Yesterday we removed all five Soviet humbox window air conditioners, and I carried them to the basement. All were full of water, because it’s been raining a lot, and by the time it was over I was soaked from the waist down. At one point it felt like someone was pouring a pitcher of ice water down the front of my pants.
Yes, it was an enjoyable experience. I also thought I was going to have a full and unabridged heart attack, starting around humbox two. Three flights of stairs…. It’s a good thing the baby years are over, because I think my “gentlemen” are irreparably damaged.
Sweet sainted mother of Dr. Rosen Rosen!
As soon as this depression is ovah (obscure Waltons reference) we’re going to either a) move to a new house with central air conditioning and a level yard, or b) buy a ductless air conditioning system. I hate this humbox crap, I really do.
When we first moved here, in 2000, we asked a company to come out and give us a quote on having central air installed. And it was crazy-expensive, because the ducts aren’t in place. This house is on three levels, and it’s staggered, etc. So, it would be an undertaking to have a system installed, and costly, too.
Plus, they’d use up a lot of our closet space. And — get this — the guy said they wouldn’t be able to “reach” the family room. So, we’d be paying some ridiculous amount, something like twelve grand, and only part of the house would be air conditioned. And we’d have ducts in all our closets.
This is the first place I’ve ever lived, since fifth grade, without central air. And mister, I don’t care for it.
Thanks for all the great comments over the past few days. I’ve read through most of them, laughed plenty, and will be finishing up later tonight, with beer. You guys are awesome.
And speaking of the comments, I’d like to get your feedback on the REPLY feature. I kinda like it, but saw that some of you don’t agree. I know it’s my website (people are always reminding me of this), but the users of the comments section should have their opinions heard. So, I’ve set up a small and simple poll here. Please let me know your thoughts, and I’ll make a decision.
In case you’re completely lost, the REPLY feature lets you comment on a comment, if you know what I mean. Previously, all new comments appeared at the bottom of the page. But now you can inject a REPLY to someone else’s comment, and it will appear beneath the original. It makes it more fun to read, I think, and promotes conversation. But it also requires readers to scroll more, to find fresh nuggets of sarcasm.
Please give me your opinion, and I’ll proceed accordingly. I want people to enjoy their visits here, so if it blows, let me know. I think Johnnie Cochrane was the first to say that…
Steve and I will be traveling to Philadelphia on Wednesday, to see the Eels. They’re playing at World Cafe Live. I’ve never been there, and have heard contradictory feedback. Is it a good place to see a band? What do you Philly pholk think?
Also, are there any interesting bars in the general vicinity? You know, a place with some character and more than just Miller Lite and Blue Moon on tap? If you can help us out, I’d be much obliged.
I’m looking forward to the show. Last time we saw the Eels it was just E and a guy on drums. And it was in a church… and they played a documentary as an opening act… How weird is that? Why a church?? Truly bizarre.
But this time it will be a full band, and that’s the way it oughta be. Anyone else going?
For a Question, I’d just like to get your general opinions on chewing gum. That’s right, gum. What’s your feelings on it? Do you chew it? Does it drive you to the absolute brink when someone pops and chomps the stuff? Or am I the weird one?
I rarely chew gum, maybe twice a year, and my whole body goes rigid the moment I’ve zeroed in on someone going to town on it. Once I realize it, I can’t think of anything else. It’s like it becomes amplified, or something, and drives me completely crazy.
So, there you go. Tell us about your views on chewing gum. Use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day!
WB in OH says
I like chewing gum. People whose chewing imitates a cow need to be shot and put out of my misery.
I rarely chew guys also. Matter of fact me and another guy can’t do nothing together but go out and rob two ho’s!!
Man, there is no AC in the high desert, at least not in my house. We have a machine sitting on top of the roof that looks like a giant air conditioner, but it isn’t. It’s an evaporative cooler. All it does is suck hot desert air in through soaking wet moss pads and then blows it into the house. So instead of dry hot air, we get Mississippi delta quality hot humid air. It actually makes it feel worse. When you go from 90 degrees dry to 85 degrees wet it feels like you’ve gone from 90 degrees dry to 105 degrees wet.
Mrs. L. Bangs says
I actually experienced one of those Swamp Cooler thingies when we heading to Black Rock City – I thought that maybe I just didn’t “get it”! Much more comfortable OUTSIDE in the shade than INSIDE the shop where it was running.
