I’m still experiencing site issues, and have been emailing my webhost back-and-forth all morning. We (they) identified and fixed a couple of Big Problems, but another remains.
I’m now able to make changes to the sidebar (Further Evidence, etc.), and it allowed me to upload a photo to yesterday’s update, but I still don’t know EXACTLY where my WordPress files are. Can you believe it? They’re out there somewhere, ’cause the site is up. But I can’t see them via FTP.
But we’ll get it all hammered-out eventually. And it appears the site is moving much faster. It was really dragging over the past few weeks, but is all cranked-up now. So, their “improvements” are causing me to lose some stomach lining, but have also improved performance a great deal.
I guess I can live with that.
As I type this Michael Jackson’s “golden casket” is reportedly arriving at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. I’m not watching it on TV. How are they bringing it in, via helicopter? Horse-drawn carriage? Maybe I should turn it on? Or maybe not…
Not to be insensitive (ahem), but didn’t he die a long time ago? Like two or three weeks? Or is that just my imagination? It sure seems like a lot of time has passed, doesn’t it? And they still haven’t buried him??
Of course, at this point it probably wasn’t even necessary to embalm the body. There’s so much plastic involved, it’s probably dishwasher-safe.
Hello?
I haven’t mailed the t-shirts yet, but I’ve set Thursday aside for the task. Sorry I didn’t get to them last weekend, but there was some kinda cluster-copulation going on… which I can’t now remember. But they’ll go out on Thursday/Friday.
And, of course, if you want one, order away. I’ve got plenty. Sweet sainted mother of the Litter Indian! I think I might’ve slightly… over-ordered.
Metten posted another hilarious animation short at Mockable yesterday, and I forgot to tell you about it. So, here it is. Extra good stuff.
And if all goes right, I should have a free gift for you guys by the end of the week. It’s not ready yet, but almost. I’m excited about it, and think it’ll be very cool, indeed. So, stay tuned.
This isn’t much of an update, but I found myself in one of those situations where I had to choose between “skip a day” and “post something half-assed.” As you can see, I went with the latter.
For lack of a proper Question, why not tell us your funniest funeral stories? Use the comments section below, if you have anything on this morbid subject.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure the Billy Squier video is destined for the epilepsy museum.
I don’t think I’d ever dive into a body of water to save a drowning baby, even if it’s my own. I don’t want to mess up my shoes and ruin my wallet and all its contents.
What were we talking about?
Also, I’m a terrible swimmer. You should take that into account. Also, I’m drunk. Right now, I mean. I’m drunk.
@ pagan – Stop it, your killing me. I can’t stop laughing, first Brynhildr with the old lady passing gas during funeral services and now your Jeff expose’. I’m gonna have to watch the Billy Squier video just to get my composure again.
@ Jason – Watch the Squier video and you immediately become sober.
I watched the Squire video and now I have a huge erection. What’s not to like about a woman with a nice perm? I’m not sure I get it.
Yup, your drunk…
Yup.
@mountie9wv: That’s just wrong. Effing hilarious, though.
A group of us carried the ashes of one of our friends to a certain area along the seashore near Pt. Reyes where he wished to be disposed. His girlfriend decided the proper way to do that was to hold the urn pretty much at chest-level and tip it over. Not a good idea with about a 15-knot wind blowing on shore. About half of Bill made it into the water, the other half ended up on us. LOL, as the kids would say.
Sad day for you guys:
Is Slim Jim an endangered species?
Posted Jul 06 2009, 04:37 AM by Kim Peterson
Get ready for a summer Slim Jim shortage. The New York Post reports that Slim Jim fans may be hoarding the processed meat product, and it soon could be disappearing from store shelves.
An explosion last month destroyed the only Slim Jim plant in the U.S., the Post reports. And the company that makes Slim Jims, ConAgra (CAG), hasn’t produced any since then and won’t do so for at least another month.
Industry analysts say that Slim Jim loyalty is very high, and that people aren’t going to be OK with substitutes if the real thing is gone. That’s why some fans may be hoarding the remaining supply.
Analysts tell the Post that ConAgra could produce as many as 500 million Slim Jims every year. ConAgra said it won’t return to full Slim Jim production until the fall.
“The sooner, the better,” writes the Post. “Yesterday one convenience store in Midtown Manhattan was still selling foot-long Slim Jims that expired in February.”
A group of ConAgra workers who were injured in the accident are suing the company and two contractors, the Associated Press reports.
@ Ben K – Sounds like Bill wanted you to take a bit him with you.
@ Ognir – That happened just south of me. I immediately went out and purchased a year supply of Slim JIm from Costco to make sure I have a good supply on hand. The pup loves em but she gets some wicked gas if I give her too much.
@ Pagan: I needed that laugh today! Stupendous! And to add to that:
1. My late husband and I were in the grocery store checking out at the register. He disappeared for a moment…then I spot him running back to the register waving a pack of huge batteries, squeezing thru the other people in line yelling, “Hey, you almost forgot the batteries for your vibrator!” I stood completely frozen in my spot.
