been on TV
Been on a cruise – this will almost certainly come off as soon as I retire
Had anything pierced – Not the slightest inclination
Lucie in Tampa says
i’m 55 yearsold and I haven’t broken a bone, skipped school ( I’m a nerd), skydiving, braces, no tattoos, no karaoke, scuba diving (have been snorkling), zip lining (may go soon with our Scout troop), food from floor (recently, don’t know if I did when younger), skinny dipping, and ambulance. Not bad.
17 here. I don’t care to enumerate all of them, but I’ll throw in some highlights:
– Being male, I have never given birth
– Good sushi is delicious
– I’ve lost count of my speeding tickets
– On TV in a station promo; didn’t know I was being taped
– Is there non-ocean swimming?
– Do subways count as trains?
– Why would anybody want a tattoo?
And I don’t know this list’s provenance or target audience, but there are a couple of things conspicuous by their absence: “Had sexual intercourse” and “Finished in the money in a ski race.” As well as the usual “medalled in the Olympics” and so forth.
Root 66 says
I scored 17 as well…maybe I just need to get out more! That being said, sushi will never happen, neither will giving birth, piercings or tattoos. I can’t really dye my hair either, unless back or chest hair is an option! Sky diving, SCUBA diving and zip-lining are still viable bucket list items, though.
A cruise might be nice right now, too–especially since it is currently a whopping 3 degrees here in K’lumbus Ahia!
Weather: Friday I was driving home from work. The radio was talking about sleet and snow and ridiculous temperatures for Saturday. At that moment, the car’s outside air temperature gauge was showing 70F.
Never broke a bone and its not on the bucket list.
No tattoos (love the Members Only analogy)
No piercings, hair dye or birth giving, all of which I feel are reserved for women
Skydiving holds no appeal and I’d be worried about the possible catastrophic effects on my lumbar region during landing.
For what it’s worth, I used to be a SCUBA instructor and it was a blast. Coolest dive- the Niagra River above the falls.
Also, I’ve never been a patient but I’ve transported patients by ambulance in between hospitals when their diameter has exceeded that of our MRI machines bore.
Surreal Killer says
I scored a 9. I suppose I’ll try zip-lining and scuba diving at some point. Maybe even (tandem) skydiving. Never took a limo or ambulance ride, or got a tattoo, no braces, wrong plumbing for birthing no babies. I’d be willing to get on that Alaskan cruise with 24 hour nacho bar as well, but not one of the more typical senior citizen cruise with hundreds of passengers sharing the stomach flu.
Surreal Killer says
I’ve never taken a ride in a helicopter or a motorcycle side-car either. Since these items seem to be sorta random, I thought I’d throw in those extra two.
Now that you mention it, I’ve always thought it would be fun to learn to fly a helicopter.
I haven’t: Skydove? Skydived? Neither look right. Skipped school; Limoed; Been massaged; Tattooed; Dyed hair; Birthed anything; SCUBAed; Skinny dipped; Cruised; or Pierced.
Two can’t happen: Too late to skip school and wired wrong for birthing.
Seven I’d consider in the right circumstances: Skydivin’, limo ridin’, massage gettin’, hair dyein’, SCUBAin’, skinny-dippin’, and crusin’. (They sound better if you drop the “g”)
Two never gonna happen: Tattooed or pierced. No needless needles; mandatory are bad enough.
I’m in Tennessee visiting my aged old mom and was going home tomorrow. Whaaah, its snowing like a SOB!! Whaaah I wanna get back to relatively warm weather.
Wow, the new sauce they put on the roads in place of salt is amazing. By 10am I was zipping through Knoxville and made it home in record time.
I’d rather talk about shit I have done.
I have been sky diving. A group of us went for a friend’s 40th birthday. It wasn’t very exciting. I don’t get torqued up for stuff like that. The best part was the lady I want strapped to.
Since it was my first falling-out-of-a-plane i had to be in tandem with an instructor. Since I’m a fat ass, they had to put me with the smallest little skydiving instructor girl. She had to be 115 pounds to my 220. (I’m down to 200 now).
“I thought, huh, okay, I guess I’ll wear her like a backpack or something.”
I was only sorta right.
She was tethered onto my back. But I was the one that was being worn.
We were nearest to the nose of the plane and the hole in the fuselage where you jump out is near the back. When it came to our turn she sad “I need you to hold your legs in the air and DO NOT try to help me.”
Before I could figure out how I was going to walk with my legs in the air she lifted me up onto her chest.
She was in crab walk position with me on top of her (facing up) like a baby in a front harness. She started crab walking my fat ass to the hole in the wall and said
I am going to push us out…”
I interrupt here because I want to tell you what I was thinking. I thought she was saying, “I am going to push us out on the count of three.” Wrong.
“…now.” And we exited the aircraft.
It didn’t feel like much. If just felt really windy. She explained how fast we were traveling and how far we were falling. Then she popped the chute. (as we say). Then we drifted around for while. I looked at her and asked “is that it?”
“yeah” she said. “You don’t think it was exciting?
I told her it was a nice view of the earth, but nothing to get excited about. She said some people don’t find skydiving a thrill, and pretty much the only thing other than that that may give me thrill is bungee jumping.
Then we started talking about how convenient the little café on the airfield is. She really liked when they opened up because since she works on the airfield as a jump instructor she would have to bring her lunch or drive into town 20 minutes away to get lunch. Then we landed.
