There’s a line in Crossroads Road that infuriated some humorless stick-up-the-ass woman a couple of years ago, who promptly rewarded me with a one-star review at Amazon or Goodreads, I can’t remember which.
It was something along these lines: I’m not really the psychiatrist-visiting type, I’m from West Virginia. It’s a funny line, and I stand by it. But she said I was making light of psychoanalysis or something, and decided it was a perfect opportunity for her to be outraged and put that righteous quiver in her voice, etc. People LOVE to be offended and employ the quiver these days, it’s practically the national pastime.
A few years ago I was ranting about this same subject, and Surf Reporter Adam sent me this small pillow, with a George Will quote embroidered on it:
I don’t really know what it means to be offended. It’s a confusing emotion. Ya know? Sometimes I’m briefly angered by something someone says or writes, or more often… annoyed. But it’s always short-lived. I don’t think I possess the ability to be truly offended. Agitated or pissed is about as far as it goes for me.
Last week a reporter at the Detroit Free Press posted this at Twitter:
She was trying to be funny, and failed spectacularly. Incest? Seriously? What a creative angle! She really brought a fresh, new perspective to things, didn’t she? Louis CK had better watch his back, there’s a new sheriff in town.
Her idiotic tweet angered a lot of people, and she was driven underground for a while. She apologized, her employer apologized, and they endured days and days of Mountain State fury. It was fun to watch, but I grimaced a little when people said they were offended. When they do that, they’re making it about THEM. Like when folks say their dog is a “rescue.” Oh, it’s no longer about the dog, I see. Now it’s about YOU. It’s fairly narcissistic.
In any case, last week was not a good one for your corpulent correspondent, and I seriously considered looking into some sort of counseling. Even though I was accused of mocking such things, by people with reading comprehension problems. I can’t tell you the source of the black cloud that hangs over me, because Big Brother is watching. But, it has nothing to do with Toney or our family.
I feel better today than I have in weeks, so we’ll see if it can be maintained. If not, I might try to find my own Dr. Melfi, or whatever.
Another thing that helps: taking actual steps to improve the situation. It would be easy to just wallow in it, which is what many people do, but it’s not me. Again, I can’t tell you much, but tomorrow I will be talking with someone at noon, while wearing a tie. I’ve set certain things in motion, and it gives me hope.
And I need to go back to work now. If you have any thoughts on being an offended busybody, or any experience with counseling of any kind… please share them in the comments section below. I have nothing on either subject. Are you ever truly offended? And have you ever done time on the couch? Please tell us about it, if you feel comfortable doing so.
And tomorrow might be tough, but I’ll do what I can.
Have yourselves a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!
I’m from wv too.
I thought tainted water is water that came in contact with that body part
Brenda Love says
Art thou feeling depressed??? Why…I’m offended. Everyone knows that depression is not an illness and is most certainly a character defect. *sarcasm button is pressed*
Seriously though, I hope you feel better. Been having a round of it myself here lately.
Wasn’t offended by the incest but it is low hanging fruit. People make fun of the south and other rural areas but I doubt have spent any time there.
I was offended that the Grammy people thought last night’s performances were groundbreaking. Simply offended. Maybe I need psychoanalysis.
True hillbillies don’t get offended, they get even.
Average Jane says
Why is everyone so determined to label every pet a “rescue.” I ask as someone who actually volunteers for a rescue group but would never think to call my own pets “rescues.” I didn’t fish them out of a river or crawl under a house to get them; I just filled out paperwork, paid some money and took them home.
I crawled under a house to acquire some of my cats and outright night-stole another from an abusive owner. Nonetheless, I remain the Fontella Bass in the relationships. I once was lost, but now I’m rescued.
Bill in WV says
Nice Fontella Bass reference !
Alice in WV says
I visited a counselor twice. I could barely get a word in, so I stopped going. I was feeling a little better by then – maybe it was something she said?? or maybe it was just that a little time had passed and my feeling better was a natural bounce-back?? Hope you find some good in your visit.
Bill in WV says
I tried to go to a therapist once, during a troubled time in my life, but didn’t even get past the “How and when will you be paying us” onslaught when I got there, so I simply told them they could all go fuck themselves and left, never to return. I think Jack or Jim ended up handling the counseling sessions for a few weeks, then I was fine.
Swami Bologna says
Jeff: Good luck at the job interview. (Screw Big Brother.)
My SO can properly introduce me as a rescue, but the dog we got from the shelter we introduce as our is our baby.
