English Settlement by XTC is one of my favorite albums, and it continues to provide for me in my old age. In fact, it inspired today’s update. I was listening to it at work a few nights ago, and the song “Senses Working Overtime” caused me to start thinking about the five senses, and which one I’d give up, if I was forced to choose.
Weird, I know. But I work ten hour shifts, and things start to go wonky near the end…
So, let’s forget about the feasibility of such a premise, and focus on the pros and cons of each sense. Then, once the evidence has been examined, we can make a final choice on which would be the easiest to do without. OK? OK.
I’ll list them as XTC does…
See I don’t believe too many people would choose to give this one up; it’s a pretty kick-ass sense, all things considered. Sure, people can function without it, but I don’t anticipate many volunteers.
If we can see, we can use the internet and watch TV and make sure our “friends” haven’t slipped a cow ball into our bowl of beef stew. We can appreciate the beauty (or otherwise) of our surroundings, watch a baseball game on a warm June evening, and play the Wal-Mart Game.
And it’s also the one I worry about the most. My eyesight isn’t the greatest, and I’m concerned that they’ll be measuring me for a service animal in the not-too-distant future. How will I write? How will I read? I don’t have anywhere near the patience required to learn new methods.
You know how everybody who’s dealt with some sort of disability is always called “courageous?” Well, that won’t be me. My obituary will read “Later in life Jeff dealt with his blindness angrily and disgracefully, causing family members to fantasize about smothering him with a pillow. It certainly would’ve been easy to sneak up on the prick…”
So yeah, I’m quite partial to See.
Hear This is the second of the Big Two, another superpower in the world of human perception.
Hearing allows us to easily communicate with one another, enjoy music and radio programs, and submerge ourselves in the world at large. Loss of hearing, I believe, would be quite isolating, and there’s no way I’d check that box on the Give Up a Sense! card. (WTF?)
I don’t have any concerns about losing my hearing, but my ears aren’t the greatest. Oh, they function reasonably well, but they’re prone to problems. It’s something I inherited from my father, and which I’ve passed on to my own son. How cool is that?
My ears seal-off, you see, and I end up walking around in a weird fog for a few days. It’s awful, and I’ve been dealing with it all my life. My dad calls it “swimmer’s ear,” but I don’t think that’s completely accurate. I’ve been to doctors, and it has something to do with the tubing, and whatnot. Our ear tubes are a little narrower than the average, and there’s an issue with fluid…
People who don’t deal with this periodic sealing-off always believe it has something to do with earwax. “You need to have the wax blasted out of there…” they say in the tone of an expert. But they don’t know what they’re talking about, and I hate them oh so much.
Anyway… just having my hearing limited for a few days sucks more than you might think, and I’ll be holding on to this one, thank you very much. I’m quite protective of Hear.
Smell I could’ve gone without this one a couple of weekends ago, when I attended a swim meet in Wilkes-Barre. It was roughly a thousand degrees inside that facility, and somebody’s pits were alive with bacterial activity. Fizzing, in fact. Blecch.
But, on the other hand, I love the smell of cookies baking in the oven. And the way it smells outside on a spring morning. And new electronics straight out of the box. I also enjoy the smell of a recently-compressed skunk sac, while driving. What of it?
However, I consider this to be one of the lesser senses. I know a person who had brain surgery a few years ago, and claims to have lost her sense of smell, completely. It’s not ideal, she says, but it’s also not the end of the world.
This one is important, but I think it ranks far below the Big Two. Am I wrong?
Touch I’m unclear on this one. Touch? Does that mean, simply, that when you touch something with your hand or feet or whatever, you can’t feel it? Well, that would be pretty weird, but I think I could deal with it.
I’m probably missing something, but I’m going to have to choose this sense as the one I’d sacrifice. I’ve never heard of someone losing their sense of touch. Have you? Will that earn you a handicap placard? How about a telethon? I wouldn’t think so.
Help me out with this one, won’t you? It seems like a slam-dunk, so I’m probably not thinking of something important. Touch? Ha! I laugh in your face… until further notice.
Taste Are you kidding?! This is number three in my world. I mean, seriously. To never again taste a number one with cheese, no pickles, and a Coke? Shit! Will somebody please hold me?
And the golden elixir!
No way. Taste is one of my “protected players,” and everyone can just move along now. That thought needs to be perished from the world’s mind. I mean, Taste is largely responsible for me being able to maintain my powerful upper body. And that’s very important to me…
Now it’s your turn. In the comments section, please tell us which sense you’d give up, if you were forced to choose one. Also, where did I go wrong in my scientific analysis? My deep, considered analysis?
Thanks for you input on this important matter, and I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great day, boys and girls.