We have one of those things on the roof, no central air. Long as it’s hot and dry they work OK. But when it gets over 100 the usefullness drops right off. Still, I work nights and sleep during the day and the swamp cooler and a fan or two keeps it pretty much doable most of the time. The reason no one in the midwest ever heard of them is because they absolutely won’t work in any kind of relative humidity. On the plus side, the guys I work with who have central air pay between $450 and $800 a month for electricity, we pay around $80. Leaves more disposable income for the paraglider flying thing we recently got hooked on.
On an unrelated note, I wondered what my avatar would look like. WTH is that? Looks like a pissed off flying berry with red balls.
Chuck in Belpre says
All that scrolling to find new comments? You want me to get carpal tunnel or something? Moving my mouse an inch or so?
I like gum. I smoke and drink coffee so other people enjoy me chewing it also. But chewing gum shouldn’t be an episode of Man vs Food. Be discreet. Thank you.
I used to chew gum a ton, then I stopped because of TMJ. But now that I have had ten fillings and two crowns done in the last year, not to mention the fact that I’m currently staring down the barrel of either a root canal or an extraction, the ADA-approved Trident and it’s miracle ingredient Xylitol (not a character from “Flash Gordon”) is starting to look appealing.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…
I’ll chew gum every now and then, especially if I’m meeting with customer and want to “freshen up” first. Nothing kills a sale faster than coffee breath, or even worse, the deadly coffee and cigarette breath.
Mind you, I don’t chew it front of customers, just beforehand.
For years I didn’t chew gum at all due to a partial that replaced a few missing teeth in my mouth. Somehow gum and a plastic retainer piece just didn’t go together.
But about a year ago that sumbitch broke and I haven’t had it fixed. Missing three teeth upper left (lateral incisor, canine and 1st molar.)
Sometimes I call it my “West Virginia” grin. Please don’t take offense to that. Please.
Gum crackers, smackers, clackers and snappers are subject to my devastating Stare of Death™. It hasn’t been effective yet, but I’m going to keep employing it.
lori in cbus says
I haven’t chewed guy since the divorce…I sure miss it. Haha
lori, if only I lived closer…..
Lori in Cbus says
someday my prince will come.. hehehehe
JR in Sammamish says
Top 10!! I chew gum everyday, but am cognizant of chewing it quietly!
I don’t like the reply feature because you have to start over to see if someone replied up above.
I fix up old houses and have run into a few (in Alabama, even Texas) that don’t have central HVAC. I always go with the “Ductless” systems in those situations. They’re a lot cheaper and easy to install. Might be a good idea for you. This isn’t the best site to order from because it services the Bahamas, but it gives you a lot of info on Mitsubishi (yes, like the car) ductless HVAC units.
http://www.ductlessunits.com/ after that go to http://www.mitsubishicomfort.com/
I cannot stand gum chewing. A lot of people chomp it and slurp it and it sounds like there sucking a cock. Right there next to me. Right there in the coffee shop or the DMV. I recently bought a tazer at the gun shop. Next time I’m around a gum smacker I’m going to calmly and quietly walk over and taze them on the neck.
And speaking of smacking and slurping, does anyone ever watch that bald guy on the travel channel that goes all over the world eating bugs and dicks and balls? That motherfucker never closes his mouth when he chews. I’ve sent him several angry letters but he keeps on doing it. I imagine that’s how Nostrils sounds. I’ve had to stop watching him eat dicks and batshit because of it.
Ugh, I think his name is Andrew Zimmern or somesuchshit. I stopped watching that show because of that (not that he ingested chicken uterus on a stick once). We are already horrified at what you are consuming, we don’t have to actually SEE every bit of it being worked down to digestable material for fuck’s sake!
T. Farty McAppleass says
We decided to make pizza at home. We didn’t really have many toppings. I made a giant pot of chili yesterday, so we topped the pizza crust with chili (no beans, a meal in and of itself) and some sharp cheddar and that’s it. It’s fan-frikken-tastic. Try it sometime.
I don’t chew gum and I don’t appreciate those that do. If I’m behind someone in line at a gas station I always think less of the ones buying gum than I do of the ones buying pornography magazines.
JR in Sammamish says
try making pizza using French’s sloppy joe mix – add the meat at tomato paste. you won’t believe how fan-frikken-tastic that is.