The “comedienne” at the Detroit Free Press was unfunny and lazy, and she apologized, so I guess I’m done with it. She did inspire a defender who did, well maybe not offend me, but definitely irked me. I won’t link to his blog, because I don’t want to give him the site traffic.
I went to counseling once, because I thought it might do me some good to talk to someone who didn’t know me, to see if I’d been making the right decisions or not. I only went to one session. It wasn’t what I thought it would be like. The counselor (psychologist, maybe) seemed like more of a mess than I was, and I didn’t feel like telling her my life story.
That’s my only experience with that particular couch, but I have friends who have been helped by counseling (and medication). I guess you’ll have to try it for yourself.
I hope you feel better.
I hope the tie-wearing pays off. I love the Surf Report and feel bad whenever there are mentions of clouds and Big Brothers. Changes for the positive mean the great content keeps coming. Good luck Jeff!
More of the George Will quote, it’s great: “…Civilization depends on, and civility often requires the willingness to say, “What you are doing is none of my business: and “What I am doing is none of your business”.
But this is an age when being an offended busybody is considered evidence of advanced thinking and an exquisite sensibility.” -George Will
Best of luck, Jeff!
JQ Brat says
I’ve been struggling pretty bad with anxiety and depression for the last couple of months. I am on medication that doesn’t seem to be helping so my family doctor just keep adding more. I see a psychologist on a weekly basis. I don’t know if it is helping yet because I have only been there 3 or 4 times. I also made an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week. I started drinking decaf, cut back on smoking, ordered a “happy light,” dropped the college classes I was taking this semester and trying to eat better even though I am never hungry anymore. All I know is that I need help and I need it fast because home and work life has really been suffering lately and I feel helpless through all of it. I don’t know if laying on a couch will help but I will try just about anything at this point.
Miss Q says
Sorry if this offends you (heh. see what I did there?), but have you had your hormone levels checked? Men and women both run into trouble with that, yet it often takes waaaaaay too long for doctors to figure it out, if they ever do. Also Vitamin D. A vitamin D deficiency can wreak havoc.
Too true. I had Black Cloud Syndrome and turns out I needed Vitamin D and B12. I never put much stock in the advice of the herbal supplement & vitamin advocates I work with, but dammed if I didn’t feel a butt load better after taking them for about a month.
Hope this helps. It’s all from personal experience…
1) If the meds include only an antidepressant and not an anti-anxiety (i.e., alprazolam), and you still feel anxious, get a new family doc NOW. Alprazolam (Xanax) is the only anti-anxiety med that works well right away. If someone tells you it’s habituating, tell them to go fuck themselves. Seriously.
2) My experience is that state-certified counselors are more helpful than Psychologists or Psychiatrists. Their training focuses on listening and bonding. They can’t prescribe, but that’s why you just changed docs.
3) Depressive disorder and anxiety disorder are real illnesses and not personality failures. Don’t be embarrassed about talking about them, and be aggressive about addressing them.
4) DON’T just start taking supplements, but have your doc do an extensive blood panel and see what you’re low and high on. If he/she doesn’t want to do this, ask for a referral to an endocrinologist.
5) Check back with the WVSR and let us know how you’re doing. Treat yourself with patience and kindness.
yes, patience and kindness. well said JTB, well said.
Two pieces of advice:
If they prescribe any medication, check it out on the internet before putting it in your mouth. If it is an SSRI or SSDI drug, run away.
They are POISON. Shit will get worse. You will get worse and likely never get better. That is the wrong road.
If your Number 1 problem is family fights, stay out of it, or get out of it (relationship?)
More unsolicited advice:
Be good to yourself. If you like steak or ice cream or butter, eat it. If you like wine, drink it. If you like cigs, smoke ’em. Some moderation required. Your idea of moderation may be different than mine.
Valium is good, Xanax is better. One Xanax + a big glass of chardonnay + a great steak + a big hug from my daughter = A Really Good Day.
Get a dog. My best friends in the whole world is a dog. I am on dog Number 3. It’s a poor man (or woman) who does not have a dog. Unconditional love that humans cannot replicate. Humans were built to bond with a dog. Don’t know why.
“One Xanax + a big glass of chardonnay …”
It can also be a nice trip to the ER. Don’t tkae this person’s advice.
Been there, JQ. I went through four different antidepressants in the past. You may need to kiss a few frogs before finding the right one. Fortunately, I found out the major source of my depression. Now I take nothing. That doesn’t mean I’m “cured”. I don’t know that depression is curable. But it’s definitely manageable. You just have to know how to manage it. Sometimes a medication is necessary, to lift you out of the hole, before you can talk to anyone and have it make sense.
