Years ago I was acquainted with a guy (purposely vague) who was a recovering alcoholic. He was nice, but extremely intense. It was easy to see how he could take almost anything too far. He was one of those people who gets out of bed every morning, and just swings for the fences. Ya know? If he’d been able to harnass it in a positive way, he’d be a trillionaire by now.
But he’s not a trillionaire, he’s dead. He got deeply into buying lottery tickets, to the point (in my mind) of absolute insanity. I rarely play the lottery in any capacity, and when I do… it’s $2 or $3, or something like that. This guy was laying down a large percentage of his weekly pay on it. Crazy!
And then he won $100,000. He acted like it was no big deal, and said he might buy some new living room furniture. But he claimed most of it would be going into the bank. “It’s just money,” he said, with a shrug.
Yeah, he came completely off the rails. I don’t know everything about it, but do know he started drinking again, and took his gambling up another notch. He was fired from his job, and was just spiraling down, down, down. In short order, maybe two months after the windfall, he was found dead in his apartment.
Whenever I tell this story, people generally say, “Over a measly hundred grand?” Which is true. It’s a lot of money, but it’s not enough to be able to quit working, or anything of the sort. It could improve your quality of life, if you don’t spend it on a heart-stopping amount of booze or whatever. But it’s not like you’d become Richard Branson all of a sudden.
Here’s how I’d spend my hypothetical $100,000 jackpot:
Pay off all household debt, except for the mortgage.
Do some minor home improvements and repairs.
Go back to England for a week or ten days. Drink beer in pubs, sight-see, and have fun.
If there’s anything left, put ‘er in the bank and get back to the real world.
And that’s almost exactly what would happen. I don’t have that wild-eyed swingin’ for the fences thing inside me. For better or worse. It would be fairly boring and sensible here at Chez Kay. I’m almost certain it wouldn’t lead to my death.
Of course the guy I knew claimed he was just going to buy a couch and a chair, and bank the rest. So, who knows? Wonder if he believed that, or it was just something he offered up for public consumption? I have a feeling he wanted it to be true, but knew deep down it wasn’t. The man ran wide-open.
Yes, the current version of Jeff Kay would be sensible. But, if I’d won a hundred grand when I was 21 or 22, it would’ve likely led to big trouble. Like prison, perhaps. Or a desperate quest for a Larry Hagman snap-on liver, via the Asian underground. Or something similar.
What about you? How would you spend your hypothetical $100,000? How would the current version of you differ from the 21 year old version? Any difference? I know people who were pretty much fully-formed adults by that age. I wasn’t one of them. Sweet sainted mother of Bake McBride! Is there any chance they’d find you dead within two months, as a direct result of receiving said funds? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And I’m going to call it a day, my friends. Yesterday was my birthday, and I’m now so old I’m starting to panic. I think I’m eligible for a senior discount at Wendy’s at this point. And that’s… troubling. I’ll probably be drinking coffee with dinner soon, and buying shirts with a wide elastic band at the bottom. Shit! Will somebody please hold me?
A heads up for everyone, before I hit publish: our old friend Jason Headley wrote and directed a feature film called A Bad Idea Gone Wrong. It won some film festival awards, and is highly rated at Rotten Tomatoes. It co-stars the actor who played Badger in Breaking Bad. Check out the trailer. The film is receiving a limited theatrical release this weekend. But it’s also available today through Video On Demand from your cable company, and from iTunes, etc. I’m planning to watch it tonight. Jason is a super funny guy, and a fellow West Virginian. Perhaps you’ve seen some of his other work, like this little slice o’ genius? Check out the movie, if you’re so inclined. I’m sincerely looking forward to it.
And, it’s December 1. Christmas shopping is heating up… Somewhere, probably. Please remember to pass through our Amazon links before you engage in holiday commerce this year. Just click through and shop like normal. It’ll cost you nothing extra, and I’ll receive a small percentage of whatever you spend. It’s an easy and painless way to support the Surf Report. Thank you guys!
