We made some tactical errors, completely our fault, but it was a good trip nonetheless. For one thing, we left too late. Check-in at the hotel is at 4, and we didn’t leave our house until almost noon. It’s a three-hour ride — supposedly — and we were putting way too much emphasis on that 4 o’clock restriction. In retrospect, we should’ve left early in the morning, parked our car inside the Caesars garage, and started the day before we had access to the room. It feels like we sometimes do some stupid shit. Oh well.
Traffic in Philadelphia was horrendous, as usual, and we didn’t arrive until 4:15. This is Dupree who checked us in at the main counter. I tried to make him laugh a couple of times, but was not successful. Dupree was nothing if not stoic.
The room was nice, with a great view o’ the ocean. As you can see below, it wasn’t super-sunny out, but it was relatively warm. Toney wanted to change clothes, but I was itching to get the party started. It was late in the day already, and we’d just rolled into town. I was in no mood for lounging and watching the syringes and bloody gauze wash up on the shore.
The bathroom was a little weird. It had a sliding fiberglass barn-door type situation with large open gaps on both sides of it. So, if you were getting out of the shower, somebody could easily walk past and see your entire ass and/or wang. Or whatever. I didn’t care for that. The toilet was inside another room — a room inside a room — so at least there wouldn’t be any public wipings or anything. Sometimes that fancy stuff doesn’t make practical sense. Right? What’s wrong with just a normal door? Normal doors have served us well for centuries.
We had a beer in the room, from our white trash carry-in cooler, and went downstairs shortly after arriving. Happy Hour at Gordon Ramsay’s Pub was still running until 5. We had to hurry to get even one half-price pint there.
We looked at the draft beer list and, as usual, I found it to be fairly predictable. Somebody should allow me to choose their beer selection. I mean, it wasn’t bad, it’s just… what every place like that offers. Ya know? We went with Fuller’s ESB, and they were $4.50 each — usually $9. I find that to be ludicrous, but whatever. The beer was good, and we’d vowed to only have one at each stop, and keep moving.
Here’s our bartender serving us the first of what I was hoping would be many adult beverages. I sent the photo to my brother with the caption “It begins…”
Toney suggested we get dinner, and we’d pre-chosen a place in the Tropicana called Broadway Burger Bar. I was assured that it’s just a short stroll down the boardwalk. Just seventeen minutes, according to Google. I already had two beers in my great belly and frowned at this news. Who wants to take a walk in the middle of a “session.” Not me, that’s who.
But it wasn’t bad. It felt good to get outside. It was a little stuffy inside Caesars, and the cool air was nice. The boardwalk was sparsely populated, but far from empty. We walked past a giant billboard advertising a future appearance by Rod Stewart, with special guest Cyndi Lauper. Some cynical woman walking past said, “Ha. Cyndi Lauper. That’s hilarious.” It rubbed me the wrong way. If you’re going to be cynical and negative, at least approach it creatively. Just shitting on everything does nothing to benefit humanity. In fact, it’s a drain. I wanted to holler, “Yes, not all of us can work in a State Farm office in Ass Zits, New Hampshire!” But, of course, I just kept walking.
As soon as we walked through the doors of the The Tropicana we were hit with a wave of heat, followed quickly by a tidal wave of cig smoke. Sweet sainted mother of Aldo Nova! Clearly, they not only allow smoking in that place, but they encourage it. Possibly even require it. I’m not a fan and was instantly frowning. Where is this goddamn burger place? We need to get out of this hellish emphysema hotbox.
And we walked… and walked… and walked… That casino is sprawling and we could not find the restaurant. They had fancy interactive directories that did nothing but confuse us further. It was so freaking hot in there I couldn’t believe it. And the smoke was entering my body from every angle. It looked like the clientele was a little on the riff-raff side, and my good mood was fading. Oh, it was fading.
We finally found it, and they led us to a dark dining room deep in the bowels of the place. Before we even sat down I was bitching about the darkness. “I guess we should’ve brought our coal miner helmets,” I said to whoever wanted to listen. Indeed, I couldn’t see the menu. I had my phone out, with the flashlight app engaged… What the hell, man?
We both ordered cheeseburgers, and a Cape May IPA. Again, it was the only thing on the beer list that was mildly intriguing. The waiter said, “Good choice!” And I wanted to say, “Thank you, but we’ve already had enough smoke blown up our asses just walking through this shithole.” Also, I asked what came on the burgers, and he said lettuce, tomato, and pickles. And there’s ketchup, mustard, and mayo on the table. “So, no onions?” I asked. I like onions on a burger. It’s an important component, right? The dude acted like he was taken aback by my exotic request. Like I’d asked for a pineapple ring or something. But he promised to look into it. Crazy.
As it turned out, the burgers were fantastic. Possibly one of the best I’ve ever had. I don’t know if I was just hungry, or what. But that shit was excellent. The beers — served in a super-pretentious brandy snifter-type deal — was OK. I don’t think the boys at Dogfish Head have anything to worry about, though.