Just know that you are not alone. They’re are many treading the same pool of water. Check in with us and let us know how you are doing.
Matt in Florence says
One of my favorite quotes by Stephen Fry on the subject of offense.
“It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.”
Stephanie C says
That is also one of my favorite quotes as well, from one of my favorite people. My sister-in-law (although I love her dearly), is a legal aid lawyer and she states that if you begin to tell a joke or say something and precede it with, “Hey, no offense, but…” and then continue with something that may be verbally offensive, that you are taking “my right away to BE offended, and you can’t do that thinking it is okay.”
I call bullshit on her statement.
Matt in Florence says
When you do that, say “Hey, no offense, but I call bullshit on your statement.”
Miss Q says
I have been on the couch, and should probably still be there, truth be told. But, I found that sometimes the lady sitting upright would help, sometimes not so much. She pronounced me sane one day and said I should only come back in if I needed a “tune-up”. So, yes, for those of you wondering, my therapist broke up with me. I haven’t been back since.
Miss Q says
And I hope your time having to wear a tie pays off, Jeff.
Historically, wearing a tie is reserved for funerals, court dates or job interviews. I’m really hoping it’s the latter. That by itself could help a fella feel better. Cheers.
John Smith says
Maybe Jeff is attending services at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?
Bill in WV says
Ha!! Has to be wearing a white shirt and a tie. Riding a bicycle is optional.
I saw a psychiatrist when I was in my late 20s when shit was spiraling out of control. It helped and I didn’t need any medications. Sometimes just having a stranger to talk to helps. She was really great. It’s what my life needed at that particular time.
This is what offends me: When some douche sends a tweet, pisses off the majority, then APOLOGIZES. Wimp. Either say it and mean it or stop with the tweeting.
And (true story) the only time I got really pissed off and offended was when an attorney who worked in HR of all places, made a comment about St. Patrick’s day and all the drunks running around. I just looked up and said “Yeah, and I’m one of them.” Well, I’m not – I no longer go see the New York City parade. And I only got stoopy drunk one St. Patrick’s day. But what a dumb ass remark for this particular HR attorney to make in front of a group of people of all ethnic backgrounds.
Stephanie C says
I have to put my two cents in here about the St. Patrick’s Day thing…
There is a franchise called Old Chicago that has a “St. Patrick’s Day Mini-Tour” every year for people to try all of these different beers. The American lunatics that have turned St. Patrick’s Day into “Dress up all in green and paint your face whether you are Irish or not, throw on some green beads and wear stupid green hats with feathers, the crazier you look, the better, and show the world what amateur drinkers look like Day” are now all “offended” by the Old Chicago tour and the subsequent t-shirts that people wear to show they “completed” the tour. By drinking. On Saint Patrick’s Day. Wow.
That is like being pissed off that the guy next to you is eating donuts while you are on a diet.
Billy Joel says
I am offended by the whole lot of you surf reporters.
And I would like to thank all of you for that.
That offends me. Wait.
Bill in WV says
Just keep your ass in Allentown and all will be right with the world.
Billy Joel says
OK, I have a confession to make. I am not actually the real Billy Joel. I am truly sorry to all of those that I have offended because of this sophistry.
John Smith says
I saw a psychologist for a couple of years after my divorce and it was great. He had the perfect style for my personality. His job was basically to keep me from catastrophizing. I always thought the sky was falling and he had the ability to look at the facts and prod me to get back to center.
I especially liked this guy as it was my ex-wife who picked him. We were having trouble and she hand-picked someone who she thought would agree with her 100% and bulldoze me. After a couple of sessions, it was exactly the other way around.
I even had my next fiance visit him when there was no trouble to be found. We worked on being aware of each other’s communication style and the baggage we each had. We went through 7 years of marriage before we had our first real argument.
Oh yeah… and he introduced me to Xanax. I *love* that guy.
I’ve never been offended. I’m the guy with the sick/offense (heh) sense of humor, so I guess that I naturally tend to try and push the boundries and piss off who ever has to be dead serious all the time.
I’ve been to counseling through my job probably a half-dozen times. First time was after I told off an idiot supervisor (not even my supervisor) who ran to her boss and said “He wouldn’t talk to me that way if I wasn’t black”. Bullshit. After two visits the counselor said “There’s nothing wrong with you, why are you here”? I also visited with her after my boss ordered me to volunteer for counseling “to learn to get along with difficult people”. And several other reasons, all related to having to put up with jackasses. What the dumbfucks I have to deal with don’t understand is that before I went to work in a place way smartasses and punks had the skirt of their employer to hide behind I had a fairly long career in heavy civil construction. That, my friends, was an atmosphere where just being willing to engage in a rapid and judicious application of violence solved most of the types of issues I have with the crybaby pussies I currently have to contend with. Win or lose, being willing to take a few to give a few tends to put a stop to most all of the workplace whining and pussification. Luckily, my counselor has since steered me onto the Gandhi like path. Or somewhere close, even though just last Sunday I got a letter of warning from my pussy-ass supervisor.
