I was off from work last week, and accomplished next to nothing. I had a cold for most of that time, my back ached and I walked around like some 80 year old man with a hump. Plus, everybody was home.
The boys were supposed to be in school until midday on Wednesday, but… you know, it rained on Tuesday. So, they shut down all the schools. I couldn’t believe it. It was raining, and 37 degrees. What kind of bullshit is that?
They did return to class on Wednesday, and the older boy said they watched The Wizard of Oz, with Dark Side of the Moon playing. Then they went home around noon, and won’t return until day after tomorrow. Yes, it’s a rigorous schedule they keep.
I love our kids, of course, but their presence isn’t really conducive to getting things done. Ya know? It’s not their fault, it’s just a fact o’ life. I had an ambitious to-do list, and I’m not even sure what happened to it.
Here’s a quick run-down of my meager accomplishments during an entire week of freedom:
On Tuesday I risked life and limb, and went out in the rain. It was touch and go, I’m telling you. At one point I had to goose my wipers up to the SECOND setting. It was my own personal ‘Nam.
I had to go to the DMV, and get a new driver license. I went near closing time, and nobody was there, almost literally nobody. The old guy who takes the photos was just sitting there, looking like he was barely beating back the drool. My picture was taken, and within two minutes I had my new license.
While I waited some woman said to me, “You men have it so easy.” I have no idea what she was talking about, but gave her a knowing chuckle anyway, and averted my eyes. If she was expecting chit-chat, she was barking up the wrong asshole.
We went out to dinner that night, and it was good. The boys weren’t talking much, but that’s par for the course. When they were in grade school they NEVER stopped talking, and now the pendulum has swung in the other direction. A happy medium would be nice, it really would. But it was a rare glimmer of normalcy in our otherwise abnormal world.
I thought adulthood was going to be like Leave It to Beaver? But Ward didn’t work until 2:00 a.m., six or seven nights a week. Wotta rip-off.
On Wednesday Toney was home, and we went to the mall. I needed some new tennis (pronounced tenna) shoes. My old pair had collapsed fully, and I was wearing an even older pair.
We went to a store called Shoe Dept., and I picked out a pair of New Balance. They were $55, which was pretty good. But Toney suggested we check the other stores, and maybe get a better price. So, I made a note of the model number, or whatever, and we made our way around that demoralizing place.
Remember when malls were OK? There were bookstores, and record stores, and lots of things to look at. There’s nothing for me there, at this point. I don’t give a crap about clothes, and that’s about all there is. A $60 men’s shirt that looks like it was made for Marcia Brady? I’ll be sitting on that bench over there…
But I successfully knocked ten bucks off the price of those shoes. JCPenney had the exact same ones, for $45. So, there you go.
We considered hitting a bar for a pitcher of something good, but it was too early in the day. So, we went to Wegmans instead, and bought a six-pack of Sierra Nevada Celebration. Yes, we’re pretty close to being anarchists.
On Thursday we had our big Thanksgiving meal, and that went OK. The food was good, and the teen sullenness was dialed-back, for some reason. I saw an iPod in the Best Buy newspaper ad that was a really good deal, but it would require me going there on so-called Black Friday. So, funk dat. I’d rather just pay the extra fifty bucks.
Saturday was my birthday, which is nothing to celebrate. In fact, it’s starting to freak me out a little. Toney had to work that day, and I decided to follow through on my threat to make Outrageous Nachos for dinner.
I made a LONG list of ingredients, and the younger boy and I went back to Wegmans. I bought nothing but the fixin’s for my nacho extravaganza, and it cost more than $30. Heh. But I’m telling you… they were spectacular. I don’t have enough time to go into the details right now, but it was an unqualified success. We were in a state of nacho overload, and that ain’t a bad place to be.
I didn’t get much else done. I owe something to Mark Maynard, need to mail some DVDs, and have roughly a scrotezillion emails to answer. Needless to say, I’m shoeing myself in the nuts, figuratively speaking. It’s the circle of life.
And now I need to go to work. If you’re doing your holiday shopping on this stupid-ass Cyber Monday deal, please don’t forget to use my Amazon links. It helps me a great deal, and costs you nothing extra. Thank you. I’ll see you again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon!
Here’s the link for our Canadian friends
I did some cyber monday shopping but on sparkfun.com so sorry. Good deals though, 10% off of everything, some things 20% off and 40% off one item. All for me. I’m a selfish bastard.
You did more than I did. I made my yearly green bean casserole, to take to the fambly dinner. This year, we bought the whole thing from Bob Evans. I was surprised at how good it was. No cooking, just warming things up. Well, we did have to bake the turkey breast, but that was all. Totally pigged out on it, then did leftovers on Friday. We bought for eight, but the four of us took care of the whole thing.
Billy Joel says
I’m going to venture some guesses as to what ingredients were included into those Outrageous Nachos:
1) Nacho Chips
2) Cheese (maybe two or three different kinds)
4) gummi bears
5) a tuna-fish sandwich
6) USA Today
7) a 1987 toyota celica
9) pretzel bits
11) whipped cream
12) maybe a little onion
Billy Joel says
Sorry, I’m still learning English
“included into” might not be textbook standard, but it makes sense and doesn’t violate any grammar rules I know about, so you’re fine. Actually, I like that phrase. 🙂
Include me out.
and a blizzak tire
Swami Bologna says
At school they watched “The Wizard of Oz,” with “Dark Side of the Moon” playing? What class is that, “LSD Tripping 101”?
LMAO! I was thinking along those very same lines!
Miss Q says
I thought that was a little weird too! What the heck was the “teacher” doing during all that?
Jeff, as you shoe yourself in the nuts, take comfort that you’re doing it with a brand new pair of “tenna” shoes that you saved $10 on.
I worked on Wednesday – there were 15 cars in the parking lot – the place holds I think 1,000. I made up some whiney excuse that I had to leave at 3:00 in case we got ice and they made me sign back on when I got home and complete my shift. Generous muthafuckas, aren’t they?
Miss Q says
Jesus, madz, that’s even worse than my place of employment. I was the only one in my department who was here on Wednesday. I realized about 12:30 that there was no one to tell me I couldn’t leave, so jetted home. Heh.
Everyone else was working from the comfort of their own home. By 2:30 I was the only secretary still working. I think a couple of sick days are in order.
John Smith says
At my company, Friday was NOT a holiday. You want a 4 day weekend, you burn a vacation day.
Miss Q says
Jeff, I must tell Mr. Q that he has a new word. Scrotezillion. He’ll love it.
Brenda Love says
So I’m finally reading “Crossroads Road” and….I’m guessing you squandered your 2 million as well?
Went to the bar Friday night until about midnight. A bunch of us agreed to meet at same bar in the morning for breakfast at 8:30. By 9AM, I had a Bloody Mary and bacon and eggs in front of me. We didn’t leave until almost 2 in the afternoon. Whose bright idea was that?
That sounds brilliant. If I hadn’t wasted the week being sick, that would have been perfect. The bar I have in mind serves all the usual breakfast meats, and also… smoked brisket… *drool*
Hmm… eggs over medium, brisket, home fries and a mimosa. Damn.
Erik in WV says
Lil tidbit on the New Balance, try to get the ones “mostly” domestic. Out of 5 pairs I’ve bought in the last 10 years, the 2 that were “mostly” domestic are still in rotation. The others lasted as yard shoes for about a year. It’s getting hard to find them in stores, at least round the northern panhandle of West by God. Wife buys online direct. Just sayin. Oh and yeah, Black Friday…FUNK DAT!!!
Joey Jo Jo says
Barking up the wrong asshole