Jersey Don says
First, the AC problem. Have you looked into a Mr. Slim made by Mitsubishi? It’s an AC unit that can be installed over a window, or high on a wall. They are small, quiet, and work very well.
Gum is one of my pet peeves. As a former teacher, gum is the enemy. I’d find that foul stuff everywhere.
I don’t chew and every time I step in a wad in a 200 degree parking lot I want to choke someone. With a fist sized wad of gum.
To me, stepping in gum is the equivalent of stepping in dog crap. God only knows whose yap spat out that big glistening pink glob.
We’re still pumping cool, conditioned air. It’s supposed to be 95 here tomorrow.
Gum is for children.
I rarely chew gum. I’m not that big of a fan but my mother always has packs upon packs in her purse. Yet she doesn’t chew it. She has it in case “someone asks” although she has enough to satisfy the San Diego Chargers. Strange….
I love the reply feature. It makes it easier than the old @Melissa feature. This way if someone likes what you say, or wants to respond directly, they can!
See! Works great!
Oh yeah, I just received a $233 electric bill for August. My air has been on 24/7 for most of the month since outside it has been 100+. I love the cool air, but hate the dang bills!
That’s a bargain. My electric bill was almost $450 this month. The rates went up for some kind of environmental bullshit.
hot fuzz says
Melissa, please see answer below 🙂
WTF? I’d chew my arm off for a $200 summer power bill, mine’s about $700/month and I don’t chill it as much as I’d like.
hot fuzz says
My electric bill was ~$450 for June and July with the Cnd dollar pretty at par. I don’t use the programmable thermostat because I’m up every few hours at least through the night. for a while there, the a/c was running solid.
We’ve had temps in the 80s and 90s for most of the summer but have been in the mid 60s the last few weeks on average. The humidity was been the killer.
Chuck in Belpre says
Mid to upper 80’s here all this coming week. Fall starts Wednesday. Coolness can’t be far behind. Can it?
Oh…and I just had a Marianne Faithfull frozen meal. Tasty.
My mama never taught me how to cook. That’s why I’m so… skin-nayyy!
Marianne Faithfull has a frozen food line? Is it any good? Is it called “As Tears Go By?”
hot fuzz says
I used to love “ton ‘o gum” and “golden nuggets” in a tiny burlap sack when I was little. Now if I chew gum it’s whatever the family happens to have.
Whenever my dad took me on the Toronto subway, he’d always buy me a pack of sour cherry gum from the news stand. I still buy a pack to this day if we’re heading down to a Raptor’s or Leafs loss (I mean game). Work used to use cherry scented urinal deodorizers… I’d smile every time it autoflushed.
I prefer people keep their gaping maw clenched when eating or chewing. I think it’s just polite to do so isn’t it? It’s right there with sniffing and snorting when you have a cold. Speaking of noises and visuals, I hate hearing people kiss on tv. Ever see/hear Tony Soprano kiss? A gum chewing wildebeest with asthma slurping soup makes less disgusting noise.
Oh wow!!!!! Golden Nuggets. I had xompletely forgetten about them until you mentioned them. Thanks for bringing back a good childhood memory!
24 comments, with some commenting twice, but 40 votes in the poll. I see 41 of them voted for Hamid Karzai. He’s quite the draw.
Perhaps they had the Washington State voting commission in on the deal, and some of the workers “mysteriously” found a couple of huge bags of ballots behind the office copy machine. In an election like that, Karzai may be good, but he’s no Christine Gregoire! lol
hot fuzz says
Yeah I figured that would happen… maybe when the absentee votes are counted and the hanging chads examined we can get the real count. What’s Fox news reporting on the results? anyone know?
I have nothing to add today. But just so you don’t have to keep track of 25 comments and 42 votes, I’ll make one. There.
Swami Bologna says
Jeff: I haven’t been to World Cafe Live, ’cause I’ve pretty much sworn off rock concerts ’cause my ears can’t take it anymore, after attending literally hundreds of shows in my 20s and 30s. I’m really afraid I’m gonna be deaf by 60. (I made an exception to see Public Image Ltd. a few months ago, and my left ear is still paying for it.)
I do, however, live within walking distance of WCL, and my hobby lately has been visiting a different Philadelphia beer bar every weekend. So I can give you some beer bar advice.