And on the subject of the “comedienne”, has anyone given any thought to the fact that she just might be speaking from the experience of a little personal fling with uncle dad?
place WHERE damn no edit
I have the second job interview in 2 weeks tomorrow. Separate (sp?) companies but it’s a start.
Had to replace a furnace blower to the tune of 575 bucks for a 22 yr old furnace in a house 1100 miles away.
You win some you lose some.
Good luck, t-storm. nail that job!
I feel it went well. We’ll see, I’m definitely qualified. Now I’m in my mountain dew jammy pants watching hulu+.
I’ve been “in counselling” twice in my life.
The first time was in middle school. Didn’t do much for me. I made some friends and the problems got better for the most part.
The second time was my idea and I shopped around and found a women who seemed ok.
After a while I got the feeling she didn’t much care for me. After a few seasons she suggested I stop and only return if I thought I needed something specific.
I have decided that means I’m well adjusted and totally sane.
And knock ‘me dead tomorrow.
On a selfish related note, should everything pan out I hope we finally find hot who bog brother is. No reason why, I’m just curious.
Knock THEM dead. Crap
Swami Bologna says
THAT’s the part you chose to edit, Jorge? I would have gone for this piece: “I hope we finally find hot who bog brother is” 😉
Jerry in WV says
Good call, Swami! Best laugh I have had all day!
I’m currently seeing a great counselor via my church. I was so deeply depressed about a seemingly hopeless life situation that I was actively planning suicide. Between her help and my life gaining a great deal of hope, I’m out of the crisis stage I was in and we’re now working on getting me to where I can handle things without getting that far down.
I find this site can be therapeutic
“Rescue.” I’m not even sure what that’s supposed to mean, but it certainly sounds self-congratulatory.
From what I understand, counseling might or might not be worthwhile; seems that it all depends on how your personality meshes with that of the counselor. Meaning it’s a crapshoot.
And Jeff, congrats on the neckwear! May it serve you well.
I have never sought professional help but my general rule is “if you should be happy and you are not; then seek help”
“if you are unhappy and your life makes you unhappy then change (first step may require you to seek help)”. What that ‘help’ is depends on who you are and what help you are comfortable with accepting.
Good Luck and I wish you well.
I like to poop.
Good luck Jeff.
I’ve never been offended in my life. I can’t imagine that all the blubbering vaginas that cry now days are truly offended. It’s just another means of manipulation. And they can all go get fucked as far as I’m concerned.
In Kindergarten I wouldn’t speak…at roll call I would never answer and either another kid would say that I was there or the teacher would eventually look up and see that I was at my desk. She would always make me sit behind the piano when I wouldn’t talk, which suited me fine. My parents were divorced when I was 4 and the teacher thought that must be why I wouldn’t talk, so I had to go see a child psychiatrist. This guy had the coolest toys in his inner office, even a huge “castle ruins” brick sandbox, and I figured that if I gave confusing answers then I could keep coming to play in that cool indoor sandbox. I was living with my grandparents while custody was being decided and I had sat in the backseat, listening to them talk on the way to three towns over, where the psychiatrist was, so I had a good idea about what was going on and I remembered them hoping it would be just this one time. The doc caught on to me, though, so I only got to go 3 or 4 times. That was 45 years ago, but I still remember the fun of playing in that sandbox.
When I was a kid, I was reading and I saw “off-” at the end of one line and “ended” at the beginning of the next. I had it in my head that it meant “off the end of”…someone pulled me off the end of my rope, therefore I was “off-ended”. There was no head-slapping moment when I figured out the actual meaning…
Phil Jett says
Went to company ordered and paid therapy for “anger” issues. Started out with a group where I was deemed to not play along well so I was switched to one on one counseling. I enjoyed it so much and my therapist was such a great lady I went 50 weeks in a row until the company decided I was better and would no longer pick up the check.
Since then I’ve been back once or twice a year for a tune up. Only cost me a $50 co-pay. Starting this year due to changes in our medical coverage I’m on the hook for the full price of a visit. If I think I really need my oil changed I’ll probably still stop in once a year to make sure all the bolts are still tight.
