Toney called around 11 this morning, and said she’d be home for lunch. She wanted me to put some hot dogs on the grill, and have ’em ready to go when she got here.
So, doing as I’m told, I went out there and flung a lit match into the gas cloud, and cut open a new package of Ballpark franks. And roughly a quart of some kind of nasty-ass liquid came rolling out, hit the floor, and splashed halfway up my legs.
I’d taken a shower only moments before, and was now doused in wiener water. Simply fantastic.
After I got the dogs going, I went into the kitchen and ripped off two or three paper towels, ran a little water over them, and started scrubbing my shins. One of the Secrets walked in and gave me one of those “What the shit??” looks, and I just grunted at him.
Then I realized: I very rarely wash my shins; they don’t get much attention at all. In fact, I can’t ever remember lathering up my shins or ankles, during my entire life. Is it the most neglected part of the male body? I bet it is.
Anyway, I think I can still smell it. I believe I’m still funking of wiener. Excellent. Perhaps I should just embrace it all, and dab a little Vienna Sausage jelly behind my ears before leaving for work? Yeah, maybe I’ll do it.
I forgot to mention it yesterday, but the t-shirts are finally on their way. Except, of course, for the two that were ordered today.
I even sent one to Clive Bull. On a whim I emailed him, and told him I’d like to give him a shirt. And he actually wrote back. A pleasant surprise.
So, Clive will soon have one of our leaping catfish t-shirts. I like the idea of it, very much. Pass the beer nuts.
If you’d like to order one, here’s yer link. I’ll probably be making another post office run on Friday, so order away!
Metten and I each posted a new Mockable this week, here and here. Check ’em out. And don’t forget about our Friday Guest Mock. Send us your own home-grown venomous rant, and we’ll most likely publish it at the site.
Our email address: mockable [at] gmail dotcom.
And since I have to cut this one VERY short, I’ll leave you with two Questions I previously asked at Twitter (or was it Facebook?).
First: Is a York Peppermint Patty the most effeminate of all candy bars? What do you think? Also, which one is the manliest? Tell us about it in the comments.
Second: Would you ever eat a flavor of ice cream called Barnyard Gravy? A local shop is offering it, but I can’t bring myself to order it. I’m sorry, but it brings to mind bovine diarrhea. What do you think?
If you were to open an ice cream shop, what kind of novelty Ben and Jerry’s-type flavors would you offer? Anything to do with cow shit? Help us out, won’t you?
And I’ll post a real update tomorrow. I promise.
See ya then.
@Brynhildr Red Hat Ruckus sounds delish. Much better than Barnyard Gravy, which I am pretty sure I wouldn’t try.
Of course I might be biased against Barnyard Gravy because the dog has been gassing me out all night, and I feel like I have already had a big steaming cone of it.
@ Shiny Rod….I can only apologize for seeing such things in ordinarily normal items.
I believe I am an adolescent boy trapped in a woman’s body…without the acne.
@ garrett – 300K home can be a bear depending on where it is located. In Cali, thats pert near an average house. Here in Raleigh, your talking minimum 3500 sqft. I know, I was looking at one and they took it off the market before I could make a bid. I could get a house on Lake Norman or Smith Mountain in that price range (soft market). Now Lake Lure, thats a whole different story. Yes, I lived in San Diego at PFTC then Coronado and then at the Long Beach Naval Shipyard from 79-83.
@ Tammie – No apologies needed here. Your a blonde goddess and I respect that. Speaking of acne, no, don’t look at garrets previous post, please!!!
garrett — Don’t be impressed by the $300K down payment since that money was the gain I made on the sale of my previous home. In California. (For a very brief moment, my bank account balance was impressive, but after that… not so much.) You don’t want to know what I’d lose if I had to sell my current residence — if I could sell at all — also in California. The miser in me is about to hyperventilate.
Speaking of oozing boils on Youtube, I think Toaster Strudel icing would make an excellent ice cream flavor.
As for the candy bar question, I have no idea. I imagine the Zagnut is feminine, though I don’t know anything about it, including the shape.