There’s nothing really in the exact vicinity that’s worth visiting. If you head west, it’s University City (UPenn and Drexel campuses), so it’s mostly college-type bars. But there is a great beer bar on the western edge of University City called Local 44, at 44th & Spruce (www.local44beerbar.com). It can get a bit loud, and the food isn’t that great. But they have a fantastic draft beer selection. It would be a long walk from Local 44 to WCL, so I’d plan on cabbing it (or driving yourself).
WCL is just over the river from Center City, though, so you might be better off with the more numerous bar selection there. My favorite is Monk’s Cafe (www.monkscafe.com). It’s world-renowned as the best Belgian beer bar outside of Belgium. I recommend getting a seat at the back bar — very cozy.
If you want to be closer to WCL, though, there are a number of pretty good bars on the Center City side of Walnut Street, within walking distance of WCL. In fact, the block of Walnut between 20th and 21st has four bars, including the Irish Pub and the Bards.
Check out Yelp Philadelphia and Beer Advocate for more details on any place that strikes your fancy.
hot fuzz says
Swami here’s a hearing test if you to confirm the bad news. I’m not as good as I once was. I also use this as a defensive weapon when being teased by someone younger.
I don’t chew gum much, I keep breath drops handy though. In the instance that I do want to chew gum, I like Eclipse spearmint, or Icebreaker’s cubes.
When we were looking at houses we made sure to find one that had central air. We spent a year in an apartment with a unit and it only cooled the living room. So the bedroom and bathroom were always sweltering hot day and night and made for some cranky work days. Nothing is more irritating than tossing, turning and sweating all night and then trying to get ready in the morning in a hot bathroom. I think girls can relate more because it’s impossible to blow dry and straighten your hair while sweating. My boyfriend is a fabricator too so he works around fire all day. We were determined to find a house with a/c.
World Cafe Live is an excellent venue. They have an wide selection of excellent beers. The food is pretty good. The parking is free. What isn’t there to like? Probably the best small venue in the city IMO.
@Swami: Sending him down around Drexel? Really? Do you want our fair leader to get shot full of holes like Swiss cheese?
Swami Bologna says
Not to worry, 44th & Spruce is nowhere near Mantua (the ghetto neighborhood bordering Drexel’s campus). 44th & Spruce is the area where all the University of Pennsylvania professors live.
@Swami: Oh, okay. Yeah, my last memory of Drexel was trying to navigate the mean streets of Mantua while dropping off a friend of mine who was a Drexel student. I just remember people being double and triple parked, a trolley bearing fiercely down on me (and you know how SEPTA is), and what appeared to be numerous drug deals going on all around. I had my knife at the ready the whole time. I went to Saint Joe’s back in those day and we had our fair share of robberies and shootings. But MAN, we’d all hear wild stories about the shit that went down at Drexel and thank our lucky stars we weren’t as bad as they were.
Chuck in Belpre says
Not really off topic because Jeff was talking a little music but for those who don’t know HERE is a great site with tons of live concerts from anybody who was/is anybody.
Enjoy. You are welcome.
Son of Sam says
That is pretty badass there Chuck thanks!
Chuck in Belpre says
Yes. It is badass.
Jenny Piccalo says
I’m not a gum chewer . Maybe if I have no mints and I’ve just eaten onions or garlic , I will settle for gum. Once in awhile I like to blow bubbles which require two pieces of plain ole bubble gum not the breath freshenin’ kind. Bubbles . Annoying huh? But not to the one making the bubbles, still great fun ! Remember Freshin Up gum? That was my favorite , it squirted when you first bit into it. I tried in awhile back and it’s just not as good as when I was a kid. The original was almost as cool as a zotz !
Not Oprah says
I live (currently) in Northern Cd, yah want air conditioning? Come visit.
I hardly chew gum but when I do, it’s 3 piece’s of excel bubblemint. You need 3 to get bubbles.
Jeff – stopped by a Yurt up here – I looked up yurt.com, they’re not that expensive – yet.
Next time I’ll take a fish pic for ya.
I still have my ac in the window cranking out cold air. It has been in the 90’s this week. I like to chew gum. Here lately I’ve been buying Hubba Bubba. Lol, I know, I know, but I just bought it one day because of nostalgia and its pretty good. On the down side my jaw has really been sore lately. That stuff is like trying to chew a tire. I don’t really chew that often anyway, usually just to try and stay awake on my 45 minute commute to work at five in the morning, lol. Do I have enough commas in this thing?
hot fuzz says
I cannot and have never blown a bubble gum bubble.