2. Again..at the grocery store in the laundry detergent isle….my husband waits for another couple he notices approaching the same area. At the point of passing, he pulls a bottle of bleach off the shelf and puts in the cart, “This should be enough bleach to get those dark stains out of your underware, don’t you think?” I could see the other couple snickering as they turn the corner.
…..dickbeater…..
@bikerchick – the owner of the bar doing a burnout was a nice touch, but the cherry was what that friend’s mother said! That cracked me up! I’m glad you were able to laugh and have tons of friends around you.
What do you want to bet that when the Slim Jim factory reopens it will be in Mexico?
@Rusty: that would make them Flaco Jaimes, wouldn’t it?
Alice in WV….. We still crack up over that to this day. She came up to us during the wake and said….”YOUR PEOPLE sure do have a stange sense of humor”….pretty funny….. Your people? Like we wear turd helmets or something. Yeah, you gotta have thick skin to hang with us!
bikerchick – Funerals can just be ridiculous anyway, so whenever they can be personalized, they should be – no matter if they don’t fit everyone’s cookie-cutter idea of tradition.
I had a friend who’s family was in a big fight over what their mother was to wear, as per HER REQUEST. it wasn’t outrageous or anything, but it wasn’t as dignified as the stuffy people thought. It was something like a sweatshirt with her dogs picture on it or some such shit, but it was what SHE WANTED. anyway, I think the assholes won out and pressured the funeral director into changing her clothes. Funny if they get haunted.
A friend of mine was buried in a sweet little summer dress she wore on a cruise ship vacation she went on with her family right before she passed. I thought that was kinda cool.
@ Rusty – Gonna be a lot of pissed off folks here in NC. The plant was previously sited for issues that had not yet been resolved before the explosion. The state is still investigating if the cause was related. Fortunately, my involvement with law enforcement resides with Transportation and not SBI.
To each, their own…
Sent my husband off to eternity in a Harley t-shirt, jeans, boots, a bottle of Bud….. but I forgot to give the funeral director his “partial” that held a front tooth…..oops…..So he’s somewhere walkin around with a missing front tooth. I’m sure he’s up there saying…”This is BULLSHIT!”
Metten’s cartoon was hilarious.
“Standin’ there all mad in a Bra”
killin me. Thanks for that
TS
Sorry, I put this on the wrong day- Don’t know why this confuses me.
How awesome! A King Crimson album cover fitting onto reruns face (bunkercam). It looked perfect. Shiny Rod, I now live in Snorasota, Florida, but while I was in Boone, I made several trips to Raleigh for the law firm I worked for.
Did you know- Walter Cronkite was dating Carly Simon’s sister for a while. That is of course, before he began to lay on his death bed.
On IPOD right now- “Prison Sex”- Tool
I’ve mentioned part of the story here before but given the topic of the day it’s worth repeating (althought it’s not funny so much as interesting)
My Grandfather was an old car nut and in the time I knew him he worked through restoring many projects, including a ’38 Chev, ’63 Chev, ’60’s? Fargo pickup, ’32 Model B, ’29 Model A roadster pickup, ’39 Dodge and passed away owning a ’58 Impala and a ’58 Biscayne. In his life and especially during retirement he travelled to many local car shows and met a lot of like minded folks. Many came to pay their respects upon his passing. After the funeral, my cousin-in-law the cop arranged for a presidential level police escort to shut down the roads as the procession of old classics and muscle cars made it’s way to the Legion for the wake.
Now all of this is similar to some other stories noted above, where friends and family sent off loved ones with personal touches that they would have enjoyed. However, my Grandfather got in one last personal touch of his own, he pre-arranged to cover the bar tab at his own wake. I’m sure he was smiling somewhere up above, his f & f gathered in the Legion beside a parking lot full of classic cars, enjoying a few pints of the golden elixir in his honour (and on his dime!)
Alas I was too young and pox-y to witness this I have only heard it repeated.
My great-uncle passed away in the Spring of 1969. An unrelated issue I was suffering from chicken pox; thus spared the funeral.
His youngest nephews were in their early 20’s and felt that he needed a proper Irish wake; so they stayed up all night drinking and lamenting the loss of their beloved relative.
The next day they were barely fit to be pall bearers; as that some were still quite intoxicated. When they arrived at the cemetery one of them fell into the grave and broke his leg. So the funeral was put on hold while police, fire and ambulance workers had to come, extract him from the grave and transport him to the hospital.
We put the fun in funeral
When my grandfather died a couple of years ago he left one request – that we all do shots from a bottle of whiskey that he stole from a liquor store in Canada and smuggled home over the border. It was the worst wiskey ever, but one of the best wakes.
A little late to the show for me…..I once saw a Winnebago in a funreal procession. I also had an older lady from church tell me her husband had requested “Happy trails to you” be played at his funeral.