Toney called around 11 this morning, and said she’d be home for lunch. She wanted me to put some hot dogs on the grill, and have ’em ready to go when she got here.
So, doing as I’m told, I went out there and flung a lit match into the gas cloud, and cut open a new package of Ballpark franks. And roughly a quart of some kind of nasty-ass liquid came rolling out, hit the floor, and splashed halfway up my legs.
I’d taken a shower only moments before, and was now doused in wiener water. Simply fantastic.
After I got the dogs going, I went into the kitchen and ripped off two or three paper towels, ran a little water over them, and started scrubbing my shins. One of the Secrets walked in and gave me one of those “What the shit??” looks, and I just grunted at him.
Then I realized: I very rarely wash my shins; they don’t get much attention at all. In fact, I can’t ever remember lathering up my shins or ankles, during my entire life. Is it the most neglected part of the male body? I bet it is.
Anyway, I think I can still smell it. I believe I’m still funking of wiener. Excellent. Perhaps I should just embrace it all, and dab a little Vienna Sausage jelly behind my ears before leaving for work? Yeah, maybe I’ll do it.
I forgot to mention it yesterday, but the t-shirts are finally on their way. Except, of course, for the two that were ordered today.
I even sent one to Clive Bull. On a whim I emailed him, and told him I’d like to give him a shirt. And he actually wrote back. A pleasant surprise.
So, Clive will soon have one of our leaping catfish t-shirts. I like the idea of it, very much. Pass the beer nuts.
If you’d like to order one, here’s yer link. I’ll probably be making another post office run on Friday, so order away!
Metten and I each posted a new Mockable this week, here and here. Check ’em out. And don’t forget about our Friday Guest Mock. Send us your own home-grown venomous rant, and we’ll most likely publish it at the site.
Our email address: mockable [at] gmail dotcom.
And since I have to cut this one VERY short, I’ll leave you with two Questions I previously asked at Twitter (or was it Facebook?).
First: Is a York Peppermint Patty the most effeminate of all candy bars? What do you think? Also, which one is the manliest? Tell us about it in the comments.
Second: Would you ever eat a flavor of ice cream called Barnyard Gravy? A local shop is offering it, but I can’t bring myself to order it. I’m sorry, but it brings to mind bovine diarrhea. What do you think?
If you were to open an ice cream shop, what kind of novelty Ben and Jerry’s-type flavors would you offer? Anything to do with cow shit? Help us out, won’t you?
And I’ll post a real update tomorrow. I promise.
See ya then.
The Superman ice cream looks like multi-colors of playdough. gag My son was about half way thru a big ol’ cone of it when I commented on it. He made a face and threw it away. I felt bad.
Wow, looking at the bunker cam, Grace Jones has really let herself go!
Some great ice cream flavors would be “Beanie Weenie”, “Macaroni & Cheese”, and “Playdough”.
Barnyard Gravy sounds like a sex act.
Manliest candy is Chocolate Covered Bacon.
Most effeminate candy is Mixed Fruit Mentos.
@ Garrett:
“Wow, looking at the bunker cam, Grace Jones has really let herself go!”
Your ideas intrigue me and i wish to subscribe to your newsletter!
A little Barnyard Gravy history lesson:
http://thewvsr.com/102006.htm
@ Jason – You surprise me every time. I thought you were gonna say Velveeta.
@ Jason
“Barnyard Gravy sounds like a sex act.”
THIS from the man whose delicate palate was offended by the Centurions of Rome?
@Tyrosine – Jason didn’t say he was offended.
Oh no, not that sauage fest again!!!
@Shiny Rod
And then there’s this old reference too:
http://thewvsr.com/fatass62002.htm
Jeff’s been talking about Barnyard Gravy for 7 years, and still can’t bring himself to try it!
Nothing to do with anything here….I’ve been outside weed-wacking and clearing underbrush. Took a break for a beverage and here came out “Three Waddling Skunks”. Honest!…….Good name for a band I thought.
