Yesterday Toney and I were watching the local news, and they had an impossibly dull man demonstrate how to carve a turkey, without putting the carver or his family at risk. At risk! They think we’re incapable of cutting our food now, without slicing off a hand or decapitating a baby.
Yeah I know, people are pretty freaking stupid; you’ll get no argument from me on that one. But a five-minute segment on the dangers of carving a turkey?! Cut away from your torso… Make sure all children and pets are out of the room… I’m surprised they didn’t recommend a welding helmet, or some sort of government-issued carvers’ license.
If a person were somehow transported from, say, 1944 to 2013, they wouldn’t be able to understand what’s happened to us. Every small thing is a big deal, actual big things are ignored or dismissed, and everybody seems to crave drama. The Greatest Generation would soil their union suits at the Nostrilization of society, and a few of them might wonder if it had all been worth it. You know… that whole WWII thing?
Tonight I’m hoping to learn how to scratch a lottery ticket without exploding my spine, or how to wipe my ass without subjecting myself to Tommy John surgery. Will somebody please pass the hot water bottle?
I had to put my hand inside the turkey’s “cavity” this morning. It’s one of those things Toney refuses to do. When I met her, she was a full-blown vegetarian. But my horrible influence took care o’ that. She still has a few hang-up holdovers from those days, though. And fisting an animal carcass seems to top the list. Me? I’ll bury my arm in a bird’s ass, and not even blink an eye. I’m hoping that will be noted in my obituary, whenever the time comes.
We’re going to have dinner in about two hours, and the house already smells fantastic. It’s just the four of us this year, which is a good thing. But I gotta admit… I wish Nancy and her philandering husband would make-up already, and get back up here. I need material! …I mean, I’d like to know how they’re doing.
Toney hasn’t spoken with Sunshine for several years, so she’s out of the picture, too. We do know she’s alive, though. The younger boy received a birthday card from her recently. It was only five or six days late, which is impressive. So, she’s still around. But Toney and Nancy haven’t talked with her in two or three years. We don’t know what’s going on with her and Mumbles; it’s a bad situation.
And my parents are in Florida for the winter, living it up with a bunch of oldsters. We have no family for the holidays anymore. It’s something we wished for, over and over. But now that it’s become a reality… I’m not sure I like it. Maybe a happy medium? Why does everything have to be so extreme? Oh well.
I hope you guys are doing well. Use the comments to bring us up to date on the holiday. Anything exciting happening? Fires? Fistfights? LifeFlight copter rides because of a carving accident? Please unburden yourself here.
Also, before I call it a day (and start drinking), I want to remind you to please use our Amazon links, while doing your holiday shopping this year. It costs you nothing extra, but I’ll be paid a small percentage of whatever you spend. Just click through this link, the big ‘Buying Something from Amazon?’ logo in the sidebar, or any other Amazon link on the site. They all work, and it helps a great deal.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
I hope you’re having a great holiday!
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon!
Here’s the link for our Canadian friends
First, happy thanksgiving. More Turkey Day fun at https://twitter.com/theyearofelan
Quiet as can be here today. Just the two of us, so we’re not even attempting to do the traditional spread, just steak and potatoes, thank you. Speaking of which, anyone tried these new-fangled “flat iron” steaks? I’ve done them about half a dozen times now and they come out perfect every time. They’re overpriced regularly, but I don’t pass them up when I see them on sale.
Happy Thanksgiving, Surf Reporters!
Happy Thanksgiving. just me and the dog today. My wife is in New York City waiting for her daughter to pop out her first hatchling. Supposed to be the 26th. I told her the kid would be late, but no one listens to me. My day so far has been me shoveling 2 tons of river rock out of my pickup and spreading same around the garage to cover the french drain I installed a couple weeks ago. Wife made Thanksgiving dinner last Thursday, knowing she’d be gone this week. I got just enough leftovers for a turkey dinner tonight. Now, it’s off to wash the truck, then back here to sit by myself and enjoy some quiet time with Gracie the 140 lb pit bull/mastiff mix. Hope all you Surf Reporters have a great day.
On your tombstone, eh? That would be thought provoking…
Here Lies Jeff Kay;
He Loved Fisting Turkeys
that’s hilarious!! hee hee hee.
The Qweezy Mark says
Del Boca Vista, Baby! Are you going to buy your father a Cadillac?