Now, let’s hear how you’d spend your $100,000 scratch-off money. Use the comments section, so thoughtfully provided by our WordPress overlords.
I’ll see you guys again on Monday.
Have a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
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If $100,000 could improve your quality of life, it’s possible you need to re-examine your quality of life.
Definitely head back to Europe for a couple weeks, pay down debt and bank the rest but I am much more sensible now then back when I was 21. I probably would have blown it all on crap I didn’t need and boat loads of alcohol.
Today, I would pay off debt and bank the rest.
21…shiiiiiiiit…hookers and blow.
Same here. Hookers and blow at 21.
I think I’d blow it all on alcohol.
41 yr old me would stick the first $40k in the bank because you know Uncle Sam is going to stick it to you come tax time. The remaining $60k would pay off the vehicles, fund a few household projects, go into college funds for the kids.
31 yr old me would have put a down payment on a house.
21 yr old me would have blown it all on expensive cars and clothes and booze.
I’d spend half on drugs booze and hookers. The other half I’d probably just piss away.
• Happy Birthday Jeff. Yeah, I thought I was old when I was your age. I’m 70 now and would kill to be that age again.
• Larry Hagman snap-on liver, via the Asian underground. I died. Really, I just pee’d a little. No problem. As I said I’m 70 years old so I had that covered. So to speak.
• If I won a hundred thousand dollars I would definitely take a vacation. I haven’t had a real vacation in my entire adult life since 1967 when I was in the Army and had a few days in Hawaii on R&R. The first husband of 15 years took vacations for hunting and/or whoring trips and I was never invited. The second husband of 30 years just didn’t do stuff. I fantasize a lot about vacations. A trip to the coast and meals I didn’t have to cook would do.
Can we start a Go Fund Me for RD folks? Because this person deserves a vacation.
I’m in.
Nice! Kevin Gilbert was a hugely talented guy.
The snap on liver comment was hilarious. I almost wet myself, too !
We are no longer in debt so I’d go a little crazy and spend it BIG on two trips – 1) Italy and 2) Ireland. Not stupid crazy like being met at the airport in a Rolls. But crazy enough to spend a significant amount of time in each country to really experience them.
The rest would go in the bank. To pay for all the souveniers (OK that’s spelled wrong – I tried 3 times) STUFF I’m bringing back from said trips.
21 YO me: put half in the bank, take a year off and travel with the rest. Oh, and buy a car to replace the Pontiac Phoenix I drove at the time.
55 YO me: put 70K in the bank, use the rest on a nice vacation and to install the second bathroom we need in our house.
I should probably focus more on the fancy booze and assorted vices (ALL THE PIZZA!), but my stretchy pants are already at near-capacity. Wait. I’ll have money to buy more! Whee!
After fed/state taxes you would probably have $65K. Pay off your short term debt then take a Rhein river cruise, go to Scotland or Ireland, go to a Sandal’s all-inclusive on St. Lucia….vacations without kids is a forever novelty.
I reenlisted for an additional year in US Navy in 1968..got a bonus of $9800 tax-free. Bought a 1969 VW Karmann Ghia convertible (off white) for cash, pissed the rest away…21 year old swabbie + money = poor decisions. That sum had the current buying power of $64K…no regrets though, it turned out to be a fine car…the rest I don’t remember.
Bake McBride! Have not thought of him since the 70s.
My wife would confiscate it before I could say, “How about we buy….” Now, if I had won it in my 20’s, you’d have 2 fewer Surf Reporters. The Qweezy Mark and I would be dead with smiles on our faces. Guaranteed.
Might have even taken a couple of others down with us.
I’d buy my wife a new (used) car, set aside money for a new roof and take a pilgrimage to the Vatican. The rest I’d throw in a Vanguard index fund and save for an early retirement.
Kids’ college, mortgage, and newer car – in that order.
Would pay off all my debt and give the rest to Uncle Sam. Could actually live within my means then…..