But the whole ordeal — the frustration of not being able to find the place, the walking, the high-heat, and the cig smoke — kinda broke us. Neither of us was now in the mood to continue our self-curated pub crawl. As we walked back to Caesars the boardwalk was deader than Kelsey’s nuts. We discussed having a beer at a place called The Continental, but screw it. The spell was broken. We returned to the room. and had another Founders All-Day IPA from the hillbilly cooler, took in the view for a little while, and turned in early. It’s a sad state of affairs: so easily knocked off our game…
The next morning I went downstairs and got us two large coffees from an over-the-top pastry/coffee shop. They had stuff stacked in that place like they were expecting thousands of people to descend upon them within the hour. I also ordered a chocolate chip cookie with a circumference only slightly smaller than a steering wheel, for us to share.
Then we visited a breakfast buffet, for $19.99 each. The food was good. Toney went to the omelet station and had the dude in the Chef Boyardee outfit create something to her specifications. I just stuck with the tried and true: scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, etc. It was all very good. Expensive, though. Am I wrong?
It was a sunny day, and we walked around looking at the ocean and just taking it all in. It was nice. Good to get away. The ride home was aggravating, because of the Philly traffic again. This time it was worse than the last time. We were literally sitting in PARK for extended periods. That’s not good for the ol’ blood pressure. But I maintained. I didn’t blow a gasket or anything. Just some mild muttering of profanity, and many changes of the SiriusXM dial. SiriusXM was my musical pacifier.
When we got home I went straight to the car wash and knocked all the road filth off my new car. I’m still in the mode of keeping it shiny and clean. That’ll pass, of course. But it’s where I am now.
So, I’d rate the trip a B. We should’ve left earlier on Sunday, and not ventured far from Caesars that night. That place has a dozen or more restaurants and bars in it. We didn’t need to hoof it to that Pall Mall sweat lodge at The Tropicana. But, it’s a lesson for next time. It was fun, and not super-expensive. We’ve vowed to do these little quickie getaways from now on. This was a good start in that direction.
And the kids? Nothing horrible happened, as far as I know. There were some shenanigans, apparently, but I don’t believe the cops or the military were summoned. And the house was still standing when we returned, so I consider it a win.
For a Question, I mentioned SiriusXM. It, of course, requires a monthly subscription fee. After my first six months are done, anyway. I’d like to know what subscriptions you pay for monthly. Use the comments. I finally canceled eMusic, after ten years. But I still subscribe to SiriusXM, Spotify, Texture (a magazine app), MLB At Bat, Netflix, and Hulu. What about you? Bring us up to date on it, won’t you?
And I’m going to work now. You guys have yourselves a great day.
I’ll see you again soon.
Now playing in the bunker
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Just Amazon Prime and Netflix – I’d like to have the British streaming deal – but don’t want to spend more money. Did you listen to Bruce’s song Atlantic City anytime during your trip?
Hey, I work at the State Farm in AssZits New Hampshire…..what of it?
We have so many I’m embarrassed to even put down . I pretend not to see them on my cc statement. For starters we have regular small town cable subscription that is some ungodly amount. Whatever–would harelip the gov’ner (no disrespect intended) if we didn’t have the local news and CBS. It’s also landline (not my choice either) and internets.
Subscription-wise, we have Sirius/XM in 2 vehicles @ $11 month. Netflix @ $7.99 maybe? Hulu with $11.99 option because I got tired of the freaking angel’s share & Reese’s PB Cup commercials. I consider Amazon Prime to be free, it is sort of, right? I had Acorn for a year (we love us some Brit tv) but the yearly subscription died couple of weeks ago. Won’t work on any of my devices because expired except still works on the BA TV. I hope they don’t catch on and I don’t get arrested. We’re just past the free week of BritBox but I’m stopping after all the Shetlands hit. We only wanted to see Vera and Shetland.
We are sad, sad human beings. TV is apparently our life.
I always cancel my SiriusXM account after six months which I pay up front for what they say is a discounted rate. They start calling to try to get me to re-up and I say no until they call me the fourth or fifth time, at which point it’s typically the cheapest rate they will offer.
Amazon Prime is the only subscription I have (unless Sam’s Club counts), and it’s worth every dime. I have easily re-cooped the $100 annual cost with free shipping!
Thanks for the funny details on the Atlantic City trip…but I don’t think I’d like a trip there. Put me in a boring old museum any day!
I remember from the not-too-distant past that ALL restaurants and public places were smoke-filled human fog machines like the Tropicana! I really don’t miss that–except at the bowling alley. Bowling alleys should smell like stale fried food, foot disinfectant, Marlboros and cheap cigars! Good times…
The Continental gets my vote, it would be an unusual trip to AC for us without going there, excellent cocktails and good food, and not overpriced. We eat and drink ourselves silly there a couple of times a year.
I had a similar experience in Vegas a while back. The hotels are so freaking huge, what seemed like a short distance on paper turns into an hour walk. Combined with the prices, it broke me. Then there’s the crowds, the lines, smoking, noise. Lot’s to do, if you want to empty the bank account.
I do SiriusXM, cable TV (plus internet) with HBO & Showtime, Netflix, Amazon Prime, and of course my Verizon unlimited data cell plan – which tops them all. The Sirius is a funny thing; it’s the one most people scoff at, but it’s nothing compared to some of the others.