Just don’t sleep on they’re fold out couch with your bad back and all.
Phantom Railfan says
A friend used to be an ER nurse, and she once told me that every year on Thanksgiving there would sometimes be dozens of dumbasses who had managed to slice, gouge, impale, lacerate or otherwise maim themselves while carving the turkey. Maybe they should have watched the news…
Joe T. says
I thought I had a good Thanksgiving. Then I looked at the WVSR Classic….now I’ve had a GREAT Thanksgiving.
It’s been a quiet week here…
A few days ago I ordered some stuff from Amazon (using the WVSR link, thank you). Wednesday, boxes appeared on my doorstep. Tonight (Thursday) I got around to opening them. Everything I ordered was there, but there was an extra box – with an Acer laptop in it! WTF? I figure I’ll give them 30 days to figure this out. It’s a fairly crappy laptop, but free is free. Or, I’m sure there is some deserving local charity that could use a crappy laptop.
In other news, the car repair place didn’t actually fix the problem. I’ll be back there in the morning. How they handle this will determine the content of the review.
As for Thanksgiving-related injuries, do people no longer deep fry turkeys? For some years, TV news in the days leading up to T-Day would be awash in videos showing How To Set The House On Fire And Give Yourself Third Degree Burns. Are those days gone? Say it ain’t so.
Just the two if us this year. We were supposed to pay a visit to his parents but we didn’t go. I spent the afternoon cooking; he spent the afternoon passed out on the couch with the occasional effort to roll over and fart.
Four hours of cooking and it took us 15 minutes to shovel it in and roll back to the couch. The remainder of the evening was screaming profanities at the TV while watching the Steeler/Ravens game. I spewed new words over that one.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Phil Jett says
Happy Black Friday surfers. I see there have already been fistfights and shootings.
I think Amazon may be doing some holiday giving this year. A couple weeks ago I bought my daughter a plain Jane Kindle for her birthday. She can get textbooks on it that have the ability to save quite a bit of cash. Ordered her a Kindle Paperwhite and they sent a Kindle Fire HDX7 16GB. She registered and is using it with no questions asked and I have no intention of telling them otherwise.
As for Thanksgiving, I worked from 5 to 5, came home and had dinner with wife, daughter, mom, son and his fiance and it all went off without a hitch. Food was perfect and then we all sat around and bullshitted while watching football. A first around these places.
Last Thanksgiving we were in LA, this year its NYC. Husband travels for work so flight and room are free. Hotel was on the parade route, family went to the street and I watched from 31st floor nice and toasty warm. Bought a counterfeit Prada bag on Time Square and caught a look at the Naked Cowboy. Today its MOMA and Rockefeller plaza. Tonight the Rockettes and back home tomorrow. Jeeze I’m tired just writing this maybe we’ll stay home next year. Oh yeah, I had a Ruben for Thanksgiving dinner.
A Reuben! Only the most awesome sandwich of all time. Nicely done. Now I want one, with a Dr. Brown’s to wash it down.
Sweet Sainted Mother of Zero Mostel, I’d kill for a Rueben and a Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda.
Breakfast of champions.
Billy Joel says
This year I handled most of the heavy cooking duties myself. Haven’t done that in a number of years. I managed to put a pretty good slash into my little finger while cutting open a butternut squash. No emergency room visit was needed, however.
While turkey typically doesn’t taste like much of anything on its own, the turkey I roasted yesterday actually tasted pretty good. I’m going to prepare future turkeys the same way as I did this year. The method wasn’t even all that fussy. Just a dry rub, followed by roasting the bird hotter and faster.
Fried a bird and smoked a bird…simple but spectacular.
My fiance and I had a major blow up while preparing dinner. I flipped the dinner table and he flipped his lid…he tore the whole house up. Tv destroyed. Living room stand, lamps, front door, bathroom door, bedroom door. Several glasses broken..he. ripped the side mirror . Off my car. Then after a couple hours he went to sleep. I cleanesup then woke him and tried to salvage the night. We went to his mom house and five minutes within arrival he had punched out his mom, aunt, and grandma. When all was said and done he was and still is very remorseful…he has stopped drinking and will be taking anger management classes and possibly ongoing therapy or medication. Cause this was beyond normal for me..but the most memorable Thanksgiving yet and probably ever….
“Me? I’ll bury my arm in a bird’s ass, and not even blink an eye.”
Great Line! Epic obituary!