I broke a bone once in a lawnmower. I was cutting grass at someone’s house and their kid left a toy out. I parked the riding mower, but left the blade spinning, and got off to move the toys out of the way. One the way back to the mower there was a slick mud patch. My foot slipped into the out hole of the mower and hit the blade. Broke my foot. By the time I crawled to the back porch my foot had already swollen up in my shoe so bad that I had to cut the shoe off my foot.
Bad part is, I broke my foot.
Good part is, I got a day off work from the oil field the next day.
Worse part, I did have to go in the day after though, with a swollen foot and a boot toe cut open
Better part, still have all my toes and none are too crooked.
Been shooting guns since I was as 4 years old.
Last time I went swimming in the ocean a had a small school of jelly fish drift across me. I was 15 or 16 years old. I didn’t feel anything at first so I knew in had a limited time to get out of the water before I wanted to set my skin on fire. I chugged it to the ankle deep beach water and fell down. Then the pain came.
All I could do was yell “CHRIS! CHRIS!CHRISCHRIS!” over and over (Chris is my older brother.
I couldn’t move. I was shuddering in shock/pain. I remember it hurting, but not any worse than a handfuls of bee stings. I just couldn’t move. I was scared/in shock/poisoned by whatever the jellyfish were.
He had to carry me back to the house were staying at. Nobody knew what to do so I laid in a cold shower for a few hours. The ever responsible adults didn’t think to call the ambulance. (Bah, he’ll be alright.” they said. Eventually I was able to get up and move around. I was busted for a day and a half after that.
Damn! I guess you can laugh about it now, but at the time the jellyfish experience must have been harrowing.
I scored 3, believe it or not. I have not skydived, sung karaoke or done scuba diving ( although I snorkeled in Hawaii and Mexico.
Using booze as a social lubricant during my early years, I easily scored 18, …avoiding both a tattoo and dyed hair even after drinking. I was there when both my daughters were born, not the same as giving birth but not being possible, it was the best I could do…no points here. A great deal of appreciation to momma.
I’ve eaten sushi many times and have decided that I like it because of the soy sauce-wasabi … a beef-on-wek would be differently toothsome with the same Japanese condiment combo.
Heh, “factory-installed holes”.
Lew in Bama says
5…with some qualifiers.
Never been skydiving, not for lack of want…although now that I’m a mom, probably a risk better not taken
Never been scuba diving
Never been zip lining
Never ridden in am ambulance…thankfully.
Never been on a cruise. No desire to be trapped on the ocean in a floating tin can of germs.
Train ride…does the monorail at Disney count?
Met someone famous…I’ve known several musicians before they became moderately famous, they all played the local bar scene here in the 90’s and 00’s. Bo Bice of American Idol, Musician and writer Gary Nichols, Dave Anderson of Brother Cane, and I’m sure others I can’t think of right now.
John Stallworth is from here, and still lives here. I knew his kids when I was younger, I’m pretty sure I probably met him as well.
Moving on, there is a new Netflix movie out that tells the story about what Jeff describes as the genesis, or at least the alpha, of his comedy mind: “A Futile and Stupid Gesture”. Of course, it’s about Doug Kenney, the Harvard Lampoon, the National Lampoon, Animal House, Caddyshack, and the people who projected Kenney’s dreams and nightmares onto newsprint and celluloid. There’s an interview with director David Wain in the Daily Beast if you’re interested . . .
The “NO” category:
Braces: Thank the lord.
Birth: I’m a dude.
Scuba: No, but that looks freaking awesome!
Ambulance: Not yet, but I’m sure it’s coming.
Cruise: Does a river boat cruise count? I practically live on the Mississippi. Ocean cruise? Not sure I want to do that. The ex-wife and I had an encounter with some cruise people while in town on our honeymoon in Cozumel and we walked away saying; this is why people hate Americans.
Wait, I might have been on a cruise after all. I went to a friend’s wedding, which was held aboard a “cruise ship” on Lake George. This was nothing like a multi-day Carnival or Disney disease-fest through the Carribean, but rather a three hour tour (yes!) driving around on the lake. Mazel Tov, open bar, flick your butts over the side, go home. Very nice.
It’s mildly interesting that, based on what people say they haven’t done, most reporters have gone skinny dipping, fired a gun, and ridden a horse. I can think of no reason that one couldn’t perform these acts simultaneously. You’d have to ride high in the saddle and keep your powder dry, but it’s possible.
I guess that’s why I’m not on facebook. The banal, like my hairline and other equipment, needs enhancement.
At least two of those acts would require some user training before they could be done in some semblance of safety.
I, too, am facebook-free. I get spied-upon and marketed-to enough as it is; I won’t be volunteering for more.
I used to shoot a bow and arrow from Wilbers back. True. Never tried it naked, horse hair in the who-ha is out of the question.
Kevin H. Nalty says
No cruise, tattoo or birth yet. So I guess I’m a 3. Open to all three, but the birth thing is going to be a bit difficult since I lack a womb or sex.
Lack a Womb sounds like a grreat band name.
I think that Madonna singer cut a song something like that. Lack a Virgin, I think it was. Sounds like the contrary of yours, or maybe the contrapositive. Also, I think Reynolds Wrap or one of the other heavy metal companies used to say, “Without sex, life itself would be impossible.” Kevin H. Nalty is going without, and I know exactly how he feels.