My former brother-in-law won a judgement that netted him close to that when he was 18. He ended up with a pretty significant meth problem and a prison record before he was 21.
For me, a $100k would pay off the homestead and leave us enough cash for a damn fine Vatican vacation. I’d be okay with that.
I’m kinda backwards to what I think most are.
At 21 years old i would’ve horded it. Any amount of money I earned over what we needed to live I horded. If at 21 I came into $100K it’d be in the bank. That’s why I don’t have much left to my mortgage now. (See, all you old fuches say kids don’t listen, I listened.) I took every dollar we had and dumped it into the house. Now, if all else fails, I have a roof and walls to live within. Sweet. So now if 34 year Icey (holy shit I’ve been reading Jeff’s crap for almost a decade.) gets $100,000 I’d go buck wild. First I’d clear out the rest of this house bill. And with the remaining most of the money: Buy a new truck, buy rad new bass guitar rig, and maybe MAYBE build a small actual studio in the back yard so I could stop calling this room in my house my “studio”. Then I’d bank the remaining fifteen dollars.
The IRS takes 34% off the top, so $100k of lottery winnings is 66k in your pocket (actual taxes TBD). Present-day me would throw it in the IRA. 21-year-old me would pay off student loans, buy a decent car, and scratch his head over what to do with the rest. Left to my own devices I’d probably just bank it. If this happened during my marriage, she would likely persuade me that a lavish vacation was in order.
If you’re a farmer or a fisherman, you can still income average, as long as you are able to convince the IRS that you raised the Wilson from a seed or caught it whilst trolling. A nice four-year average would likely reduce your incremental tax burden to around 22%, assuming you’re making less than $150K per annum from other sources. The whole revised income averaging rule actually sounds like a bad Bob Dylan lyric, assuming he’s still writing good ones, which is as likely as raising a Wilson from seed.
Regards,
John
We would do about the same as you, with the addition of setting the kids up with a decent college fund (which would probably only put a dent in their tuition, all told).
I was much more sensible at 21 and would’ve only done responsible things with the money, enjoying none of it. Due to poor parenting, I was forced to be a very boring, very responsible 21 year old. 43 year old me is WAY cooler!
An extra $100K? I’d pay my employees more, let that wealth trickle down. I joke of course, I’d redo the interior of the plane I keep in the Caymans for trips to the bank.
I did win 100k on a scratch ticket about 15-20 years ago. At the time we didn’t have a lot of disposable income and $10.00 on a lottery ticket was an expense not taken lightly…
The money (about 68k after taxes, I think)went just about as you said , Jeff.
Wiped out all household debt, took an awesome vacation with the kids, bought some new furniture and invested a little bit in a dog of a stock my wife insisted on.
Other than the loser stock, all good.
I then started my own business with the 25k tax return I got on claiming gambling losses.
Ran the business for about 5 years before it got too big for me to operate it as a sole proprietor so I sold it and stayed on as General mgr. for the next 12 years.
At 21, my then-husband would have blown through it in about six weeks. I know this, as he inherited $35k (after taxes) from his mother when I was 24, and it lasted roughly three weeks. He got a new truck out of it. I got a pink dress, which I still remember vividly. That’s right – one. pink. dress.
At my current age, 30 years on, I would pay off mine and now-husband’s vehicles. The only other debt we have is the remainder of our mortgage, which I would NOT pay off since the interest is so low and (currently anyway) still tax-deductible. I would take an amazing European trip, then several smaller trips, and bank the rest for a rainy day.
I live life on the edge, I tell ya!
At 21 I was still 2 years away from graduating, and I would have stuffed pretty much all of it in the bank. I might have bought a new PC. I wanted to graduate with no debts, and was working so I could do that, so I could hit the ground running when I graduated, rather than servicing debt. Compounding is your friend, kids.
Today I’d upgrade or supplement the toy 2 seat convertible with a 4 seat convertible, and stuff the rest in Vanguard.