Toney and the boys have been away for three days now, and it’s starting to take its toll. All the easy-cook food is gone by this point, and I’m living exclusively on take-out.
Plus, it’s just kinda lonely around here. I’m all the time bitching about the noise and chaos, but now I’m missing it. Oh how I wish the older Secret was in his bedroom, right above my head, playing the bassline from “Taxman” over and over and over, at window-rattling volume.
Toney informs me, via international telephonic hook-up, there’s plenty of stuff around here I could “make” for breakfast and lunch. But let’s get serious. Make? Man, I get irritated when the Marie Callender frozen meal has two-step directions. I actually seek out the ones that only require one big nuking session, without all the complicated stirring in the middle.
So, all my meals will be passed to me through windows, until this nightmare is over.
At work last night I had some kid with a mohawk pick me up a so-called hoagie (I still have a problem with that word), from a local pizza joint. He orders from there nightly, and claims to have never eaten a fruit or a vegetable in his life. I laughed at that, but then reviewed the past few days of my life… And I got sad all over again.
Andy’s hating this crap as well. He ends up being home alone for a full twelve hours, daily. When I get home, in the middle of the night, he’s all tensed-up like a garage door spring. He starts running up and down the street, yelping like he’s trying to shit a baloney wrapper, and slinging urine in every direction.
I hope tonight’s not the night it becomes too much for him. I really do.
Yesterday, while driving to Burger King, an old man pulled out in front of me, and I had to STOMP on the brake. Andy, who was in the passenger seat (dog is my co-pilot), went airborne and did a full header into the dashboard.
And I don’t think the other driver ever saw me. Even after I went sideways in the street, laid on my horn, and hollered shocking profanity, the old guy (who looked like a giant prawn in Harry Caray glasses) just continued like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
Unbelievable. And Snoop Manny Mann took the brunt of it, the poor guy. Like I said before, Andy’s definitely getting the short end of the stick here…
But everyone will be back tomorrow, and life will return to “normal.”
We’re planning to visit Knoebels one more time before school starts – next Thursday to be exact. And afterwards we’ll be going here for, um, dinner. Steve recommends it, and will probably be joining us. So, there’s fun and brewpubs on the horizon, to keep me going.
And I know this one is kinda short, but I also uploaded a review of the Verizon VZ Navigator service today, at Suggestaholic. So, check it out.
And I gotta go. I need to buy gas on my way to work, and that’s almost as aggravating as stirring…
See ya tomorrow.
Bill in PA says
Andy needs a doggie downer.
Am I first????
What is it with the people like the guy you almost hit at bk? They were out in full force in our town and especially Walmart.
I am with you on pumping gas. Man I hate it!
Your Public. says
The wvsr cam has been updated, but where’s my Charlie fix?!
Oh, and TOP TEN!
i got cut off 2x yesterday – once on the freeway, by inches, while going 65. must’ve been something in the air.
what would andy do if you put him into one of those doggie seatbelts???
Sounds like you almost hit Moleman from The Simpsons.
I second the doggie seatbelt idea. I had my dog in one of those when we got nearly hammered by someone who thought the “Yield” sign applied to everyone else but him. My dog swung around like a pinata during the Evasive Action Procedure, but was unhurt.
A giant prawn in Harry Carey glasses.
Thus dieth one oxymoron…and is born a mental image so vivid it’s making both hungry AND nauseated at the same time.
Crusty bumpy flakey old man skin under glass….JIBBLIES!!
other kristin says
Top 10? 🙂
other kristin says
My kids are away this week too, and DH and I have been heavy into take-out.
It perpetuates the myth that I’m on vacation from being a grown-up.
DH is away overnight, too (that should NOT be allowed when the kids are away) and I might live on junk food or movie popcorn.. Or maybe Indian food since I won’t have to worry about what he likes.
Hmmmm. it has possibilities.
If Jeff put Andy in a seatbelt, Andy would retaliate by blasting the interior of the car with half his coat of hair .. if not more.
He just does not tolerate changes. Ahem.
And we all know how anal Jeff is with his
auto interior .. worse than pickles, I say.
Therefore, no doggie seatbelts.
BTW my local BK drivethrough
has a sticker in the window that states:
Take no video or pictures
Perhaps I need to prove it in pics/vid?
Oh I think I do.
Shiny Rod says
Jeff, shame on you but I guess I was just as bad. I had to force myself to spend the 20 bucks for a seat belt harness for my Hairy Belly Fontaine after she did a full gainer into the dash of my Jeep. Jeep are notorious for having hard solid dash boards. She shook it off as I cursed the arse in every known and unknown language and then came over and gave me kiss on the cheek as if to say I’m OK, that must have been the Chow part. The boxer part was saying, “Dude, that was wicked, lets do that again.”