Also, I think the return of Brenda Love could be useful, whether its the fetish Wiki one or the Spaghetti Ohs blog one. Either way, their talents intersect and could prove enlightening, or at least interesting.
I’d rather speak of SQ footage, 401k’s, and my undying committment to you! “The miser in me is about to hyperventilate.”
I’ve been looking for the better part of an hour now, but I have no idea how to e-mail our fearless leader now. What’s the address? Somebody help?
Tammie, good to see you again.
Really, help me! I’m getting drunker as time goes by. I’ve got diamonds on the soles of my shoes as I speak.
Jason – post your email and I will send it to you. I can’t post it on the blog.
youngidiot@live.com
@ Jason – I’m up studying for my database management class.
I dunno about Powerhouse, Shiny Rod. Not that it doesn’t sound manly, but back in the 90’s I was with several Midwesterners whie attending a class at UCLA. They wanted me to take them down to Hollywood to see the “real” California.
After looking at the Walk of Fame, going to Mann’s Chinese Theatre, they all wanted to go get a beer. We went into a place called, “The Powerhouse.” I knew what it was, but they were young, Midwestern, and clueless. They were all ogling the pretty woman tending bar, and after a while, one of the guys goes to take a leak, He gets back, whispers in my ear that, “You won’t believe it. There were two guys kissing in the bathroom. I think this might be a gay bar!”
I told him “It very well might be. And you see the woman behind the bar? Uhhhh, she’s not a she. Shut up and drink your beer!!” He just sat there, totally mortified, and finished his beer. After we left, he told me he thought that he was going to be raped, “Like what happens in prison.” Fun times, for sure!
@ clintcurtis – As a Cali sailor, we did the Hollywood experience too. After the Walk of Fame and Mann’s, we ended up going to some burlesque club where it was very uncomfortable and dark with several customers constantly fumbling around in there trench coats. Not that I didn’t enjoy a good striptease show, the ambience was not there for this place. It smelled of cheap booze, cigarettes and urine. We all looked at each other and it was a visual consensus. Let’s get the hell out of here. Thankfully, those voyeuristic days are gone for me. I now see things like that as a big disrespect to women. Age and wisdom have taken it’s effect. Unfortunately for the Powerhouse bar, it made it’s exit somewhere around the mid-80’s. Kinda like chivalry, it just crawled up somewhere and died with narry a whimper.
@Brynhildr-That was sarcasm, Brenda and her comments scared me, she came off like a big meanie.
I was just curious if she hung around here a while. I’ve only been here a couple of months and have only been able to get through March of 04 in the archives. She didn’t seem like the type of person JK would tolerate very long, he seems to enjoy everyone getting along.
I watched 15 seconds of Garrett’s link, and could not bear to watch anymore. How did it turn out?
@ tadpolegal – Grossly Ugly are the words that come to my mind but they kept squeezing and it kept on coming out. Eeeck, full body shivers…
@ Shiny Rod- Full body shivers is why I had to stop watching. That must be some kind of medical condition I have never heard of.
@ tadpolegal – Tyrosine covered that angle in his post or at least what you should not do.
Just got a package from PO Box 4, hmm. Hey it’s even the size I ordered. Thanks Jeff, I’m flying out to Cali next week and I’ll wear it on the plane (yes coach), see if I run into any other surf reporters!
Ok, Ok, everyone. Sorry about the post. I didn’t intentionally put the link in the comment for shock value or attention. Someone sent it to me and I was horrified, but kept watching anyway. It surprised me caus I’ve never been able to do that before.
Anyway, to ETW, tadpolegal, Shiny Rod (it is so hard to type that), and the local amino acid, Tyrosine:
The condition that this idiot most likely has is a Keratin cyst. not life threatening, and warm compresses several times a day should get rid of it over time. If he keeps doing this, chances are he WILL get an infection.
I had a sebaceous cyst under my right nipple. WOW did that thing get infected. They opened, squeezed, numbed, cut and squeezed some more……ouch!!!!!