The Divine Miss E says
I’ve never been to counseling, but I did take some medication for about six years. It didn’t so much make me less depressed as it made me unable to feel much or to react to anything. It was like having emotional blueballs for a few years, until I guess the drug stopped working and I could feel again, which was fine by me. I know those drugs work for some people, but damn.
I was previously studying to be a social worker, which required that I take an Intro to Counseling class, which was a lot like group therapy. That’s where I learned that group therapy is not for me.
As for being offended, the only thing that really offends me is when people make jokes about sexual assault, but that’s probably a personal problem. I can’t help it though, I immediately get whipped up into a rage. Like, for example, trying to make a joke about incest. Dumb asshole.
Here’s to things looking up, Mr. Kay. And thanks for all the laughs.
Being agitated or angered over jokes IS being offended; you’re just playing with semantics. Jokes are words…being mad about them is whiny and pathetic. Saying that as somebody who used to be offended by a lot of things and learned to get over it.
Jerry in WV says
I have gone to therepy several times. Depression and anxiety when my Dad passed. I had just turned 18. Then again after leaving the military. PTSD. I have been on Pamelor for over 20 years and it does a great job for me. I still fight anxiety, but try to keep it at bay with diet, exercise and supplements. I am good 90 percent of the time, but have anxiety flare ups occassionally. They usually go away within a month or so. Had general anesthesia for a procedure recently and anxiety hit like a sledgehammer after the procedure. Doc says anesthesia can trigger it. Would have been nice to know before the procedure!
I used to see a psychiatrist… several of them, actually. They kept me doped up on medications that made me an idiot and caused side effects which required other medications. After a year of being a vegetable (back when I sent you that pillow) I finally said, “fuck it!” I stopped seeing shrinks that just kept helping me shirk my own responsibility, stopped popping all that stupid medication, put my ass back in the class room, finished my degree, and got into the real world ready to kick some ass… and have been ok at ass kicking since then.
For whatever reason you’re wearing a tie, good luck. If it’s the Internal Raping Service, call an attorney.
I posted this on craigslist last night. It got flagged.
© craigslist – Map data © OpenStreetMap
Free snow to a good home. I have tons of the stuff. Will deliver within reason.
Can be used for the following:
accentuating Bob Ross style landscape paintings
Bill in WV says
T. Farty McAppleass says
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, and that makes it fair.
Bill in WV says
Didn’t Calvin Coolidge say that?
I wonder how Jeff’s necktie date went today?
Did Jeff’s necktie date go OK today? I wonder.
Offense is taken not given – Confucius (maybe)
Why are there snakes at the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem? What kinds of snakes are native to PA? Why has no one yet said, “I’m just trying to get these motherfucking snakes out of this motherfucking casino”? Why has this report spread like wildlife on Facebook? Why do people expose themselves to this kind of ace reporting by having a Facebook account? Does it really help to suck the venom out of the insulted party? Isn’t every party at the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem an insulted party of sorts?
WB in OH says
Because I like to avoid work…
1. There are no snakes in the casino, per the casino.
3. You just did.
4. People love to spread ridiculous shit on FB.
5. People love to read ridiculous shit on FB.
The last two I can’t answer as I’m not sure of the context of the question.
Speaking of offended. The other day an electronics supplier I use (sparkfun.com) posted their corporate dog policy on their website. Most of the comments were positive but there is always an asshole. I responded to one such asshole, and the response to my response made me sad for the world. Someone saved it, though.
Member #394180 | about 2 days ago 2
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What happens when someone with a dog allergy applies for a job? Or if an employee’s kid develops a dog allergy and goes into anaphylactic shock and dies when mom or dad come home with dog hairs on their clothes? Lotsa good lawyer bait here.
tony | about 2 days ago 4
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Lighten up, Francis.
Member #394180 | yesterday 1
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Frencil | yesterday 1
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Pretty sure tony was referring to this scene from Stripes.
Bill in WV says
Great. According to the latest news reports, we’ve been swigging and showering in formadehyde since the chemical spill hit our water supply. Hell, I couldn’t just gone over to Keller Funeral Home ordered up a batch of the stuff.
Lucie in Tampa says
I am offended on adaily basis. Lucky I gota good doctor I’ve been seeing for a really long time & he helps me calm the urge to maime people.
I saw a therapist a few times after my husband died 7 years ago. I only went a few times. He was very nice and sympathetic, but did nothing for me.
I saw a therapist once… school mandated… because I didn’t cry enough when Kurt Kobain killed himself…
Also? My dogs are rescues. My wife and I rand back into our burning house to rescue them. From the fire.