Ok….back to whatever is going on here, . I’m not looking yet!…..later…-d
“weed-wacking and clearing underbrush”
that could be a euphemism for pube trimming….
@ NDfaninAZ – Yeah, he’s a wuss but I don’t think I can bring myself to try it. If the had called it something else like Dairy Surprise or Guernsey Treat. There might have been a taste test.
Now playing on iPod – “What a shame about me” – Steely Dan
@ NDfaninAZ – or a Brazilian, though skunks are nocturnal unless they smell something interesting.
@Shiny, interesting history lesson however for shits and giggles I read the comments section. Whatever became of Brenda Love, she sounded like a lot of fun.
@ WB in OH – I think someone was asking about her last week I think.
I think this is her on wiki:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brenda_Love
WB — She left her email in one of the comments where she was getting up in pjs’ face. Just ask her.
Where are lakrfool and T Farty McAppleass for that matter?
SR…I saw the skunks yesterday around 3pm (MST) headed to the neighbors (200yrds away) and most likely after the cat food those folks leave out. Then again around 6:30. Then here they came again today. WTF???? Skunks out in the middle of the day!?!? Somebody check the Mayan Calander. Is that one of the signs!?!? I think I’m allowed to shoot ’em up here. Hey …new game… “Plink a Skunk”.
ok…I peeked…..gone………
No that’s not the right Brenda!
Here: http://www.blogger.com/profile/00871065462462122312
@ Tyrosine – Only if you will give up the secret as to why you’re an amino acid.
@ Alice in WV:
Well, the day I posted the link to that pic Jason’s reaction was:
“GODDAMMIT!”
So I, perhaps erroneously, assumed he was offended. Looking at his later comments one could conclude that his initial reaction was one of excitement, as if a whole new world of possibilities had been opened up for him.
I should have known that anyone who spends his weekends copulating a block of Velveeta, trading canned pasta for sex, and parading around in a coconut bikini top wouldn’t be offended by a little digital sodomy.
“T Farty McAppleass” is me.
I was somewhat taken back by the picture of a guy with another man’s arm elbow-deep up his ass. But I don’t think that makes me a delicate flower or anything like that. I mean, come on, an ARM up another man’s ass. Shocking.
Something for the sick side of the Evil Twin’s wife – she’s gonna love this:
(NOT for the faint of heart) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-JB4e5if8Q&feature=related
Yes, Pep.Pat-E (I can’t even type it out without feeling a little gay is female-like.
The manly candy bar is to state, “I don’t fucking eat candy, because it doesn’t taste good with Tabasco Sauce.
No did you know today or no IPOD. I’m home listening to kids scream right now.
Is chili a meal, or what?
@ Garrett,
It’s a simple story really. Back when I was in grad school my research involved a protein called Apetala 2, which is a transcription factor. Transcription factors are proteins that “turn on” genes. They themselves get activated by protein kinases that add a phosphate to either a Tyrosine, Serine or Threonine amino acid. My research led me to believe that the active site in Apetala 2 was a Tyrosine. As such, Tyrosine played a very important role in my life and it was a natural choice as a handle for internet purposes. I first began using it when playing on-line quake, but I use it for everything now.
@ Garrett – Yup, that’s the right one although, I wouldn’t mind having a conversation with the other Brenda Love. I think shes speaking my langauge.
@ Tyrosine – Now,stop it, you know what that does to the lady folks around these parts. Actually, keep going, I like the reaction.
Manly candy bars: the Brits have a candy bar called the “Yorkie” on the label it has the symbol of a woman with a diagonal red line through her and the words:”Not for girls” It’s their best selling candy Bar! I was in Stowe last month & took the Ben & Jerry’s tour my favorite flavour had to be the new sweat sox & weiner juice! Dee-Lish!