Oh and there’s a landline with my cable that I don’t use, but having it lowers my package cost. Go figure.
I can’t believe, in 2018, they still allow smoking in casinos. They want to pass a law in NYC that you can’t WALK while smoking, yet they make allowances for the slots jockeys to get a pass while feeding money back into the system. Wouldn’t want to mess with the flow of the action! If the legalize marijuana, can you conceivably light up a doobie while playing craps? THAT would make for some fun betting.
“Dude, (puff puff) Dude! Snake eyes!”
cable tv is the only thing I throw money at. Living in an area that is essentially a bowl, all of three tv channels are available OTA, Not even the CBC is broadcasting in this region any more, so cable tv it is to have something watchable.
You burger came with pickles and you didn’t bitch about it? Something is amiss….
Thankfully the produce was stacked on the side of the plate. So I just added everything but the nasty-ass pickles. I was concerned about residue, but didn’t detect any.
I made a really bad mistake of googling the restaurant and then watching the photo gallery. Oh do I need a juicy burger and succulent fries. STAT!
My household runs on Amazon Prime. In addition to monthly diapers and other kiddo stuff delivered to our doorstep, we use a Fire-stick for streaming tv, and pay for Sling. Cable company provides our internet only, we use an HD antenna for local channels.
We own 2 newer model Chevys, a Tahoe and a Silverado, so SiriusXM comes preloaded. I do it in the Tahoe, my husband does not in his truck. Neither of us do OnStar.
Buzz Box coffee is our subscription coffee delivery service, and we also do Costco.
We also have Lifelock for all of us, including our 2 yr old. Identity theft is everywhere now, and I would hate for someone to destroy my kids credit before he’s even old enough to vote.
I subscribed to Sirius for about a decade then one day realized I rarely used it and cancelled. My only subscription now is Kindle Unlimited.
I wonder if your route would have been better if you had taken 476 to 276 to NJ Turnpike to the Garden State parkway and circumnavigated Philly. Conversely you could have taken 476 to 95 to the Commodore Barry and then hooked up with the GSPW. Of course 476 can be as bad as 76. In December I was to meet my son in Broomall to see the Disaster Artist. It took me almost 2 hours to drive err crawl 35 miles. my old boss had a shore house and he always drove down on Thursday night and came home early Sunday AM.
I am struck by the absence of any sign of human presence in the photos: on the beach, along the boardwalk, outside the restaurants; one can almost hear the shouts of the teenagers and twenty-somethings who whooped their way through never-ending weekends in AC in the thirties and forties: now dead, or mostly dead — there’s a Twilight Zone quality the pictures capture hauntingly.
There’s trouble busting in from outta state, and the D.A. can’t get no relief; gonna be a rumble out on the promenade and the gambling commission’s hanging on by the skin of its teeth. Everything dies baby that’s a fact . . .
John
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back….
Maybe. But Bruce knew when he wrote the song in ’82 that AC was dead as Disco and not as good for the vascular system. Entropy: It’s not just a good idea — it’s the law.
But I appreciate your optimism.
John
Dupree at the front desk looks to be about 13 years old. Was he in fact an adult person?
I just switched to YouTube Television. It’s $40 a month (give or take depending on your geography) and has everything I’ll ever need to watch that’s airing currently. The good/bad part is twofold: unlimited & simultaneous DVR (which is awesome) but you *can’t* skip commercials on some shows. There’s no rhyme or reason on this that I can figure out, but I imagine it’s some simple thing I’m doing wrong (more on that below.) It’s almost a deal breaker, but on the other hand you get little yellow warning indicators in the progress bar when a commercial is due, so there are built-in snack/piss breaks. It make me feel kind of nostalgic, it’s like watching live TV, something I haven’t done in years. The other issue is that it didn’t work with some of our devices (like the damn TV) so I had to go get a Chromecast, which didn’t work with some of our devices (like my tablet and phone) so only the wife can change the channel (which might also be the reason why I can’t skip some commercials.) We also have Netflix for movies and exclusive content, and we have Prime already, so I watch Grand Tour on it (otherwise Netflix is far superior.) Unfortunately, that all comes in on our internet connection “provided” by Frontier Communications, the only company in the planet that could make you wish for Comcast customer service. I have them to thank for this new internet TV stuff at my house, so I guess go with Frontier whenever possible. Costs me ~60 a month if I count Prime, $100 total with FIOS internet, so I’m saving about $70 a month. As a side note: They must hire the loneliest people there at Frontier, because they made sure I had to call them every damn month!
I paid of the balance on a cc, it was one of those 0% financing deals. The. The next month it was back up over $230. What the crap? I called and got medieval on the lady on the other end of the phone about that charges, turns out SirrusXM resumed me for a full year after a promotional. Inlik the service but it’s not worth that much money. There is no getting out after, so make sure you cancel the auto renew before the promotional ends. Slagathors.
Damn Jeff, how about an update??
Wasn’t he going to Myrtle Beach sometime this month?
I didn’t know he was walking there though.
Ha! That gave me a good chuckle.
Free Bird!