That might make a good topic… Things everyone else can do or have done that we can’t do or have not done (nice phrasing there Shakespeare)…
hot fuzz says
I have a nostalgia (can that be a noun?) for a time when men wore suits and hats; when women dressed to the nines; and when the simple pleasure of a sipped coffee could be enjoyed without the ringing and buzzing of electronics. I once had a stranger look at me the way Giselle (who knows) looks at Arthur (again, who knows)… and it was wonderful. The rest is pure pornography but no where as good as that first look.
Three minutes long… enjoy…
Does anybody chew Juicy Fruit anymore, you know, that Jack Fruit flavored gum.
It was always in my grandmothers house and she always carried it around with her. I always relate Juicy Fruit to old people now. Even when the commercials showed young people spiking vollyballs and riding on jet-skis (!),
hot fuzz says
Icecycle66 – it was better before they changed from sugar to asperatame(sp?). Part of the joy was feeling the sugar crystal crunch on the first couple of chews. I remember leaning over the front seat of the car from the back and smacking it in my mom’s ear. She hated the smell.
I am a chewing gum Nazi, and I have been known to force people to stop chewing their gum if the motion of their damn jaw (let alone the sound) is too distracting. If they are snapping and popping and smacking, I will leave the room, restaurant, theater, church pew… whatever I am doing, I don’t care. I cannot deal with that.
I have a huge double standard. I love chewing gum and blowing bubbles. And I do it, a lot. I try to keep it in the confines of my car (my poor kids bear the brunt of my annoying behavior) or my home. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the only thing that will 1. Keep me awake and 2. Keep me from eating empty calories.
hot fuzz says
They need to make chewing gum that can be ingested. I know you can swallow gum but it, ahem, doesn’t break down much, Maybe if they made it so it could be processed by the body people wouldn’t stick it under tables or spit it out on the sidewalk… Frutella wasn’t really a gum but it was chewy and then you could swallow it…
he he “swallow”
Root 66 says
“Chewing gum is really gross
chewing gum I hate the most.”
A little Willy Wonka quote to start your day! When people sound like a cow chewing its cud, it makes me want to snatch that wad of chaw right out of their mouth. I mean, are you llike a Neanderthal or something? Haven’t you got that whole ‘chewing’ thing down pat yet? Sheesh…you’re not 6 any more!
I run our A/C as long as much as I can! I’m a person of size and enjoy the cool air. I pay the electric bill with a big ol’ grin on my face! We spent too many years without it, so I run that bad boy!
Serial killers don’t much care for gum either.
WB in OH says
OMG! When I saw serial killers in your comment I instantly thought “sugarless”. How in the heck did you remeber the name of that movie? Too funny.
I don’t chew gum as often as I use to. When I was a kid, Bazooka Bubble Gum was the shit. We’d shove as many pieces of that stuff in our mouth as we could to see who could blow the biggest bubbles. My dad HATED the gum chewing. Stopped the car one time and threated my sister that if she didn’t stop cracking her gum, he was gonna leave her on the side of the road. Pretty funny actually.
T. Farty McAppleass says
Here’s a tip for you fools:
Turn your AC on fan instead of automatic. It keeps the house cooler and the AC will still kick in when needed. I’ve been doing this and it saves money because you can set the thermostat several degrees higher and not tell a difference.
What you’re looking for is called a high velocity air conditioning system.
It uses flexible plastic ductwork about 2 inches in diameter. It’s perfect for places where you can’t put in regular ductwork. They just pull it through the walls.
tracy in ohio says
I chew gum when I’m in class. My professor won’t let us have drinks. Says they are too distracting. When I’m not conscious of my chewing I think I slide into chewing my gum like a cow chews cud. Chomping away and cracking the crap out of it. (Sorry I’m one of those) My throat seizes up if I can’t drink something and I start coughing like crazy so I resort to chewing gum to keep some moisture in my mouth. I’ve tried mints and lifesavers but I’ll go through a pack a class. Much cheaper to buy a pack of gum that lasts me a couple of weeks. I sit in the front and he may ban gum before the end of the semester.
No central air for us but we do out fit the downstairs with window air conditioners. Our house stays pretty cool during the day its just the evening and nights that get ridiculous. But we took ours out last week. Its been pretty mild here with the nights getting cooler. Almost cool enough to start having fires outback with some drinks and marshmallows for the kids.