Good Lord, when does school actually start up there? Down here in the fine State of Georgia where temperatures in August rarely ever are in the what I consider comfortable range, school started in the County I work in (where I am now) on the 4th and on August 7th in the County I live in.
Could we do anything more bass ackwards? If I were running things, I believe I’d keep the kids at home until at least first frost and save that AC bill. Would probably completely take care of the current budget deficit our fine Governor finds himself in.
better andy covers the interior with hair and is unhurt rather than getting bounced around and expressing the contents of his anal glands on the seats. hair can be vacuumed, but try to get the smell of anal glands out—————-wheeeeeew!!
Best dog seatbelt EVER. They even make one for my 130 behemouth (who’s turning one year old tomorrow!)
A giant prawn in Harry Carey glasses. I wish I could wipe THAT from my mind’s eye. Thanks.
Happy Wednesday, Surfers! I’m officially at the halfway point in neckbrace 24/7. Three weeks to go – hope I don’t go insane first….
That’s 130 POUND behemouth, sorry. AND he’s got 20 pounds to go. He is officially a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog MUTANT!
Carla in Oklahoma says
Today is the day for road rage, I have lashed out verbally and gesticulated til I think I have carpal tunnel. I swear!!! Is every we-tart-ed, elderly, lawn mower in a hatchback jack ass in the state driving over here to intentionally bogart my lane or are they all just too busy texting each other to pay any attention to the fact that Stevie Wonder could better navigate the streets of this fair city? Also, Andy won’t care how many times you bing him off of the dash, as long as he still gets to go. BK has virtually deserted this state taking my love for ham egg and cheese samiches to an all time high, I crave them now like an addict. You have to search for one here, but we do have Taco Bueno, so all is right with the world. I did want to ask what the fascination is with Bob Evans? I mean I didn’t get a chance to sample one while up north, but there was one every 2 blocks it seemed. WTF?
Shiny Rod says
This is what my Hairy Belly Fontaine is sportin when she goes riding.
Shiny Rod says
Hnagin there Knucklehead, it’s almost over. You’ll be doing jello shooters before you know it.
Shiny Rod says
There goes them dyslexic fingers again! Damn you Mavis Beacon…
Do what I do when the little woman goes out of town. Live on box after box of Dunkin Donuts.
Shiny Rod says
Oh yeah, that goes real good. Beer and doughnuts!
Mmmm…beer…mmmm…donuts. Sierra Nevada and Krispy Kreme
Bill in PA says
Olympic skills just amaze me.
That’s a pretty cool end of diving board balancing trick.
Where exactly is her center of gravity?
Jeeze did my post offend??
Anyone read Jason Headley’s Pure Spirits yet, it was GREAT and should be made into a movie. Jason, who wrote Small Town Odds, made the book available as free download….
It was a full moon. I find people drive way more stupidly during a full moon. I have a green car and have people constantly pulling out in front of me and then going ten mph slower than me (at least). There can be five lanes and only me out there and they’ll still take my lane. My sister told me once to turn off my cloaking device…but then again, old people need no excuses to cut anybody off.
Knucklehead – Holy cow, 3 weeks and counting is fabulous!!! When I get the pudding shot recipes from my sister I shall share them with you.
Short but sweet !!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry ’bout the need for gas………… time for a second mortgage………
Why is it that now that gas is under $4.00 we seem to think we are gettin’ a deal???? FUCK social engineering and Exxon’s 22 Billion in profit last quarter ! ( and I’m a share holder)
After spending the past 2 months in Nome, Alaska living on Cocoa Krispies almost exclusively, I am now back in civilization. My first stop after I picked up my rental unit was A&W. Mmmm. But after living off of fast food for the past week, I sure do miss those chocolatey, crisp morsels.
Oh well…I’m heading out on a non-stop cross country trip from Seattle to St. Marys, WV Thursday morning. Next stop, Jimmy Columbo’s in Parkersburg for some real food!!!
clintcurtis, as we’ve discussed, I’m from Parkersburg. Welcome home, and I hope Columbo’s does you right. It’s gonna be hot all weekend (90’s), with that “river humidity”. Get ready for the “same ‘ol, same ol””.
My husband lives on cereal and frozen burritos when we are gone, and the funnt thing is that he is usually the cook over here! He just doesn’t see the point when there is no one to cook for.
Marlee ~ says
Hey Jeff ~
Maybe the ‘bow wow’ is seeing ‘ghosts
You left out the most important detail. How was the hoagie?
Shiny Rod says
Kellyc96 – if it was worth talking about, either way, Jeff would have made a comment. So take it as being mediocre and not worth mentioning.
Mrs. Wally says
I bought one of those for our mutt and she chewed through it in 10 minutes. Wally refuses to “waste” another $20 bucks on anything that she will destroy. Have I mentioned that he has a $250 cap at the vet? Good thing I have my own plastic!!!!!