@ Garrett,
Nice link….I like how she was doing it with bare hands (which I doubt she even washed) and no ethanol or hydrogen peroxide to wash everything off with first. If you want a crash course on how to get yourself a nice MRSA infection or Cellulitis, just copy the folks in that video.
As an old school a.t’er I’d try the Barnyard Gravy. Nothing like some shock value, especially if Jeff would be next in line and inquiring about its potential taste… Why its delicious. It has the creamy consistancy of fresh baby shit that you just want to plunge somebody’s face into and smoosh around while laughing hysterically asking them if they found any of the hard chocolaty bits mixed into the creation…
@Garrett
OMG, you weren’t kidding with your warning about that video!!!!
I’m gonna go vomit now.
@ Garrett – G>R>O>S>S, that just weirded me out on all levels.
OK,Two and a Half Men is on, I’m gone.
garrett — that is NASTY, but if you keep clicking on related links as I did, you’ll eventually get to far more disgusting things. Who knew YouTube was the next best thing to getting gastric bypass cuz I’m no longer interested in eating.
We started the day with candy bars and now we’ve come around to pus. Well done, Surf Reporters!
Jason — I know you’re T Farty. I was just trying to coax your alter ego out of hiding.
@Brynhildr – Yeah, I liked the candy bar discussion better. Although it was making me crave chocolate.
Until I clicked on Garrett’s link.
I no longer crave anything.
how about tuna ripple for a ice cream
Ah crap…This is a goddamn chat room isn’t it?!?!
Ice Cream…Pralines and Puss……
(yeah…I know…pretty discusting…thanks Garrett…grrrr).
A full hour of Charlie Sheen and I still can’t get that video out of my head…Garrett, why did you have to do that. Thats about as bad as that video someone posted a long while back and then said don’t look at this. Of course I’m gonna look, what they didn’t sya was that it was a guy swinging his shlong around.
@Garrett – That was AWESOME! I favorited it and found a few others I had somehow missed. I really dig popthatzit.com for most of my boil lancing love.
. I agree. DR. Love is a MILF (maybe a GILF).
.Youtube link – For some reason, I thought of something ETW posted way back. That and the ice cream discussion…..well, it made sense at the time…..
.Watching 2 1/2 men right now too.
@everyone. Look 2 posts UP. See what I mean??!!
Bizarre ice cream flavors (most of them are from Japan, of course):
http://www.oddee.com/item_96751.aspx
I think I’d have to go with the Charcoal flavor. Either that or Octopus.
Sissy candy bar: 3 Musketeers. The name + it’s foam wrapped in chocolate.
Manly candy: Payday? I think those are the ones. Lump of SALTED peanuts stuck to some white stuff, maybe sweetened caulk. Love ’em.
Manliest – Yorkie, of course, as noted above.
http://veethemonsoon.files.wordpress.com/2006/11/yorkie2.gif
@ Jen – my local icecream place has Superman icecream also – it looks like a migraine I once had, but my youngest boy loves it
@ garrett – I agree. Giving her career choice, I think she is more a GILF but since I’m interested in someone, I’ll have to put that one on the back burner.
LOLOL..I read this everyday and always get a good laugh…just wanted to say TY!!
Jeff: Mark my words: One day you will be listening to LBC, and hear me tell London that I learned of the show from TheWvsr.com…
That dudes become a more regular installment than even Hendrie around here. I’m starting to recognize the regular callers…
-steve
Hot balls are manly.
I LOVE Hot balls… Atomic Balls…whatever you call them.
M&M’s remind me of whips and leather….it could go both ways I think.
The Bunker Cam is the Big Fig Newton doing the tricky part.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyI3IL46yq4
Oh, Evil Twin’s Wife, you are weird and twisted. Just how I like them, although I personally don’t get off on pustules, per say.
Alas, you’re married (me too), so I’ll just have to be satisfied with *your* twins on your site…..
Wait, didn’t some lady post something about making a $300,000 payment on a house on here? Ahem, maybe I’m not married after all….
@ Tammie – Oh, you are such a tease…